Jagat Bapji did not seem to be in the mood to settle down anytime soon, and meanwhile the next step was for my parents to ask for his horoscope which duly arrived and was tallied with mine. In all traditional marriages, the horoscopes are tallied to see if the two are compatible. Many believe in this ancient science though I do not—many alliances that took place in our family failed even though the pundits had pronounced the horoscopes to be a good match. In many cases where a desirable alliance was sought, it was not unknown for the family of the prospective bride to pay a handsome sum to the court pundit to declare the stars to be favourable. My parents, however, were firm believers in having the horoscopes tallied by the Court pundit.
As a Hindu I do believe in fate playing a part in one’s life but I am of the firm opinion that two horoscopes tallied and found to be compatible or not are no indicators of future happiness and success of any marriage. In any event, when my horoscope was tallied with that of Jagat Bapji the court pundits declared that there was no compatibility whatsoever and to further emphasise the point they quite uncannily predicted that he had a short life span which in decades to come proved to be true as Jagat Bapji sadly died in 1997 at the young age of forty-eight. This of course put my parents off the alliance completely and shortly fate was to take a very different course when my parents met my future husband Mayurdhwajasinh Gohel in Bombay and several years later Jagat Bapji went on to marry a Princess from Thailand.
The blockbuster Bollywood movie then was ‘Hare Krishna Hare Ram’, starring Dev Anand and the impossibly glamorous rising star, Zeenat Aman. It was loosely based on the drug culture that was rampant at the time, predominantly in Goa. It was the movie that broke the mould from the traditional sugary fare that Bollywood pumped out at the time. I must have seen the film a dozen times and was influenced by it even without really realising it though not for its drug culture but it was all about being laid back and anti-establishment that had a certain appeal. We all wore loose kurtas or tunics like Zeenat Aman, lined our eyes with heavy black eye liner and wore necklaces of Rudraksh beads, much to the disapproval of most of my relatives who declared that only Sadhus and mendicants wore rudraksh necklaces.
On the marriage front Late 1972, fate intervened in the form of my cousin Idar baby. Hailing from a princely state in Gujarat he was well connected to the various Gujarati Rajput families that lived in India and abroad, and he was also a close friend and confidant of my parents. Most evenings in Bombay found him at my parent’s apartment at ‘Devi Bhawan’ dispensing the latest gossip and financial advice. My cousin Princess Bharti of Kutch was getting married in Bombay and my parents went to attend the wedding. Idar Baby told them that the son of a friend of his who had settled in London was visiting Bombay at the same time and that he was more than likely to be suitable for me if he met with their approval first.
A scheme was concocted between my parents and cousin, and MJ, Gohel my future husband was neatly lured into the trap. He was on a holiday to India with his English friend William Morris; they were staying with Princess Meera of Morvi at her apartment in Bombay. He was told that the Maharaja and Maharani of Bikaner who were then residing at the Taj Hotel in Bombay wanted to meet him with a view to striking up a business deal. Intrigued, MJ as he was more popularly called, asked them what sort of deal they had in mind, ‘exporting Mangoes,’ declared Idar Baby. Believing the story, MJ arranged to meet my parents at the Shamiyana restaurant at the Taj. In Sharda Dwivedi and Charles Allen’s book on the Taj Hotel they mention that the Taj in Bombay was a popular meeting place for prospective princely encounters of the marriage kind and it certainly was a fact in my case.
To meet MJ for the first time and not be impressed was next to impossible. He was well- spoken and had excellent manners. He was well informed and could converse on any subject and had a great sense of humour. It was hardly surprising then that my parents were extremely impressed with him. I happened to be in Bikaner at the time recovering from a bad bout of flu; my college was on strike for a few weeks and I was at a loose end and feeling sorry for myself. My father decided to get the project underway in a roundabout fashion. He called me and commiserated on the state of my health and asked if I felt like going to Bombay for a few days and getting a change of scene before going back to college. I eagerly took up his offer and the very next day, Vikram Singh Sankhu drove me to Jaipur and I took the flight to Bombay. On arrival the subject that there well may be a young man who was suitable for marriage was gently broached. ‘See how it goes’ they said, ‘why not meet him and see.’ I agreed and we met for the first time at the Taj, for dinner, Idar baby and his lovely wife Pinky acted as chaperones that evening. I was impressed with MJ’s sense of humour and relaxed way of conversation. We got on like a house on fire.
My parents suggested ever so gently that if I was not averse I should consider meeting him again and so it happened that we met once again at the ‘Shamiyana’ restaurant and then the question of whether we would seriously consider getting married was put to the both of us. Despite knowing each other for only a short time we both agreed, knowing my parents and their conservative attitude to life there was definitely not going to be a protracted getting to know each other. It was decided that an engagement would take place early in 1973 in Delhi followed by a traditional marriage in Bikaner sometime in February at a suitable date to be decided by the Court pundit.
When my parents asked MJ for his horoscope they were informed that since his family did not believe in them he did not have one. My parents in most cases were extremely particular about protocol but in this case for some inexplicable reason once the marriage talks were quite far advanced did not first insist on meeting MJ’s parents and they on their part were also quite happy to go along with their son’s decision and ready to welcome a daughter-in-law into their family sight unseen. For my part, I was rather a naive nineteen-year-old teenager and was quite happy to get married to this handsome and amusing young man and to go to live in London. A fundamental question such as where we would live once we got there in the long-term is something that no one seemed interested in addressing.
I do recall asking my mother as to where we would live in London and she said that the senior Gohels had informed them that they would either buy us a small independent flat in Golders Green where they lived or the alternative was to turn their detached house into two independent flats so that we could live in one and MJ’s brother Jaidevsinh and his wife Jyoti Kumari would live in the other. In fact, neither of these scenarios was to materialise. MJ and I began our married life in the house of my in-laws in Golders Green.
Once the decision was made, everything proceeded with all possible speed, with my mother blazing forth with all kinds of arrangements. The first ceremony that took place in January 1973 was the formal engagement at the Claridges Hotel in Delhi. Thakur Khet Singh who was normally in charge of ceremonial affairs in our family was called from Bikaner with various members of the bodyguard to act as bearers. On a crisp day in January, they all dressed up in white uniforms and traditional orange turbans and went off bearing trays of sweets, fruits and other gifts from my parents to the bridegroom to be. Traditionally the engagement ceremony is carried out by the brother of the future bride and so my brother Narendra Singh was summoned from Bikaner and made one of his rare trips to Delhi to attend to the formalities. MJ and I had only met a few times in Bombay while under strict chaperoning. While we were in Delhi however, MJ very daringly asked my parents if he could take me out for a coffee to the Oberoi Hotel and to my utter astonishment I was allowed to go. I have no recollection what we spoke of, but it was nice to have some time off on our own.
The Gohel clan into which I was getting married are Chandravanshi Rajputs: they belong to the Sisodia clan and claim their origins from Mewar. They are mainly settled around the Rajpipla and Bhavnagar princely states in Gujarat. My father in law hailed from Palitana in Gujarat, which is famous for its beautiful Jain temples. Socially prominent he was a well educated and self
made man and practiced law. MJ used to tell me how upright and strict his father was about Government property and ensured that not even a pencil was removed from the office. He had been at some point been appointed the Diwan of Morvi state when the young Maharaja was a minor, and maintained cordial ties with the princely family of Morvi throughout his life.
He was always traditionally dressed in a blue turban and Nehru jacket or bandh gala coat and trousers even when he was in London, always maintaining his ethnic identity. MJ’s parents Jaywantsinh Gohel and his wife Sajjan Kunwar had moved in the early sixties to London. My brother in law Jaidevsinh was sent to London for his education; my mother-in-law was very attached to her sons and was very unhappy at the parting and it was decided that they too would move to London for the duration of the education of both their sons. They bought a detached house in Golders Green in North West London, and named it ‘Dipak.’ It was close to an elevated patch of railway track of the London underground system on the Northern line and every time a train passed by the house would reverberate with the sound.
It was the practice since the time of Maharaja Ganga Singh to prepare a detailed dossier for any wedding in the family. Great grandfather was a meticulous planner and he together with his advisors, set out a time line and precise plan as to which ceremonies would take place when and which member of staff was responsible for the execution and details- who was going to ride in which car during the procession was also planned out. My father maintained this tradition and all three of us siblings, had a sizable book of instructions prepared at our respective weddings. These detailed instructions were prepared not only for weddings but also for visits from fellow princes, visiting dignitaries and of course the visit to Bikaner by the Viceroy. The wedding files are even now much sought after by cousins and other family members planning weddings for their children; they are regarded as being excellent guidelines as to correct form and etiquette for Rajput weddings. My parents were keen for the marriage to be solemnised at Lallgarh Palace. It was certainly the most logical and practical choice since most of our guests would be staying here. I was however quite obstinate about having the ceremony at the old Junagarh Fort where traditionally, the members of the Bikaner family got married. In hindsight perhaps it was not such a good idea Lallgarh Palace was definitely a better and more contained property
When I got engaged to MJ I suddenly realised that I had none of the skills required to be a good wife and home maker: my father had taught me to shoot which was a skill not of much use while setting up home and my mother who had a huge staff at her beck and call had not the remotest idea herself as to how to run a home and attend to domestic matters, was certainly not in any position to give me any pointers. In fact, all through my shooting career I recall my mother telling my father ‘What good is it teaching a girl how to shoot? How can this possibly help her in her future life?’ My father, however, thought otherwise, ‘She has the talent and this must be put to good use,’ he chided her. I had until then, never made even a cup of tea on my own though fortunately for me it was Eddie who taught us basic cooking and we made chocolate mousse and cakes; Naniji, Mrs. Sankhu taught us to knit; Coach Kalu Singh taught me to drive and the other accomplishments and skills in life were picked up by trial and error as I went along.
I took Mrs. Sankhu or ‘Naniji’ with me to Khan Market in Delhi to scout for suitable cookery books in preparation for married life. Finally I picked up a book by Mrs. Balbir Singh who was the Nigella Lawson of India in her time, at least in culinary terms. This was my first cookery book. I did not add many to that thereafter either and I finally came to the conclusion that cooking was not one of my strong talents. However, that book was critical to me at a time when we moved out of my parent’s in-laws house in Golders Green and went to live in our first house at Edgware in 1973. It taught me how to make delicious basic daal and my favourite was potatoes with yoghurt. I even had the courage to cook for my in-laws one day—my mother-in-law was in fact considered a very skilled cook—even they were very impressed or at least, they were kind enough to say so. Many years later, Deepak and Shoba Singh became good friends, and when I discovered that Deepak was Mrs. Balbir Singh’s son I told them that thanks to his mother I was saved great embarrassment at home during the first months of my married life in London.
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My father Bhanwar Karni Singh (left) his sister Princess Sushil Kanwar (middle) their younger brother Bhanwar Amar Singh (right)
6
‘By all means marry: if you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.’
-Socrates
T
he Jodhpur and Bikaner families are historically closely linked—in fact, Jodhpur is our ancestral home. Rao Bika was a prince of Jodhpur and then went on to found Bikaner, and we are both Rathore Rajput states. By total coincidence it so happened that Maharaja Gaj Singh of Jodhpur was about to get married at more or less the same time as me to the Princess of Poonch, and as luck would have it the date set by the pundits was exactly the same for both of us: 19 February, 1973. This of course meant that we could not attend each other’s wedding. As a compromise, my father and I went to Jodhpur to convey our good wishes and congratulations to the Jodhpur Royal family ten days before the wedding and in return Rajmata Krishna Kumari the Maharaja’s mother came to Bikaner a few days before I got married to wish us the same. It also put many guests in a quandary since most were related to both sides or at least knew both families well; in many cases, as a compromise one member of the family attended the Jodhpur wedding and the other the Bikaner one.
While going through some old letters and documents recently I came across this particularly sweet and touching letter written to me just before I got married by the Rajdaisa Badan Kanwar of Jodhpur, the grandmother of Maharaja Gaj Singh. She was a sweet, dignified, big hearted and gracious lady and it was a great privilege to have met her several times: her love and regard for the Bikaner family was apparent and she called my father ‘Karni Beta’. She had kindly taken the time to write the entire letter in hand in auspicious red ink and I quote a few lines of her wise advice to me.
Letter from Rajdadisa dated 18 February, 1973, reads:
‘My dearest Biggy, I am sorry that due to my indifferent health I am not able to be in Bikaner for the very auspicious occasion of your marriage Beta, thus this most inadequate substitute to convey my feelings. Biggy Beta till a girl is not married she is a social being for and around her parents. But after her marriage she is an entity unto herself. Therefore all your actions, in your sasar (in- law’s home) will reflect all that you have learnt in your pehar (parent’s home) and vice versa. Therefore, your responsibilities are towards both your sasara and pehar. And both these will be reflected and judged in your actions with others. May God guide you to bear all these responsibilities.’
Traditionally, all our family weddings took place from the old Junagarh Fort. When a female member of the family marries, the ceremony takes place at the Devi Dwara, which is a series of small temples and in front of the temples is a large courtyard where the marriages are conducted. On researching the wedding file that was prepared by my father at the time of my wedding, I noted that the first act of the bride to be was to visit several temples to pay respects to the deities and seek their blessings. The ceremonies started from 15January, 1973, and the first visit was to the temples of Lakshmi Narainji, Nagnechaji and Shiv Bari. These are the main temples of the Bikaner family. The next day on the 16 January was a visit to Deshnoke temple to pay my respects to Karni Mata who is the family Kul Devi of our family and then later in the afternoon at several more temples.
The very first act to set a wedding into motion is the Ganesh Staphna: the first wedding invitation is ceremonially presented to Lord Ganesh who, in the Hindu pantheon of Gods is the remover of all obstacles. Thereafter, the invitations can be issued to other guests. The day the staphna takes place, the parents of the bride or groom carry out a havan and the idol
of Lord Ganesh is put into place and remains there till all the wedding ceremonies are complete and the married couple seek the blessings of Lord Ganesh together.
On 17 January began the Hath Dhan ceremony which was to take place at the Junagarh Fort, and the instructions were timed to the very minute. An example: ‘Her Highness the Maharani Sahib (my mother), Maharaj Kumrani Sahib (my sister-in-law) and Princess Rajyashree Kumariji will arrive at the Zenani Deodhi at 9.20AM. The ceremonies were timed to finish at 10.45AM, and various senior officers such as Thakur Prem Singhji, Thakur Kishen Singhji and Thakur Jeoraj Singhji were to remain on duty that morning and ensure that all was made ready for the ceremonies to proceed; the dress code was to be coat and safa (turban). The Hath Dhan ceremony is, in fact, the Rajput equivalent of the modern day mehendi ceremony, attended by the female members of the family and guests: there is usually dancing, the traditional ‘ghumar’ dance is performed and then the bride and other members of the family have mehendi or henna applied to their hands and feet. After the ceremony ‘gur’ or brown jaggery is distributed to the staff and other attendants.
Palace of Clouds Page 29