by Lori M. Lee
His magic corrupted even Ronin, who sacrificed so much to defeat him. The longer I’m around him, the deeper his magic would twine with mine, and the more afraid I am that it would turn me into something I’m not.
Or, if I’m being honest, turn me into a version of myself that I know lurks within me, but has always been suppressed. By Saengo, by my own fears and moralities.
But Kendara knew it was there. She must have. She wanted me to be callous and to put myself first. To escape all of this. If only I could.
TWENTY-ONE
“You’re very much like me when I was young,” says the Soulless.
I’m in the Dead Wood, I think. In this bizarre dreamscape, the trees are spider thin. The roots sprawl through the earth like spindly legs, and the branches stretch high into a vast darkness, devoid of stars. Mist swirls around me, faces hidden within the gray plumes. Ghostly fingers trail along my arms, sending ice across the back of my neck.
I endure the phantom touches with my fists clenched at my sides. The Soulless is trying to unsettle me, but there’s no need to play to his game.
His figure is indistinct through the mist and the skeleton trees, shifting in and out of view. But he is on his feet, strolling almost leisurely, and I’m not sure what that means—whether it’s an illusion, or if he’s getting stronger.
“You’re much like me before I lost everything,” he clarifies. Although he’s walking some distance away, his voice flits around me, without direction. “You are running full speed toward the same future. You should break your ties before they betray you.”
“You said there was a chance we could restore Saengo to life.”
“And maybe we can if we try. But is that what you want? To give her back the ability to walk away from you forever?”
His words lodge in my chest, clawing out a fear I’ve long held inside and refused to expose to the light—that one day, Saengo would realize the mistake she’d made in befriending me and leave, just like everyone else.
“No one will ever accept people like us. The fact that there are only two of us left is proof enough.”
His silhouette appears to my left, and I spin to face him only for him to vanish again into the mist and shadows.
“We hurt everyone who isn’t strong enough to match our power. You’ve already hurt Saengo. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not even a year from now, but someday, she will leave you.”
I’m not like you, I think fiercely. I will never be like you.
“Make no mistake, Sirscha. Your friend’s love will turn to hate. When you begin to age, and she does not. When she must watch her family and all she loves die, and she lingers as a part of you, unchanging. When the world moves on around her, her existence forgotten, she will hate you for it.”
My stomach clenches tight, my chest aching. His words flay open the heart of me, laying bare the blood and bone of my fears.
Although his figure is a flickering shape amid the trees, his voice is clear and close, as if perched at my shoulder. “I am the only one who will remain. I am all you have.”
My fingers dig into my thighs through the coarse fabric of my pants. He may be right. Someday, Saengo will hate me for what I did to her. And who can blame her? I would do anything for her, but that hardly matters if I can’t do the one thing she needs most—give back her life.
I’m not even real. But she is. She hurts and loves and feels, and she’s still with me, despite everything. Even if I have no one else, even were she not tied to me as my familiar, I can trust in knowing that Saengo will stand by my side.
“You’re wrong,” I say softly. The hiss of souls echoes from the trees and lashes out from the mist.
I won’t end up like the Soulless. He’s a monster, but even after all this time, he’s still a man with human fears. I understand his desire to not be alone, much as I wish I didn’t.
Before Saengo and Kendara, I never understood what it meant to hold another person close to your heart—to have a family, which I’ve always been hesitant to call them because, as much as I wanted it, I wasn’t sure they felt the same.
The Soulless broke his magic and his heart in service to the Empire, and to stop his brother. That his actions continue to haunt him, centuries later, means some part of who he’d been is still there. If I can defeat him and release his soul, would that save him?
Would that save me from becoming like him, hoarding souls without regard?
“We’re not alone,” I say, searching out his form through the mist. He becomes clearer, a vague shape sharpening into lines and curves and shadows. “We don’t have to be alone.”
The hissing rises into snarls as half-rotted faces thrash within the mist, teeth gnashing. Disembodied hands reach for my sleeves, my hair, my shoulders, trailing damp cold. Patches of frost bloom against my skin as I turn in circles, fending off their chilling touch. My fist slams into the nearest tree.
I awake with a gasp, blinking up at the arched ceiling of Theyen’s safe house, my knuckles stinging.
While I wait for Theyen to return, I formulate a plan.
I need to recover the Soulless’s talisman while the queen is still in Vos Talwyn. As Kendara’s pupil, I know how to get in and out of the city through hidden passages. Getting into the Grand Palace might be trickier, but I’ve an idea. I don’t, however, know how to reach the queen’s rooms. Prince Meilek should be able to help with that. Getting her alone, without her guards, will make taking the talisman less complicated.
I miss Saengo dearly, and I’m impatient to get this done, but I also miss this solitude. The only times I was ever truly alone was when I was on missions for Kendara, completing whatever impossibility she’d concocted to prove myself. My goals hadn’t been simple even then, but they’d been straight forward. The only stakes were mine.
Midway through the second day of waiting, I can’t help but wonder if Theyen actually intends to return. I’ve been certain that focusing on the Soulless’s talisman is vital to removing him from the equation.
What if, by leaving me here, he’s removing me from the equation?
I have to be on lands belonging to the Fireborn Queens. Last night, I studied the position of the stars and concluded I must be somewhere east of the Xya River. I need only to head west to reach the river or south to reach the coast. Although picking my way over unfamiliar mountains, on foot and without a map, would prove long and arduous. I would never make it back to Saengo before the rot took her.
Theyen will keep his word, I assure myself. Annoyed, I finish my food and wash and dry the plate. I used my craft to hunt. It’s easy when I don’t have to worry about hurting anyone else.
Since he’s meant to come back for me tonight, I climb into bed to get some sleep before he arrives.
I dream of the Soulless again, but this time, he doesn’t speak. He simply watches me, perched on this throne of twisted trees and trapped souls, picking at wisps of spiderweb clinging to his arms.
“What do you want?” I ask.
He only smiles, bright eyes cunning. His pale fingers pick, pick, pick at the webbing that never seems to thin. He seems to be waiting for something.
It’s wholly unnerving.
Hours later, I awaken unsettled, certain that time is running out. What is the Soulless planning? He had an expectant air about him, as if he knows something is about to happen. My skin prickles, and I grow impatient for Theyen to arrive.
Other than my swords, I don’t have anything I took with me to Spinner’s End, so I’ve nothing to pack. I wait, pacing to the frenzied tune of crackling flames. The sky grows dark, and darker still.
At last, sometime after midnight, there’s a sound at the front door—a key pushed into a keyhole. I dart behind the door and wait until it opens to reveal Theyen. Then I relax, easing my swords to my sides.
Theyen’s eyebrow raises in a mocking look. “Have you gone feral in my absence?”
“I was being cautious. Besides, I wasn’t entirely sure you’d come back.
”
“I did consider leaving you here.”
“You’re an ass.”
“You’re welcome.”
I douse the fire, and since I’ve already tidied up, there’s nothing left to do except leave. Seeing as I had two days to familiarize myself with the surrounding terrain, I lead the way, heading west, which is where we first arrived.
Preferring to avoid what happened last time, we take two shorter trips through the gate to reach our destination. I still need a minute to compose myself in between, though.
When we emerge from the second gate, we’re in another forest. This one seems familiar, as if I’ve walked through these exact trees before, although I can’t recall when or where. Even the way one tree leans against the one beside it, branches entwined, seems familiar. It’s not until we reach a creek, and the small cottage nestled at its edge, that I recognize it.
We’re on Phang lands. Once, years ago, Saengo took me to Falcons Ridge. We’d just graduated from the Prince’s Company, and she’d yet to tell her parents about her decision to join the Queen’s Company with me. Afraid of their reactions, she asked me to come with her, hoping my presence would deter them from doing anything too harsh.
Her parents received me as any highbrow reiwyn couple would a child with no means, no family, and no connections. They offered me a stiff greeting and then took Saengo aside to loudly inform her that, knowing of their disapproval of our friendship, how could she possibly think they’d welcome this social climber into their home? Was Saengo really so easily duped?
Just as loud, Saengo told them that she had enrolled in the Queen’s Company, and there was no backing out, not without shaming the name of Phang. Then she took my hand and stormed out of the keep. We rode our drakes for hours and hours, well into the night, following a creek that ran from the main property over sloping hills and through wooded lands until we reached a small cottage at the water’s edge.
It had been her grandmother’s once, she’d said. We only stayed there a single night before her father’s soldiers found us. I was carted back to Vos Talwyn, and Saengo was forced back to Falcons Ridge for the duration of our break. It had been a very long month.
The sight of that cottage and the warm light flickering behind the windows makes my heart leap. I rush down the slope. But then I pause, Saengo’s candle flame a distant warmth in my chest. She isn’t here.
TWENTY-TWO
I step up to the entrance with caution. Before I can knock, the door opens. Kou peers through the dark to ensure it’s just Theyen and me, and then steps aside so I can enter.
The interior of the cottage is just as I remember. It’s cozy and warm, with a curious collection of wooden figurines piled atop the windowsill. Thick, mismatched rugs cover the wood floors. Portraits of various Phang heirs hang on the wall, and the Phang crest—a falcon in mid-dive—has been painted above the mantel.
“Sirscha.” Prince Meilek grins, rising from a table where a map is spread. I’m glad to see him, safe and whole. I begin to bow, but he stops me, grasping my hand between his. “I heard about what happened in Kazahyn. I’m glad you’re safe.”
“Did he know?” Theyen asks, arching one eyebrow. “That you’re a soulrender.”
When I don’t immediately respond, Prince Meilek nods. Theyen’s other eyebrow rises to join the first.
“Anyway,” I say, turning back to Prince Meilek. “Have you been traveling this entire time?”
“Just about. We could all do with a rest,” he says, indicating his Blades. Kou and two others either sit at the table or recline in overstuffed chairs, as if not quite sure how to occupy such a quaint space.
“How were you able to bring us here?” I ask Theyen. “You’ve been here before?”
“Only yesterday. My soldiers who escorted Saengo were able to show me the way.”
I smile. She must have succeeded in convincing her father to hear out Prince Meilek. How else would he be here? “Will she be coming?”
“They sent a falcon. They’ll be late,” Prince Meilek says.
“They,” I repeat, mentally cringing. Of course, Lord Phang would need to be here as well.
“We are on his land, something he’s only allowed because of Saengo. And we need him if we’re to win the north to our cause.”
I still don’t like him, but he is important. And he loves Saengo, which is his best quality.
“Saengo said she would arrange for our safety here,” I say. “If Lord Phang supports you against your sister, it’ll be because of her influence.”
Prince Meilek nods in agreement. We wait for them to arrive, but when an hour has passed without a sign of them, we can’t delay any longer. Their absence makes me uneasy, but Saengo is safe on Phang lands. It’s probably the safest place she could be. But the longer we’re apart, the worse her infection will become. Worry gnaws at me.
I relay my plan for how to get inside Vos Talwyn and the Grand Palace. When I ask Prince Meilek for details on how to reach the queen’s rooms, though, he surprises me by insisting on coming.
“There’s no need for you to do this alone,” he says.
I’d planned to do it alone. Not because I have to or even because I want to, but because I simply assumed I would be on my own.
“My scouts have confirmed the queen’s ship is docked in Needle Bay, and she has holed up within the Grand Palace,” Theyen says. “Falcons have been spotted arriving, but only one has gone out, I assume to keep in contact with the Soulless.”
My dream of the Soulless and the creeping certainty that something is about to happen prickles within me. I shake off the nerves and address Prince Meilek, “So you’ll be able to get us into her rooms?”
He nods. “There’s a passageway that connects my room to hers so that I could reach her quickly in the event of an attack. It’ll be easier to get to my rooms first, and then access hers that way. Yen was able to acquire a position in the Grand Palace. She’s been keeping an eye on things for me. She can help us if necessary.”
I remember Yen, the cheerful, somewhat clumsy girl who Prince Meilek sent back to Evewyn weeks ago. “I don’t think we should share our plan with anyone outside this room.”
“I’ve known Yen for years. I trust her,” he says.
Frowning, I look to Theyen, who meets my gaze. I haven’t forgotten that the assassin in Luam knew about Prince Meilek’s room rotation. It’s possible there’d been a spy among the group. Yen would be one of the last people I’d suspect, which makes me all the warier of her. I know the advantages of being underestimated better than most.
Reluctantly, I nod and make a mental note to keep an eye on Yen should we run into her. I may not trust her, but I trust Prince Meilek.
“One more thing,” I say, steeling myself for his reaction. “We leave tonight.”
Prince Meilek frowns as his Blades glance uneasily at one another.
“This must be properly planned, Sirscha,” Prince Meilek begins.
“There’s no time,” I say, impatience making my words harder than I intend. The memory of the Soulless and his small knowing smile makes my skin itch with restlessness. Besides, we don’t know when the queen’s ships will arrive. It could be any day now. “We can’t delay. If we leave now, we should reach Vos Talwyn tomorrow night. We’ll buy supplies on the way.”
Kou steps up and leans close to murmur in Prince Meilek’s ear. They exchange words I can’t hear as I wait impatiently for his verdict. Theyen only watches, his expression revealing none of his thoughts.
After a moment, Kou steps away, and Prince Meilek crosses his arms, looking resolute. “This is a dangerous plan,” Prince Meilek says. “The fewer people involved, the better. We’ll travel faster as a pair. My Blades will remain here to continue working with Lord Phang.”
I can tell by the expressions on his Blades’ faces that they’re not pleased with the decision. But I understand why he’s leaving them behind. If this fails and we’re caught, then they will be far from the queen’s reach a
nd her wrath.
My jaw tightens. We can’t be caught. Not just for our sakes, but for Saengo’s. As soon as we’re finished, I have to find her. Retrieving the talisman can’t wait, but neither can her rot.
“Then let’s go,” I say.
Kou lends me his drake, and we gather what supplies are immediately available. We don’t need much. As we’ll be traveling through the night, I’m glad I chose to find a few hours of sleep before Theyen returned for me.
Once we’re gathered outside, drakes readied, Theyen summons a gate, preparing to leave as well.
“Thank you,” I say. “I know you’re angry with me, but I hope we can be friends again someday.”
Theyen gives me a withering look. “You’re an idiot if you think I offer my help to just anyone. Didn’t I tell you once that you’ll have to be less dim-witted if you mean to keep my company?”
Then, without waiting for my reply, he vanishes into the gate, and it closes behind him.
I look at the empty place where he’d been, and then to Kou who’s standing next to me, saddling his drake. “Did he just … say we’re friends?”
“He did,” Kou confirms, amusement pulling at his mouth.
Theyen is a strange, contradictory man.
Since Prince Meilek is more familiar with Phang lands than I am, he leads us. His Blades are reluctant to see us off, but they dutifully obey their prince.
We ride quickly, our sure-footed drakes guiding us through the night.
“Did you have to make promises to Lord Phang to earn his cooperation?” I ask, as we travel along a narrow path between fields of rice. I know little about Saengo’s father, only that he’s a proud man and very much a reiwyn lord. He commands power with the surety of someone who has never known otherwise.