by Ruby Kiss
I took a moment to finish changing before I replied, Home safe and sound. And sleepy. I shoved my book bag under the bed so Lauren wouldn’t trip over it when she came in, and settled into bed with a textbook to catch up on some reading. Okay, I actually planned to read for five minutes and then fall asleep, because I was indeed tired—interacting with Julian was a special kind of exhausting. It felt like my whole body was on edge whenever I was around him, even if all we did was sit in a café booth and talk.
You’d better get some sleep then, have a good night Mackenzie. I smiled at Julian’s last message on my phone and plugged it in on my nightstand. I managed to read three whole pages before I snatched my phone back up and tapped out a quick, I hope you have a good night too Julian. Then I put my phone facedown and steadfastly ignored it until I fell asleep.
I drifted through my next few days of classes, text messages from Julian standing out like bright lights in each day. The rest of the school seemed to have faded into the background, except when Lauren jabbed me in the ribs to laugh or drag me to the cafeteria for food. We were currently standing in line for some greasy and delicious pizza to get us through a late-night study session. I tried to surreptitiously slip my phone out of my pocket to check it, but Lauren had eyes like an eagle.
“Is that Professor Hottie texting you again?” she asked with an incredulous raised eyebrow.
“Would you shut up?” I elbowed her in the side. “And I don’t know I was just checking my phone in case anyone was texting me, so there.” I stuck my tongue out like the immature brat that I am.
“Yeah right.” She laughed in response. “I live with you girl, and I’ve never seen you check your phone as often as you have been since you gave you-know-who your number.”
“Yes well…” I tried so hard to come up with an excuse that made me look like anything other than a woman hopelessly falling for her professor. “He might have sent me extra linguistics assignments,” I finally blurted out and Lauren just stared at me.
“If you think I’m even going to dignify that excuse with a response…” She trailed off with a roll of her huge brown eyes and stepped up to order our slices.
Less than five minutes later—I love fast food sometimes—and we were maneuvering our way through the dining hall to a secluded table in the back corner. Even though it was late enough in the evening that the hall was pretty empty, I was paranoid someone might overheard us talking about Julian. I was pretty sure there wasn’t anything super wrong with what we were doing, but we were definitely flirting with the line and I didn’t want to get him in any trouble.
We found a two-seater table by the window far enough away from anyone else that a private conversation wouldn’t be a problem. Dropping our bags to the floor, we slid into the too-small seats—why is everything at this school undersized?—and dug into our pizza.
“Mmm omigod there is nothing like cheap, greasy pizza,” I said around a mouthful of cheese.
“Agreed, except when you ruin it with olives,” Lauren replied, scrunching up her nose in exaggerated disgust.
“Because pineapples are a totally acceptable pizza topping?” I shot back, looking down at her slice of Hawaiian.
Lauren pressed her hand to her chest and let out a gasp that would have been right at home in a stage play. “Hawaiian pizza is from your homeland Max! How can you forsake your countrymen?” We both collapsed into laughter.
After taking a moment to catch my breath, I reached once again into my pocket and fished out my phone. Lauren eyed it but didn’t say anything this time. There was one message from Julian, Did you enjoy the lecture today? I typed back a quick response and set my phone down—screen side down—on the table.
“Hiding the screen huh? Are your texts with Professor Hottie really that dirty?” Lauren asked, all trace of the previous teasing gone from her face this time.
“No,” I said, and flipped my phone over to prove it. “Of course not. I’m just, I dunno embarrassed?”
“Well it’s not exactly the most kosher situation is it?” she replied, our pizza laying forgotten on the table between us.
“It’s not, but I can’t stop Laur’,” I replied. “There’s something here, I don’t know what it is, but I have to find out.”
“I don’t know if that’s romantic or creepy Max,” she said, smiling now in reassurance.
“I’m voting for romantic,” I said firmly and redirected my attention to my neglected and now slightly congealed slice. “Let’s finish up here and get some actual studying done eh?”
“Haha, you said ‘eh’, you’re so Canadian!” she replied and continued devouring her gross pizza covered in fruit.
We headed back to the dorm after finishing our late-night snack, opting for the quiet of our private room over the semi-crowded library. Midterms were coming up, and it tended to put everyone into studying overdrive.
Textbooks sprawled across both our beds, and we were deep into reading and highlighting mode, trying to discern the most important parts of the texts and what was likely to come up on the exams. My phone vibrating on the nightstand made us both jump in surprise. The screen lit up with Julian’s name and my heart jumped into my throat.
I’m not going to be available until next Friday, is it too much to hope that you’re not busy? My heart did a one-eighty and dropped down to the pit of my stomach. I don’t want to wait until next Friday to see him again, was all I could think. Of course I’m not busy. I typed back quickly, then out loud, “Oh shit.”
“Oh shit?” Lauren said from her own sea of textbooks. “Is everything ok?”
“Yeah, yeah fine,” I replied, “except I just told Julian I’m free next Friday.”
“Next Friday? But that’s Halloween karaoke night.”
“I know.” I hung my head. “Wait! We’re usually done with linguistics by nine, I’ll just come to karaoke then.”
Lauren snorted. “Linguistics, uh huh. Just don’t blow me off for Professor Hottie ok? I can’t do another dorm party on Halloween.”
“Yes, we’ve all heard the story of you amazing night with the big bad wolf and how no Halloween party will ever be the same,” I said, rolling my eyes, but smiling all the same.
Laurens’ famous story of the night she went out as little red riding hood and her old room mate Emma hooked her up with a guy dressed as the big bad wolf was legendary. I’d heard it my first week here, and not from Lauren.
My phone buzzed again, Great, also why aren’t you sleeping? Julian’s response made me feel all warm and fuzzy. Why aren’t you sleeping? I shot back. Lightning quick he responded, Grading papers, you’re dodging the question. I smiled. Nothing exciting I promise, just studying for midterms with Lauren. I responded. Very responsible he sent back, then followed with, I’m looking forward to seeing you again Mackenzie.
I let out a long breath, and tried to decide how to respond. Every text exchange further cemented in my mind that I wasn’t delusional—there was something brewing between us. Something exciting and a little bit scary.
Also, probably quite forbidden by the rules of the school. I couldn’t bring myself to care. I’m looking forward to seeing you too Julian. I sent back and exhaled sharply. We were getting closer and closer to the line, and I was starting to think that when we got there, we were going to tumble right over it together.
Chapter 5
I’d never experienced a week that passed so slowly as the one between when Julian had told me he couldn’t see me again until Friday and when the day finally arrived. I woke up that morning at the crack of dawn with a stomach full of butterflies.
Why am I so nervous, it’s not like we’ve never done this before, I thought. But something felt different this time. I dressed quickly, knowing I’d be back later to get properly dressed for the karaoke bar. It occurred to me for the first time that if I was going to go straight from The Coffee Bean with Julian to the bar, I’d have to wear my bar clothes to the café. Shit.
Since I was awake anyways, I dec
ided to head down to the caf and get a coffee. Might as well get a head start on my day, and try desperately not to countdown the minutes until I could see him again, sit with him, listen to his voice—okay creeping into stalker territory, Max. I shoved my books and laptop into my backpack as quietly as I could—Lauren was still snoring softly in her own bed, oblivious to my plight. Lucky her.
It was empty when I got there, the doors just barely open and the staff still nursing their own morning caffeine fix. I could practically hear the groans when I walked in—no one wants a customer that early in the morning. I dropped my bag in a seat tucked away in the corner. It was nice to get there when the place was so deserted—I got my pick of the comfy chairs. Then I headed for the counter.
“Can I get a hazelnut latte please, extra espresso?” I asked the barista manning the coffee counter.
“Sure thing,” he replied, “extra espresso is crucial this early in the morning. It should be mandatory.”
“Agreed,” I said with a smile. The steam wand hissed to life as he crafted my drink and my thoughts drifted of course, to Julian. I wrestled with how to take the next step with him, or if we even should.
Or should I let him do it? He was older, maybe he was old fashioned. Maybe he would be put off by a woman who made the first move. No that’s ridiculous, it’s 2019 not 1919. And he’s hardly ancient.
“Hazelnut latte?” The barista’s voice broke into my daydreams and I blushed sheepishly, taking my drink and heading back to where I had discarded my bag. I curled up in the oversized chair—finally a seat that wasn’t miniscule—and wrapped my hands around the hot cup, breathing in the delicious smell of coffee wafting out of it. Determined not to spend the entire day completely immersed in Julian thoughts, I set my latte down for a second and dug out the textbook for my first class that day—might as well get ahead on my reading.
By the end of my second class, I was starving, and Lauren had sent me five messages wondering why I had left so early and then teased me over my nerves. Followed quickly by an offer to meet up for sushi in between classes. She definitely knew how to stay on my good side. My growling stomach caused my daydreams of Julian to be replaced with dancing visions of spicy salmon rolls and miso soup.
I shuffled my way towards the lecture hall with the rest of the crowd, the din of over a hundred students thankfully covering the disturbing noises coming from my stomach. Good thing the sushi bar wasn’t that far away. I made it there in what I considered to be record time, but Lauren still somehow beat me to it and was dramatically tapping her foot on the cold pavement as I approached.
“You can’t possibly have been waiting more than two minutes,” I said with a roll of my eyes and a pointed look at her noisy toe.
“Three and half actually, practically an eternity,” she replied with a smile. “How’re your butterflies? Got room in there for sushi?”
“What butterflies?” I asked, feigning ignorance. “I have no idea what you’re talking about and I’m sticking to that at least until after I’ve mainlined some soup and seafood.”
“Deal!” Lauren agreed with a decisive nod and we headed inside to join the line.
One large platter of sushi and two bowls of soup later, and we were both sufficiently satiated.
“Well?” Lauren said, making deliberate eye contact without elaborating any further.
“Well what?” I asked obstinately, and crossed my arms.
“What are you going to do about your…situation?” she asked. I appreciated the discretion, the sushi bar was packed with students and faculty. I really didn’t want anyone to over hear us even mentioning Julian’s name.
“Nothing,” I replied.
“Nothing?” Lauren’s eyebrows shot into her perfectly coiffed bangs.
“Is there an echo in here?” I decided to play pain in the ass.
“Don’t be a bitch Max, you know what I mean.” She was beginning to lose patience with me, I could tell. Better not push it too far—I didn’t want to alienate my only friend in the whole city.
“I mean nothing, I’ve thought about it and I’ve decided to be coy and unassuming. I’m going to let him make the first move, which has the added bonus of taking all the pressure off me.” I gave in and elaborated on the conclusion I had come to while mulling over my latte that morning.
“Huh. Well that’s one way to deal with it,” Lauren replied, leaning back in her seat.
“You think I’m making the wrong choice?” I asked, my butterflies back in full force, causing me to second guess my decision. I had been so sure this was the right idea this morning.
“No…no I don’t think so, I’m just surprised I guess,” she replied, assuaging my fears.
“You know, me too, I’m usually a take charge type person. But he gets in my head and makes it go all fuzzy, it’s better if I keep my mouth shut about the F word for now,” I said.
“Mackenzie Lowell! You want to fuck your professor??” Lauren leaned across the table and stage-whispered at me in an attempt to keep our conversation private.
“What?! I mean yeah, but I meant feelings…not the other F word. Perv,” I replied, laughing.
Lauren visibly relaxed across the table and exhaled slowly, “Okay, not that I’m not on board with banging the hot prof…” she trailed off.
“Hey! Quit fantasizing about my crush!” I kicked her under the table for good measure.
“Fine, fine, I’ll keep my sexy thoughts away from Professor Hottie,” she said, kicking me back. “hey we better head out, I’ve got a seminar in like 15 minutes.”
“K,” I replied as we stood from the table and dropped off our garbage on the way out the door. “And Lauren?” I paused halfway out the door so I could turn and face her. “Thanks for listening.”
“Anytime roomie, and I’m available to listen to the sexy fun parts of the story too,” she replied with a lewd wink, throwing her arm around my shoulders.
“Gross Laur’, way to ruin the moment,” I said as we made our way back out in the chill late-October air laughing together.
I arrived at the café to meet Julian at 6:05 pm, way later than I usually showed up. It had taken me a lot longer to get ready than I had allotted time for. There was surprisingly a lot more pressure on my choice of outfit when I knew Julian was going to be seeing it.
He was already there, doing the thing that I always did and looking towards the door every thirty seconds. I took a deep breath to calm my nerves that had come roaring back to life upon seeing him, despite my earlier resolve.
I pushed the door open, and the bell chimed above my head. Julian’s face lit up when we made eye contact and I swear my heart skipped a beat. I know people say that all the time and I always thought it was a figure of speech until that moment. I tried hard not to openly stare as I made my way to the counter and got in line, wrenching my eyes away from his gorgeous face to direct my attention to the menu.
Yes! Pumpkin spice lattes. I love October. I waited impatiently for my drink to be made before making my way over to where he was waiting for me in our booth. The idea of our booth made me smile so wide my cheeks hurt, and the barista must’ve thought I was really really into pumpkin spice as she handed me my latte.
“Hello Mackenzie,” Julian said as I slid into the booth across from him. He smiled at me in a way that made me forget I had only just come in from the cold outside. Warm tingles ran from my heart to the tips of my fingers and toes.
“Hi, Julian,” I replied. “How was your week?”
“The same as yours I imagine,” he said. “Exam time is always busier than usual.”
“Oh yeah.” I laughed. “I’m back to sleeping the bare minimum I need to survive.”
Julian’s face grew serious. “I do hope you are taking care of yourself,” he said.
“Of course I am,” I said with a reassuring smile.
“Why don’t I believe you?” he asked, his serious voice taking on a teasing undertone.
“I’m sure I have no idea,” I
replied. “I have a very trusting face.”
“That you do,” he said, his smile that turned my insides to mush was back. Oh god.
We talked for the next two hours, the conversation drifting from midterms to me blabbering about my hometown and how much I missed home but loved the adventure of travelling at the same time. Julian shared stories of places he had travelled, and I got to express my desperate envy at all the amazing things he had seen.
He told me about how he spent his gap year backpacking through Europe, and I told him about mine serving poutines in a campground to pay for university. It was well past 8 o’clock when I realized that I hadn’t even brought my linguistics notebooks with me. I’d been so caught up in my outfit choice that it had completely slipped my mind. I suppressed a little thrill that he hadn’t noticed, or if he did, he hadn’t brought it up. We had definitely moved past the tutor/tutee phase of our relationship.
My phone vibrated on the table, interrupting our conversation. “Sorry,” I said, “one second.” I checked the message and was unsurprised to see Laurens name on my screen. It is 9:01 and I’m still drinking alone. Unacceptable! “Shit,” I said, and then clapped my hand over my mouth, mortified.
“Is everything ok?” Julian asked, concern etched on his beautiful face.
I lowered my hand. “I can’t believe I just said that.”
“Mackenzie, we covered the swearing thing last time, remember? I’m not going to implode from the occasional swear word and I’m going to start taking it personally if you keep getting embarrassed by saying them,” he said, taking my hand in his. “Now, is everything ok?”
“Everything is fine, I’m just supposed to meet Lauren at The Empty Orchestra for a Halloween party tonight, like nowish.”
“Oh, ok well I’m glad it’s nothing serious,” he replied, but his expression had fallen at the mention of me leaving, his attention falling to our still clasped hands on the table.
“Do you wanna come with?” I asked. “It’s supposed to be good fun, according to Lauren. And I love to sing so I’m actually kind of looking forward to it.” Rambling again Max, that’s a good look.