by Tania Crosse
‘Oh, excuse me.’
A female voice cut through Hillie’s thoughts. She looked round at a young woman, she guessed just a few years older than herself and dressed smartly in a navy skirt reaching to her mid-calf, matching tailored jacket and a small hat placed at an angle on short, permed hair. Beside her, swathed in her factory apron over a drab working dress, Hillie felt small and inferior, even if she was some inches taller than the stranger.
‘Can I help you?’ she answered somewhat tartly.
The girl looked relieved. ‘Yes, please. I’ve come for an interview for a job in the office, only I seem to have got a bit lost. Could you tell me where I can find a Mrs Harrington?’
Hillie’s heart began to pump furiously. Interview? For a job in the office? Was it the same one she’d applied for? So why did not have an interview? She felt so angry, she could have left the girl standing where she was.
‘This way,’ she said curtly, and marched off in the direction of the offices, grimly satisfied as she glanced over her shoulder and saw the stranger’s nervous expression.
Inside the offices, Mrs Harrington seemed to be waiting at her desk. ‘Take a seat over there,’ she smiled when the young woman had said who she was. ‘Next to the other candidates. I’m afraid the interviews are running a little late.’
The girl nodded, and went to sit next to two others waiting anxiously for their turn. They were all dressed similarly, and Hillie’s eyes smarted with tears of humiliation. Was that why she hadn’t even got an interview, because she didn’t look the part? Because she didn’t have those sorts of clothes? Even though she knew the factory inside out?
‘Thank you, er… Hilda, isn’t it?’ Mrs Harrington gave a brief dismissive smile and turned her attention back to some papers on her desk.
A spasm of pain twitched at Hillie’s face and it took all her strength to summon up her courage. ‘Er, Mrs Harrington, may I ask, is this for the job that I applied for?’ she enquired in a small voice that she scarcely recognised.
Mrs Harrington looked up again, her eyebrows squeezed in irritation. ‘Yes, it is,’ she answered with no more compassion than if she had been swatting a fly.
‘And I didn’t get an interview? Can you tell me… why not? Even when I’ve been working here for three years and know all there is to know about the place, and they know nothing?’
She wanted the ground to swallow her up as Mrs Harrington gave a deep sigh and slapped her hands on the desk in exasperation.
‘If you really want to know, firstly they all have a much better education than you and didn’t leave school at fourteen like you did. And secondly, well, to be frank, your application form was a mess.’
‘A mess?’ Hillie’s voice was more like a squeak. ‘It was immaculate.’
‘What you wrote was very good, I admit. But we couldn’t have someone working in the office who hands in something looking like that.’
Hillie shook her head in bewilderment. ‘I… I don’t understand,’ she stammered.
‘Oh, for heaven’s sake, see for yourself.’ Mrs Harrington shuffled through a file on her desk and extracted a sheet of paper. ‘Surely you didn’t expect to get anywhere with this?’ she demanded, holding it out.
Hillie took it in a hand that had begun to tremble. She lowered her eyes and gasped at the spoilt document, a desolate fist tightening inside her. ‘But… it wasn’t like this when I handed it in.’
‘I’m afraid it was. I opened it myself. Now I believe you have your own job to get back to, unless you want to lose that as well.’
Mrs Harrington’s face had closed into a hard mask and Hillie wilted under her gaze. She turned and left the office, her feet dragging as she made her way back towards the toilet block. She couldn’t understand what had happened. She’d kept the paper dry, she knew she had. And yet it was splattered with blobs of something that had made the ink bleed and smudge.
She went into the ladies’ and locked herself in one of the cubicles. She lowered herself onto the toilet seat, head in her hands. It would only have been a small step, but now her dreams lay shattered at her feet and she burst into tears.
*
‘What’s up, love?’ Nell asked in a sympathetic voice that evening after the younger children had gone to bed and they were sitting together on the front doorstep enjoying the last vestiges of the day. ‘You’ve been really quiet since you got in from work.’
Hillie didn’t answer for a moment as Jessica and her parents appeared at their front door and came down the steps, obviously off out somewhere for the evening. Hillie vaguely wondered where. Mr and Mrs Braithwaite had their noses in the air as normal, but Jessica managed to sneak her a little wave. Hillie couldn’t bring herself to speak until they were out of sight and she felt no one could hear her. Luke and Joan had gone to see some friends who lived round the corner, and Hillie glanced back inside the house to make sure her dad wasn’t in earshot. Suddenly the events of the day crowded in on her, making moisture well up in her eyes.
‘I found out this morning I didn’t even get an interview for the job,’ she blurted out miserably.
Nell’s face creased with compassion. ‘Oh, Hillie, I am sorry.’ She put her arm around her daughter’s shoulder and rubbed her arm.
Hillie looked sideways at her mother, chin quivering as she bit back her tears. For two pins, she could have told Nell why, but what good would it have done? She was still feeling so raw and confused over what had happened.
‘I don’t know, Mum,’ she groaned, twisting her head. ‘I thought it would be just one little step. Something for me. Maybe it could’ve been the start of something better. I don’t want to be a factory girl forever.’
‘You won’t be.’ Nell pulled Hillie towards her, tucking her head under her chin as if she were a child again. ‘You’re destined for better things than this,’ she murmured into her hair. ‘Something will turn up, I’m sure,’ she said wistfully. But as her eyes wandered up and down the street, she couldn’t really believe in what she’d said. It hadn’t happened for her, had it? She just prayed that her beloved eldest daughter would have more luck.
Chapter Five
‘Hello! It is you, isn’t it? You helped me find my way to the office the day I came for the interview.’
Hillie looked up from trudging across the main yard, the largest open space on the whole site. It was July, and ever since that day a few weeks back now, she’d felt utterly disgruntled, and nothing – not even her Saturday nights out with Jimmy who did his level best to cheer her up – could lift her from the black pit she’d fallen into. And she could well do without another reminder of it.
She flicked her head round, ready to give the speaker short shrift. But the older girl was smiling broadly, holding out a gloved hand.
‘I just wanted to say thank you,’ she said in such a pleasant and friendly tone that Hillie felt ashamed of her own churlish attitude.
‘You got the job, then?’ Hillie answered, taking the girl’s hand despite herself, and marvelling at the feel of the fine cotton glove.
‘Yes, I did. But if you hadn’t helped me, I’m sure I’d have got even more lost and been too late for the interview. Belinda, by the way.’
‘Hilda. But everyone calls me Hillie.’
‘Hillie? Oh, that’s nice. I’m called Belle at home, but I hate it. Makes me sound like something out of a Walt Disney film.’
Hillie couldn’t help but chuckle. She seemed all right, did this Belinda. And then Hillie noticed the other girl’s brow furrow into an apprehensive frown.
‘I couldn’t help overhearing on the day of the interview that you’d applied for the job, too. So I hope there’ll be no hard feelings and we can be friends.’
Friends? Hillie dropped her hand as if it were a red-hot poker. Friends, indeed! But Belinda’s face was creased with anxiety and Hillie’s reason got the better of her. It wasn’t Belinda’s fault, after all.
Hillie released a big, fat sigh. ‘Tell you what. D’you want t
o meet Gert and me in the canteen at lunchtime? Gert’s my best friend. If it’s nice, we usually go outside, but it looks like rain to me.’
‘Thanks, yes, I’d like that.’
‘We can tell you things about working on the shop floor you won’t hear in the office. As long as you can keep it to yourself.’
Belinda grinned in reply, and they went their separate ways. But the meeting set Hillie’s mind going over events, and as a result, the rest of the morning flashed by. She was also looking forward to the prospect of making a new friend. Perhaps, though, Belinda was simply being polite. Certainly when lunchtime came round, there was no sign of her in the canteen.
‘I bumped into that girl this morning,’ she told Gert as they munched their sandwiches. ‘The one who got the job in the office.’
‘Oh, yeah? Right cow, I expect.’
‘Actually she seemed very nice. Said she wants to be friends. I asked her to sit with us, but I don’t see her.’
‘Yeah, well, there you go.’ Gert sniffed disparagingly. ‘Say one thing but mean another.’
Hillie gave a shrug. ‘Maybe. But it got me thinking. You know, my application form was in perfect condition when I put it in the envelope. I sealed it and then I hid it in the book I was reading. And then that was under my pillow where I always keep my library books. And then I took it out just as I left for work on the Monday morning.’
‘Raining that day, though, wasn’t it?’ Gert mumbled through a mouthful of food. ‘You sure it didn’t get wet?’
‘Definitely not. I was very careful, and that was the day Jimmy paid for me to go on the tram with him. It wasn’t even damp when I handed it in.’
‘How come it got spoilt, then?’
‘That’s exactly it. I’ve been asking myself that ever since. But…’ She paused, drumming her fingers on the table and gazing straight at Gert as her train of thought rushed on. ‘We all went to the park on the Sunday afternoon. D’you remember? It was only my mum and dad who stayed behind. So, what if someone happened to find it and managed to steam it open while we were out? I mean, it never even occurred to me to check that it hadn’t been tampered with.’
‘You… don’t think…? Your dad?’ Gert swallowed the food in her mouth so hard she almost choked. ‘Never! Surely even he—’
‘Just think about it.’ Hillie dropped her voice to an urgent whisper and leant across the table towards Gert. ‘It’s the only explanation. It’s been at the back of my mind for some time but I just didn’t want to believe it.’
‘You mean, you think he didn’t want you to get the job? But… why?’
Hillie shook her head in bewilderment. ‘I’m not sure. I mean, he likes to think he’s top dog, so maybe he didn’t like the idea of me working in the office. It would’ve meant I was one up on him.’
‘Yeah, but you’d’ve been bringing home more money. You’d think he’d be pleased. No, it don’t make sense. Unless,’ Gert paused thoughtfully, as if an idea was dawning, ‘he thought you might earn enough to be able to leave home altogether and take your wages with you.’
Hillie nodded, sucking in her cheeks. ‘That’s exactly what crossed my mind. But I don’t know, Gert. He’s always taking it out on Mum and me. I mean, he’s strict with all of us, but I’ve always had the feeling he hates Mum and me. As if he wants to make us suffer. On the odd occasion I’ve tried to broach the subject with Mum, she just says it’s ’cos of what he went through in the war. Being in the trenches and all that. But I think there’s something else as well. Something she won’t tell me.’
‘Oh, hello! I found you, at last! Don’t mind if I join you, do you?’
Hillie pulled back and looked up into Belinda’s smiling face. ‘Course not. Take a pew.’
She managed to move her own mouth into a smile, praying that Belinda hadn’t caught any of their conversation but glad of the opportunity to lock her thoughts away. But as she moved along so that Belinda could sit down, she happened to glance across the canteen. Men and women were flocking in, in twos and threes or small groups, chatting and laughing as they anticipated passing the lunch break in good company. Only one solitary figure stood out and Hillie’s heart thumped in her chest. Her father. People were shying away from him or, at best, ignoring him. At that moment, Hillie felt her own hatred fly across at him like an arrow.
It was with the greatest relief that she turned her attention back to the stranger who had just sat down beside her. Belinda was a pretty girl with short permed hair framing a petite face. But despite her smart clothes and the fact that she’d landed the job over all the other applicants, she wasn’t the least over-confident.
‘Belinda, this is my best friend, Gert,’ Hillie introduced them. ‘We work together in the packing shed.’
‘Pleased to meet you, Gert.’ Belinda politely held out her hand, her gesture accompanied by a broad smile, and Hillie could tell Gert was a little taken by surprise. It wasn’t the usual sort of introduction people of their class were used to.
‘Hello,’ Gert answered guardedly, shaking Belinda’s hand.
‘How was your first morning?’ Hillie asked, determined to break the ice.
‘Oh, well, you know, a bit daunting,’ Belinda admitted. ‘Obviously there’s a lot to learn. Different places have different systems, of course. It’s a case of getting used to them.’
‘You worked in an office before, then?’
‘Oh, yes. I worked in customer accounts for the gas board, but I got a bit bored dealing with just figures all the time, so I thought I’d look for something more varied.’
‘How old are you, then?’ Gert quizzed her.
‘Nineteen. And you?’
‘We’re both seventeen. Born the same week.’
‘Well, I never! Known each other long, then?’ Belinda asked brightly.
‘All our lives,’ Gert informed her, seeming to warm to the stranger at last. ‘Our mums were friends long before we came on the scene. And you? Got lots of friends? Where d’you live, then?’
‘A few old school friends, yes. And I live in Parsons Green with my mum and dad and one of my brothers.’
‘Brother, eh? How old’s he?’
Hillie had to smile to herself as Gert’s eyes brightened. Since she’d been going out with Jimmy, Gert seemed to have been paying more attention to the opposite sex as well!
Belinda replied with her sweet smile. ‘Rob’s twenty-one. Maybe you’ll meet him one day.’
‘Maybe we will,’ Gert grinned now. ‘Can I get you a cuppa? I feel it in me bones we’re all gonna be good friends!’ she declared, getting to her feet.
Hillie exchanged a smile with the newcomer. She, too, had the feeling that this was the beginning of a new and lasting friendship.
‘Now tell me more about yourself,’ she invited her.
*
‘Come on, gorgeous, what’s up? Hardly said a word, you have. Ain’t upset you, have I?’
Hillie blinked hard and her mouth curved into a wistful smile. ‘Oh, Jimmy, I’m sorry. I was miles away. And of course you haven’t upset me. I was just thinking, that’s all.’
‘Penny for them, then.’
Hillie drew in a breath. She couldn’t tell Jimmy the truth somehow. And sure as she was of her father’s deceit, she didn’t have definite proof. What good would it do, anyway? If Jimmy confronted her dad, it could well end in fisticuffs, and she didn’t want that. Harold would put an even tighter rein on her, and she wouldn’t want that either! Every Saturday when she’d gone out with Jimmy, she’d let her father believe she was with Gert, and she didn’t want to upset the applecart. Sometimes Gert did come with them, but recently she’d been more inclined to go somewhere with Belinda rather than play gooseberry. Hillie was pleased that the two were becoming such good friends as she’d been feeling somewhat guilty at abandoning her lifelong pal now that she had a boyfriend.
She gave a casual shrug, hoping it would throw Jimmy off the scent. ‘Oh, I don’t know,’ she sighed, trying to think
of some way to explain her strange mood. ‘I guess I’m just enjoying the summer too much. Here we are in the middle of July with a couple of months of fine weather still to come—’
‘If we’re lucky.’
‘Well, it might not be fine all the time, I grant you. But here we are, able to walk in the park on such a beautiful evening. Well, until it closes, at least. And it doesn’t matter that we don’t have any money. We can just enjoy being together and it doesn’t cost us anything. But it’ll go all too fast, and before we know it, it’ll be cold and dark again—’
‘And we’ll just have to go to the flicks or something more often. There’s more cinemas round here than you can shake a stick at.’
His words made Hillie chuckle. ‘What an old-fashioned expression!’
‘I’m an old-fashioned chap,’ Jimmy grinned back, one eyebrow raised sceptically. But then his lips fined to a solemn line. ‘It’s true, despite what people say about me. I just hadn’t found the right girl until you came along.’
He danced around in front of her, stooping slightly so that he was twisting his head to gaze up at her cajolingly. She couldn’t help but smile at his antics, and he laughed back.
‘There we go. At least I didn’t have to resort to doing Charlie Chaplin again. Not here in the park, anyway.’
‘Oh, Jimmy, you are good for me.’ She shook her head, but really she couldn’t throw off her morose thoughts. ‘I just wish, well, that I could rescue my mum and Luke and the girls from the life we lead. From being cold in the winter because we can’t afford enough coal to heat the house properly. And from things like having hand-me-down shoes that’ve been mended so often, they’re more patch than shoe.’
‘And from your dad,’ Jimmy put in sagely.
Hillie met his gaze steadily. ‘That, too,’ she answered, caution slowing her words. ‘Though he’s not so strict with the others. It’s mainly Mum and me he goes for all the time.’