"It's not like I can just scrub what she did from my mind," I pointed out angrily.
"No, you can't. I'm not talking about some magical eraser to make you all better again. This will leave a scar on you that isn't going to just go away, but it will fade. Believe me, I've spent a lifetime trying to cope with enough of my own traumas to have made a hobby out of attempting to deal with them."
"So, what? You want me to start obsessing over the time and freaking out over schedules?" I asked and he scoffed lightly.
"No. Those may be manifestations of my damage, but they're by no means a fix for them. I have only found one fix which works for me in any lasting way. And it doesn't just undo what I've been through anymore than it will erase what Ashlynn did to you. But you need to work on the way that you're allowing your experience with that girl to affect your relationship with Tatum," Saint said simply, like there was anything simple about that.
"I like tying her up," I protested, unsure if I was really up for what he was suggesting or not. "Not just because it stops her from pawing at me. I just like it."
"I know you do. And I'm not kink shaming you or expecting you never to tie her up again. I just think that you're so caught up on what Deepthroat did to you that you can't even bare to let the woman you love have any control during sex. You don't let her touch you or make any choices about what happens with your body. And I think you should work on that."
"How exactly?" I asked, folding my arms as I looked at him and his mouth lifted into a smirk.
"I'm willing to help you on that."
"Pfft, what are you gonna do, tie me up and boss me around?" I teased and his smile only grew.
"Yeah that sounds good to me," he agreed and I laughed.
"I bet it fucking does."
"So what do you say? Shall we track down Tatum? Then I can take control for you and show you how good it feels to face off against your demons."
"While yours get a nice little kick out of the power you'll get by doing so," I pointed out and he shrugged.
"I said I was willing to help you, I never promised I wouldn't be getting anything out of it. So, what's it to be?" Saint asked.
I licked my lips, my mind on Tatum and I realised that if I didn't do this then I wasn't just holding myself back, I was punishing her too. I wasn't allowing her any say in the way we came together, and I'd never even asked her if she would like to have more control sometimes. I definitely couldn't say I'd become submissive or any shit like that, but I could give this a go and see if it helped me get over some of my baggage.
"Come on then," I said, rolling my eyes like this would be some chore and in some part, I knew it would be with Saint in charge, but I was game if he was.
I'd promised to love Tatum with all I was and give her all I had to give, so I was going to stick to those vows.
"Let's go get changed for a swim then," Saint suggested and I followed him as he grabbed his laptop and led the way out of the room, back through the house to the bedroom we'd been staying in.
There were plenty of rooms here for all of us to have one each, but since that first night, we'd just kept sleeping in the one bed. I’d gotten Tatum for one night when Aunt Jada was here – who I was still mind fucked over being Rebecca – but they’d all moved straight back in when we’d heard she’d gone home. The bed was almost big enough and I guessed that while so much shit was going on, we preferred to stick together like that. But I had to wonder if we'd go back to sleeping in our own beds with Tatum rotating between them or not long term. I guessed for now we just needed to get through this shit though, so it wasn't worth questioning.
We grabbed some swimming trunks from the clothes in my room and Saint didn't even complain about borrowing my shit. Officially, this was where I lived so I had a lot of clothes here. Liam had insisted I move in with him after I enrolled at Everlake Prep, but between boarding at the school and spending the summers with my friends, I’d managed to avoid spending more than the odd week here since then.
We got changed and Saint shoved his laptop into the black bag he liked to haul around before we headed down through the house. We had to walk down a little glass corridor to reach the pool house. When we stepped into the wooden building with bi-folding glass doors which ran along the right side of the room, the steam from the warm water enveloped us.
I looked out over the blue tiled pool and frowned as I failed to spot Tatum, but Saint just started walking straight towards the sauna at the left of the space.
We stepped inside and found Tatum there, laying on one of the high wooden benches with her eyes closed but a smile touched her lips at the sound of the door, and she blinked them open again as she looked to us. The dry heat of the sauna wrapped itself around me and I sighed as I breathed in the woody scent of the room, feeling some tension run out of my body just because I was here with her.
"To what do I owe this surprise?" she asked, biting her lip as her gaze ran over our half-dressed bodies.
Tatum was wearing a figure hugging sapphire blue one-piece and the colour made her eyes sparkle even more than usual.
"I brought you a gift, siren," Saint said before I could try to explain our plan to her. "But I didn't put a bow on him because I didn't think he could pull it off."
Tatum sat up and turned so that her feet were on the bench beneath the one she sat on and I was glad to see she seemed more than interested in playing along with us.
"Saint thinks I need to work through my dominance issues a bit. He claims I need to deal with all the Deepthroat stuff more," I supplied, my throat thickening a little as I tried to sound casual about that. "He thinks I should try letting you be in charge."
"I'm pretty sure I'll be the one in charge," Saint supplied, placing the black bag down and unzipping it before pulling out a coil of smooth rope.
My mind instantly filled with images of all the ways I'd like to tie Tatum up with it and I huffed out a breath as he looked at me, realising it wasn't meant for her at all.
Tatum bit her lip, a frown pulling at her brow as she looked at me. “Are you sure you’re ready?” she asked, like she’d known all along that I needed this. Fuck, had I really been so blind to my own issues?
“Yeah, I’m ready, baby,” I growled, wanting to do this for her as much as myself.
"On second thought," Saint said, dropping the rope back into the bag. "It would be a better test if you were just forced to control yourself rather than using the rope as a crutch."
Tatum laughed, standing up and hopping off of the benches as she approached us. "Kyan controlling himself? I'd like to see that."
"You don't think I can do it?" I asked, the challenge in her eyes making me even more determined to prove her wrong.
"I'd like to see you try," she replied, amusement still clear on her expression as she turned and looked up at Saint.
He took her chin in his grasp before cutting his eyes to me. "Watch. Don't touch," he commanded making me instantly want to do the very opposite of what he'd just said as he leaned forward and closed the distance between his and Tatum's mouths.
She moaned into his kiss as he deepened it, his hand keeping her face still while the other slid down her body, caressing her breast through her swimsuit where her hard nipples pressed through it.
Tatum's hands slid up his chest in return and my mouth dried out as I watched the way she touched him, knowing that whenever she did that to me, I usually put an end to it pretty quickly. But why did I do that? Just because some bitch had tried to take my body without my consent? Tatum wasn't her. She wasn't looking for anything from me other than what I was more than willing to give.
Saint took something from the pocket of his trunks and a faint buzzing filled the air as he moved his hand between Tatum's thighs, making her suck in a sharp breath.
My dick was hard in my trunks, throbbing with the need to touch her too and I licked my lips as I watched Saint slip the strap of her swimsuit off of her shoulder, dropping down to take her hard nipple into his mouth
as he continued to move the little vibrating toy between her thighs.
Tatum's eyes opened and she looked at me as she panted for him, breathy moans escaping her as he pushed her towards the brink.
But this being Saint, he didn't just let her come that easily and he stood upright smoothly, taking the toy back and switching it off before placing it in her hand and closing her fist around it. I still hadn't gotten a good look at the thing and I knew that wasn't an accident.
Saint slid Tatum's strap back over her shoulder and leaned close to speak in her ear, though he didn't bother to lower his voice as he spoke.
"Show him you own him, siren," he instructed. "Remind him that he serves for your pleasure."
Tatum's lips pulled up into a grin as Saint stepped aside to let her approach me and I cocked my head at her with a taunting look.
"You think you can bring me to my knees for you, baby?" I teased.
"Close your eyes," she murmured. "And keep your hands to yourself."
My heart lurched at the thought of that and a refusal blossomed on my tongue. I wanted to see what was happening. I wanted to know what was going on. But as I met her blazing blue gaze, I knew what she was really asking was that I prove I trusted her.
The sound of a lock turning drew my gaze over her head to Saint as he locked us into the room before pouring a ladle of water over the rocks beside the door so steam billowed up from them.
"It's just the three of us in here," he said lightly. "And I have no desire to start touching you, so you can rest assured that everything you feel is from the girl you love."
"You can trust me," she added in a whisper, tiptoeing up to kiss me and I let my eyes fall closed as I tasted her lips, keeping them shut even when she moved her mouth along my jaw and down my neck.
My fingers flexed with the desire to grab her and I grunted in frustration as I curled them into fists at my sides and held myself there, my muscles rigid with tension.
Tatum took her time on my chest, kissing and caressing me, tracing my tattoos with her fingertips and making my skin buzz. I wanted to take hold of her, direct her movements or even stop them all together but I forced myself not to do that, concentrating on how it felt to be touched by her like that. And I didn’t hate it. When I focused on her touch, only pleasure came from the points of contact between her flesh and mine. The issues were all in my head. It was about trust like she’d said, and I did trust her. So I blew out a breath and tried to focus on nothing other than enjoying the attention she was laying on me.
But as I felt her drop to her knees in front of me, keeping my eyes closed became a pure battle of will and my hand jerked forward an inch as the desire to grab hold of her filled me. I didn't want her to stop, but the feeling of her fingers slipping into my waistband made my heart race. For a moment I thought about that fucking asshole trying to get me hard so that she could put her mouth on my body.
My fingers brushed against Tatum's hair and Saint's voice filled the heated room.
"No touching."
"I've got you, baby," Tatum promised as she caught my hand and turned it, placing a kiss in the centre of my palm as my fingers skimmed along her jaw.
"I know," I replied, releasing a heavy breath and pushing those dumb thoughts from my mind.
Tatum had nothing to do with what Deepthroat had tried to pull on me and my cock was hard and aching for my girl. I wasn't gonna let memories of something some dead girl had done ruin that.
I withdrew my hand and Tatum slid my trunks down my legs, making my hard cock spring free before I stepped out of them for her.
"Jesus, you're so big," she muttered and I snorted a laugh, feeling the tension ease from my body.
"You've more than proved you can handle it, baby," I reminded her.
"You've more than proved you can handle a lot more than that," Saint added from somewhere behind her and Tatum breathed a laugh as she ran her hand up my thigh.
Her thumb came to rest against the compass tattoo I'd inked there and she pressed down on it firmly, reminding me of what it meant and what I had, before her full lips slid around my cock and I groaned in pure bliss.
She took me in deep, moaning like she was enjoying this just as much as I was, and I managed to keep my hands out of her hair through some miracle of self-control.
Tatum drew me in and out, her tongue swirling, lips tightening and soft hums escaping her which sent tremors right down to the base of my shaft.
When she had me panting for her, on the verge of coming, Saint said a single word which made me want to throttle him.
"Stop."
Tatum pulled back and I couldn't help but open my eyes to look down at her on her knees for me, licking her swollen lips as she gazed back at me with promises in her eyes.
"Give him his gift, siren," Saint prompted and I glanced up at him as he drew closer to us, handing her a bottle of lube.
Tatum smirked at me as she squirted the cold liquid onto my cock and I hissed between my teeth before she slid her hand around my shaft, coating every inch of me including my damn balls.
I wanted to ask what the hell the two of them were playing at, but I got my answer before I did as Tatum opened her fist to reveal a double cock ring with a little vibrating bullet on the top of it.
Toys were really more Saint's thing than mine unless you included restraints, but I didn't complain as Tatum slid the inner ring down my shaft before hooking the outer one over my balls.
It was tight and I grunted a little in discomfort, but the look of excitement in her eyes halted any complaints I might have had.
"Sit down," Saint commanded and I did, moving onto the higher of the two hot, wooden benches and curling my hands around the edges of it either side of me so that I would have something to hold on to.
Tatum took a step to follow me, but Saint moved up behind her, kissing her neck and curling his fingers around the straps of her swimsuit before slipping it off of her shoulders and rolling it down her body.
I groaned as her breasts were freed, her nipples hard and practically begging for my mouth on them. Saint kept rolling the material down until it fell off of her, leaving her naked and panting, looking more than edible and like the most tempting thing I'd ever seen.
Saint's hand moved between her thighs as he continued to kiss her neck and I watched hungrily as his fingers slipped inside her and she gasped his name. The heat in the room was making her sweat and a bead of moisture carved a line between the valley of her breasts as Saint worked her into a frenzy, rolling all the way down to meet his hand.
Tatum's gaze met mine as he fucked her with his fingers and she moaned encouragement until I was watching her come for him, her back arching, hips bucking against his hand as he kept grinding the heel of his palm against her clit to prolong the pleasure.
"Good girl," Saint growled, biting down on her earlobe before removing his hand from her pussy and nudging her towards me. "Brace yourself on his knees, don't touch him any more than that."
Tatum did as he wanted, gripping my knees and looking up at me through a waterfall of blonde hair as my cock ached with need and the torture of having to wait for her.
Saint took the lube from where Tatum had left it on the bench beside him before removing a butt plug from his pocket and coating it.
He stepped up behind her, massaging her ass cheek as he moved the plug into position and Tatum gasped as he eased it into her, her fingernails biting into my thighs where she held herself up on me.
"Are you good, siren?" he asked and Tatum nodded, biting her lip.
"I want you," she begged and Saint smirked as he dropped his pants and lined his cock up to claim her.
"Don't do anything to Kyan until you come again," he commanded and before either of us had a chance to protest that, he was pushing into her and making her cry out for him.
Precum beaded on the tip of my dick as she held onto me, her mouth bobbing so close to it that it was taking everything I had not to fist her hair in my hand and drive her m
outh down onto me.
Saint wasn't gentle as he fucked her and the heat of the sauna had us all panting and sweating as she clung onto me and I just watched the show, desperate to take my turn in claiming her while forcing myself to hold back.
When Tatum finally came again, Saint's hand clapped against her ass and she took my cock back into her mouth so suddenly that I bucked my hips in surprise, forcing her to take me deep as Saint slowed his pace a little, letting her adjust.
The cock ring was tight enough to hold my release back otherwise I was certain I would have come in her mouth already. But as Saint began to move faster again, I tipped my head back, enjoying the ride as she sucked and licked me, controlling the motions and making me murmur her name beneath my breath.
Saint seemed to have lost control of the devil inside of him as he moved faster and faster, fucking her so hard that I knew she'd still be feeling it tomorrow as his fingers dug into her hips and she moaned around my cock.
He finally came with a feral snarl, spanking her again and forcing her to follow as he fisted a hand in her hair and yanked her off of me.
I reached out to catch her before I could stop myself and he smacked my hand aside before I could touch her, holding her up as she trembled in his arms.
"Do you want more, siren?" Saint asked breathlessly and she nodded, eyeing me hungrily and showing us the monster in her too. "Then show him who owns him."
Tatum climbed up onto the bench beneath mine and this time when I reached for her, Saint didn't stop me as I took her hands and helped her climb up to straddle me.
"You can pin my hands behind my back if you need to," she breathed against my lips before kissing me and my fingers closed around her wrists as our tongues met and I tasted the whole world in that kiss.
My grip tightened, but I didn't shift her hands behind her back, I laid them on my chest instead, pressing down on the backs of her hands so that I could feel the firm press of her skin on mine.
"I'm all yours, baby," I swore to her. "And I don't want to cage you."
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