by vidit chopra
Chapter 7: Time for confrontation
I had dinner at 9.30 P.M. and lay in my bed in the hope that I will eventually fall asleep but it didn’t happen. Random thoughts kept occupying my mind and they just refused to go away. The wave from random people, even though I tried to show that I didn’t care, was tormenting me and the fact that I had to live with it for the next one and a half years at least, till they find someone new to bully someone was heart crushing. I wasn’t sure that if I see the waves tomorrow will I be able to hold myself back and not react at them because if I do there was no way in hell that they were going to forget this and the horror would have continued forever. I tried counting from hundred back, a classic way which always works on kids but it didn’t on me. I tried chanting the old Hindu mythological prayer but that didn’t help either. I kept changing positions to find a comfortable one which could bring sleep but none did. I was becoming an insomniac!
“It is all her fault. All this is happening to me because of her. If I hadn’t met her everything would have been fine.” A voice from within said to me.
“It is her fault and I am going to close this once and for all.” I said to myself and stood up. I opened my laptop connected it to the internet and went online on facebook. No, I am not going to call it a disease anymore because now it was going to end all my misery. I checked out if Tanya was online but she wasn’t. I opened her profile to see if there were any pervious updates so as to know when was she last online. There were none from that day which meant she hadn’t come online at all which, going by the law of average and if she is infected (I am sorry but I said it again) she will be online in a while. I waited for around ten minutes but when there were no signs of her I decided to send a message on her inbox writing everything from how I felt to how much I hated her and how much I never wanted to see or meet her again.
I did have bit of a problem in beginning the email. I couldn’t understand what I should write. It wasn’t a friendly email that I could have begun by saying “Hope all is well at your end.” Because I dearly hoped that nothing was. I wished that she too was facing some kind of misery.
I finally began writing everything and anything that came to my mind even though most of them were harsh words and were repeated over and over again yet I wrote them down. Half way through the email I received an IM and it was her.
“Hi ” she wrote.
I was in two minds unable to understand that should I confront her over IM or should I just send her an old fashioned letter with the help of technology aka email.
“Let’s settle this once and for all.” I said to myself.
“Hi” I replied on the chat.
“I am gooooood. How are you? :D” She replied.
“I am doing just fine, ya, just fine. What’s the happiness all about?” I asked.
“Why do you think I am happy?” She wrote.
“Two emoticons you made showed so and if that wasn’t enough the repetitive use of the letter ‘o’ in good even though there are only two o’s normally. As far as I know and understand women generally ‘elongate’ (no puns intended) the letters in a word when they are either happy or sad.” I wrote.
“Whatever. You do a lot of jibber jabber. Didn’t anyone tell you that before?” she wrote.
“Well not till now. Now you did. That’s another quality in me that you noticed.” I wrote.
“You appear to be a bit down. What’s wrong?” She wrote.
“Nothing’s wrong. What could be wrong with me? I am happy as always.” I wrote.
“Nice. Hey listen I wanted to tell you something.” She wrote.
“Oh okay but before you do so I want to tell you something.” I wrote.
“Well a gentleman would have said, ‘Ladies first’ but well can’t expect that from you. Can I?” She wrote.
“Yeah true. I am no gentleman Tanya nor I want to be one and as far as I know you think I am not one nor I deserve to be one. You are the princess who knows everything. You play pranks without realizing that you can hurt someone’s feeling. Learn to be a lady first Tanya and then expect me to be a gentleman.” I wrote.
“Cool down dude. What’s wrong? What happened? What did I do? If it’s still about the pranks then I have said sorry enough. I said it thrice because I would have been egoistic if I didn’t but if you still expect me to apologise then no, I am sorry because it’s just not going to happen. I am not egoistic that doesn’t mean I don’t have self-respect. Now will you tell me what’s wrong?” She wrote.
“Oh so I am still the egoistic one, the one who kept facing your idiotic yet hurting, pranks without saying a word. Sure I might have said something harsh once or twice but that was because it was getting out of control. You on the other hand have spoilt the remaining school life of mine. Still I am the egoistic one.” I wrote.
“What happened?” she wrote.
“It doesn’t matter Tanya what happened and what didn’t. All I want to say that at first I liked you but now all I have for you in my heart is just pure hatred. I know I shouldn’t use such words, you are my cousin’s best friend but it doesn’t matter anymore. Everything was good, I didn’t care about girls. Friends of mine were obsessed, hitting on every girl they saw. I never did that sort of a thing. These things never mattered to me. I was happy with what I had and there wasn’t any space for anyone else in my life and then you entered. Meeting you brought an emptiness in me which I hoped you will be able to fill, yet with everything you did, you took away a part of me. Not that it wasn’t fun, it was awesome fun but you took it a bit too far, more than I can handle. I feel sorry not for you but for myself that I thought you were the one. The only thing that you have given me, Tanya is that emptiness in me which will remain even after you leave.” I wrote.
“Okay fine you hate me but at least tell me what happened please I beg you.” She wrote.
“How does it even matter Tanya. The fact is our meeting may be a part of our destiny, but it was nothing more than a big mistake. It is better that we stay away, as far away from each other as possible. I don’t know you much but the little bit I do is that you are a lovely person just that next time, try and be more like a lady than being a tomboy. This is the last time we are talking for as soon as this conversation is over I will remove you from my friend list, may be even deactivate my account. I have no clue that the thing I am doing is right or wrong all I know is this that is the need of the hour. I am sorry if I have ever hurt you or if reading this is hurting you. You will never be able to understand what I am going through. I am fucked up. ” I wrote.
“I understand Vishal. I very well understand what you are talking about. You gotta do what you gotta do. It was nice knowing you Vishal. You are a very nice human being, just that you need to understand emotions better, once you do, you will be that perfect human being every woman will die for. Good bye Vishal.” She wrote and as soon as this message was delivered she went offline.
There were tears in my eyes while I was reading the last message. I then went to her profile and clicked on unfriend. Then I went on to deactivate my account.
“This is what you wanted and you have got it now. Now go off to sleep.” I said to myself unable to speak for my throat had a lump which just refused to go away. The tears kept rolling down and I just couldn’t understand how to calm myself down. The tears kept flowing for a while and I didn’t care to wipe them away and eventually I slept.
The next morning I woke up before time. It had been a nightmare of a day yesterday but the night was just unimaginable. I was happy with the little bit sleep I had. I woke up ten minutes before time and soon mom came in.
“Are you alright son? Why are you up so early?” She asked.
“I am fine ma. It was just a rough day yesterday. Nothing to worry about though.” I said.
“Don’t worry my son, no matter what is troubling you; no matter what you are going through, one day or the other it will come to an end and all you can do is have faith in God and hope that today is
the day it ends! Now cheer up.” She said trying to console me.
“Hopefully ma.” I replied and got off my bed to get ready for school.
I was ready for school before time so I went up to Simran’s room to talk to her about last night.
“Get up Simran.” I said trying to wake her up.
“What is it Vishal? Can’t it wait till the evening? I am in no mood of getting up.” She replied in a sleepy voice.
“I will just take a minute of yours. Please get up.” I said.
“It’s been a long time you used that word while talking to me. What’s up?” She said waking up.
“I just want a favour from you.” I said.
“What favour?” She asked.
“The thing I told you last night about that prank gone wrong and the wave thing, please keep it to yourself. Don’t tell it to anyone, not even Ayesha even if she asks. Okay?” I said.
“Okay but what happened?” she said.
“Nothing happened but just keep it to yourself. You can sleep now as it is I am getting late for school. Bye.” I said and rushed to the living room to pick up my school bag and went off to school.
I was sure to be greeted by the weirdoes even though their greeting was nothing but a way of abusing me but I had decided I would play along. As soon as I entered school, two boys who seemed to be from class 9th or 10th saw me and were about to wave at me and before they could I waved at them and asked, “What’s up?” with a smile on my face.
I did that the whole day with everyone who moved his hand and I realized that the person was about to wave at me. By me greeting them they were realizing that the thing they were doing was nothing more than stupid. The drill continued for a couple of days more with the number of people waving at me decreasing day by day and eventually in a couple of weeks’ time it stopped altogether.
By that time the school already had its next prey. A boy from 11th had slipped in the bathroom and that was caught on camera, which I believe was a mobile phone, the video was real fun to watch. Even though I felt bad for the guy the video was hilarious, the way he fell and his reaction hence forth were just rib tickling.
I was back to my normal self just as I was before meeting Tanya but a bit more serious towards studies. Time passed and soon the boards came up and went by pretty quickly as well. Not once did I think of Tanya after that chat nor did Ayesha, Kabir or Simran bring her name up in front of me. The entrance exams also came and went by pretty smoothly but I knew the results won’t be as smooth! It was the most anxious time for my family. Exams are like they are testing the family rather than the knowledge that a student has on the subject. Your mom is praying for you day and night that you get selected, she is going around meeting pundits, applying the solutions they tell. Your dad is all the time asking you to study hard as it is the crunch time and if you get through life will be much easier but that’s his way of support. Your siblings, if they have already gone through the process say, “Nothing to worry about. you will get admission somewhere or the other.” Giving example of a person who was a big time dumb, his dumbness exaggerated to such a level that you are forced to think that the person is demented and then saying “ If he/she can get through so can you!”
That, instead of easing you down, increases your anxiety with the thought that a mentally demented person could crack it and what if you can’t!
If your sibling is younger to you he is completely clueless of what’s going on and is often scolded and rebuked for small little things because everyone apart from him/her is tense !
My case was a bit different. I was completely at ease with it all for I knew I didn’t stand a chance of getting through, apart from getting lucky in one and eventually taking admission in that ‘lucky’ college. My family, though, was nervous and their nervousness had no limit. The entrance exams too flew by and finally the ordeal of studying the same idiotic subjects over and over again even after the board exams, ended. It was time to have some fun.