Language of Love

by Ruby Kiss

  I flicked idly through Julian’s Netflix ‘Recommended for you’ section—interesting selection, though I couldn’t settle on anything. Not that we didn’t have any choices in common, I just couldn’t calm my racing brain long enough to pick something. I was so zoned out that I jumped when a loud clicking noise sounded from the door, and he crossed the threshold.

  I settled back into the plush couch cushions—not what I would’ve expected in a history professors’ apartment—and he sank into the seat beside me. In one hand, he held the telltale paper bag every pharmacy seemed to have, and in the other a bag that I could only imagine must’ve held breakfast, judging by the delicious smell wafting out of it. I tried to hold myself back from lunging for the bag of food—last night’s excursions had worked up quite an appetite.

  Julian must’ve noticed me staring at the bag, since he chuckled and held it out for me. I fairly snatched it out of his hands and dug into the contents. Two bagels with cream cheese and smoked salmon. Omigod a man after my own heart. I snagged one out of the bag and passed it back to him..

  “You might as well have at it,” he said, “the pharmacist told me you should take this with food.” He gestured with the ominous pharmacy bag in my direction.

  “Ahh,” I replied, and promptly began to devour my bagel. It was while I was chewing obnoxiously that I noticed the bag was too bulky to just have one box in it. “What else ya got in there?” I asked, embarrassingly with my mouth still half full.

  “Ah,” he replied, then paused, blushing for some reason. “I didn’t want to seem presumptuous. I was hoping to secret them away before you noticed.”

  “Secret? What?” I asked, confused. He reached into the bag and pulled out a box of condoms. “Ooohhh!” I said, eyes wide. “Good idea!” He grinned in response, seemingly pleased with my reaction.

  “What, you thought you needed to hide condoms?” I asked. “I’m just glad you sprung for them yourself, though I guess I should’ve expected that since you went and got the plan B. I mean, did you want me to pay you for that? Cuz I can, just not right now, I didn’t take a lot of cash to the bar…” I trailed off when I caught myself rambling this time, Julian’s lips not currently available to help me stop.

  “Mackenzie…” he started and then stopped for a moment, “I’m not expecting any monetary reciprocation from you for anything in this bag.”

  “Oh,” I said, looking down at my half eaten bagel, “okay.”

  “Good,” he replied, “now that all of that is out of the way, I would very much like to take you to dinner.”

  “Dinner?” I said, my mouth once again half-full of delicious bagel, “tonight?”

  “Uhm, no.” he replied. “I was thinking maybe in a few days, whenever is convenient for both of us.”

  “Oh.” I breathed a sigh of relief, I desperately needed to get back to my dorm and hash all this out with Lauren. I could use a couple days break. “So, I should probably, like, go then eh?”

  “No, finish your bagel. And you still have to take this.” He gestured with the bag again. “Also I wouldn’t be much of a gentleman if I let you leave until at least an hour or two after you take it. So, I think we’re stuck with each other until this afternoon.”

  I smirked down at my food at his half-assed attempt to keep me around, even though we both knew that we could use some space. Neither one of us wanted to be the one to leave the other.

  We finished our bagels in silence. I made a concerted effort not to speak with my mouth full of food again. And then after several minutes of silent deliberation, I decided to just grab the bag with the elephant in the room pills inside and head to the kitchen for a glass of water. Julian, to his credit, didn’t follow me, but when I came back into the living room he was standing beside the couch and quickly enveloped me in a hug, squeezing hard.

  “I’m sorry about that,” he whispered in my ear, “I shouldn’t have…” Once again he trailed off—it was becoming a pattern.

  “It’s okay,” I said, my voice muffled in his shoulder. “I shouldn’t have either, and now we both know better.”

  “We’ll need to pass the time for a few hours, because I don’t intend to let you leave until I’m sure you’re not going to have any adverse reactions. If that’s okay with you?” he asked.

  “Oh, I’m sure we can find some way to pass the time,” I replied. I looked up into his eyes and waggled my eyebrows, then cast my glance over my shoulder towards the doorway that led to his bedroom.

  “Ah,” he replied with a grin, “what a wonderful idea.”

  Chapter 8

  Hours later, I slowly pushed open the door of mine and Lauren’s dorm room, hoping she wouldn’t be home. I could not have been more dense, as there she stood, dramatically tapping her toe on the floor, arms crossed. Her bedspread was messed up behind her, as she had clearly just leapt off the bed when I turned the doorknob, in order to confront me with this over the top stance. I took one look at her tapping foot and doubled over in giggles.

  “Seriously Laur’?” I asked in between peals of laughter.

  “Well, you deserve some sort of stare down for staying out all night without so much as a text. I wasn’t actually worried though. I saw you leave the bar with Professor hot stuff last night.” She waggled her eyebrows at me and flopped down on her bed. “Spill,” she ordered.

  “Spill what?” I asked, voice dripping with mock innocence.

  “Oh hell no!” Lauren yelled, sitting bolt upright on her bed to fix me with an accusatory stare. “I know you boned Professor Quinn last night and you promised me details.”

  “Ok, you have to promise me something first,” I shot back, daring her to challenge me.

  “I will literally give you my hypothetical first born right now Max, I neeeeed details!” she exclaimed.

  “You have to stop calling him Professor Hottie, or hot stuff or really Prof anything. It’s too weird,” I replied with a shake of my head at her dramatics—I could not have asked for a better roommate.

  “What do I call him then?” she asked, eyebrow raised.

  “Well, you could call him Julian, it’s his name,” I said, rolling my eyes to hide my smile.

  “Ohhh yeah it is, of course he’s got a sexy first name, alright I will call him Julian from now on,” Lauren replied, her smile bordering on obscene.

  “Dude… how do you make even his name sound dirty?” I asked. What have I gotten myself into with her?

  “I am a woman of many talents,” she replied, spreading her arms wide in an expansive gesture. “Now spill! You promised!” She leaned forward, elbows on her knees and I couldn’t hold back a laugh at her overeager expression.

  “Okay fine, yes I did go back to Julian’s apartment last night. And yes, stuff…happened.” I finally relented, telling her what she already knew.

  “Stuff?! C’mon girl I’m gonna need more than that!” Lauren burst out.

  “That’s all you’re getting!” I shot back. “It’s private, and frankly I have more important things to talk about with you right now.”

  “Like what?” she asked, tone softening immediately.

  “Like I had unprotected sex with my professor last night!” The words spilled out of my mouth so fast I didn’t have time to think of a more eloquent way to phrase what I needed to say.

  “What?” Lauren gasped, incredulous. “Unprotected? Max, you know better than that.”

  “Of course I do, but I wasn’t thinking. My brain had been a hormone addled mess for weeks over this man, and then he followed me and we made out in the alley and before I knew it we were—”

  “Whoa girl, it’s alright.” Lauren jumped off her bed and sank down beside me, wrapping her arm around my shoulders. “Are you okay? Like…you were okay with everything…?” She trailed off, unwilling to articulate her question but needing to ask anyways.

  “Yes, yes, of course I wanted every second of it. He was so amazing, everything was amazing. Until I woke up this morning back in the real world and f
uck, I can’t believe this happened,” I replied, reassuring her and then burying my face in my hands.

  “Okay,” she said, rubbing her hand up and down my back, “okay, so what do you need to do? Do you need a doctor or a trip to the pharmacy, or do we wait it out?”

  “Oh,” I replied, realizing I had left out an important piece of information, “Julian already went and got me the morning after pill, which I asked for, don’t worry!”

  “He did?” Lauren leaned back to look right in my face. “Well done Profess—I mean, Julian. Good for him. So how are you feeling then, did you take them already?”

  “I did,” I replied, “that’s what took me so long to get home. He wanted me to stay until we were sure I wasn’t going to have a crap reaction to the meds. I kinda thought we would have some more fun but it turns out that the cramps you get after taking those pills are not a good time. He was pretty great though.”

  “Well good for him, he gets a gold star. Do you need anything else, chocolate, sushi, copious amounts of alcohol?” she asked, giving my shoulders another squeeze before finally letting me go.

  “Probably all of the above,” I replied, laughing, “but first I think I need a nap.”

  “Bow chica wow wow, yeah you do.” Lauren stood from her place beside me on my bed. “You sleep, and I will be back with booze and junk food k?”

  “Awesome,” I replied sleepily, shimmying under the covers and laying my head down on my soft pillows. “Laur’?”

  “Yeah Max?”

  “I think I’m in love with my professor,” I said, my eyes drifting closed. I was so tired, and no wonder.

  “I thought we weren’t gonna call him that anymore?” she asked.

  “Oh,” I said, “right.” The door clicked shut behind Lauren as I fell asleep, Julian’s eyes dancing behind my closed ones as visions of him filled my dreams.

  * * *

  I tried to ignore the sound of Lauren letting herself back into the dorm room, the quiet click of the latch and the rustle of grocery bags, but it proved impossible. I cracked one eye open and peeked out into the room, shifting the blankets further up over my shoulder.

  “Shhh, I’m not here,” Lauren whispered as she filled our tiny fridge with coolers and what looked like a small cheesecake. On her bed was a brown paper bag, with plastic wrapped disposable chopsticks tossed beside it.

  “It’s alright Laur’, I’m up. If I sleep much longer I’ll be up all night anyways.” I sat up and swung my legs over the side of the bed, wrapping the large comforter around my body as I did. “Is that sushi?” I asked, gesturing to the bag on her bed.

  “Of course it is!” she replied, eyes a little too bright. I’d gotten to know her well enough to know what she was trying too hard, but I appreciated it. She dug through the large bag and handed me a takeout box full of my favourite sushi rolls.

  “You are the best,” I said, snatching the box from her hands and holding my own out for the accompanying chopsticks.

  She obliged and dropped them into my waiting palm along with a couple soy sauce packets and a napkin.

  “Anytime darlin’,” she replied as she settled onto her own bed, retrieving the rest of the sushi rolls from the bag.

  We ate in companionable silence for a while. I was scarfing sushi too fast to be able to maintain a conversation anyways—who knew naps could build up such an appetite? As we finished up our delicious food, the quiet turned slowly awkward. I knew Lauren had probably a thousand questions she wanted to ask, and probably even more advice she wanted to give, but it wasn’t an easy conversation to begin.

  I took pity on her. “So, I’m sure you have some stuff to say and/or yell at me about my poor decision making skills, go for it,” I said, gesturing towards her with my chopsticks before looking down, and picking at the rest of my sushi remnants. “I promise I won’t hold it against you.”

  “I don’t want to yell, per se,” she began. “I’m caught between wanting all the naughty details and concern that suddenly this doesn’t seem like a great idea.”

  “Oh, I know I’m not making good choices. Boning my prof definitely falls into the realm of poor, poor choices. The problem is, I don’t think I want to stop,” I admitted, still looking down. I couldn’t bring myself to make eye contact while I made that confession.

  “Of course you don’t want to! You’re not made of stone,” she replied.

  “I definitely don’t want to, but do you think I should? Like couldn’t this all go horribly wrong?” I finally tore my eyes away from the floor and looked at her, imploring. I desperately needed some sort of acceptance, or forgiveness, I wasn’t sure what I was looking for.

  “I’m not sure, just remember that if the shit hits the fan you’re going to get the worst of it. The university will protect him, suspension with pay and all that bureaucratic bullshit. But you’ll lose your placement, your reputation, it could be a pile of shit Max, but it could also be really amazing. I’m sorry I’m so terrible at giving advice.” Lauren looked uncharacteristically somber as she laid it all out for me.

  Before I could respond, my pocket vibrated with the bzzz bzz of my phone, which I realized belatedly that I had slept on. Lauren shot it a look that flickered between interest and annoyance at the interruption.

  “Just, don’t look like that,” I said. “I have to check it!”

  “I know,” she said with a smile and roll of her eyes. “See what he wants.” She gestured vaguely with her chopsticks.

  How are you? I read the message two or three times that Julian had sent, trying not to overthink it. What was I expecting, some sort of declaration of love? I’m fine, chatting with my roommate. I quickly sent back and placed my phone on my nightstand.

  “Well?” Lauren demanded after a beat. “What does he want?”

  “Literally nothing, nosy,” I said, and grabbed my phone, holding it screen side out towards her. “See?”

  “I’m not nosy,” she replied, playfully indignant. “I’m interested, there’s a difference.”

  I jumped when the phone vibrated in my hand again, Julian’s reply coming through in full view of Laurens eagle eyes. I flipped the phone around to face me. But are you feeling alright, physically I mean? I hate to think of you feeling ill. My insides turned to lovesick goo from his concern.

  “See, he’s sweet and kind and caring,” I insisted. “Ugh, I was not looking for this when I came to NYU.”

  I’m feeling ok actually, Lauren brought me sushi and liquor. The cure for all of life’s problems lol. I tapped my fingers on the screen quickly, a goofy grin planted firmly on my face.

  “OKAY! That’s enough of that sappy romantic crap, tell lover boy you are busy and get drunk with me,” Lauren exclaimed, jumping to her feet and crossing to the little fridge to retrieve the alcohol.

  “You know what, good idea! I need to stop thinking about this for at least one night,” I replied, opening my message app once again. Speaking of, we’re gonna drink and be girly for a while, I’ll text you in the morning ok? His reply pinged back almost immediately. Of course, have a good night, stay safe. I looked up to meet Lauren’s glare as she stood over me, a cooler in each hand. “I’m done, I’m done.” I held my hands up in surrender, facing my phone screen to her once more to prove my intentions.

  “Acceptable,” she replied, taking the phone out of my hand and placing it on her own nightstand instead of mine. She pressed a glass bottle into its place. “Friends don’t let friends drunk text their prof.”

  “Haha, I wish I could say I had more self control than that but you’re probably right.” I twisted the bottle open and tipped it up, taking a long swig. “Ooo, I’ve never had these ones, that’s good!”

  “Right?” Lauren nodded enthusiastically in agreement. “I got all the flavours!”

  “Good thing tomorrow is Sunday.”

  Chapter 9

  Monday morning dawned with beautiful fall weather, chilly enough that Lauren was wrapped in a large jacket and scarf. I threw on a zip
ped hoodie and that was that.

  “Ok, Canada,” Lauren said with an eye roll as we headed to class.

  Butterflies ran rampant through my belly, so bad that I had skipped solid food in favour of too much coffee for breakfast. We had Julian’s class today, after Saturday’s drunken girl time we had texted briefly on Sunday but still hadn’t set a date to get together for the dinner he’d suggested. I was starting to worry that I had read way too much into his kind nature. It was entirely possible that he just thought my schoolgirl crush was cute and was down to get laid, nothing more. Meanwhile I was swooning over every text message.

  We arrived at the lecture hall early enough to easily make our way to our habitual seats way in the back. Lauren made a big show of removing her outerwear and hanging it over the seat while I laughed, grateful for the distraction from my rapidly beating heart. She was good enough not to mention it, but I knew the anxiety was pouring off me in palpable waves.

  “Would it make you happy if I put on a coat and then got all sweaty and gross?” I asked through my giggles.

  “No, but you make me look like a wuss when I’m all bundled up and you’re practically ready for the beach,” she replied, finally settling into her seat.

  “Omigod dramatic much? I’m wearing a sweater,” I said, sinking into my own tiny seat and digging out my laptop. The hall filled up quickly around us, the noise level rising with the increasing number of chattering students. No sign of Julian yet.

  “Max, turn off the laser vision man you’re gonna burn a hole through his desk.” Lauren elbowed me in the ribs, breaking my intense gaze.

  “I’m just looking!” I insisted, but turned my attention resolutely to my screen. I only peeked over it once I swear, maybe twice.

  Five full minutes after the start time, he finally came in crossing quickly to his desk and dropping his briefcase. His eyes met mine as soon as he looked up. Tingles raced through my body and I inhaled sharply.