by Jon Scieszka
“I don’t get it,” I said to Li Shimin. “Why does this guy Wang hate you so much?”
“I refuse to accept him as emperor,” Li Shimin explained.
“Why?” I asked. “Is he that awful?”
Li Shimin leaped to his feet. “Wang has killed thousands!” he said. “He stirs up fighting wherever he can and steals land—even from the monasteries. If only I could get out of here, I could raise an army and defeat that tyrant. Then my father would be emperor. And eventually—myself. I have such dreams for China.” He looked sadly toward the window.
“Well,” Fred said, holding up the flint. “Once I get this baby working, we’re home free.”
Fred tried to strike the flint dramatically against the stone window frame. But instead, the flint went sailing out the window.
“Oops,” Fred said. “Does anybody have any matches?”
“Great,” I said. “Now how are we going to get out of here?”
“Perhaps I can help?” a voice said.
“Wang!” Li Shimin cried.
“How about some fresh air?” Wang said.
Fresh air did sound pretty sweet compared to this nasty prison cell.
Wang gave us an evil smile.
On second thought, the prison cell wasn’t so bad.
CHAPTER 6
Outside, Fred, Anna, Li Shimin, and I were lined up against a big stone wall with lots of strange little marks in it.
Wang was standing across from us, between two large metal bowls full of burning coals. He motioned with his hand and an archer quickly joined him. Something told me the strange little marks were…gulp…arrow marks.
“Oh, yeah,” I said, thinking back to our cozy little prison cell. “This is much better.”
Li Shimin wasn’t helping the situation. “The throne does not belong to you, Wang. You are a thief,” he yelled.
“A thief, eh?” Wang said. “The throne was empty. I took a seat—and a head, or two…or four…hundred.”
“You dog!” Li Shimin cried.
“Yes, I am a dog.” Wang said. “And you are a clever fox—even if you did lose…” Wang pulled The Book from his robes. “…your battle plans.”
“The Book,” Anna said.
“Excuse me, Mr. Wang, sir,” I said in my most polite voice. “Those aren’t battle plans. Just open it and see for yourself.”
Wang looked at me suspiciously but opened The Book.
As soon as the pages fell open, we heard Sam’s voice squeaking out. “At last,” he said.
“I was afraid I was going to run out of oxygen in here….”
Sam noticed Wang. “Hey,” he said. “Who are you?”
“AAAAAAHHHH!” Wang screamed.
I guess he’d never seen a talking book before.
“AAAAAAA AHHHHHHH!” Sam screamed back. I guess he’d never seen a giant, screaming evil emperor before.
Wang tossed The Book in the air, and it landed on the edge of one of the metal bowls filled with burning coals.
“AAAAAAAAHHHHH!” Fred, Anna, and I screamed.
“Sam’s going to burn,” Anna cried.
“If The Book burns,” I said, “we’ll all go up in smoke.”
“That…that image,” Wang said. “It spoke to me. You are evil sorcerers.”
Still shaking, he turned to the archer. “Execute them all. Now,” he commanded.
The archer stared down Fred, Anna, Li Shimin, and I.
“I wonder who he’ll shoot first?” Fred said.
In one swift motion, the archer plucked four arrows from his quiver and loaded them all in his bow.
“Whoa! This guy’s good,” Fred said.
The archer took aim.
Fred, Anna, and I gulped. If this were a TV movie, it would have been the perfect time for a commercial break.
CHAPTER 7
“What’s all the commotion? I can’t see what’s going on,” Sam called from The Book. “Hey—is it getting hot, or is it just me?”
Flames were licking closer and closer to The Book…and to Sam.
“Fred,” I whispered. “If The Book goes up in flames, we’re all goners. We have to get to Sam.”
“Sure,” Fred said. “We’ll save Sam, right after we’re done being killed.”
“Archer—prepare to fire!” Wang commanded. “Ready. Aim…. Huh?” Before Wang could give the final orders, something distracted him. He saw a figure run across the city wall. Could it be…?
Just then Sam—who suddenly realized what was happening—screamed, “FIRE!” The archer let loose. We closed our eyes.
“AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!” Fred, Anna, and I screamed. But nothing happened. After a few seconds, we each opened one eye, then the other.
There stood Tanzong—two arrows in each hand.
“Whoa, nice catch,” Fred said.
“Don’t just stand there,” Wang yelled to the archer. “Shoot them!”
As the archer reloaded, Tanzong swooped down and grabbed Li Shimin and Anna. With a swift kung fu leap he jumped to the top of the wall. Fred and I followed.
“Quickly,” Tanzong said. “Over the side.”
“Wait,” Anna said. “We need to get Sam.”
The archer was taking aim. This time five arrows were loaded in his bow.
Tanzong thought quickly. He tied a rope around an arrow and hurled it at The Book. THWOK! A direct hit.
The archer let the arrows fly, just as Tanzong yanked The Book and Sam to safety. Once we were over the city wall, Tanzong handed me The Book.
A very sweaty and upset-looking Sam glared out from the pages. “That was too close,” he cried. “I was baking like a pepperoni pizza. And whose bright idea was it to shoot a giant arrow into The Book while I was in it! I could have been…”
The best thing about Sam being in The Book was that we didn’t always have to listen to him. I closed the pages and tucked The Book under my arm.
We met up with Tanzong’s other monk friends in a clearing in the forest. Tanzong and Li Shimin began to scratch out plans on the ground with a stick.
“Wang’s supplies come through here,” Li Shimin said. “We will block them. If he has no weapons, he cannot fight.”
Tanzong nodded.
Fred, Anna, and I sat nearby with The Book open so we could talk to Sam.
“So, is Li Shimin going to rule all of China?” I asked Sam.
“Actually,” Sam said, “his older brother is in line for the throne first. But from what I’ve been reading in here, Li beat him to it by…getting rid of him.” Sam ran a finger across his neck and made a face.
“Whoa! His own brother,” I said. Talk about sibling rivalry.
“But,” Sam continued, “Li Shimin does go on to unify the country, and China really prospers under him. Arts, education—you name it.”
Tanzong walked over. “Thank you again for helping to rescue our general. If there’s anything you need—”
“You can show me that arrow-catching stuff,” Fred said.
“Such things are not for young children,” Tanzong replied. “It takes many years of study to master the art of kung fu.”
“Man, I knew you’d say that,” Fred said.
“What we really need,” Anna said, “is someone to help us get our friend out of this book.”
Tanzong thought for a moment. “Hmmm,” he said. “That is a very difficult problem. For this you need someone skilled in the magic arts. Someone very wise and powerful.”
“Got any ideas?” I asked.
“There is only one man in all of China who can help you,” Tanzong said.
Fred, Anna, and I followed Tanzong’s eyes as he gazed off to a distant mountain peak.
Something told me this magic man would not be easy to find.
CHAPTER 8
“Are we there yet?” Anna said.
“Not yet,” I said for the 800th time. We’d been climbing straight up a steep, craggly mountain for over a day. “Why do wise men always live in the middle of nowhere?”
“I just hope this guy will show me some kung fu moves while he’s getting Sam out of The Book. HEE-YAAH!” Fred said, as he did a spastic kick.
“Hey, Joe,” a muffled voice said. “Open up.”
It was Sam from inside The Book. Reluctantly, I opened it.
“According to The Book,” Sam said, “we’re going to go right by the Great Wall of China.”
“No kidding,” Fred said. “The Great Wall of China? That thing’s like four thousand miles long and one hundred feet high.”
“Actually,” Sam said. “It’s closer to four thousand, five hundred miles. Longer than the distance from New York to California. It began as a lot of little walls around different kingdoms, but kept growing and growing—for more than two thousand years. And did you know that it’s considered the Eighth Wonder of the World?”
Sam with his nose in a book was bad enough.
Sam in a book was just too much.
“I don’t see any Great Wall,” I said, looking around. “All that’s here is a puny little row of stones. It barely comes up to my knees.”
“I guess they’re still working on it,” Fred said.
We stepped easily over the not-so-great wall of China and kept walking.
Finally, we reached a cave at the very top of the mountain. That’s where Tanzong said we’d find Hui-k’o—the magic man.
“According to Tanzong’s map, Hui-k’o’s house should be right here,” Fred said.
“What?” Anna said. “In a cave?”
I peeked into the mouth of the cave. “Hello?” I said.
My voice echoed a few times, but there was no other response.
“Oh great,” Sam said. “We came all this way. Over that mountain. Over that “great” wall. For nothing. I’m still stuck in this book, we’re still stuck in China—”
“And I still don’t know any kung fu,” Fred added.
“Those are your problems?” a voice said.
We turned and saw a small, old man wearing a worn cloak.
“Bah,” he continued. “That’s nothing. Try being sixty years old and living alone on a mountain.”
“Are you Hui-k’o?” Anna asked.
“I am no one,” he responded. “A mere ripple on the river of time.”
Fred, Anna, and I sighed.
The man smiled slightly. “But you may call me Master Hui-k’o if it pleases you,” he said.
“Can you help us?” I said. “We need you to get our friend out of this book.”
Hui-k’o took The Book and held it in his hands. It glowed green for a second, and Hui-k’o nodded wisely.
“Your friend will be released when the time is right,” he said.
Hui-k’o handed The Book back to me.
“Well?” he said impatiently. “What are you all waiting for? You think the chores will do themselves?”
Hui-k’o looked at me and pointed to a bucket. “You,” he said. “Fetch water from the stream. Do not spill a single drop.”
Then he looked at Fred and pointed to a shovel. “You. Clean out the stable. And be careful—my horse is very temperamental.”
Anna eagerly approached Hui-k’o, ready to receive her orders. “What about me, Master Hui-k’o? What is my assignment?”
Hui-k’o rubbed his chin and thought for a moment.
“You,” he said. “Stay out of the way.”
“That’s it?” Fred said. “You’re not going to teach us any kung fu?”
“To the mind that wishes to learn,” Hui-k’o said, “everything is a lesson.” Then he yawned. “It’s time for my nap.”
Hui-k’o turned and went into his cave, leaving us to complete the chores.
“He must be a wise man,” Fred said. “I can’t understand a thing he says.”
I grabbed the water bucket and handed The Book to Anna. “Don’t get any ideas,” I said. “You’re just watching it for me.”
“Okay, okay,” Anna said. “I’m just watching it.”
For the next few days, we hung around Hui-k’o’s and helped around the cave. At least we tried to. Who knew fetching water could be so hard? I ended up spilling more than I carried.
Fred did his best to shovel out the horse stall. But Hui-k’o’s horse had a different idea. I heard a loud WHUMP! I turned to see Fred flying through the air. He landed in a heap at the back of the stall. Out cold.
Even Anna had trouble following orders. And all she had to do was stay out of the way.
After three days, we’d just about had it. We were tired and bored, and Hui-k’o wasn’t telling us anything. Fred was ready to leave, but something made me think Hui-k’o knew more than he was letting on.
I was taking a catnap down by the stream, when I suddenly heard a voice.
“Wake up!” Hui-k’o yelled. “Dreaming will not fill the bucket.”
“I’m awake! I’m awake!” I yelled, hopping to my feet, still half asleep. “Now where did I put that water bucket?”
“Oh, no,” I said. There, dangling from a high tree branch, was the water bucket. Just then, a huge gust of wind blew the bucket off the branch. It was heading for the stream.
But before it hit the water, the bucket suddenly stopped in midair. It hovered over the stream and began to glow with a greenish light. “Huh?” I said.
I whipped around, and there stood Hui-k’o. One hand held his staff; the other was raised in the direction of the bucket. Slowly the bucket began to float toward him.
“Bodhidharma always said the wise man never shows his powers,” Hui-k’o said. “But this time, I’ll make an exception.”
“H-how’d you do that?” I stammered. “Who’s Bodhidharma?”
“The father of Zen Buddhism,” Hui-k’o said, as he caught the bucket. “And my former teacher.”
We sat on some nearby rocks, and Hui-k’o explained. “Many years ago he came from India to the Shaolin monastery. The monks were lazy and fell asleep in meditation, so he taught them special exercises. Some say these techniques evolved into kung fu.”
“So that thing you just did—with the bucket—that was kung fu?” I asked.
Hui-k’o smiled. “No,” he said. “That was something I learned long, long ago…from…The Book.”
“So you do know about The Book,” I said.
“I have seen it before,” Hui-k’o said. “This book of yours—it is fun. Full of adventures, also. But in the wrong hands, very dangerous.”
Hui-k’o gave me a serious look. “The one who had The Book before—always, he is looking for it. Always, he is looking for you.”
“My uncle Joe?” I said, confused. He’s the one who’d given me The Book. Hui-k’o didn’t answer.
“There is no time to explain,” he said. “You and your friends must go back to Tanzong. A great battle is beginning.”
“But how can we help?” I said. “You didn’t teach us how to fight.”
“The danger that awaits you there,” he said, “is less than the danger that seeks you here.”
I wasn’t exactly sure what Hui-k’o meant, but the way he said it sent shivers down my spine.
“Just remember, Joe,” Hui-k’o added, “time is in the mind. Control your mind and you can do anything.”
“Easy for you to say,” I said. “You’re a Zen Master.”
“Nonsense,” Hui-k’o said. “Anyone can control his mind. It’s as simple as carrying a bucket of water.” Hui-k’o held up the bucket and smiled. But the smile soon disappeared.
“Now go,” he said. “Quickly—you are all in great danger.”
CHAPTER 9
I found Anna and Fred, and we quickly set off from Hui-k’o’s. I had to admit, I was going to miss the weird, old guy.
After hiking down the mountain for hours, Anna, Fred, and I found ourselves in a bamboo forest.
“How are we supposed to find this battle, anyway?” I asked. “Does The Book say where it takes place?”
WHOOSH! Out of nowhere, an arrow whizzed past my face, nearly taking off my
nose. We were definitely on the right track.
Anna, Fred, and I looked off in the distance. We saw what looked like a group of ants moving quickly down a hillside.
“The ground is moving,” Anna said.
I took a closer look. “That’s not the ground,” I said. “That’s Wang’s army.” They were marching toward Li Shimin’s troops on the mountain across from them. The battle was about to begin—and Anna, Fred, and I were right in the middle.
The rumbling grew louder as the soldiers got closer.
“This is it,” Fred said. “Let’s go.”
“Wait,” Anna cried. “What are we suppose to do? We’re just kids.”
“Don’t you get it,” Fred said. “We’ve been with the wise kung fu dude. We probably know all kinds of kung fu tricks, we just don’t know it yet. Let’s go!”
“WASSSSAAAAAAA!” Fred let out a kung fu battle cry and launched himself into a roundhouse kick. As he came in for a landing, his feet slipped on a pile of wet leaves and shot out from under him. WHUMP! Fred landed with a thud. He was out cold once again.
“Leave it to Fred to miss the fight scene,” I said.
“Quick,” Anna said. “Let’s hide him behind that rock.”
We dragged Fred out of the way and tried to make a plan.
“What’s going on out there? Open The Book,” Sam said.
Anna opened The Book, and set it on the rock to give Sam a view of the action. But the battle was scary.
“Uh, okay. I’ve seen enough,” Sam said a millisecond later. “You can close The Book now!”
I peered over the rock. The soldiers had almost reached us.
“We need something to defend ourselves,” I said. Just then, I saw a staff lying on the ground between us and the soldiers.
“I’m going to try to get that staff,” I said.
I raced out into the clearing and bent over to grab the staff.