by Sandra Brown
“All right,” he said harshly and sprang to his feet, raking a hand through his hair. “I didn’t want to tell you!”
“That’s more to the point.”
He looked at her with agitation and his hands came up to rest on his lips in a defiant stance. He spoke in low, measured tones that barely contained his anger. “I didn’t want to tell you because I knew you’d react to it exactly the way you’re reacting now. You’d see what Sharon did as just one more reason why we shouldn’t be together.”
“Yes. That’s right.” Anger dissipating under the weight of the truth, she sank down onto the sofa. “Oh, Chad, don’t you see? I’d never resort to suicide, but I’d be miserable every time you were called out to fight a fire. I know I would be. I was every time Greg had to go undercover. I made him miserable, too, and I don’t want to do that to you.”
He crouched in front of her and caught her chin so she’d have to look at him. “I’m not saying you wouldn’t worry. But you’re not like Sharon. Leigh, she was a butterfly—skittish, nervous, high-strung, afraid of her own shadow. I think one reason I married her was to protect her. She evoked that kind of emotion in everyone, especially in her parents. I felt guilty for taking her out on dates before we were married because they hated to see her leave the house even for a few hours.”
“That doesn’t sound like a very healthy atmosphere.”
“No, it wasn’t, and I should have seen that sooner. I pitied her more than I loved her. That’s the God’s truth, Leigh.”
“I believe you, Chad. I know how you feel about women. You want to protect all of us.”
“That’s not how I feel about you.” She knew by the expression on his face how he felt about her. His eyes that lingered on her mouth, his hands that encircled her waist, told her that it wasn’t pity or paternal protectiveness she generated in him.
“I want to give you and Sarah a home. I want to give your lives permanence. But I’m not unselfish. I need you, Leigh. I need a partner. I want to share my life with you. Conversation, problems, laughter, sex. Everything. I don’t want a china doll who needs coddling. I want a woman. You.”
He had been studying the delicate veins on the back of her hand. When he looked up, he was amazed to discover tears streaming down her cheeks. “Leigh, what—”
“Don’t you see, Chad? You’re transferring all the qualities Sharon didn’t have onto me. But I don’t have them either.”
“You do!”
“You think I’m courageous. Greg could tell you otherwise. I drove him to distraction with my complaining every time he left. I made him as unhappy as I was. I wouldn’t put you through that. I wouldn’t put myself through it, not to mention Sarah.”
“It won’t be like that, Leigh. I’ve seen you handle the most adverse of circumstances with more bravery than most women would ever show in a lifetime. My God! You had a baby in the middle of nowhere without anesthesia, without antiseptics, without anyone to help you but a man petrified that he was going to hurt you or the baby. And you smiled through it all.”
“What choice did I have?” she said on a light laugh.
“Many,” he said seriously. “Sharon had a choice not to take that bottle of sleeping pills, to face whatever had happened to me with fortitude. She chose not to.”
Leigh felt the arsenal of defense she had built up crumbling slowly under the onslaught of his arguments. Sharon’s suicide must have caused Chad much pain and guilt, especially since he had wanted to protect her from the rest of the world. Leigh felt a surge of compassion and tenderness for him as she saw his pain-racked face. Leigh knew that, prudent though it might be, she couldn’t just abruptly stop seeing Chad now. She knew the risks involved, knew the heartache she would suffer the first time he had to leave her to fight an oil-well fire, but that nightmare seemed remote now at this intimate moment. She would face it when she had to. Not now.
She touched his hair. “Chad, I’m sorry about Sharon.”
“Thank you, Leigh. I know I should have told you earlier, but I couldn’t risk losing you.” He laid his head in her lap as his arms went around her waist. Nuzzling her seductively, he said, “Leigh, I need you. Don’t deny me. Please.”
What he was doing, even through her clothing, set her heart racing. She could feel herself melting against his mouth like warm butter. “Chad, we haven’t known each other long. We could count on one hand the times we’ve been together.”
“I’ve felt like this since I left you in the hospital. I wanted to install you and Sarah in my life then.”
“Why didn’t you stay? Or come back?”
“The timing was off and I knew it. I thought you might still be grieving over Greg. It had been less than a year since he was killed. You had just had his baby, the last link with him. I would have felt like an intruder. I had to give you time to recover physically and mentally from what you’d been through. And it seemed like every oil well in the world started having problems. I was hopping all over the globe. Besides, I thought you might be embarrassed to see me again. Often when tragedy or near-tragedy brings people together, they find it hard to face each other in normal circumstances.”
She combed her fingers through his hair as his head lay against her midriff. “I guess I should have been embarrassed, but I wasn’t. You were so… so sensitive to me and what I needed at the time.” For a moment she paused, then admitted, “I cried after you left me that night in the hospital.”
He raised his head and searched her storm-blue eyes. Then he lifted himself onto the sofa, lay back, and brought her with him to recline upon his chest. He smoothed back the rich-brown hair that draped either side of her face.
“I hung around until your parents arrived. I couldn’t just walk out and leave you alone without anyone looking after your interests. I wanted to introduce myself to them, but I looked so raunchy, I was afraid they’d be terrified to know such a man had delivered your baby.”
She laughed as she traced the outline of his lips with her fingertip. “That’s probably one of the wisest decisions you’ve ever made.”
“Why?”
“Because that’s exactly how they would have felt if they’d seen you that day. They’re not as warm and affectionate, as tolerant and accepting, as your parents.”
He fingered the buttons of her blouse. “What did you think of me that day?”
“I was terrified until you took off your sunglasses and I saw your eyes,” she said honestly.
“My eyes are very sensitive to sunlight. I wear dark sunglasses year-round.”
“You kept calling me ma’am. That was out of character with your desperado appearance.”
“My mother would be proud that her strict etiquette lessons paid off,” he said, grinning.
“And despite how dirty you were, I thought you were handsome, especially with the bandanna tied around your forehead.”
He laughed. “That wasn’t cosmetic. I did that to keep from drowning you and the baby with sweat. I was so damned scared I’d do something to injure both of you.”
“You were more gentle than any nurse or doctor could have been,” she whispered.
Placing a hand on the back of her neck, he drew her down to his waiting lips and kissed her tenderly. Again and again his lips tripped lightly over hers, stopping periodically to press more insistently before drawing away.
Then he couldn’t pull away any longer. His mouth stayed pressed against hers until their lips parted at the same moment and the ribbons of desire that had been tightly bound for the past few hours began to unfurl.
Holding her tightly, he rolled her against the back cushions, positioning himself precariously close to the edge of the sofa. Their thighs interlocked. He lifted her arm and placed it over his shoulder, giving him better access to the breast that his hand stroked through the silk blouse.
They kissed with such heat that at last they were forced to separate, breathless, hearts knocking together, laughing slightly in sheer delight of each other. Chad rained sma
ll, rapid kisses on Leigh’s cheeks, her neck, down her chest, chasing the fingers that hurriedly divested her of blouse and undergarments.
Burying his face between the deep cleavage made more pronounced by her position, he murmured, “Leigh, do you want me?”
She nodded, sighing as he planted a hot, wet kiss on the inside curve of her breast, “Yes, Chad. Yes.”
He rolled off the narrow sofa and picked her up as he had out of the back of his pickup. “Then I’m going to love you,” he said against her hair.
Plagued by a sudden rush of modesty, she buried her head against his shoulder and nodded again. He carried her down the short hallway to her bedroom. His knee made a long, deep dent in the mattress as he leaned upon it and laid her down crosswise.
He straightened and Leigh watched in fascination as he peeled off his clothes. The buttons were almost torn from his shirt as he pulled impatiently at them. Bare-chested, he danced on one foot and then the other as he tugged off his boots and socks. His jeans were lowered before Leigh could prepare herself for seeing him wearing only the brief, dark blue underwear. She caught her breath.
The small lamp beside her bed cast into sharp relief the hollows of his body and highlighted the planes. The body hair that matted his chest and dusted the rest of him glinted against the dark skin. Muscles rippled in legs and arms as he lowered himself beside her. Shirtless, his shoulders seemed broader and his chest more massive. The evidence of his sex beneath the tight briefs was awesome, and Leigh knew a moment of panic.
But his voice eliminated any hesitancy. “Leigh.” He spoke only her name, but that simple word and the manner in which he said it told her so much more. He kissed her, parting her lips with his tongue and spearing her with pleasure that shot like an arrow from the back of her throat to deep inside her.
His hand found her breast. Kneading it lovingly, he lifted it and lightly brushed the nipple with his thumb. When it stood proud and firm under his encouragement, his mouth fastened around the taut bud. Her fingers threading through his hair, she grasped his head. “Chad, Chad,” she cried, writhing against him as his mouth filled her with exquisite sensations.
“I’ll never get enough of you,” he whispered as he turned his head to give the same attention to her other breast. His hand, palm flat and fingers splayed, smoothed down her stomach. For the second time that day, he grappled with snap and zipper until they were undone. He sat up and reached down to pull off her shoes.
His permission-seeking eyes conferred with hers before he hooked his thumbs under the wool of her slacks and slid them down her legs. Now she wore only her panty hose and her lacy, yellow panties.
“Ohhhh.” She covered her face with her hands. “The women in the movies always have on satin garter belts and black stockings.”
“Do you hear me complaining?” he asked on a soft chuckle as he peeled the panty hose off her legs. His eyes made a leisurely tour of her near-nakedness before he lay down again close beside her and drew her to him with a proprietary arm around her waist. “I never saw anyone—in the movies or not—who could hold a candle to you. You have a beautiful body, Leigh. I thought new mothers were supposed to have saggy breasts and flabby stomachs with unsightly stretch marks.”
He kissed her long and thoroughly, then continued as though he hadn’t been deterred. “Your breasts are wonderfully firm.” To prove his point, his finger tantalizingly circled one nipple until it puckered in response. “And you don’t have any stretch marks,” he murmured against the aroused nipple and flicked it with his tongue. “You’re gorgeous all over.”
His hand slid beneath the lacy panties to cup her tenderly. A small groan purred from her throat. He settled against her with his arousal juxtaposed against her thigh. Restlessly she moved closer.
“I’ll do the honors,” he whispered as he eased the panties down her legs. He lifted himself over her and cradled one of her thighs between the two of his. The hair-roughened skin teased and tickled her silkiness.
“Kiss me, Leigh.”
She required no second invitation. Her lips were eager for his. Seeking the taste of him, her tongue darted unself-consciously past his lips. Her hands gloried in the hard, broad expanse of his back. She wrapped her arms around his waist and moved against him.
He tore his mouth away from her lips, only to scorch her stomach and abdomen with ravenous, primitive kisses. One bold hand stroked up her thigh. She held her legs protectively together for only a heartbeat before she relaxed against his coaxing fingers.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” he moaned in anguish. He needn’t have worried. His stroking fingers found her ready for his loving, prepared for it by the power of his kisses, the magic of his touch.
“Honey, sweet, sweet honey.” His breath was a moist vapor on her fevered skin. He kissed her navel, the concave hollow at the top of her thighs, the tight nest of curls.
“Oh, Chad, please,” she sobbed. Her hands slipped beneath his underwear to mold the taut muscles of his hips to her palms. She couldn’t believe her own boldness, but it was rewarded when he raised up to pull off the briefs with quick jerking motions of his hands and legs.
Stretching her arms around his well-muscled torso, she pulled him down to her. His chest settled against her breasts, their stomachs cushioned together. Then his hardness nestled against her complementing softness.
She smoothed the lines of concern from his forehead as she lifted her mouth to his. As the kiss deepened, she could feel his restraint melting, but his probing was tentative, timid. Aching for him, she ran her hands down his back encouragingly. His breathing grew irregular and labored in her ear.
“God, Leigh, I can’t help it. I can’t hold back any longer,” he ground out just before he penetrated the threshold.
She knew a moment of pinching tightness. It was like losing her virginity all over again. The thought thrilled her. It was a beginning for her and Chad. She was new for him. A soft, ecstatic cry explored against the lips resting on hers.
His own sigh echoed her exultation. “You’re so sweet… so sweet…” he groaned. Convinced now that she wasn’t going to shatter, he pressed deeper and rocked her with him in an ageless rhythm. Together they hurtled off the edge of the earth. When she coasted down, he caught her to him, whispering urgently, “I love you, Leigh. I love you.”
* * *
“Did I hurt you, Leigh? After the baby”
“No, no,” she whispered, snuggling closer against him.
“Good,” he said, relieved. He caught a strand of her hair and rubbed it between his fingers. “Sharon was as afraid of sex as she was of everything else, especially when I took off my clothes on our wedding night. I was made to feel like a sadist that night, and it never got any better. She loved me, but she was terrified of loving.”
He rolled her over onto her back and let his fingers glide along the top curve of her breasts. “You, on the other hand, are warm and receptive. I could barely keep up with you.” She slapped playfully at his hand, but knew at once that, underlying his teasing, something was troubling him. “It makes me wonder if…” He cleared his throat and tried to smile before flopping onto his back. “Never mind.”
She knew what he wanted to know and his male vanity amused her, but she hid her smile. Knowing better than to patronize him, she approached the question bluntly. “Chad, are you thinking about me with Greg?”
“It’s none of my business.”
“It is now,” she said simply.
“I’m not asking for comparisons.”
“I wouldn’t make them.” She leaned over and kissed him gently on the lips. “You please me well. From the first time you kissed me in the hospital, I’ve known that my response was as important to you as your own gratification. That means so much to me, to any woman. Greg never made me feel cherished. You do.”
She could have told him more. She could have told him that she’d never reached that level of senselessness with Greg. He had been a capable lover, but she had never felt
as if she had his total attention. Even while lying in his arms, their bodies united, she often felt that his mind was elsewhere, that he was performing out of habit rather than spontaneously. But it wouldn’t be fair to Greg’s memory to discuss that with Chad.
“I want you to know, too, that there hasn’t been anyone since Greg. And… and no one before. Until tonight I had only slept with my husband.”
He might not believe so old-fashioned a confession.
He turned toward her until they were lying face-to-face. “Leigh, how rare you are,” he said softly, stroking her cheekbone with the tip of his finger.
“And you.”
“I love you, Leigh. I didn’t want to say it before lest you think I was just trying to pressure you into going to bed with me. I was so happy when you said you wanted me, and even if you’d said you weren’t ready yet, just knowing that you wanted me would have set my heart at rest. Of course, I can’t say the same for other parts of my anatomy…” They laughed softly, though inwardly Leigh wasn’t certain she wanted or was ready for his love. “I love you, but if you ask me to go now, I’ll go.”
“No. Stay,” she whispered, certain of that one fact—she wanted him to stay. She leaned into him, crushing her breasts against the wall of his chest. His hand went to the small of her back and pressed her closer. They kissed.
“You have a most impressive chest,” she said into the crinkly mat that tickled her nose as she lowered her head.
“Yours is okay.” He laughed when she nipped him with playful teeth. His hands told her how much he liked the way she was made. She was held in his palms while his thumbs appreciated the crests.
Her lips kissed their way across his chest until she found the masculine nipples. She tested the way they felt against her tongue. Chad’s body went rigid with expectation as her hand began to wander. Even as her mouth tortured him with slow, licking kisses, her hand sought and found the strength of his manhood where it pressed against her thighs.