The Thing About Forever

by Michelle Engardt

  Table of Contents

  The Thing About Forever

  Book Details

  Part One

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Chapter Thirty

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Part Two

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  Chapter Forty

  Chapter Forty-One

  Chapter Forty-Two

  Part Three

  Chapter Forty-Three

  Chapter Forty-Four

  Chapter Forty-Five

  Chapter Forty-Six

  Chapter Forty-Seven

  Part Four

  Chapter Forty-Eight

  Chapter Forty-Nine

  Part Five

  Chapter Fifty

  Chapter Fifty-One

  Part Six

  Chapter Fifty-Two

  Chapter Fifty-Three

  Chapter Fifty-Four

  Epilogue

  About the Author

  The Thing About

  Forever

  MICHELLE ENGARDT

  Two hundred and twenty years—that's how long Zyan has been alive. And still he cannot escape Carter, his on-and-off something that he'd prefer to never see again. And yet wants to see always. Over two hundred years should be enough time to fix his relationship drama, but Zyan's as helpless and frustrated as ever.

  Jessica hates to watch Carter, her best friend, go through the misery of his and Zyan's complicated past yet again. Determined to see the two reconcile once and for all, she sets out to make that come about. She doesn't expect her efforts to run right into Ava, Zyan's best friend.

  The Thing About Forever

  By Michelle Engardt

  Published by Less Than Three Press LLC

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner without written permission of the publisher, except for the purpose of reviews.

  Edited by Amanda Jean

  Cover designed by Kirby Crow

  This book is a work of fiction and all names, characters, places, and incidents are fictional or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual people, places, or events is coincidental.

  First Edition April 2018

  Copyright © 2018 by Michelle Engardt

  Printed in the United States of America

  Digital ISBN 9781684312023

  Print ISBN 9781684312955

  Part One

  CHAPTER ONE

  Jessica

  "No, Mother, I still haven't 'found the right man,'" Jessica bit out. "I'm still very much a lesbian, and I suggest you stop calling me until you've found a way to deal with it."

  She hung up, pushed her red hair out of her eyes, and took a few deep, calming breaths while she scrolled through her contacts to call her sister.

  "Jess?"

  "Debby." Jessica breathed out. "You won't believe what Mom said to me this time."

  "She actually still calls you on a weekly basis, huh?"

  "Yeah. It's just wonderful that I get to hear this bullshit frequently because, you know, it's good to have this planned mother-daughter bonding time," Jessica replied, her tone feigning humor.

  "You don't have to pick up every time she calls. You know that."

  "I know! It's just—" Jessica cut off when she heard the knock on the door. "Gimme a sec. I think Carter's here."

  She lowered her cell and unlocked the front door, throwing only a quick look at the person on the other side before turning around and continuing to talk.

  "Maybe she'll get it if I keep reassuring her that yes, I'm old enough to 'decide' what my sexuality is and no, I still haven't found a man willing to 'push me back onto the right path.'"

  Carter lifted an eyebrow after he had closed the door after himself and made eye contact with her. Jessica rolled her eyes and mouthed 'Debby' at him. Carter nodded.

  Jessica held up a finger to signal she would hang up soon. Carter gave another nod and walked over to the couch, where he sat down and switched on the TV, then put it on mute.

  "You don't need Mom's acceptance, Jessie."

  "I know. I know! But…I want it. Is that too much to ask? She accepted Rachel when she came out!"

  "She's her coworker, not her daughter. It's hypocritical, I know," Debby added quickly. "But that's just how she is."

  Jessica let out a humorless laugh. "Remember how she used to brag about being so open-minded and accepting when Rachel was around? She's just such a…I don't even have a big enough insult for it."

  "And still, you seek her approval."

  Jessica sighed and dropped down onto the other end of the couch, setting her feet down in Carter's lap, who patted her ankles in reassurance and threw her a quick smile, which Jessica returned. "It's not that I want her to start planning a lesbian wedding, but it'd be nice to at least have her accept that I'm not gonna end up with some guy."

  "Maybe she'll come around one day. I don't know. But until then, you should stop letting her walk all over you by hearing her out," Debby said. "You know what I'd do if I were you?" She didn't wait for answer, instead continuing with, "I'd still pick up her calls, but as soon as she started talking shit, I'd hang up without as much as a goodbye. Show her that you won't tolerate her homophobic behavior any longer."

  "That's not that bad an idea," Jessica admitted. "I might just follow it for once."

  Debby chuckled. "Okay. I won't keep you from Carter any longer. Tell him 'hi' from me."

  "Debby says 'hi'," Jessica informed him.

  Carter waved at the cell phone. "Tell her I said 'hi' back."

  "He waved at the phone like an idiot and says 'hi' back," Jessica passed on. Carter flicked her toe in revenge, and Jessica pulled back her feet with a smirk.

  Debby snickered. "Okay. Bye, you two. I love you, Jessie."

  "Love you too. Bye!"

  "What did your mother do this time?" Carter asked after Jessica had hung up.

  Jessica rolled her eyes. "She asked about my future husband." Carter snorted. "What about you? Anything new since I last saw you?"

  Carter shrugged and leaned back into the couch. His brown skin and black hair formed a stark contrast against the white cushions. He stared down at his hands in an attempt to look casual as he picked at his fingernails. "Not really."

  Jessica lifted an eyebrow. "Are you lying to me?"

  Carter shrugged again. "Maybe."

  Jessica kicked his thigh. "Come on, Aquino, it's your turn now."

  "Okay." Carter looked over at her. "Earlier, I saw a lady that looked like Emma Goldman."

  Jessica was aware Carter was just trying to distract her from what was bo
thering him, but her curiosity won out over her mild concern—at least for now. "Who?"

  Carter looked at her, incredulous. "You don't know Emma Goldman?"

  Jessica shook her head. "No."

  "What do they even teach you at school?"

  "Um, a lot of stuff that hasn't been of any use to me since I graduated. Why?"

  Carter waved the comment aside. "Emma Goldman was a Jewish Russian who immigrated to the US in the late 1800s. And—most importantly—she was the first person to openly stand up for gay rights."

  "Did you know her?" Jessica asked.

  "We attended some of her speeches and protests, yes."

  Jessica didn't comment on the 'we.' She didn't have to, since she knew exactly who the other person had been. "What was she like?"

  Carter shrugged. "I didn't know her personally. But…well, she came into this country with her sister, and ended up working at one of the many factories that treated their workers like crap. She was near the bottom of the food chain," he told her. "After a while, she wouldn't stand for it any longer and decided to take a chance and do the only thing that had the possibility of improving the lives of all factory workers."

  "She overthrew the system?" Jessica guessed.

  "She basically ended up in Anarchism," Carter replied. "So, yes, you're right. But that aside, she didn't stop there. She went on, speaking out for freedom of speech, free love, birth control, unionizing, and women's and queer rights." Carter smiled at the memory. "After only a short time, she earned herself the title of the 'Most Dangerous Woman in America.'"

  "I think I just found my new idol."

  Carter pulled a face. "I wouldn't go so far as to idolize her. You need to understand that she lived in another time, and she probably had quite a bunch of views and opinions that you wouldn't agree with, but for a woman of her time, she was extremely far-sighted and an important figure in our history."

  Jessica nodded. "All right. What happened to her?"

  "She was deported and went on to live in Europe, where she continued to lecture, write letters, and hand out pamphlets. She came back to America, though, and they allowed her to visit for ninety days," Carter said. "Of course, she used that time to continue on with her previous doings. She died in the 1940s in Canada."

  "How old was she?"

  "Seventy or so."

  "Sounds like a good and successful life."

  Carter shrugged. "I don't know much about her private life, but I guess it's a possibility."

  Jessica studied him for a few seconds before she clapped her hands together and smirked. "Okay! Now that the short history lesson's over, what's really on your mind?"

  Carter rolled his eyes. He looked tired, even though it was only 2 p.m. on a Saturday. He took a deep breath and continued to stare at the muted TV.

  Jessica thought about pushing him but decided against it. By now, Carter most likely knew she wouldn't let him off the hook, so it was only a matter of time before he realized the easy way out for both of them was for him to open up instead of arguing about it.

  After about half a minute of silence and some impatient toe-wiggling from Jessica, Carter sighed in defeat. "I think I saw Zyan today."

  Jessica pulled her feet back and let out a small gasp. "The Zyan?"

  Carter nodded and deflated. He didn't look at her, but he clearly steeled himself for a flood of questions.

  "Centuries of on-and-off-relationship Zyan? Repeatedly divorced and remarried Zyan? That Zyan?"

  Carter cleared his throat and nodded again.

  "Well?" Jessica pressed. "Did you talk to him?"

  Carter turned his head to stare at her. "Are you mad? Of course I didn't!"

  Jessica didn't try to hide her disappointment. "What? Why not?"

  Carter shook his head as if he couldn't comprehend how somebody could be so dense. "You literally just listed part of the reasons."

  "But you guys are soulmates!"

  Carter lifted an eyebrow. "I've lived for 358 years, honey. If there were such a thing as soulmates, I'd know, trust me."

  Jessica made a face that expressed everything she wanted to convey without words—mostly that she didn't think for a second that Carter would believe in soulmates if the proof bit off his nose and ran away with it.

  "It doesn't matter, anyway. We mutually agreed that it was best if we never spoke again."

  "Well, you're both idiots."

  He glared at her. "You weren't there at our last divorce. It was ugly."

  Jessica shrugged. "People fight, they break up. It happens."

  "Regular couples don't divorce and remarry twelve times."

  "That's because regular couples don't live for three centuries," Jessica argued. "You two have got this epic romance going on! You're possibly the only two immortal people on the planet, and you've got all this history together! How can you just throw that away because of some petty argument?"

  Carter started picking at the dark blue nail polish Jessica had put on him when he'd paid her a visit three days ago. "It's better this way. Trust me. He wouldn't want to see me, anyway."

  "How do you know that?"

  "You didn't see his face when we said our last goodbye. I'd never seen him that furious before."

  Jessica lowered her gaze and pressed her lips together. Doubt clouded her mind for all of a second, until she remembered the way Carter's face always lit up when they talked about Zyan. She'd heard so many stories about him that it felt like she knew him, even though she'd never met, or even seen, him. "What was the reason for your last divorce, anyway? You never told me."

  Carter shrugged. "I can barely remember."

  "It's only been ten years, Carter. That should be no time at all for you."

  Carter bit his lower lip. "I don't want to talk about it. It was stupid."

  But Jessica couldn't be deterred so easily. "Tell me."

  "No. No way."

  "Come on! Tell me!" she pressed, nudging him with her toe.

  Carter scooted away as far as the armrest would let him. "No."

  She shuffled closer and kicked him again. "I won't stop asking and you know it, so you might as well give in now."

  Carter's defenses visibly crumbled. When his shoulders slumped under the weight of his sigh, she knew she had won. She pulled her legs back underneath hers and rested her elbow on the sofa's backrest.

  Carter seemed unsure when their eyes met. "You've got to promise not to yell at me."

  Jessica felt her eyes widen. "Oh, god, what did you do?"

  Carter scratched the back of his neck, a gesture that meant he was unsure and uncomfortable. "Um…it all started with a rather petty fight. Zyan has this habit of putting DVDs back into the wrong cases—"

  "You divorced over of a bunch of DVDs?" Jessica exclaimed in disbelief.

  "Of course not, you dingus! It was just the last straw in a series of arguments. We'd been at each other's throats for months, but we just didn't want to face it. It was the fight that forced us to realize just because we're both immortal doesn't automatically mean our relationship is also meant to last forever. We were trying to make a broken thing work, and it just wasn't healthy."

  "What about the eleven other times you got divorced before that?" Jessica insisted. "You always came back for each other then!"

  Carter shook his head. "It was stupid. We didn't remarry because it was the right thing to do, but because we were both craving someone who'd understand what it's like to…you know…" He trailed off.

  Jessica could practically see dark thoughts nestle in Carter's mind. "That can't be the only reason."

  "What makes you think that?"

  "Come on, old man—use your brain! Nobody gets married just because. You obviously had feelings for each other, and you can't just stop caring about someone you've known for that long. Take yourself for example! In all the years I've known you, I can't think of a single conversation where you didn't bring Zyan up at some point."

  Carter seemed to think it over for a few
seconds before he shook his head again. "That doesn't change anything."

  Jessica gave him an incredulous look. Moments like these made her wish she could read his mind, just to see if he believed in the things he said or if he was trying to convince himself more than her. "I've watched you pine after him for as long as I've known you, Carter Aquino. You obviously want him back. Well, here's your chance. Can you at least consider taking it?"

  "I don't want to repeat old mistakes, Jess. I've done that too many times, and neither of us deserves another repeat of that."

  CHAPTER TWO

  Zyan

  Zyan Zavala was leaving the movie theater side-by-side with his best friend while he rubbed at his left eye. His contacts had been bugging him since he'd put them in that morning. He'd figured that by the twenty-first century, they would've found a fix for his bad eyesight that didn't involve the risk of blindness, but so far, no such luck. After more than 200 years, he was beyond sick of waking up with blurry vision and bumping into things unless he put lenses on his eyeballs or perched framed glass on his nose that fogged up or smudged ninety percent of the time anyway.

  He gave up on the itch in his eye and stuffed his hands in his pockets as he yearned for his home, where he'd be able to switch to his glasses. He should've just stayed home in the first place. How'd he even end up here?

  Oh, yeah. Right. Ava had promised him she'd leave him alone with this going-outside bullshit for at least a month after this.

  Well, he could admit to himself it could've been worse. The movie had been somewhat decent, though he was pretty sure the 3D part was the reason for his headache, which steadily decreased his patience.

  He glanced at Ava and the way she skipped every few steps, happy to spend some time together outside either of their apartments. She was a lively person in general, full of warm smiles and seemingly endless positivity. Unfortunately, her trusting and quick-to-love nature had left her with a track record of heartbreak after heartbreak that had eventually put a dent in her self-confidence.

  Zyan hated how she always seemed to attract the douchebags unworthy of even a second of her time. If she just held back more and took her time to get to know them before she fell headfirst and let them trample all over her feelings…But no, that apparently wasn't her style. Not that Zyan blamed her. He blamed her asshole exes.