I open the attic door. Something I’ve done a million times but feels like I’m doing for the very first time. The stale, cold attic air blows over me. But it isn’t totally stale, something else flavors the cold air, a scent of flowers. Of gardenia. And the only reason I’d ever know that scent is because it’s the fragrance Mom wears when Mom and Dad stay in on Saturday nights.
Saturday night is their night. As creepy as I should find that, I don’t. We kids are always on our own that night. They’d have cocktails in Dad’s study and I’d hear them laughing behind closed doors. I liked that Mom and Dad love to be together because a lot of parents don’t. A lot of parents split up. I like their laughs.
And I know that tomorrow night, Saturday night, Mitch will be out with Lola and Mom and Dad will be with each other and Brian will do whatever lame thing Brian always does on Saturday night. And I won’t be with Ally. Like I usually am these days.
I’ll have to find a way to wriggle out of that one because I’ve decided. I’m going to Planet Peacock on Saturday night. It’s the perfect night for me to AP again. The perfect night for me to get one up on the peacocks. I’ll find whatever they’re looking for and bring it back. I won’t fail. I close the attic door and walk back downstairs, turning off the lights as I go. I have to talk to Ally one last time.
“So when you coming over tomorrow?” Ally says the first thing when I call her.
“I ah, think I’m not feeling so good. I think I need to stay home.” I cough.
“What? We have to plan for twin day on Monday. Unless you’re dead, you’re coming.”
“OK, how about I let you know tomorrow.” I had to soften the blow some way and I thought it was better to start now, early. That way I wouldn’t feel so bad about lying to her later.
“Mom bought us some tie-dye stuff and she’s going to let us do it in the garage,” Ally says.
“That’s cool,” I say. It sounds like fun. I’m almost tempted to wait.
“Yeah, and Dad’s got some weird 70s music he’s playing you have to hear it,” Ally says laughing.
“Great,” I’m feeling worse and worse about the lie. Talking about a night that won’t happen. I don’t know what to say next but I realize I don’t totally suck at the whole lying thing. And just as I’m about to open my mouth again the doorbell rings.
“Uh, I got to go, Ally, someone’s at the door.”
“Ah, ok...”
And I hang up, just like that. I know what Ally’s thinking. She’s like, your mom always answers the door, you never answer the door. You never even hear doorbells half the time. It’s weird how a person changes when they start lying. I scramble out of the kitchen, but Mom is already mid-stride just in front of the door. I have to cool my heels to not run into her.
Mom opens the door and there, standing with his hands in his pockets is Hayden.
“Hi, is Roxie home?” he says.
My mom sticks her head outside. The rain’s pouring harder now. I can actually hear it hit the windows.
“Sure. Did you ride your bike?”
“Ah, yeah,” he says.
“Well get inside, you must be freezing,” Mom says.
But guys never really are. He takes two steps inside sort of hugging the wall next to the front door.
I can’t believe it. Hayden, here at my house. He was so not even in the realm of being friends with me way back when I was twelve and now, he rides to my house in the rain and rings my doorbell. I have to call Ally. Like immediately.
I walk into the hallway and Hayden smiles at me but doesn’t say anything. My mom shuts the door and gives Hayden a big smile back. “You want to stay for dinner?” She asks, a spatula still in her hand. Her apron tied around her waist.
“No Mrs. O’Grady, I’ll just be a second,” Hayden says. He watches her leave. Tracking her. As soon as she gets busy in the kitchen he says, “You can’t go in the attic.”
“Why not?” I say.
“Just trust me. Don’t go up there.”
“Why? Give me one reason. Cause I can think of lots of reasons why I should. And don’t tell me it’s complicated.”
“You’ll never come back,” he says.
“All it took was Mitch and Lola and Brian to open the door. Anyone can open that door and I’ll snap right back. That’s how it worked the night of my party. All I need is someone like you to come in and open the door. It’s easy. I’m just going back for a day. Promise me, on Sunday morning, you’ll open the attic door and bounce me back.”
“No, it’s more complicated than that,” Hayden says.
Great. “What? Why? I know how it works.”
“You can’t go alone.”
“You don’t think I can do it? I’m not popular enough?” I say, having a hard time breathing.
“No, that’s not it, listen the planet isn’t what you think it is. It’s not easy. It’s different for everyone, depending on what you need to find. What you most want. And you know what? You could get stuck there, forever.”
“Really, because I haven’t heard of very many popular people ever disappearing off the face of the planet. It’s usually some loner. Usually somebody who doesn’t have a lot of friends who trusts somebody––oh, like me with you.”
“I’m telling you, don’t go alone.”
“Really? You know, it’s like that with ghosts and séances too. I mean just because dead people talk to you doesn’t mean that they’re smart. What if you get a dumb ghost who tells you things? It’s weird how everyone always assumes that messages from the great beyond are, smart.”
“Really? Totally off-topic. But this isn’t. Don’t mess with this. Don’t mess with the shadow people,” Hayden slaps his hand on his forehead. And winces. “I’m warning you,” he says, super serious.
Shadow people. And for the first time I get a peek at what Hayden will look like at eighteen.
“I have to. It’s life or death. I’m nobody Hayden. I’m one of those girls who always disappear. There’s nothing here to stick around for.”
“Nothing? No one?” he says.
Gulp. And I want to say come with me. But a week ago he never talked to me, a few days ago he ignored me and now I don’t know. I don’t know if I can trust him on this mission, this James T. Kirk Peacock Mission. They all have their secrets and it makes me want some of my own. But I kind of think that maybe he likes the way I roll pretzels too. My left hand gets all tingly in the spots where he held it. “I’m not what I want to be,” I say.
“That’s different,” he says. “What if what you want to be ends up being a big mistake?”
“You sound like Mitch. Like you don’t think I’m smart enough to make up my own mind.”
“Why tomorrow?” he says.
“Because it’s the perfect time.” My whole family will be busy.
“Whatever. I warned you,” and Hayden opens the front door and slips out but not before he looks back at me again like he’s trying to make up his mind about something. I clutch the new red rabbit’s foot I have in my back pocket. I asked Mom to buy it for me. I have a feeling I’ll need more than my pink jeans and yellow polka-dot socks for my epic journey.
“You never told me why you needed me. Why? Why was I the only one who could read the message? You guys only came over to use me. The least you could do is tell me why.”
“Because we didn’t have any other choice,” he said and he closed the door.
Great. I was expecting something epic. Like I am the chosen one. Or, no one else could have found the what-ever-it-is but me. But no. Even his reason is as dodo as I am. The only reason they were friends with me was because they had to be. I’m sick of his games and I’m going to find all the answers I need myself.
Chapter 9
“So you’re not coming over?” Ally says in that pouty way she does when I can’t come over. Which is never.
“Yeah, I’m sick,” I lie.
“You don’t sound sick,” she says and there’s a big gap of silence between us
. “When my mom and I drove by your house on our way back from the store last night I saw Hayden’s bike propped up by your front door. When were you going to tell me about it?”
“I, ah...” didn’t really know what to say. He stayed for like two seconds and left. And I didn’t know how to say that I’ll need to have someone bounce me back from Planet Popular so I don’t get stranded there forever and I want it to be Hayden but he doesn’t even think I can go there and won’t tell me why, like he’s the King of The Peacocks and knows all the rules and a peon like me won’t know anything. And in the span of time I process how dodo I sound to Ally, she says the worst thing she’s ever said to me.
“I know what’s going on. You’re dumping me,” she says.
“No, I’m not.” I cough a couple more times. “I’m really sick.”
“Yeah, well have fun with your popular friends. Have fun abandoning me.” And Ally hangs up. She’s been feeling really insecure about everything especially since we AP’d in the attic. And to help her feel better about herself, AKA to keep her to from starving herself, her parents sort of bribe her.
Anyway, when she gained a pound they bought her a cell phone. And for some reason it’s way worse to know that she just hung up on me on her cell phone because I sort of feel like the next thing she’ll do is post on Facebook about how dodo I really am and then the whole world will know. The. Whole. World. Even people in India. Not that I have a Facebook page. My parents will never let me have one.
And I so want just to ditch everything and run over to Ally’s house and tell her that I’m really not sick, which will make her totally mad at first. And then I’ll explain my plan. That I can’t take being invisible anymore and I’m going to take my shot at being a peacock. The only way I can. By doing what Adrianne failed to do. I’ll go back to the island and discover something the rest of the peacocks don’t know. I’ll explain to Ally that I can’t go through four more years of this kind of torture––being invisible. And she probably won’t be as mad but will still want to talk me out of it, especially after I tell her what Hayden said.
And that’s when I’ll break down and ask her to come with me. She’ll probably laugh when I tell her about Planet Popular. She’ll probably not want to go. She isn’t as into the whole peacock-thing as much as me. But she doesn’t need to be. Her brothers are all super-popular, which makes her way more visible than I’ll ever be to peacocks. I mean she’s Jake and John’s little sister. She’s on the map.
But with two brothers who take turns beating each other out for first place in the Science Fair for six years running, I’m way, way, way...off the freaking peacock map. And I might as well be on a different planet because I’ll never get noticed.
And what is that, exactly? I want to be fawned over, like my mom says. I want to feel like the prettiest girl in the room. I want guys’ gazes to linger. I want to be invited to parties. Not much, really. You know, have more than one friend.
And Ally will totally understand when I tell her. I’m pretty sure anyway. And I don’t know which hurts more, lying to Ally about being sick, or taking her with me and maybe never being able to come back, which, like I say, I’d be totally down for but Ally’s pretty happy most of the time. I know she’ll miss her family and her life here.
And so I don’t run over to Ally’s house. And when my house gets quiet and Mom and Dad are laughing in Dad’s study, I take the steps to the attic three at a time, wearing the pair of new jeans mom got me at the mall and some new light pink lip gloss she got me too. With the bras we’ve been buying she finally gets the message that I’m actually growing up and there’s some things she can’t control. Like me.
I taste a hint of strawberry in the lip gloss as I put my hand on the door knob of the attic door and remember what Hayden said. I might never come back. I take a deep breath and take my hand off the doorknob.
But I know he said that just to scare me off or to protect Adrianne’s popularity or keep me from bouncing to Planet Popular and finding out something super-cool because, like they said at my party, my body never leaves. I’m always right here. Safe. At home. Only I’m at Planet Popular too. I’m in two places at once. Hayden even said so.
So, what could possibly go wrong? Hayden will either walk into the attic on Sunday and I’ll snap back, or he won’t. But somebody will open that door and when they do, I’ll be a peacock.
I take a seat on the very top step and think. I stare through the staircase railing at the worn roof of our mini van.
My head spins. I wonder what I’ll look like when I bounce. I mean I wonder what the me that stays in the attic will look like. I figure I’ll just have my eyes closed. Like I’m sleeping.
And I miss my dog Oso. I want him here. If he was still here with me on this planet none of this would have ever happened in the first place. I fold my arms on top of my knees and put my head down watching a little spider try and walk along the green-carpeted step by my red converse shoes.
Animals love and defend one another. They feel sadness and anger too but there’s never been a war between animal species. They don’t know about greed, envy, and hate. All the things that are sort of by-products of peacocks.
As the spider gets closer to my shoe, I remember Oso, our very, very special dog who charmed everyone. I was a little bit jealous of that part of him. That’s when I first wanted to be popular, like him. Oso, means “Bear” in Spanish.
He did something that no other dog I know of ever did. He never just took a treat from anyone. Even the vet. He was always suspicious of treats. And so Ally and I decided that Oso must have been a great conqueror in another life. A conqueror that had been poisoned by his enemies. A conqueror who would never just take what was given to him.
He died a month before my party. Because I didn’t have anyone to spend all my time with anymore I realized I only had one people-friend, Ally. Animals never let people down the way people do. When I wanted to get a dog right away after Oso died, Mom said no. She said we had to wait an appropriate amount of time first. After a few weeks of loneliness, I knew that I either had to get another dog, or I had to turn into a peacock. Because I just couldn’t take all the silence that was around me. No barking, no playing at the park any more, no watching TV together. I stopped watching TV altogether.
That’s when Dad got concerned because I was taking it kind of hard. Which I did, so anyway, that’s how I know there’s more to animals than fur and bad breath.
The wind blew hard against the garage door and it made spooky-squeaks like the night Brian and I snuck into the garage two Christmases ago.
Mitch had given me this really weird present. We’d gotten into a big discussion about ghosts and how what they say is always treated like they’re freaking Einstein. But I wanted to prove that there were stupid ghosts in the world. And so Mitch, which was probably the most human of him ever, actually gave me this thing called a Ouija Board for Christmas so I could ask the stupid dead people questions and get my answers. It was all scientific really.
But, after I unwrapped it, my Dad took it in his hands and said that I couldn’t play with things I didn’t understand. He said he didn’t want that thing in his house and even took the board over his knee and broke it in two. It totally sucked. It was my suckiest Christmas-moment evah. But it made me start to think about things I didn’t understand.
And it made me want to get that board out of the trash and use it. So I did. Late that night Brian and I picked the board out of the trash and put the pieces back together. I laid them down on the garage floor and Brian dug out the selector thingy. The thing you put your fingers on to let the ghosts talk to you. Brian and I did it together, because you can’t do creepy things alone, in the dark. Not when your dad goes all-ballistic about you never touching it. And I pretty much figured if Brian was there and I got caught it would be much better than if I was alone.
I can still hear our voices in my head.
“I’m not touching it,” Brian said.
I, to this day will never know why he actually agreed to come with me that night. I’m pretty sure it was because he wanted to see my dad kick my butt when he found me.
“Brian, keep the board lit. Hold the flashlight higher,” I said.
He shined it in my eyes. “Better?” he said.
“Funny. No.” He shined the light a little bit lower and all I could see in the dark were my shaking fingers.
My fingertips started tingling. I just let them take over and I closed my eyes most of the way but left them a little bit open like you do when you fake-sleep or like you do when Zombies catch their dinner in Zombie movies. And the selector bounced around the board. It spelled Q-U-E-E-N.
“Queen?” Brian laughed.
I wanted to do it over. Spell it again because Queen didn’t make sense and I felt like I’d been cheated. I expected some dumb ghost to tell me something.
13 on Halloween (Shadow Series #1) Page 10