“You’re a good person, Colton Caldwell.”
He jerked up his head, his expression soaked in turmoil.
“You are.” I put more emphasis behind that statement.
He shrugged out of my hold, padded over to the cluster of rocks, and sat.
I dropped my bag. “Colton, what is it?” He needed to let go of whatever demon had its claws into him. I’d learned that from my therapist after Mom died.
I knelt in front of him, my knees digging into sharp pebbles, but I didn’t care. “Your dad?”
He leaned his elbows on his thighs, his hair cocooning his face. “I can’t talk about it.”
“You can tell me, Colton,” I said softly. “Get it off your chest. I promise what you say stays between us.” Maybe he was worried I would tell Georgia and Mia. I tucked his hair behind his ear. “Colton.” I tapped on his chin. “Look at me, please.”
When he did, I wasn’t prepared to see tears in his eyes. My heart bloomed and hurt at the same time. I felt honored that he was comfortable enough to show me his true feelings and also gutted that whatever was plaguing him was tearing him apart.
Georgia’s advice was a soft cadence in my head. “Let the silence direct you. Let the space between you and him speak louder than words ever could. He needs a friend.”
I climbed to my feet and sat next to him, hooking my arm in his. When he was ready, he would tell me, or maybe he wouldn’t. Either way, I was showing him I was there for him no matter what, and regardless of how I felt for him, first and foremost, I wanted to be his friend.
His shoulders shook, and I rubbed his back up, then down in what I hoped was a soothing kind of way.
He sighed, the frustration coming out in a long, audible sound. “I killed my brother, Skyler.”
21
My hand stopped midway up his back. I was afraid to ask him to repeat those words, yet not sure I really heard him.
“I killed my brother.” That time, he spoke louder.
“No, you didn’t.” I didn’t believe it for a minute. The sea was unpredictable.
He cried a little harder. “I did. I sure as fuck did.”
I resumed rubbing his back, and that time, the motion of my hand was more for me than for him as my brain scrambled to find the right words to say. I was going out on a limb. “Your dad blames you.” It wasn’t a question but a revelation for me. The reason why his dad beat him. The reason why his dad drank. Maybe even the reason why his parents had shipped him off to private school.
His head moved up and down.
“Tell me about Josh,” I said quietly.
He pushed off the rocks, gripping the back of his opposite arm, looking at the water. “He was the best brother I could have. He loved surfing, skateboarding, sports in general.”
“He was younger than you, right?” I remembered the dates on his headstone.
Colton dropped down on the sand and hugged his knees to his chest. “Yeah, by two years, yet he thought he was the older brother.”
I snuggled up next to him. “He liked skateboarding, huh? Sounds like my kind of guy.”
His gaze drifted out to sea, grinning, no doubt thinking of Josh. “I hate the water now. I haven’t surfed since that fatal day. I replay the scene over and over and over. I haven’t been able to sleep through the night since his death. I live his death every goddamned day. And now that I’m home, I’m reminded of how much of a fuck-up I really am.”
I slid my hand under his arm to rest on his inner thigh. “It wasn’t your fault.”
His biceps bunched. “It was, Skyler. I was supposed to watch him. I was supposed to make sure he was safe. What did I do? I fell asleep on the fucking blanket while my brother was drowning.”
I swallowed thickly, tears ready to spill.
Growing up in a beach town, I knew locals didn’t surf where the public did, and that meant no lifeguards.
As if Colton knew what I was thinking, he continued. “We were down three miles that way.” He pointed to another private beach area where another row of mansions resided. “The waves were better, bigger. Josh wanted to surf so bad that day. I didn’t. I’d been tired from a week of hell at football practice. My mom begged me to take him. So I did. I surfed with him for a bit. Then my legs were burning, and I was spent.” He paused, tears pooling in his eyes. Then he licked his lips. “We both came in, although he protested. At thirteen, he had more energy than the Energizer Bunny. We ate sandwiches Mom had packed for us that day. Then I laid on my towel. Told Josh to stay put. Since we had just eaten, we both needed to rest before going back in.” A lone tear cascaded down his cheek. “I don’t know what made me wake up. I think it was the thunder rolling in. But when I did, the sky was dark, the waves were higher than normal, and I couldn’t find Josh anywhere. He was a pretty good surfer and knew how to swim, of course, but no amount of expertise can save you from the power of the ocean. Funny how Mother Nature takes a turn on a dime and life changes instantly.”
I blinked away my own tears.
He sucked his lips in. “I dove in the water, not even thinking straight. I swam and swam and swam. But it got me nowhere with the way the ocean was tossing and turning. I almost drowned, myself.”
I swallowed a bucket of emotions, trying not to cry my eyes out. As he was telling me the story, I could picture the ocean, the waves, the storm clouds. I’d seen many days like that while sitting on the beach, and I knew how quickly the weather could change.
“Anyway,” he said, “it’s a day I want to take back. I want to try again.” His body trembled. “I’ll never get that chance.” He turned so fast, I didn’t have time to track him. “Please, Skyler, don’t ever drink and walk into the ocean. When you did that night at Grady’s party, I lost my shit. Then today. I hadn’t been that frightened since Josh’s death.”
I gasped. “I’m sorry, Colton.” I threw myself at him. “I’m so sorry, for Josh, for you, for causing you to relive a terrible incident.” Nausea settled in my throat.
He opened his arms, his legs, and when I was holding him as tightly as I could, I cried for him, for me, for my stupidity, for Josh, for Mom, and even for Dad. No amount of words could heal, but as Dad always said, “Hugs are the medicine everyone needs.”
So with all my strength, I locked my arms around him, and I wasn’t letting go.
“Skyler.” Colton’s sexy drawl tickled my ear as he rubbed my back.
Funny how the roles had reversed, and I was the one who was emotional and shedding tear after tear.
Sniffling, I adjusted myself so I was sitting cross-legged between his legs.
He swiped fingers over one side of my face, taking with it a lone tear. “I’m leaving town, Skyler.”
My eyebrows drew down, the air leaving my lungs on a gush. “Why?” He couldn’t leave. “Are your parents sending you back to the academy?” Oh God. Please say no. Please don’t leave.
“No, but I’m going to stay with a friend from the academy who lives in Virginia.”
Panic clutched me like a vise, a crushing force that was stealing more and more air, making it harder to breathe. It was none of my business. But does he mean girlfriend? Is that the reason he won’t kiss me? Is that the reason he couldn’t lose control with me?
“What about school?” An earthquake rocked through the question.
He entwined his hand with mine like he knew I needed comfort. “I can get my GED online.”
“Football?” My voice began to wobble. I needed to come up with something, anything, to convince him to stay. I was beginning to realize I needed him. He was the one who kept my mind from wandering down a dark lane with no future. He was the one who had a way of massaging my heart when it was about to break over Dad.
“I’m only playing to fill my time, and to do anything other than be home.”
“Stay at my house.” That came out desperate. We didn’t have an extra bedroom, but we had a couch, and he could even share my bed. Dad would have a cow. Nan probably wouldn’t allo
w it, but I didn’t care. “Seriously. You can’t leave, Colton.” You can’t leave me. We are just getting to know one another. I scooted as close to him as I could, inhaling the salt and sweat that intoxicated me because it was pure Colton. “Please consider my offer.” I wasn’t above begging.
The corners of his mouth tipped up as he leaned in, his lips an inch from mine. “Where would I sleep?” His eyes darkened.
Worrying my bottom lip, I looked down, and when I did, I gulped. The bulge in his swim trunks was a sight to behold. I blinked just to make sure I wasn’t imagining things. Nope, not at all.
A fire burned low in my belly, sparking flames to my core. At that moment, I wanted nothing more than to lose my virginity. No one was around. The home behind Colton was empty.
We didn’t say anything for long seconds, minutes, or maybe hours. I lost track of time, lost track of reality.
“Make the first move,” Mia or Georgia had said. I couldn’t even think straight. Regardless, I had to take a chance. If he was leaving town, who knew when he would return. I might never get another chance to be with Colton Caldwell.
My fingertips glided up his bare chest, tracing every dip and valley along the way. When I finally reached the base of his neck, his Adam’s apple bobbed. I stole a look upward to his lush, thick lips, then farther until our gazes collided, and I sucked in salt air.
His brown eyes were darker than a storm cloud. His chest rose and fell.
The saying “go big or go home” was a faint whisper in the back of my head.
So I went big and crashed my mouth to his.
He stilled, not moving, not reacting, not opening his mouth for me.
I pushed down the hurt and was about to get up until he grasped my hips, and one second later I was straddling him.
He studied me, one beat passing, then five or maybe ten. So I tried again, only this time, I gently pressed my lips to his, silently pleading that he wanted me as much as I wanted him. In a flash, his tongue dove into my mouth, aggressive, possessive, and wild with need.
I squealed and moaned, tasting salt and him.
I was floating, soaring, flying like I’d been set free from the cage I’d been in for so long.
Mom had told me once that Dad had been the love of her life. She said I would know mine when he made my stomach flutter, made my spirit tingle, and when he gave me that feeling that he was the only one for me.
I believed Colton was that person. I believed that he was the one I wanted to be with forever.
My hands clutched his shoulders as my tongue knotted with his.
He groaned, a sound drenched in a torrent of emotions, making me lightheaded.
With one flexed move, I was lying on my back, and he was on top, hovering over me, hands buried on either side of my head.
I whimpered at the loss of his mouth on mine.
His hair tumbled forward, creating our own private hideaway. “You’re beautiful, Skyler. So fucking beautiful.”
I latched onto his biceps and my belly pitched and rolled from his words and the emotions dripping from them. “Don’t leave,” I begged, sticking out my bottom lip.
He kissed my nose, my eyes, my forehead. “I have to.” His voice sounded sad. “I need to breathe. I can’t do that living at home.”
I nibbled on his bottom lip. “Shh.” Then my hands were on the move until I grazed the backs of my fingers over his erection.
He growled, his eyes rolling back in his head.
I started to untie his swim trunks.
He let out an exaggerated sigh. “We can’t,” he said painfully.
I couldn’t take no for an answer. It might be my only shot with him. “I want to.” I had to sate the intense ache I had, which was becoming more than I could handle. I needed relief. I needed to explode. I needed him so fucking bad.
My pulse pounded in my ears as an obvious war raged in his head, his breathing still labored, his eyes darting back and forth over my face.
I held his gaze, managing to untie his swim trunks, but then I stilled. We couldn’t have sex. I didn’t have a condom. I was ninety-nine percent sure he didn’t, either, and I wasn’t on the pill. As much as my body was steering the ship, I had to be responsible.
He saw my resignation and crawled off me, roughing his fingers through his hair. I couldn’t tell if he was relieved or disappointed.
I went with the former and sat up, brushing sand off me.
“We should go,” he said. “I have to get my bag from Grady’s.”
“Colton,” I said softly. “Will you come back? I mean, are you leaving for good?”
“I don’t know. If my old man continues to be a dick, then I will probably stay away for a while.”
“Have you talked to him?”
“He’s always got a drink in his hand. Besides, what’s the point? He’ll never forgive me. I’m not sure I can forgive myself.”
“At least your dad isn’t dying.” I swallowed air and held my breath. Where did that come from? “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound like a bitch.”
His grin was galvanizing. “You could never be a bitch.”
I half-smiled. “Have you seen Grady and me spar? For real. I have claws.”
He laughed. “He tells me you and he butt heads a lot. But he thinks you’re cool.”
I choked. “No way. Was he drunk? Did he tell you why we hate each other?”
“Some kiss in elementary school. He said you started the rumors that made him hide in corners.”
I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes. I was blown away that Grady would even tell anyone about that. Grady was too proud to show his embarrassment.
“He’s a good guy,” Colton added. “I see how he can be an ass, but he has a big heart.”
I was slowly coming around to see a different, good side to Grady. But if he hurt Mia in any way, I would definitely break his QB arm.
Colton pushed to his feet and extended his hand. “Come on, baby doll. I need to change your oil.”
I accepted his hand, blushing at his pet name for me. “Among other things.” I wagged my eyebrows, hoping he caught the underlying message as I collected my bag.
He nodded my way, giving me the most brilliant smile I had yet to see on him. “For sure.”
Another blush washed over me, and I swore I didn’t need to have sex with him. The way he looked at me with so much want in his eyes, I could have an orgasm right there.
Out of nowhere, he plastered on a serious expression. “I want you to know something. I don’t sleep around, Skyler. And while I’m dying to feel what it’s like to be inside you, I’m not ready. My head isn’t ready.”
My jaw plummeted to my feet at the honesty in his voice and at the sheer strength he had to exert when his erection, which hadn’t gone down, was still so glaringly evident.
He stood toe-to-toe with me. “You deserve someone who is all in.”
I shuddered from equal parts disappointment and excitement. In one breath, I wanted to cry. I wanted to beg him for so much. But I understood he had to sort out the mess at home. In the next, he wasn’t telling me he didn’t want me, and that meant there was hope for us. I clung to that hope, and the idea that one day our paths would meet again.
Then something hit me. “Amanda Gelling,” I said. She’d bragged that she’d screwed Colton five times.
“I’m not interested in her, Skyler, and no, I didn’t sleep with her. I know she told you we did, but she was just getting under your skin. We did kiss, and she didn’t do it for me.” His tone was resolute.
I believed him. He wasn’t trying to get in my pants, and he didn’t seem like a person who lied, either. “When are you leaving, Colton?”
He looked out to sea, seemingly reflecting on the past or maybe the future. “Next weekend.”
Pouting, I followed his line of sight, zeroing in on the whitecaps that crested over the tops of waves. “A storm is coming in,” I said mostly to myself, hoping to quell the sadness that was seeping in.
He reached out and took my hand. “Thank you, Skyler, for listening. For being there for me.” He sounded like it was the last time I would see him.
I staved off tears and squeezed his hand. I wasn’t going to cry. I wasn’t going to break down. Not yet, anyway. I had a week to try to convince him to stay.
I prayed that I could.
22
The next morning, tears slid down Georgia’s face as she hugged Dad. “You’re a great man, Mr. Lawson, and so undeserving of this. Please know I love you with all my heart.”
I held back tears as I stood at the end of Dad’s bed. I loved my BFF more in that moment than ever before. She was more than a friend. She was the sister I’d never had.
Georgia sniffled as heels clicked on the hardwood, the sound echoing in the hall before Nan waltzed in.
Dad’s face lit up as if Nan had come to save him. But I knew Dad adored her. In another life, I had no doubt Dad would’ve asked her out. She wasn’t Mom, but she was just as pretty. Her dark hair was coiled in a sleek bun, her crisp white blouse hung over her blue pencil skirt, and her tan-and-blue heels made her legs look longer than her five-foot-three-inch height.
With a smile all for my dad, she said, “Morning. How is everyone?”
Georgia dabbed the underside of her eyes, careful not to ruin her mascara. “You look fantastic, Nan. I’m used to seeing you in your scrubs.”
Nan blushed. “Why thank you, Georgia.”
“How was Sunday mass?” I asked Nan. She didn’t take much time off, except for church and a few hours here and there to run errands. On those days, I stayed with Dad.
“The priest gave a great sermon this morning,” she said. “You two”—she wagged a finger at Georgia and me—“should accompany me one Sunday. Well, one of you, anyway. The other would have to stay with your father.”
Georgia raised her hand. “Take Skyler. I’ll stay with Dad.”
I wasn’t opposed to going with her. My parents believed in God, as did I, but they hardly went to church. I could only remember a few times when we’d gone to Sunday mass, and that was when I’d been in elementary school.
Crazy For You Page 14