She dove right into the meeting, trying hard to ignore the powerful affect he was drawing out of her. The greetings and brief synopses of why each member was there started. They all took turns around the circle. Eva had heard them all before. None of them were new members, so she tuned them out. Everyone except, of course, for Giddeon. Her ears perked up when it was his turn, curiosity getting the better of her.
Taking an exaggerated pull of air and blowing it out with forceful exacerbation, the reluctant man spoke up. “My name’s Giddeon, and I’m addicted to pain.” The words dripped with ecstasy as they passed through his lips. His tone dipped to a lower octave as he voiced the word ‘pain’. Like just speaking the word gave him pleasure.
“To yourself… or to others?” one of the other group members asked before Eva was able to ask aloud. Giddeon turned his black eyes on him. The weight of his stare had the other man shifting his gaze away like a submissive dog. Eva thought that was what Giddeon wanted… To show his dominance. To elicit fear.
“Both,” he answered, with no further explanation as to why. What was the deal with this guy?
Group was very intense this week. Eva was pretty sure it had something to do with Giddeon’s presence. He definitely put everyone else on edge. Adam was an alcoholic and had an anger problem, as well. Both issues triggered one another. He was one of her more difficult personalities to deal with in group. His assignment last week was to sit down with his brothers and ask how his addictions impacted their lives in a negative way. It’s good for addicts to hear how destroying others’ lives because of their addictions didn’t affect them alone.
He was obviously having a hard time coping with the harsh realities of life without the comfort of alcohol. When she came around to him in the circle and asked if he completed his assignment, he snapped. This wasn’t uncommon. People who have addictive personalities are irritable, agitated, and angry at the world. Sobriety is a very rough uphill battle.
So, after all these years, Eva was completely unfazed by the outbursts and tantrums of the group members. After all, she was once in their spot. When she pressed Adam harder, he shouted at her.
“Who the fuck are you to tell me what to do, you stupid bitch? You’re not my mom!” He could be a serious prick on his bad days. This was usually about the time when he would get up and head over to the refreshments table for some coffee to cool off.
It all happened so fast. It took the over-worked girl a few seconds to catch up. Giddeon flew at Adam, easily tackling him to the ground.
“Don’t. You. Ever. Talk to her like that again! You worthless piece of shit!” When Giddeon wrapped his hands around Adam’s neck and squeezed, everyone jumped into action. While Adam’s eyes were bulging out in a shocked panic, Giddeon had an eerie smile plastered across his face. He seemed too at ease with the fact that he was choking out another human being.
Leaning down close to his face, he hissed, “I have killed before… and for less. I won’t hesitate with you…” It took four guys a full minute to pry him off. “I will kill you if you do it again.”
Eva sat back, stunned. The hairs on the back of her neck stood on end at his terrifying confession. This guy said he’d killed before. Her gut twisted at the thought, and she wondered if it’d been a true statement or just threats to scare Adam. Her instincts about him when they first met had been correct. Giddeon Cane was dangerous… toxic. If he wasn’t careful, he’d end up in prison at the end of this session, if he wasn’t already on his way there. Eva knew she’d have to fight to keep her guards up around this unpredictably violent man.
She couldn’t tell if it was her sick and twisted nature or a morbid curiosity, but she just had to figure out what had made him like this. And just like that… Giddeon Cane had successfully dug his talons into her… She was hooked.
When riled up, Giddeon looked like a vicious, wild animal, desperate to get out of a trap, as he struggled against the arms of those who held him. He snarled at the men holding him back. “Get your fucking hands off me, or I will cut you up into tiny little pieces.” His outburst got the reaction he was looking for—submission and fear. They abruptly let him go. Giddeon took a moment to straighten himself out, then stalked toward Adam… looking to finish what he started.
Eva snapped out of her stupor and jumped up out of her chair to block Giddeon’s way, standing directly in his path to Adam. Placing her hands on his chest, she pushed back to keep him at bay, which was incredibly stupid, she knew. This man could easily destroy her. She could, in no way, stop him if he wanted to surge forward. But he did just that. He stopped dead in his tracks and gazed down at her, his nostrils flaring in his angry state. But, he calmed down as he gazed directly into her eyes. Cold chills broke out on the back of her neck and rippled down her spine from the deep, penetrating glare he cast down on her.
After a breathless moment had passed, and the dizzy haze cleared, she remembered that she could talk. “Giddeon. Stop! It’s okay. Adam is just having trouble dealing with his sobriety. He doesn’t mean any harm.”
Giddeon continued his watchful gaze on her as he addressed Adam on the floor behind her. “He shouldn’t be talking to you like that, Angel. You are here to help us. He needs to respect that.” Her dark destroyer looked around the room at every single person in warning. “You all do.”
He dragged his eyes away from the other members and back down on the brave blonde in front of him. The air crackled between them and ignited something deep inside of her. Eva tried to ignore the connection that had passed between them. “It’s okay. I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself. I never asked for a dark knight to swoop in here and fight all my battles for me. You are triggering the others. We’ve all worked really hard to get to the stage we’re in right now. I will not tolerate a relapse because you came charging in here, unable to control yourself. Just breathe.”
Eva could see Giddeon struggling within himself to do just that. He looked as though he was fighting a battle within himself, like a split personality. He shook with the effort to contain his rage. She cupped his face and lightly tapped his cheek. “Giddeon… just relax.” For a fleeting moment, Giddeon’s cold eyes warmed to a dark chocolate brown, and his expression softened under her touch. He almost smiled at her. She could see his mouth twitch. She boldly looked right back at him.
When Adam coughed, rubbing his sore throat, just like that, the softness was gone. It passed through him so fast, it was as though it never happened. The murderous rage was back, and it was directed right at Adam.
“Oh my God. Get over yourself already, will ya! We get it. You’re a dangerous badass. No one should mess with you. Everyone gets the message, okay. Sit down!” With all of her strength, Eva yanked back on the neckline of Giddeon’s shirt as hard as she could, until he fell back heavily into his chair with a loud thud. “Good boy. Stay!”
Turning her attention to Adam, she addressed him quickly. “Listen… Stop being a dick, okay. You obviously triggered the new guy when you spoke to me that way, and it pisses me off when you do that to me anyways. Don’t disrespect me, or any woman for that matter. Ever.”
Adam hung his head in embarrassed shame. “Look, I’m really sorry, Eva.”
Lifting up her hand, she interrupted him, nodding. “I know.” She totally understood this. She knew he was struggling. “I forgive you. Let’s just forget it and move on.”
Adam held out his hand to Giddeon. “I’m sorry, man. We cool?” An utterly disgusted look crossed over Giddeon’s face, like Adam had dipped his hand in shit first.
“Ugh, I’m sick of this already! Just shake the man’s hand and let’s move on.”
When Giddeon made no move to make peace, she kicked him fast and hard on the shin. A satisfied smirk curled her lips when he let out a loud grunt. Chuckling heartily, he unexpectedly smiled ear to ear with amusement. Eva was sure she spotted the moment his cold dark eyes sparked to life. Finally, she received a warm, genuine smile from him, but she figured it was only because she b
rought him pain. Not good.
The brilliance of his perfect white teeth stood out in contrast to his collection of tattoos and scars. Her dark stallion was a magnificent creature. Arching his brow, he nodded at her. Looming over Adam, Giddeon grabbed his hand and shook it tensely. It looked as though he squeezed it a little too hard, because when he let go, Adam shook it out a few times.
“Yeah. We’re cool. Never talk to her like that again, and we’re cool.”
The group took a short fifteen-minute break to grab a snack, smoke break, or coffee. Once everyone sat back down, Eva started the confessions portion of the session. It was always harder for new comers at first, to reveal terrible things about themselves—who they are, what they’ve done, or what they were doing. No one wanted to be judged, but venting and listening to others’ experiences was healthy. It helped a person recognize the action the next time they were triggered, so they could make an attempt to change their course of action.
Eva started with the person on Giddeon’s right side. Going counter clockwise would put her before him in the circle. He would go last. She was anxious to hear his story. She knew his would be a dark one. Giddeon drew her into his world, whether she liked it or not, and she was helpless against the pull. She was hooked and wanted to dig deeper into the man who bulldozed his way into her life.
Giddeon couldn’t help but stare. His Angel had a brilliant fire burning underneath her golden façade. Once ignited, her flames were all-consuming; he could see them hiding behind her eyes when she was mad. She intrigued him like no one ever had before. This golden beauty had absolutely no fear of him whatsoever. She was bold, handsy, and crass. It was damn near impossible to be in a room with her and not get pulled closer.
His Angel was just like the sun—bright, breathtaking, and the center of everything. If you got too close to her, you could get burned. All the other human beings there were like her dutiful planets, just orbiting around her faithfully.
Giddeon almost bolted when he first arrived, having second thoughts about participating in group sessions, but when those ocean blues locked on his cold lifeless eyes, she awoke something long dead inside him. Before he knew what was happening, he was moving toward her.
He should’ve been furious by the way she manhandled him. He was surprised that it didn’t make him fly into one of his manic rages. She didn’t faze him in that way, though, and instead, quite the opposite happened. Interesting. He had to admit, he loved it. The delicious pain that followed her impressive soccer kick to the shins almost had him come undone in front of everyone.
His golden Angel could give him the two things he needed most… pleasure and pain. The wall around his heart cracked a little more, but like always, Giddeon almost ruined everything when he let the beast loose on that man. He wanted to kill that disgusting scumbag when he called her a bitch, like she was common no-good trash. He still wanted to make him bleed.
Almost immediately, his very dark reality changed when she pressed her delicate hands over his chest. With one touch, she had pulled him out of the darkness he dwelled in for a few precious moments. She had a power over him… over the beast. That he couldn’t understand or explain. That loss of control scared the shit out of him. Control is all he had that was truly his.
Just one look into her eyes, and all the power he possessed was in her hands. After a much needed break, she had them all sit back down in the depressing circle of regret and failure. Guess this was the part where she had everyone reveal something about themselves. To reveal the cause that led them all there. Great. He was gonna have to sit and listen to all their blubbering bullshit. He wasn’t sure if it was like protocol or whatever to have the newbie go last, but that was where he ended up.
Curiosity made him a little anxious as he waited to hear Angel’s story. At the beginning of group, she said she was a survivor of domestic and substance abuse at the hands of her parents. A mixture of surprise and abhorrence welled up inside him at the thought of anyone hurting her. She was probably freaked out by him because he just sat back and watched her the whole time. She sat there, trying her best to ignore him while listening to the others.
He was enraptured by the way her perfectly porcelain skin wrinkled as her worry and concern showed for the others. He was enthralled by every move she made… the way she crossed her legs and bounced her foot, an obvious habit of hers. Every change in expression. Every deep breath in lifted her irresistible breasts. Giddeon memorized it all. He memorized her.
Before he knew it, his Angel’s turn had arrived. Giddeon turned his chair around so that he sat facing her and waited. She had his full attention.
Eva fidgeted, nervously twisting her fingers and wringing her hands for a moment. Dipping her head down, she glanced at him through her long feathery eyelashes. Giddeon knew he was probably making her more nervous, staring at her like he was, but his anticipation to hear her glorious voice again made him impatient. Giddeon did his best to force as gentle a smile as he could muster, trying his best to encourage her to go on.
“Well… my mother had always been a heavy drinker. Both of her parents were alcoholics, too. My mother met both my father and step-dad, Rob, in a bar. With my dad, she just drank a lot. But, when my dad tried to quit because of me, my mom was furious. She wasn’t ready to stop the partying. It put a wedge between them until my father just had enough one morning. He walked out, just like that. He never came back, not even to see me.
“My mother didn’t get into the heavy stuff until she got with Rob. He was into anything that could get him climbing so high, it took days to get back down. He dragged her down to his level because addicts hate to party alone.” Eva blew out a shaky breath and bit her lip, concentrating on telling her story.
“The first time I ever got high…” Giddeon’s Angel paused and pinched her eyes shut, like recalling the memory was hard to talk about. “I walked into the den, which was an area of the house I was warned never to go into. They were right in the middle of a two-day bender… I think it was meth. I don’t really remember. I was curious, jealous, and a little mad as to why they spent so much time and energy on that stuff. They neglected me, forgetting most days to feed me. There were weeks I didn’t make it to school. My clothes and shoes were falling apart, but she didn’t care anymore. All she cared about was that stuff.”
Eva ticked on her fingers all of her mother’s offenses. She tried to keep a calm voice, but every other sentence, her voice elevated in anger.
“I walked in on them one day and had had enough, asking, ‘What’s so good about this stuff, anyway?’ Well, Rob thought it would be frickin’ hilarious if he forced me to take a ‘big girl hit’.” Eva wrapped her arms around herself in comfort as she continued the story. “He laughed as he pounced on me, forcing me to the ash-ridden carpet. I tried to fight him off of me, crying out as I struggled to break free from him. I cried out to my mother for help as he easily pinned me down and held me there.”
Anger burned its way through Giddeon’s veins as he sat and watched Eva shrink in her chair, rubbing her arms as if she could still feel the struggle and the punishing grip from hands that were supposed to protect her. She took in a deep breath to calm herself and continued.
“My mother handed him the needle, smiling the whole time. ‘Curiosity killed the cat,’ is what Rob whispered in my ear as the needle pierced my arm. They both laughed hysterically when I went limp in his arms from the forced high.”
Giddeon watched helplessly as Eva unconsciously scratched and dug at her inner arm, as if she could feel the deadly poison still coursing through her, killing her innocence. He desperately wanted to reach out to her, comfort her, but he didn’t really know how.
“My mother, of course, was elated. She clapped excitedly, saying, ‘Now that Rob popped your drug cherry, we can party together. Won’t that be fun, baby?’” Eva clenched her fists in her lap. “I hated her. So much. And things got worse after that. Rob got meaner toward my mother. She just wasn’t hard core enough. They
fought constantly. My mother was quick to throw punches. He’d never hit her back, but my mom was very ballsy and knew how to hold her own in a fight, if he ever did. His methods were more emotionally cruel. My hatred grew the more they forced me to party with them.”
Eva closed her eyes tight once again and lowered her head in shame, gripping the seat of her chair. Giddeon had to restrain himself from grasping her hands, uncurling them, and lacing his fingers with hers.
“Soon enough, they didn’t have to force me. I needed it… wanted it. Badly. It consumed all of my thoughts and dominated all my actions. I hated myself for what I’d become. When I was old enough to fight back, my mother and I got into frequent knock-down, drag-out brawls. This was just pure entertainment for Rob.
“He took an uncomfortable interest in me. It started with him taking my side of the fights. Even if I started, or instigated them, Rob always took my side. This made my mother resent me. When I turned sixteen, her paranoia grew to staggering heights. Rob’s interest in me grew as I did. She became cruel where I was concerned. She locked me in my room to keep me out of his sight. I’d be bolted up and barricaded for days at a time.”
Giddeon watched as she rhythmically rubbed her jean clad thighs over and over obsessively.
“I stopped wearing shorts in the summer, because if Rob even looked at me a certain way, my mother would punish me for it. Her favorite method was putting her cigarettes out on my thighs.” She rubbed harder, feeling the burning memory from her past. Giddeon wanted to wrap his warm Angel in his cold arms and keep her protected. But he was too late to save her from that painful past. He was always too late.
Beyond Redemption (Marked Series Book 2) Page 7