“I quit football.”
I shouldn’t have been surprised. He’d said he was only playing so he wouldn’t be home as much. Yet my body felt chilled. “You’re leaving earlier than you planned?”
The sadness in his eyes said it all. “I am. I came to say goodbye.”
I was grateful that he was showing some emotion rather than a deadpan expression. In fact, upon further scrutiny, he seemed as though the weight of the world he’d been carrying had fallen away. The pain in his eyes, so evident on Saturday, was no longer swimming in his depths.
Another tear escaped. “To me or to Grady?”
“I didn’t want to leave without seeing you first. Mia told me earlier you would be here. She also gave me your number, but I got your voicemail.”
“I forgot my phone at home.”
Colton closed the tiny distance between us. “Skye, thank you for Saturday and for listening, and thank you for the mind-blowing kiss. That, I’ll never forget.”
I had so much to say, but jealousy took possession of my tongue. “I’m sure you told Amanda that too.”
He answered by growling before his mouth landed on mine, his tongue trying to break the barrier that I had sealed up tightly. He tugged me to him. “Open.” His tone was possessive, demanding, and downright painful, as if he would die if I didn’t do as he ordered.
The sound of my skateboard hitting the ground boomed, or maybe it was my heart ramming against my ribs.
I shook my head. “No. I don’t move in on other girls’ boyfriends.”
“Damn it, Skye. I told you, I’m not into Amanda.”
“Then why were you at her house last night?”
He stiffened before he let go of me. “Did you follow me?” He grabbed the back of his neck, guilt written all over his handsome face.
“I might be a lot of things, Colton, but I’m not a stalker.” Or maybe there was some truth to that. I was always looking out my window since he’d returned from private school. “I heard some girls talking today.”
As if he knew who the girls were, the skin around his eyes relaxed. “I needed to apologize to Amanda. I’ve been an ass to her, and I realized after talking with my parents yesterday that I had to stop making everyone’s life around me miserable. I led Amanda on, and that isn’t me.”
Admirable. “Are you leading me on?” I had to ask even though a large part of me knew he wasn’t, or I wanted to believe he wasn’t, toying with my emotions.
He grasped my arms. “Never. I like you. I can’t get you out of my head. Please understand that I need time.” His voice was gentle, his plea desperate.
My chest pitched and rolled. I didn’t know how to respond.
He rubbed his nose against mine. “Please understand.”
My pulse was racing like a horse at the Kentucky Derby. Maybe hope existed for him and me. Hope that he would return. Hope that I would see him again. I frowned as we stood in the quiet parking lot overlooking the football field below.
“Awkward” came to mind. I should have walked away, but I couldn’t bring myself to say goodbye.
“You’re cute when you pout,” he finally said. “And you’re making it extremely hard for me to leave.”
I did an imaginary fist pump. “Did you think I would make it easy?”
He nibbled on my lip. “I guess not. Kiss me?”
“On one condition,” I said through a giggle.
He wrapped his big, muscled arm around my waist. “Anything.”
“Text or call me every day.” That was the only way I wouldn’t go out of my mind.
He stole my breath when he mashed his mouth to mine. His answer was steeped in so much emotion, I was certain I would falter.
I should go ran through my brain. It will be fifty times harder to say goodbye. But I didn’t care. He needed to know how I felt. So I gave him everything I had, practically climbing his body. If anyone were watching us, they had front-row seats to a steamy show.
I didn’t know how long we locked lips, but when he broke away, I whimpered, and when he marched over to his truck, the little air remaining in my lungs dissipated.
Then something dawned on me. “Your control. It’s about to snap?”
He barely nodded as he opened the door to his truck. “I’ll give you a ride.”
As much as I wanted to get in that truck with him, I couldn’t. We were only putting off the inevitable. And once I got in, it would take the jaws of life to pull me out.
So I collected my skateboard. “It’s best if we say goodbye now.”
He briefly closed his eyes, struggling with the gravity of what was happening. I was too.
On shaky legs, I walked up to him. A rush of emotions blazed through me as he drank me in. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was falling hard and fast. Maybe I’d already fallen for him. I didn’t know what love felt like. All I knew was I couldn’t get him out of my head. Every waking minute since he’d returned, I thought about him, and he was taking my heart with him as he left.
He didn’t say a word and didn’t have to. The look in his eyes said it all. He didn’t want to leave. I sure as hell didn’t want him to, either.
“Stay.” I had to try one last time.
His grin was crestfallen. “I would, baby, if my old man agreed to get help for his drinking, or even stopped blaming me for Josh’s death. I have to find a way to get past my guilt and the pain crushing me. I can’t do that if my old man continually reminds me how it was my fault Josh drowned.”
I seriously disliked his father. “What about school?” We had laws about how many days a student could miss without any ramifications.
“I dropped out today. I turned eighteen last week.”
I rubbed his chest, the act keeping my tears at bay. “Happy belated birthday.” I was surprised Grady hadn’t thrown a party for him. But Colton probably hadn’t mentioned his birthday to anyone. “Remember, call or text me. If not, I might have to hunt you down.” I lifted onto my toes and gave him a chaste peck on the lips.
Then I pivoted on my heel. I was a nanosecond away from flipping on the waterworks. I hated goodbyes, though it seemed the norm for me.
He grabbed me, spun me around, and crashed his mouth to mine.
I gave in, allowing him to take what he needed, my body trembling, tears spilling, and heart breaking.
When we came up for air, his soft lips glided along my jaw until he was nibbling on my ear. “I like you a lot, Skyler. Don’t ever forget that.”
I stiffened. Not because of his admission, but he sounded as if I would never see him again, and suddenly my mouth was ten miles ahead of my brain. “I think I’m in love with you.”
He tensed.
Oh my God! I just messed up.
His breathing grew heavy. “I need to get on the road.”
And I needed to bury my head in the sand. I eased out of his embrace.
He stared at me like he didn’t know me all of a sudden.
I wasn’t sure I knew myself, either.
However, it was clear by his shock that he wasn’t ready to hear how I felt. I wasn’t sure I was, either.
I stabbed a thumb behind me. “I better go.”
He opened his mouth to speak, but I raised my hand. “Don’t.” I didn’t want an excuse or a cold response, and if he did feel the same way, I didn’t want to hear it when he was driving out of town.
I jumped on my skateboard and rode hard and fast out of the school lot.
25
I coasted around the cemetery, the only place where I could think clearly. I scolded myself the entire way there for opening my big mouth and telling Colton how I felt.
I screamed at the top of my lungs. Good thing no one was around, which was the reason I chose that place.
A strong scent of freshly cut grass wafted on the late-afternoon air. The sky was drenched in orange and red as the sun slid down on the horizon in the distance. I was headed toward Mom’s grave when I passed Josh’s headstone.
I b
acktracked and jumped off my board, leaving it on the pavement. I wanted to say a quick prayer, something I hadn’t had a chance to do when Colton and I were there the other day.
As my Vans dug into the soft earth, a sudden wave of dizziness washed over me. I wavered for a second as I held my stomach. Whoa! I was ready to puke.
I lowered myself to my knees, closing my eyes and willing the queasiness to go away. I inhaled and exhaled, realizing I hadn’t eaten anything that day. I kept rocking back and forth, tamping down the nausea that was ready to rush out when the whir of an engine tickled my eardrums.
The sound grew louder as the nausea increased. Any second, I was about to puke. Then the engine died, and someone called my name.
For a beat, the nausea settled. What is Colton doing here? He must’ve followed me.
He called my name more loudly. “Skyler!” Concern—like, a ton of it—dripped in his tone.
My mind scrambled to process why he would be so upset or worried. Surely, the word “love” hadn’t made him agitated enough to hunt me down… unless he wanted to tell me he felt the same way. If that were the case, I would expect a different emotion. Maybe happiness.
I blew out a breath as I wobbled upright, dizziness washing over me. Maybe it was Colton’s presence. He stood inches from me, looking like something that authors described in romance novels. A Greek god. Lips that tempted women into sin. Muscles that bulged with strength and purpose, and eyes that rendered me tongue-tied. He drilled his smooth gaze into me as though he wanted to taste me, tempt me, and devour me.
He caught me before I had a chance to fall. My knight in shining armor. He was always saving me.
He searched my face. “You look pale.”
I was sure I was, given how sick my stomach felt and not the fact I was swooning over a guy I was hopelessly in love with.
I gripped his belt in an attempt to keep myself from passing out. The combo of his presence and my sour stomach were becoming too much for me to stay on my feet. “I’m feeling a little sick. I haven’t eaten today.” I craned my neck upward. That small act clouded my vision. “What are you doing here? You followed me?”
One of his shoulders lifted. “I kind of did, then lost you until I spotted you turning on Taylor Road. I’ve got protein bars in the truck. Come on. We need to get moving. My mom called when I was trying to catch up to you. It’s your dad.”
If I was pale before, I turned white as a ghost, afraid to ask the tough question, afraid that if he said my dad was dead, I would bury myself in that cemetery right then with Mom.
“We need to get to the hospital.”
No. No. No. My entire body trembled like a ten on the Richter scale. “Please tell me he’s okay.” I clutched my chest. A stabbing pain so severe was cutting off my circulation and my ability to breathe.
His tender touch on my cheek said it all as he gave a pitiful look. “I don’t know, baby doll. Can you walk okay?”
I didn’t know if it was “baby doll” or “walk,” but a sudden adrenaline boost kicked my legs into gear. Within a second, I was running like a wild horse through the cemetery.
Colton’s heavy footsteps pounded behind me. He threw my board into the back of his truck, the sound exploding like a flash bang. After we were strapped in, he peeled out and sped through town as if rushing to a crime scene.
Please, please, let Dad be alive. I repeated that mantra over and over as buildings, store fronts, and homes blipped in my peripheral vision.
He handed me a protein bar, but I refused. Any ounce of food would come back up. I bounced my knee to keep me from jumping out and running faster than Colton was driving. Red lights stopped us at every corner, and slow cars in front of us were making me want to yell at them to get out of the way.
Finally, after what seemed like eons, Colton screeched to a halt outside the emergency room entrance. I darted out and into the hospital like a crazy woman on steroids.
I sprinted up to the information desk manned by a gray-haired woman. “Randall Lawson. I’m his daughter.”
Colton came up behind me, grabbing my hand. “He was brought in about an hour ago.” Colton’s placid tone did nothing to soothe the nerves that were making me chew one nail after the other.
The woman typed as she concentrated on her computer screen. Time stood still. My heart was ready to stop at a moment’s notice. I’d known this day would come. I was hoping it wouldn’t be so soon, though.
“Yes,” the gray-haired lady said, shattering the cloud hanging over me. “You’ll have to wait for a nurse to escort you.”
I dashed over to the double doors and pulled on the handle, only to find them locked. I banged on the door, tears spilling faster than I could wipe them. Dad couldn’t die yet. I had to say goodbye. I had to look into his eyes and tell him I loved him and not to worry about me. I had to tell him I was in love with Colton, and I needed to thank Dad for being the best father on the planet.
A waterfall of tears poured out like a hard rain.
Colton wrapped his arms around me from behind, and he nuzzled my neck. “I’m here for you. Lean on me.”
I wanted to ask him what about leaving town, but I was selfish and wanted him to stay. No, I needed him to stay. I needed him like I’d never needed anyone before. I was afraid that if he let go, I would disintegrate.
I spun around and buried my face in his chest. “He can’t die, Colton. He just can’t.”
He smoothed a hand over my hair. “What’s Nan’s number? I’ll call her. She can come out to get you.”
“I don’t know. It’s programmed in my phone.” Which I didn’t have. I silently kicked myself. I could’ve been there before now.
Colton managed to return to the gray-haired woman without letting go of me. “Can you page Nan…” He glanced down at me. “Last name?”
“Winston,” I said. “Nan Winston.”
While the woman paged Nan, Colton guided me to a chair that faced the emergency room doors.
I bounced one knee, then the other, gnawing on nail after nail.
A middle-aged woman in a wheelchair rolled by. A child cried somewhere behind me. A drone of hushed voices peppered the room.
Colton pried my fingers from my mouth and held my hand in his lap. “I want to say he’ll be okay,” he started. “I want to say so many things. But I know it’s not the time. Just know I’m not leaving until I know you’re okay.”
Sadly, I didn’t think I would ever be okay if Nan had bad news. Sure, I knew the outlook of Dad’s plight. But that didn’t make me feel better or make things easier.
I leaned my head on his shoulder as I fixated on the doors, impatiently waiting for a nurse or even Nan to emerge, trying not to think the worst, but I couldn’t stop. Dad had ALS. From the day he’d told me he’d been diagnosed with the disease, I’d been wishing and praying for a miracle. Hell, I still was. To distract myself, I asked, “Why did you follow me?”
“I felt we didn’t quite finish our goodbye.”
I cried softly, holding him like he was my lifeline. He was. He had to be. I had no one else who would comfort me like he could. I felt safe in his arms, and he’d been through the death of his brother, so he knew what it felt like to lose someone.
I was sure Georgia would be there for me, but it wasn’t the same as someone who had experienced the grief and suffering I was about to go through.
Nan ran out, looking wrecked. Her hair was disheveled, her eyes were red, and her skin was ashen.
I couldn’t move. I couldn’t breathe. Dad had died. I was sure of it.
Nan held out her arms as I shook my head furiously, refusing to move, to believe Dad was gone. I hadn’t said a proper goodbye.
Colton helped me to stand. “I got you, baby doll.”
My head never stopped moving back and forth as Nan drew close, lowering her arms. Tears dropped down her cheeks, and with each one, I cried harder. “Please tell me he’s alive.” I could barely hear myself talk.
Her bottom lip wobb
led. “He is, but things don’t look so good. Your dad has a high fever, and he’s in and out of consciousness. They’re pumping fluids and meds into him now.”
I sagged against Colton, who squeezed me to him. “Dad’s alive.” For a mere second, hope bloomed like a spring flower.
Colton traded places with Nan. “We’ll get through this. Let’s go see him.”
A male nurse opened the doors as we approached.
“Can I have a second?” I asked Nan. Without waiting for her response, I ran to Colton and hugged him. “Thank you. Thank you for following me. Thank you for being here. You always seem to be saving me in some way or another.”
He held me tightly to him. “I didn’t save you. You’ve saved me, Skyler Lawson.”
Tilting my head up, I scrunched my face. “How?” A one-word question that would probably take longer than a second to answer. Still, I had to know.
“We’ll talk when you have more time. Go see your dad.” He flicked his chin at Nan.
“Aren’t you leaving?” I asked Colton.
“Skyler.” Nan’s tone was urgent.
Colton pecked me on the lips. “I’ll call you.” Then he gave me a little shove. “Your dad needs you.”
I couldn’t protest. Dad was the most important person in my life, but Colton was becoming a close second. “You promise you’ll call?”
His head dipped once as he gave me a blinding grin.
My stomach did a few flips, but quickly soured when I entered the hub of the emergency room.
26
The fluorescent lighting overhead blinded me as I approached Dad’s glass-walled room. My pulse thundered in my ears as I chewed on my nails. Before long, I would start on my fingers. Nan was right beside me as Isaac, a nurse who had kind brown eyes and a warm smile, walked in.
An astringent odor tickled my nostrils, and that sour stomach I’d had at the cemetery had only intensified.
Nan cupped my elbow. “I’m right here.”
I glanced into Dad’s room, and the tears were endless. My heart literally hurt. I shook my head. “I can’t.”
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