And yet it was Saturday… so, of course, any town in America was anything but quiet at that moment.
“There’s really nothing I can say.” The words came out hollow. The light changed and the cross walk sign came on, but Gwen didn’t make a move to cross the street. Neither did I.
“I get that,” she quietly said.
And I knew she did. For all intents and purposes, Gwen and I were not twins, like so many people thought. But we did, on rare occasions, find ourselves with the ability to intuitively know the way around each other’s hearts and heads.
“I can’t stop playing it over in my head,” I whispered, breaking down before I even knew it was happening. A hot tear slipped from one of my eyes, and I felt other ones there just waiting to come out, but I put all of my energy into holding them back. We were in public, for God’s sake.
Gwen’s voice came out equally low. “What? Finding out?”
“That,” I rasped. “And everything afterwards… everything before… everything that could have been.”
I choked on the last word, the weight of it too heavy in my mouth for it to properly escape. I thought about reaching up to wipe away the tear on my cheek, but there was a family only a couple yards away and I didn’t want anyone to catch onto my crying.
“I know,” Gwen said.
But did she? For as much as Gwen might know me, and as connected as we might be in other ways, could she really understand the agony of losing the last person you thought you were supposed to?
“I don’t want to say it’s unfair,” I said, looking at her shoulder and watching as the edges of it blurred and faded away. “Because that’s implying that the world is supposed to be fair to begin with. And obviously it isn’t, because if there were some expectation to be met, then there would have been a time when things were that way… an ideal to live up to… to get back to.”
“The Garden of Eden.”
I looked back at her face. “Yeah.”
“The light’s changing again.”
I let out a shuddering breath. “Let’s go.”
We made it to the table at the end closest to us just in time for two seats to clear up. Sliding onto the communal bench, Gwen waved at someone before folding her hands and placing them neatly on the table.
“Some things don’t change,” I murmured, half to myself.
“Huh?”
“This place is the same as it was the day I first started coming here.” I nodded down at the corner of the table, where someone named J.R. had carved their initials years ago.
“Is that good or bad?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know.”
A bartender with a beard, who I recognized from the last few times I’d been in town but whose name I didn’t know, came out for our orders.
“Bailey’s and coffee,” I said.
He nodded and looked across the table. “Gwen?”
“Uh…” Gwen’s eyes flicked over at me. “Sparkling water?”
I let out an irritated sigh. “Gwen! Come on!”
“Yeah,” the bartender agreed. “Really. One drink won’t kill you.”
“Okay, fine!” She grinned. “I’ll take the same. But just one. I’m opening in the morning.”
He nodded and left, the heavy wooden door swinging shut behind him. Left with a lull in the conversation, an uncomfortable sensation floated over me. It quickly heightened and then turned into pain. It would happen every few minutes — particularly when I wasn’t being distracted by talk or a task. Or sleep.
I wrapped my arms around myself and whipped my gaze around at the other tables, trying to find something to place my attention on, even if it was only for a moment.
Familiar faces mixed with a few strange ones passed my line of vision. I froze, though, when my eyes hit a point at the table farthest from mine and Gwen’s. There Cat Boy sat, his hazel eyes gazing intently at me from across the small space.
I remembered his real name. Truly. Owen Burke. It was like the name of a doctor from that soap opera, General Hospital.
My stomach flipped at the same time as I shuddered. He smiled and then stood, picking up his pint glass of beer to bring it with him.
Quickly, I dropped my gaze and stared at the table.
No, I silently begged. Please do not come over here.
It was hard enough being around people I’d known for years in my current state. They at least knew what I was going through and understood that the face I currently presented to the world wasn’t my usual one. Being around strangers was way more difficult. The few people who’d tried to chat me up in the last week — cashiers and such — had probably thought I was a cold bitch.
Putting in the extra effort to act like I was capable of taking part in society was horrendous.
Owen was getting closer. I could see him from my periphery. It was a bad idea to leave the house. I should have known it.
I opened my mouth to tell Gwen I wasn’t feeling well and that I needed to leave, but Owen was already at our table. He hovered mere inches away, looking down at us.
“Hello again.”
Gwen smiled in surprise. “Hi.”
“Did you ever get that air conditioner fixed?”
Gwen’s head bobbed up and down. “Yes. It’s all good now.”
“Good. I’m sure whoever came and took care of it was much more capable than I am.”
“They got the job done.” Gwen scooted over some on the bench. “Have a seat.”
I glared at my sister, but she didn’t seem to notice.
“Sure,” Owen said, settling down next to her.
My eyes flicked over at him. Before I could look away, his gaze latched onto mine. He smiled.
It was friendly. It was normal. And it was way more than I could deal with.
I forced myself to smile back, though, wondering if he could tell how fake I was being. If only you could get cocktails to go…
“You work at Freddy’s, right?” Owen asked Gwen.
She nodded. “Yeah. I own it.”
“Nice.” Owen looked at me. “And what about you, Claire?”
I loved and hated that he remembered my name.
I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and forced myself to look at him for at least the amount of time it took to form a response. “I live in New York. I work in real estate.”
“Oh.” He smiled a little wider. “What are you doing here?”
“Just visiting,” I mumbled.
“We grew up here,” Gwen explained. “That was our parents’ house we were at earlier.”
“You don’t live there?” he asked her.
“No. My fiancée and I live just a few streets away though. What about you?”
“My, ah, family has a place over on Fayetteville.”
Gwen glanced at me so quickly it was likely Owen didn’t even notice it. Turning her body more towards him, she gazed intently in his direction. “And what do you do?”
I inwardly breathed a sigh of relief. She was picking up the conversation and carrying it forward so I wouldn’t have to.
Thank you, Gwen.
I owed her big time.
Owen noticeably hesitated after her question. “I do a lot with Habitat for Humanity,” he said after a beat. “Other than that, I mostly travel whenever I can.”
“So you have a full-time position there?” she asked.
The door banged open, and the bartender set mine and Gwen’s drinks down in front of us.
“Thanks,” I told him, wrapping my hands around the warm mug. When I ordered it, the temperature hadn’t been quite right for a coffee cocktail, but the weather was already cooling. It wouldn’t be long before the sun set and the air became perfect.
The bartender nodded and walked away to tend to another group of customers.
“No,” Owen said. “I volunteer. You haven’t happened to see the cat yet, have you?”
Gwen sipped her drink. “No. We just left the house for the first time since you were there.”
Gwen took a breath, ready to answer for me, but I knew I couldn’t let her carry the entire conversation.
“Long story,” I said. “I tried out some things and just kind of ended up there.” I nodded vigorously, like the action might add something meaty to my answer, and then took a hearty sip of my drink.
“Claire and my fiancée work together,” Gwen said. “It’s how I met Jason.”
I took another sip, focusing on nothing but the heavy mug in front of me. Soon I would have to chime in with something else, but until then I planned to concentrate on self-medicating.
“Have you set a date yet?” Owen asked Gwen.
“This October,” she answered, practically singing the words. “It will be here in Crystal Brook, in our back yard.”
“That sounds great. And what about the honeymoon?”
“We don’t know,” she dreamily replied, a soft look coming over her face. “We’re thinking either Italy or Ireland.”
Apparently, Gwen was already lost in Italy. Or was it Ireland? I tossed back another portion of my drink. The mug was half empty, and I was finally starting to feel semi-decent. Maybe I was imagining it, but I swore I could feel Owen watching me out of the corner of his eye.
Save it, buddy, I bitterly thought. If you’re on the hunt, you’re in the wrong place.
“What about you?” Gwen asked in her most innocent voice. “Are you married?”
Since he wasn’t wearing a ring, the answer was pretty obvious. Still, I ran my finger tip around the edge of my drink, trying to act like I was neither listening or interested in Owen’s answer.
“No,” he said. “No. It’s been a while since I’ve even had a girlfriend.” He chuckled lightly.
“I think I’ll get a second drink,” I announced to no one in particular.
They both looked at me. Gwen’s eyebrows furrowed together. In front of her, her own drink sat untouched. “You just got one,” she said. “You’re not done with it yet.”
“Well, the service here can take a while.”
Owen stood up. “I’ll go in and get it for you. What would you like?”
I smiled up at him but focused on looking at his forehead so we wouldn’t have to make eye contact. “A light beer. Thanks.”
“Gwen, do you need anything?”
“I’m good. Thanks.”
I waited until Owen had disappeared behind the door to speak. “God, you’re being friendly.”
She crinkled her nose. “What are you talking about?”
“I mean, should I go ahead and call your fiancée and tell him about all the flirting you’re doing, or do you and Romeo already have plans to run away together?”
“I’m not flirting,” she aggressively snapped at me.
I shook my head at her. “Then why the hell did you ask a guy you just met if he has a wife?”
“I was asking for you.”
I stared at my sister, my gaze frozen on her face. Pain was filling up my chest, bleeding into my veins, and making me so heavy that I wouldn’t have been able to stand up if I wanted to.
Gwen just stared back. After a couple seconds, she blinked rapidly and shook her head. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
“You’re damn right you don’t,” I answered through gritted teeth.
“I thought…” She bit her lip and flushed, “you know, that soon you’d be able to…”
“Move on,” I finished for her.
She swallowed hard. “Yeah.”
Hot tears filled my eyes. “It’s not like that.”
Gwen looked defeated. “I know it’s not right now. But someday…”
“There won’t be a someday for me,” I said, finality in each word.
Gwen made a little noise like she didn’t believe it.
“Peter was everything I never even let myself dream of,” I said, the words rushing out. “There will never be anyone else like him. He was my…”
Soul mate.
That’s what he was. A soul mate I had only gotten to spend two months with.
It was the honest to God truth. And it was so unbearable that I couldn’t even speak about it. Because my chances of finding someone like him were zero.
“I have to go,” I said. Tears were already spilling down my cheeks.
Gwen nodded. It was hard to tell with my blurred vision, but she looked pained as well. “I’ll go with you.”
“No.” I shook my head fiercely and stood. “Please. Don’t.”
“Okay,” she whispered.
I hurried away from the table and past the crowd. Perhaps the people there were looking at me, wondering what was up with the crying woman, but I didn’t care. Each stride I took became longer, carrying me not away from pain, but deeper into it. The dusk was emerging, and the corner streetlamp flickered on as I rushed towards it. From somewhere behind me, the pub’s door opened and closed. Maybe it was Owen. Maybe it wasn’t.
It didn’t matter.
Nothing mattered anymore.
CHAPTER THREE
Owen
“Thanks,” I told the bartender as I dropped a bill on the pock marked counter. Grabbing the drinks, I turned and navigated my way through the crowd.
The whole time I’d stood inside, I wasn’t able to stop thinking about her. The soft pink lips. The wide brown eyes. There was sadness in Claire. That much was obvious. I couldn’t explain it but I burned to know why.
In addition to her pain, though, there was something else. When I’d stood on that stoop and come face to face with her for the first time, something happened in me. Having her eyes fall on me was like getting struck by lightning and being submerged in a warm bath all at the same time.
I hadn’t stopped thinking about her all afternoon. After leaving the house, I’d knocked on a few more doors asking if anyone had seen Dharma, but after that, I’d been at a loss as to what to do. I’d ended up just walking around, killing time looking in store fronts and knocking my way through some bushes down by the river.
Killing time. That’s what I was always doing, wasn’t it?
Running into the two girls at the pub seemed more than serendipitous, given that I’d just spent hours with Claire on my mind.
There’s something about her… something…
I was afraid to even acknowledge the feeling growing inside me. I’d never been a sucker for romance, never thought that people fell head over heels at first sight like they did in movies.
But I’d never set eyes on Claire before that day either.
A woman came through the front door of the pub. I hung back, waiting for her to pass. She saw me though and held the door open so I could go first.
“Thanks,” I said.
She grinned wide. “You’re welcome.”
I could feel her eyes on me as I navigated my way to the girls’ table. I couldn’t be bothered with the attention of strangers though — hardly ever, and especially not then.
A small group of college kids had gathered at the other end of the long table, a golden retriever sitting next to them. The end I’d vacated was half empty. Only Gwen sat there, looking at her phone.
“Where’s Claire?” I asked, sitting down across from her.
Gwen sighed. “She left. I’m sorry.”
“Oh.” I tried to hide my disappointment, but I probably did an awful job at it. “Is everything all right?”
“Yeah, she’s just not feeling well.” She set her phone face down on the table. “Sorry we made you go in for drinks.”
“You didn’t make me. And it’s fine. I’m a raging alcoholic anyway. I’ll be able to down all this in no time at all.”
She looked at me with slight apprehension.
“Don’t worry,” I assured her. “I was just kidding.”
She chuckled. “Good.”
I itched to
talk about Claire. To ask any and every question under the sun, but I bit my tongue and held myself back.
“It’s so different around here at night,” Gwen commented.
“You usually come during the day?”
“Yeah, sometimes I stop in for lunch if I’m just getting off the morning shift.” She shifted in her seat, looking uncomfortable. I got the sense that she wanted to say something else, and so I waited, not making a move to speak.
A long minute passed and then she looked at me. “Claire didn’t leave because she’s not feeling well. Actually, that’s kind of it. But also not. She’s not sick.”
“Oh. All right.” I didn’t know what else to say to that. Was I the reason she left?
“Her, uh, boyfriend just died. Like a couple weeks ago.”
I stared at Gwen. “Oh my God. Really?”
She nodded. “Yeah.”
“Shit.” I ran my palm over my face, letting it all sink in. “That’s awful.”
“Yeah, so she came here for a while just to, you know, relax.”
“I wish I’d known. I would have…” Not gotten so pumped up about asking her out.
“It’s okay. I don’t think she even wants people to know. She doesn’t want anyone feeling sorry for her.”
“How long will she be here?”
Gwen shook her head. “I don’t know. That wasn’t really determined. But she tried to go back to work right after it happened, and it didn’t go so well. She had trouble.”
“I can imagine so.” A half a dozen curse words filled my mouth, but none of them seemed good enough to let fly. I couldn’t even begin to imagine just what Claire was going through.
So that was the reason behind the sadness I’d picked up on. Thank God I hadn’t skipped ahead and asked her out to dinner. Who knew what that could have done to her, no doubt, fragile psyche.
Gwen looked thoughtfully at the glass in front of her. “She’s doing okay, I think… considering.”
“I feel like I should apologize.”
“For what?”
I shrugged. “For… not knowing, I guess. For going on and shooting the shit like her whole life hadn’t just been shaken up.”
Crushed (Crystal Brook Billionaires) Page 3