Protector Daddy

by Roberts, Laylah

  “Good question,” Spike said. “Dunno. But not sure I believe in coincidences.”

  She swallowed heavily.

  “Nobody else got hurt?”

  “Just you, baby doll. Because I wasn’t fucking close enough or fast enough.”

  “It’s not your fault, Spike. You were only a few feet away from me. I’m so glad you didn’t get shot.”

  He scowled. “Better me than you. Fuck, I thought I was gonna lose you.”

  And what would you have done then?

  He tried to tell himself that he was just feeling guilty that she got hurt while under his protection. But it wasn’t as simple as that.

  “There was so much blood. The ambulance seemed to take forever. You passed out. I was worried I’d hurt you even more by tackling you.”

  “Spike, I’m okay.” She reached out for his hand with her good one. “I’m alive. It’s just my shoulder.”

  “Just your shoulder? Baby, they had to operate to reconstruct it. You don’t know how much damage a bullet can do.”

  “I’m alive. You’re alive. Nobody else is hurt. Things are okay.”

  He stared at her for a long moment. Then he shook his head. She amazed him. Here she was, injured, in the hospital, trying to comfort him.

  Her eyes started to drift closed. Poor baby. She was exhausted.

  “Sleep, baby.”

  “Mr. Fluffy?”

  “He’s with Ink and Betsy.”

  “He’ll be missing me,” she murmured. “Did they take his favorite toy?”

  “I told them to grab it.”

  “And his clothes?”

  “Yes,” he growled, even though he knew Ink was going to give him shit for that. Fuck his life.

  “Good,” she sighed.

  Spike watched her drift off to sleep.

  Fuck.

  He was so messed up. He needed sleep, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to. He needed to guard her. Watch over her. Make sure nothing bad ever happened to her again.

  And what about when she leaves?

  Panic flooded him again. He couldn’t let her go. Couldn’t let her leave him.

  Shit. Closing his eyes, he saw Jacqui’s face. Heard her pleas. Then her face morphed into Millie’s.

  It was Millie begging him to save her.

  He couldn’t keep her fucking safe. Just look what had happened to her on his watch.

  She’d been fucking shot!

  And yet what was the alternative? Letting her go?

  Not happening. Mine.

  The door to the hospital room opened and he shot up, on the defensive.

  Hack raised his hands. “Easy, man. Just here to check on our little patient. Rachel said she woke up.”

  “That rude nurse?”

  Hack raised his eyebrows. “I see you’ve met her.”

  “She’s sleeping again.”

  “That’s good. She needs lots of sleep to help heal.” Hack turned to him. “You look like you could use some sleep yourself.”

  “I’m fine.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “I said I’m fucking fine.”

  “And in a better mood than usual, I see,” Hack said cheerfully.

  Spike just grunted. So he didn’t smile all the time like Hack did. So what?

  “She’s going to require quite a bit of care when she leaves,” Hack told him. “Do you know if she has any family who can care for her?”

  Anger filled Spike. “I’m going to look after her.”

  “You are? I’m talking about around the clock care.”

  “I can take care of her.”

  “She must mean a lot to you then.”

  “Stop fucking poking your nose into my business,” Spike snarled.

  “Why don’t you go home, get some real sleep. I’ll call Ink, he can drive you. You’ll be no good to anyone if you collapse.”

  Fuck. He was so annoying. There was no way he was leaving her.

  But maybe that’s why you should. Distance. You need some sleep to get some perspective.

  “I’ll stay the night,” Hack promised. “One of Ink’s guys is just outside. Nothing will happen to her. And I think the nurses are about one encounter away from calling security on you.”

  “No. I need to stay.”

  “Spike, unless you get some sleep, I’m not releasing her to you.”

  “What?” he growled. He couldn’t fucking do that!

  Hack stared back at him calmly. “Go home. Ink should be here any minute.”

  “You already called him.”

  “Yep. I did. Because you need to rest. If you don’t go, I’ll call security and have you hauled out of here.”

  “You fucking bastard.”

  “I’ll watch over her. And you’re no good to her if you get sick.”

  “You won’t leave her.”

  “I promise.”

  He ground his teeth together. He didn’t want to leave. But maybe he had to. In order to get his head on straight.

  “Fine. Fuck. I’ll go. But if anything happens to her, I’ll rip out your insides and spread them from one end of the city to the other.”

  “You always say the nicest things.”

  * * *

  As soon as he stepped into the house, he knew he’d made the wrong decision.

  He stomped up the stairs to his bedroom. Their bedroom. It smelled like her. Bubblegum.

  Fuck. He stripped and showered. Before getting into bed, he opened the window to let some air in. He was so fucking tired the room spun.

  Yet he knew he wouldn’t sleep.

  The house was so fucking quiet. So fucking cold.

  How had he not noticed that she’d filled the house with warmth? With laughter. With her singing. Dancing. Talking to that damn dog.

  He’d nearly lost her.

  What was he doing? How had he ever thought he could say goodbye to her?

  He couldn’t.

  Fuck. He couldn’t.

  Because he fucking loved her.

  Christ. She’d wormed her way into his heart with her unfailing generosity. Her spirit. Her never say die attitude. No matter what was thrown at her, she bounced up and came back swinging.

  “Jacqui, baby, I’m sorry.”

  A warm breeze suddenly drifted through the open window. Tears rose in his eyes as he stared out the window at the stars. Could have been coincidence. Or his lack of sleep.

  But he swore he almost felt Jacqui touch him. Smile. Give her blessing.

  He knew that Millie had been holding back some things. So had he. The time for playing things safe was gone. He ran his hand over his face.

  The only question was, how did he hold onto her? How did he keep her safe? How could he balance his need to protect her with still letting her breathe?

  He couldn’t lie to himself. He knew he’d want to lock her up, keep her away from everyone who threatened her. Especially after what just happened.

  But Millie wasn’t the type to be locked away for her own good.

  She actually liked people.

  He grimaced.

  He’d have to find some sort of compromise. All he knew was that he wasn’t letting her go. And with that decision made, he finally gave in to exhaustion.

  32

  Millie help me.

  Help me.

  Why won’t you help me?

  “Millie? Millie, wake up.”

  She opened her eyes on a gasp, looking up into a pair of strangely familiar eyes. They were a deep emerald color. Unusual. Long sooty lashes surrounded them.

  “So pretty. Jealous.”

  “Millie? You all right?” the owner of those pretty eyes asked her. She shied back, groaning as pain lanced her, engulfing her arm and shoulder.

  “Easy, princess. Easy. Don’t hurt yourself,” pretty eyes said. He held his hands up in a placating gesture. He was dressed in a pair of jeans and a button-up flannel shirt.

  “Who are you?”

  “I’m Doctor Anderson.”

  This wa
s Doctor Anderson?

  “No way,” she scoffed. He didn’t look like a doctor with that beard and his casual clothes.

  “I assure you I am. You can call me Hack, though. Or rabbit.”

  “Why would I call you rabbit?”

  “Why indeed.”

  “Rabbit is kind of a strange nickname.” Then again so was Hack. Especially for a doctor. How had he gotten that nickname? And did she really want to know?

  “Tell me, how many rabbits does Mr. Spain actually hit?”

  “Oh, none. He’s a terrible shot.”

  Wait.

  “How did you know about Mr. Spain?” she asked suspiciously. Who was this guy? How did he know about her neighbor shooting rabbits? Or trying to.

  Like she’d said, he wasn’t very good. Just as well since she loved bunnies.

  “You talk in your sleep.”

  “I do not,” she said, outraged. And horrified. What had she said? “Wait, where’s Spike?” The drugs must be messing her up not to have noticed that he wasn’t here. Panic flooded her. Where was he?

  “Millie? Millie, it’s okay. He’ll be here soon.”

  She shook her head. “No. Where is he?”

  “Shit. Calm down, sweetie. It’s okay. He’ll be here soon.”

  Tears dripped down her face. She needed her Daddy. She was alone in a strange place. She was in pain. And sure, maybe the drugs were messing her up a bit, but she was scared.

  “I want him.”

  “Easy, aww sweetie, don’t cry. Hush. Hush. It’s all going to be all right.” Hack awkwardly patted her hand. “Fuck, he’s gonna kill me for letting you get upset.”

  She shook her head. “He doesn’t want me.”

  “Doesn’t want you? Of course he wants you.”

  A sob broke free. “Not like that. Not forever. J-just temporary.”

  “Oh, baby girl, I don’t know what that idiot has been telling you, but he hasn’t left your side the whole time you’ve been here. He wouldn’t have left last night if I hadn’t threatened to have him forcibly removed and told him that I wouldn’t release you to his care unless he got some sleep.”

  “W-what?”

  Hack brushed her hair off her face. “Let me get you a tissue.” He grabbed a tissue then sat on the bed facing her as he carefully wiped her face. Maybe it should have been weird to have a stranger do that for her. But the honest truth was, she just didn’t care at this point.

  “He’s kidding himself if he thinks he doesn’t love you, princess.”

  Before she could say anything, the door opened.

  “What the fuck is going on?” Spike snapped, walking in. “What are you doing? Why is she crying?”

  Hack scrambled off the bed quickly, holding up his hands. “She was upset and I was reassuring her.”

  Spike couldn’t believe it.

  What the fuck was Hack doing sitting on her bed, brushing her hair off her face?

  And she’d been crying?

  “Why the hell is she crying?”

  “Because she missed you for some Godforsaken reason. Maybe the poor girl enjoys having her eardrums blown.” Hack pulled at his ear while Spike sent him a look.

  He walked closer and took Hack’s spot on the bed. “Mine.”

  “I know. Wasn’t trying to steal your girl.”

  He narrowed his gaze at the other man. “Go away.”

  “Well, I do have to get going. See you later for rounds, princess. Good luck with the beast.”

  Spike growled and Hack hastily left. He turned back to Millie, who had her mouth open, gaping at him. “Spike! That was rude. He’s my doctor.”

  “He was hitting on you.”

  “He was not hitting on me.”

  “Sitting too close to you. Touching you.”

  “Again, he’s my doctor. He kind of has to touch me.”

  “Don’t like it.”

  “Are you okay?” she asked.

  “Shouldn’t that be my question?”

  “You look better but you seem kind of on edge. Short-tempered. Angry, I guess.”

  Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath. “Not angry at you.” When he opened them, his gaze held something she’d never seen before.

  He almost looked tender. He brushed her hair off her forehead. Then took her good hand in his, holding it gently.

  Okay . . . what was going on? Who was this man? What had happened to her Spike? The gruff, blunt, take-no-prisoners man?

  “What’s the matter?” she asked.

  “I lied.”

  She stiffened. “About what?”

  “Do you remember the night you were shot? We were in Pinkies and I said I didn’t love you and never would. That I’d never love anyone the way I did my wife?”

  “I remember,” she said hoarsely.

  “That’s when I lied.”

  She stared at him in confusion. “I think you’re going to have to tell me more than that because I’m not getting it.”

  The look Spike gave her told her that he didn’t understand how she was missing his point.

  She was all drugged up. She’d been shot! So sue her for her confusion.

  “I lied about not loving you. Only I didn’t know I was lying at the time. But having you nearly die. Fuck. I can’t lose you, Millie. I can’t.”

  His voice cracked and she stared at him in shock. Spike didn’t crack. He was solid as a rock. Granite. Stone. And he was looking at her like he was going to lose control at any moment.

  Then his words penetrated.

  “You love me?”

  “I love you.”

  “But how?”

  He snorted. “How? What do you mean, how? You’re beautiful. Smart. Kind. Sweet. Bit naïve. But that doesn’t matter, because you’ll have me to protect you from now on. And nothing will happen to you. I won’t fucking have it.”

  His voice became a low, savage whisper and she could tell he meant every word.

  Holy. Hell.

  “You love me?” She had to repeat it just to be sure.

  “I love you, baby doll. More than fucking anything. You’re my whole fucking life. Think I fell for you the minute I saw you pull that arsenal out of your bag at Pinkies.”

  “No way. You hated me.”

  “Never hated you.”

  “All right. Was annoyed by me. You think I’m nosy and annoying and crazy.”

  “Well, yeah. But I can think that and still fucking love you.”

  She gaped at him. Then a freaking miracle happened. His lips twitched.

  They. Actually. Twitched.

  “Did you make a joke? Was that a joke? What is happening here? First you tell me you love me. Then you make a joke. Then you nearly smile! Am I dying? I’m dying, aren’t I?”

  “You’re not fucking dying,” he growled. “Don’t even joke about it.”

  “Then what’s happening here?”

  He ran a hand over his face. “Truth is, I didn’t want to love again after Jacqui died.”

  “Because you loved her so much.”

  “Yeah. And because it was my fucking fault she died. And I can’t ever forgive myself for that.”

  33

  Her heart skipped a beat.

  His fault? No way. She didn’t believe that. It was clear to see how much he loved his wife. He wouldn’t have caused her death.

  “There’s no way it was your fault,” she whispered. “I don’t believe that for a second.”

  He ran his finger over the scar on his neck. It was the first time he’d ever done that. Ever touched his scar. She’d never worked up the courage to ask him how he got it.

  Now she was guessing he’d got it the night Jacqui died.

  “What happened?”

  He sighed. “We lived in Chicago. It was late at night and we’d just flown in after visiting Steele.”

  “Visiting Steele? You guys were all friends then?”

  Surprise filled his face. “Can’t believe I haven’t told you. Jacqui was Steele’s sister.”

/>   Okay, that explained some things. Sadness filled her. So Spike lost his wife and Steele lost his sister.

  “He basically raised her. Even though he’s only a few years older. They had shitty parents and he did pretty much everything for her. She hated living in a different city from him. I had a deal go south and I wasn’t in a great mood. We were stopped at a light when these guys with guns approached. They had Jacqui’s door opened before I could do anything. If I hadn’t been so preoccupied, I would have noticed them. Could have done something.”

  “Spike, no one could have anticipated that.”

  He shook his head. “They demanded we get out of the car. I fought back. Stupid move. There were four of them against me. Don’t know why I did it. One of them had a knife, he stabbed me several times, got close to slashing my throat. They left me beaten on the ground, obviously they thought I would bleed out before help arrived. All I could remember as I lay there, unable to move, was Jacqui crying my name.”

  “Oh, Spike.” How awful. Her heart broke for him.

  “I must have lost consciousness, I don’t remember them leaving. I guess they thought I was dead or close to it. Instead, I woke up in the hospital. Alive. Steele and Grady sitting on chairs on either side of me. I looked into Steele’s eyes and I just knew. Without him telling me, I just knew she was gone. They left her about half a mile up the road. Bullet in her brain. She never stood a chance.”

  “Oh, Spike. I’m so sorry.” She tried to shuffle over, tried to reach for him, needing to comfort him. She winced as she moved.

  Jumping to his feet, he crowded over her, lightly putting pressure on her good shoulder. “What are you doing? Stay in place. You shouldn’t move.”

  Tears dripped down her cheeks. “I’m so sorry.”

  “Ahh, baby. Don’t cry. Don’t cry for me. I don’t deserve it.”

  “It wasn’t your fault!” How could he think that?

  He gave her an incredulous look. “If I’d been paying attention, if I hadn’t fought back—”

  “Then you might have ended up with a bullet in your brain as well! They likely had no intention of letting either of you live. They’re the ones who took her. Who murdered her. It’s their fault not yours.”

  She couldn’t believe he’d lived with this guilt for so long.