Giddeon could’ve sworn she whispered back, “You’re anything but harmless.”
They stood staring at each other for a countless amount of time. Giddeon could almost see the wheels turning as she thought about his offer, and wished he could climb inside of that beautiful head of hers to see what her answer would be.
Doubt was working its way into Giddeon’s mind during her extended silence, and just when he thought she was going to reject him again, Eva placed her hands on her hips in a self-assured stance and relented. “Okay. One coffee for one confession. You’ve got yourself a deal.”
Shit. He actually told her he’d give her a confession, didn’t he? He thought he said that in his head. Guess not. Grabbing his cold, marked-up arm, Eva urged him down the hall before he could back out of the deal. “C’mon, I’ll take you to my favorite place. Call the detective and let him know we moved our ‘meeting’,” she used air quotes when saying it, “across the street so he doesn’t flip out, okay?” Giddeon’s heart raced when she rubbed her delicate hands over his roughened forearms.
They walked the short distance to The Fix, a little coffee shop across the street. Eva oooed and aaahed as she closed her eyes, breathing in the intoxicating aroma of foreign dark-roast coffee beans. “What’s your poison, Angel?” She ordered a mocha something or other with whipped cream and chocolate syrup drizzled on top.
“Oh, yeah! That’s what I needed. Come to mama.” Giddeon could’ve sworn a whooshing noise followed when Eva snatched the coffee cup into her greedy hands. He couldn’t help but smile at the adorable noises she was making while sipping the decadent caffeine fix.
“That coffee must be something else.”
Eva just mumbled in agreement, “Mmm hmm.”
“Do you make those same noises in bed, Angel? Or is that just a special treat that I got to witness?”
She scoffed, throwing him a murderous glare for his question. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”
“She’s a feisty one today.” The otherwise serious man curled his fingers, mimicking a hissing cat, and finally after all her snarkiness, Giddeon was rewarded with a smile. They walked to the back of the shop and settled into a tiny booth for two next to the windows.
At long last, he finally had her alone, in a quiet, intimate surrounding. Her tongue darted out to capture a runaway drop of the exquisite coffee. The light-haired beauty eyed him suspiciously when she caught him gazing over her, longing to sample those plump lips. “So, mystery man, what’s your story?”
Dragging his eyes away from the temptation of her wetted lips, the dark man met her blue eyes with his black ones. “What is it you want to know about me, counsellor?”
Swirling her coffee, deep in thought, his group leader thoroughly searched over his face, then lowered her eyes. “Hmmm…”
Looking at her expressive face, Giddeon could see the moment Eva decided on a question.
Leaning across the tiny table, Eva reached out her hand and brushed her fingers with a feather-light touch along his most dreadfully jagged scar. The scar tissue along his neck was full of sensitive nerves. Obviously, no one had ever touched him there. His usually numb body tingled with delight at her strangely erotic touch. He hissed out a breath through his clenched teeth, and his fists tightened, trying to refrain from grabbing her and pulling her into his cut up arms.
The brave girl only hesitated for a second at his reaction. When he made no move to stop her, she continued. Her fingers danced back and forth along this shameful reminder of his tragic past that he couldn’t escape from.
“How did you get this scar, Giddeon?”
He grasped her arm, carefully pulling it away. He didn’t let go, just ran his hand softly down her tiny forearm. When he reached her hand, his calloused fingers attentively drew imaginary circles on her palm, nodding his head. “Yeah. I can give you that story. Don’t expect an easy answer. You’re not going to like it, and you’ll like me even less than you do now.”
Strong-willed, Eva took hold of the hand playing with hers and enveloped hers around it with a supportive touch. “I would never judge you. Never.”
When Giddeon shook his head in disagreement, Eva stopped the motion by cupping his face.
“We all have terrible pasts. Our character is built and strengthened by how we move past our tragedies. You have to push against the darkness that tries to drag you back under. People like us have to fight our way to happiness, but you have to really want it. What matters, Giddeon, is the here and now. Grab your chance at a new life and don’t let go. I will be here to help you as best as I can. Trust in me enough to let me in. But, in the end, only you can make the transition and change. Good or bad, I’ll be here if you need me.”
Another fissure split down the wall protecting his heart. His chest caved from the emptiness that he had been numb to for so many years. The weight of this new sensation crushed his heart. The pain was just too real. Broken, he hung his head in shame. He couldn’t look at her while he told this story. Eva softly rubbed his stubble-roughened cheeks with her thumbs in soothing circles. “I’m right here, Giddeon. No matter what you tell me, I will be right here. I’m not going anywhere.”
After taking in a steadying breath, he began his story. “Most kids at the age of six are afraid of the dark, spiders, clowns… I don’t know normal shit like that. Not me. My childhood fears were different. When I was placed in the first of many foster homes, the horror of what happened to me was still very raw. I’d wake every night, all night long, screaming. It really freaked my foster parents out. Every time my eyes closed, I was haunted by the sounds of my mother’s screams as they gutted her, ripping her wide open. The undeniable realization that I just stood there, frozen, unable to move or lift a finger to help, tore me apart with guilt.
“My sanity was slowly slipping away from me, just like the life from their eyes. The struggle to forget what I witnessed was an everyday battle, but the horror was always right there behind my eyes, like a monster banging down the door that I desperately tried to keep closed. I was such a coward. I wasn’t strong enough to fight away my fears, and I definitely didn’t know how to deal with them. People kept telling me that I’d still feel my parents’ spirits with me, feel them in here.” Giddeon pointed to his heart and tapped on his chest.
Eva sat back, listening to the heart wrenching nightmare Giddeon spewed out, trying with all her strength to listen to every word and not interrupt. It proved to be extremely difficult. All she wanted to do was gather the broken man into the safety of her arms and never let go. Tears tried to force their way out, burning her eyes as she fought to hold them back.
Blowing out a withered breath, Giddeon continued. “But, all I could feel was despair in my heart. Those wounds never lessened over time. They never healed. My foster parents never once sat by my bed with me during my tough nights, never wiped away my tears, or held me tight to them. They never once comforted me through my terrifying night terrors. They didn’t care about me. They just wanted their government issued check. Caring about me had been my parents’ job. I finally had to convince myself that they were really gone and that they were never coming back for me. I was truly alone in the world. I had turned emotionally void… cold.”
Giddeon ran his hands through his hair, then fisting a handful of it, he pulled tight with frustration. “I was so tired of just existing. I was numb to everything else around me. I decided at seven years old, on the one-year anniversary of their murder, that I didn’t want to be here anymore. I wanted to end my never ending suffering… I wanted to die. That thought was the only thing that had me excited in a very long time. I would meet up with my parents in heaven, where I would finally get to hold them tight again. My mom would kiss me all over my face. My dad would lift me up off the ground, hug me tight to him, and squeeze, just like he used to do.
“That wonderful thought, paired with the overwhelming feeling of loneliness, was so powerful that I didn’t even hesitate. I grabbed the dagger I’d kept hidden in the
springs of my bed and pressed as hard as I could, dragging it across my throat. I remember being shocked at first, at the sight of my own blood spraying out and splattering everywhere. Then, I just remember feeling euphoric. The pain made me feel things again. It relaxed me.
“I laid on my bed, bleeding out and waiting for death to claim me. I closed my eyes, picturing their happy faces as they greeted me to my everlasting home. I’d be reunited with them forever. Nothing would ever separate us again.
“My dreams were crushed when my foster parents walked into my room with the CPS representative for their monthly visit. They were still ordered to check up on me. They packed me up and sent me to a mental health hospital for emotionally traumatized kids. I was there for a long time. I despised it there and learned fairly quickly to fake ‘normal’ pretty well.
“I think I was thirteen when they finally let me out. I had become a very angry teen with an exceptionally large chip on my shoulder. They shipped me off to the next foster nightmare then.” His voice faded away to an almost inaudible whisper as he finished his story. Finally lifting his head, he avoided looking into Eva’s eyes, gazing instead out the window. Carefree people walked the sidewalks, hustling back to their jobs from their lunch breaks. His idle mind wondered if his parents would even recognize him now if they saw him.
They didn’t even know each other anymore. They were virtually strangers. Giddeon was not even close to the boy they knew and loved. He guessed it didn’t matter anyway; it’s not like he’d ever be allowed up there with them. Not after all he’d done, and not when he could feel the Devil pulling him down into the darkness with him.
The broken man continued to look outside, avoiding the eyes of the woman who sat listening. He didn’t have the heart to look and see what she was feeling, or see what she might’ve thought about him. He couldn’t handle it at that moment. His heart was ripped wide open, raw and bleeding, right there in front of her. His story had left him vulnerable, and he hated that helpless feeling. Giddeon had to focus hard on rebuilding the walls around his breaking heart, back up to where they used to be.
“Oh, Giddeon,” his Angel whispered, her heart aching for him. He could hear it in the sound of her voice. She got up from her chair and walked around behind the emotionally broken man. Leaning down, she draped her arms around him. Eva’s hand rested on top of his. He could’ve sat like that forever. Her embrace was strong, caring, and somewhat familiar.
It wasn’t a pitying embrace, but supportive, understanding. If he wasn’t mistaken, Eva genuinely cared about him.
No. He couldn’t let himself think about that. It’d give him hope. No one had ever cared about him besides his parents. Who could possibly care for a fucked up, piece of shit like him anyways? Giddeon was nothing but a twisted, sick coward.
Eva lowered her head beside his ear and nuzzled against his neck. As if reading his mind, she declared, “Oh, Giddeon, you are worth so much more than you believe.” She squeezed him tighter. “You deserve this. You deserve to be cared for. Every human being needs that. You should allow yourself to be loved. You’ve been through enough already. Everything has been taken away from you. It’s okay to be a little selfish. Take a breath and just live your life. Your parents would want that for you.”
Irritation rose up to the surface. She doesn’t know a fucking thing about what they’d want. Grabbing her arm, Giddeon yanked her around to face him. He wanted to tell her as much. Eva took the angry man off guard when she flung her leg over his lap and straddled him. This unexpected action stunned him. She was always doing this—shocking him, catching him off guard, and challenging him outside of his comfort zone.
Gone were any thoughts of anger or despair. The once dangerous hit-man, in that moment, thought of nothing else besides this golden Angel sitting in his lap. Cupping his face in her hands, she not so gently forced his head up to meet her eyes. Leaning her forehead against his, she answered Giddeon’s unspoken thoughts. “I do know, all too well. And I am right. Try to prove me otherwise.”
The heavy weight of her genuine concern opened his eyes, but Giddeon couldn’t let himself fall for her. She deserved so much better than the shell of a man she was gazing at. He wouldn’t let this happen. Eva’s face hardened when she watched his demeanor close itself off from her. “Don’t. Don’t do this.” Her voice sounded foreign as the words came out harshly in warning.
Giddeon lifted her easily off of his lap and carefully placed her back down on his seat. “Sorry, Angel. Some people can’t be saved.” But the stubborn woman shook her head in disagreement. Not to be swayed, Giddeon finished before she could start. “Some people just aren’t worth it. I hope you enjoy your coffee.” Turning on his heel, Giddeon aimed for the front of the shop and his exit out. He made it about a dozen steps or so before she caught up to him. This stubborn woman never gave up.
“Are you… am I going to see you in group next week, Giddeon?”
For some reason, his chest ached at the sound of her voice as she whispered his name. The way it rolled off her tongue in that way sounded intimate.
His voice softened as well. “I don’t know. Dominick and I are following some leads that he’s been working on.” When she gave him a look that pleaded with him to stay with her, he clenched his fists in frustration.
He had to stay focused. She had distracted him enough. Giddeon had to remember his end goal. Justice for his slain parents. And revenge. He would have both. He promised them both… and he promised himself. He couldn’t let this girl get in the way of that. “I won’t have time to think about anything else,” he said in a tone harsher than necessary. A brief look of disappointment showed on her face. It must’ve been because he was her new subject to fix, because it couldn’t be that she actually cared about him.
“Giddeon…” Before he had a chance to think, react, or respond, Eva placed a soft lingering kiss on his stiff lips, jolting him out of his thoughts. She was out the door before he could even blink an eye. He had been left standing there, staring after her. Another crack inside his chest broke the once impenetrable wall that kept him numb and unfeeling. Bulldozing her way into his heart, no matter how hard he tried to stop it from happening, she was getting inside. Eva was leaving her mark. The once cold organ was flooded by warm electrical currents that roused his body from its long petrified state.
Giddeon would be lying to himself if he thought for one moment that he wouldn’t be thinking about her while he was gone. Because of that kiss, he wouldn’t be able to think of anything else. With one soft touch from her exquisite lips, she had dashed all of his plans to stay focused on his parents.
Every time he tried to refocus his mind on their revenge, her sweet face rushed into his consciousness, and everything else would fall away. Just look at him… He was still standing in the middle of a busy coffee shop, frozen to the spot. He could think of nothing else but her.
Finally, when he realized people were trying to walk in or out without disturbing him, his brain caught up with the rest of him and told his feet to start moving. His overpowering presence gave him a wide berth of space. They didn’t dare ask him to move out of the way. “All right, Giddeon,” he mumbled to himself, clapping his hands to wake himself up. “Let’s get your pansy ass back to work.”
Giddeon walked out of the shop while dialing Dominick’s number. “C’mon, Detective, are we going to start working here or what? Let’s do this.”
Dominick and Giddeon stormed the office in Dalton’s high-rise. The detective ordered his unusual partner to hang back, knowing that Giddeon’s presence tended to frighten others, and he didn’t want their next possible witness to clam up. So, Dominick decided to use the ‘Detective approach’, hoping to convince Susan, Dalton’s personal assistant, to talk. She worked side-by-side with the man himself for years. He ran everything by her. She had to know his whereabouts.
Dominick used an old trick that usually worked well for him, from when he was back on the beat. He’d threaten her with evidence that the
y had in their possession, which, of course, they didn’t. Dominick was hoping that putting fear of prosecution under obstruction and aiding and abetting charges would be enough to have Susan spill her guts.
Giddeon sat crouching outside the door, listening. The detective tried interrogating the stubborn, tight-lipped girl for a few more minutes, to no avail. She wasn’t budging. The once dangerous hit-man knew she wouldn’t dare talk… not to Dominick, anyway. Dalton retained and controlled his employees’ allegiances by having something very important to that person under his thumb. That precious ‘something’ was different to each person, but each feared losing.
Susan feared Dalton so much, she ended up being his most reliable asset. After all, she had the most to lose. Giddeon knew this about her. They had come to be employed by Dalton around the same time several years ago. She had been easily controlled by Dalton right off the bat.
Losing all patience, Giddeon charged through the door and into the office. Susan paled at the sight of the monster standing before her. He was the only other man in the world she feared as much as, if not more than, Dalton himself. Susan had been present in several instances of her boss’s version of ‘negotiations’. The frightened young girl witnessed first-hand the monster Giddeon truly was. She was the only person to see the beast when he was unleashed from inside of him and still be alive afterward.
The neatly dressed girl quaked under the heavy weight of Giddeon’s evil glare as he stalked toward them. Dalton was clearly not around to keep her safe from him—not very wise on his part. His devious mentality took over; Giddeon would use her fear to get what he wanted out of her.
With purpose in his steps, he stormed across the office, past Dominick, aiming straight for Susan. His cold, dark eyes trained solely on hers. The girl’s face turned ashen gray as all the blood drained from her face. The strength had left her body while the monster assaulted her with nothing more than the power of his lethal intent. The same way he looked on all his unfortunate victims.
Beyond Redemption (Marked Series Book 2) Page 10