“It’s not like that.”
“Sure, it is. You were perfectly happy with Nathalie before I moved here.”
“Was I?”
“Well, you’ve been together since you were twelve, so yeah. I mean, it’s just…”
I didn’t know what it was.
“I’ve gotta go.”
I hurried down the steps, nearly tripping twice over the long skirt. I was suddenly hating the Victorians. Jeans were so much better for a hasty getaway.
I slipped under the rope. A couple of people in the hallway stopped and stared at me.
“I was looking for the bathroom.” I jerked my thumb toward the stairs. “It’s not up there. There’s nothing up there. It was totally boring.”
I hurried past them, figuring I was going to become known as that crazy girl from Texas.
I found Tara and Shaun in the kitchen, exactly as I’d left them.
“Okay, I’m ready to go.” I smiled at Mr. Wynter. “You have a beautiful house. I can see why Mom hired you. Thanks.”
He looked confused, like maybe he didn’t know what I was thanking him for. I didn’t know either, but it just seemed like the thing to say.
Of course the worst part was leaving through the front door. Nathalie smiled brightly. “What did you think? Doesn’t my boyfriend have the coolest house?”
“Absolutely.”
“Where’s your hat?”
“Lost it. See you later.”
“Okay. We’ll be heading over to the hotel soon. You can dance with my boyfriend if you want.”
I so didn’t want.
17
“What was going on back there?” Tara asked when I finally slowed down.
“Oh, nothing. I was just tired of touring Victorian houses. Like you said, seen one, seen ’em all.”
Tara grabbed my arm and spun me around. “Ash, this is me. What is going on?”
I took a deep breath. “He says he can’t stop thinking about me.”
“I could have told you that,” Tara said. “It was pretty obvious when we walked in that he was glad to see you.”
I pressed my hands to the sides of my head. “What if Nathalie figures it out? I should probably move back home.”
That thought caused an unexpected ache in my chest. I was growing fond of the island. But I’d be the island slut if anyone found out what had happened between Josh and me.
“You’re not going to move back home,” Tara said.
I glowered at her. “You can order the fudge online.”
“You’re not going to move back home,” she repeated.
I nodded. She was right. I wasn’t going to leave Mom. I wasn’t going to leave the island. “He’s thinking about me because I’m a novelty, that’s all.”
“I don’t think that’s the reason,” Shaun said.
I glared at him. “Trust me, Shaun, a lot is going on here that you don’t know about.”
“Tara told me he kissed you.”
I frowned at Tara. “You told him?”
“Well, yeah, I tell Shaun everything. He’s my boyfriend.”
“I’m starting to hate that term. ‘My boyfriend.’”
“Well, he is. But he’s not going to tell anyone.” She turned to Shaun. “So since you know more than Ash thinks you do, what do you think is the reason he’s thinking about her?”
“Wait,” I ordered.
Some people walked past. We all exchanged hellos. When they were far enough away that they couldn’t hear us, I said, “Okay. Spill it.”
“Uh, actually I can’t. I mean, it’s a guy code.”
“A. Guy. Code?” I asked.
“Yeah, you know, two guys talking guy stuff. Our unwritten code is that we don’t talk to babes about it.”
“How about your girlfriend? If she tells you stuff, shouldn’t you tell her stuff?”
He looked guiltily at Tara. He did have emotions. I felt a little mean about putting him on the spot.
“Never mind,” I said. “So what if he’s thinking about me? He’s not going to break up with Nathalie just to go on a date with me.”
“A date?” Tara repeated. “You wouldn’t make an exception to your no-boyfriend rule for him?”
“A rule doesn’t allow for exceptions.”
“I so don’t get you sometimes.”
I almost looked between her and Shaun and said, “Ditto.” But no way did I want to hurt either of their feelings. It wasn’t worth it to make my point.
“Come on. Let’s just go to the dance.”
I was numb, physically and emotionally, by the time we reached the hotel. It was a huge place. A front porch ran the length of it. Horse-drawn sleighs were lined up one after another. I guess to provide transport home afterward.
Tara, of course, sighed and snuggled in closer to Shaun. “I want to go for a ride in one of those.”
A lot of people were milling around on the porch. No kids our age. And the music drifting outside was definitely not the kind we usually listened to.
“Do we want to do the dance?” I asked.
“I’m kinda wiped out,” Tara said. “And I’m more interested in the sleigh ride. Dances I can go to at home. But a sleigh ride…”
“Okay, go do the sleigh ride.”
“Go do? You’re coming with us.”
“I’m really in the mood to walk.”
“Then we’ll walk with you.”
“Tara, don’t be silly. You’re right. You may never get a chance to do this again. So do it now. With Shaun. I’m just going to walk.”
“If you’re sure…”
I could see how badly she wanted to do it. And I couldn’t blame her.
“A hundred percent,” I said.
Shaun paid the driver—I guess with his reserved money—at the front of the line. Then he and Tara climbed into the sleigh. The driver tucked a thick blanket over their laps.
Tara looked so happy. When it came to revealing his emotions, Shaun might be a flatliner, but he’d obviously managed to win Tara over big-time.
The driver slapped the reins over the backs of the horses and they took off, little bells attached to the reins jingling as they disappeared around the corner. I thought I saw Shaun lean in to kiss Tara—or maybe she leaned in to kiss him. But either way, I knew romantic-at-heart Tara was going to get a sleigh ride she’d never forget.
By the time I got home I was coooold!
I could smell something spicy coming from the kitchen. When I walked in, Mom was sitting at the table, making notes in a binder. She was wearing velour lounging pants and a tank top. Her fuzzy socked feet were on a chair.
“Hi, sweetie,” she said. “I made some tension-reducing tea. It has chamomile. No caffeine. It’ll warm you and help you sleep.”
How had she known that I’d be so tense I was close to snapping in two?
“Why would I need help sleeping?” I mumbled as I poured myself a cup. I sat down across from Mom. “Are you tense?”
She laughed lightly. “No, but I don’t believe a person can ever be too relaxed.”
I took off my gloves and wrapped my hands around the mug.
“I made some spice cake, too,” she said.
“You’ve been busy. I thought you were going on the Victorian Walk.”
“I did. I have lots of ideas now for decorating. I wanted to write them all down while they were fresh in my mind.”
“You didn’t go to the dance?”
She took a sip of tea and shook her head. “No, maybe next year. What did you think of the houses?”
“I think they’re officially called cottages.”
“I think you’re right. Did you see the Wynters’?” she asked.
“Yeah, it was pretty awesome.”
“I thought so, too.”
She went back to scribbling in her binder.
“Mom, can I ask you a question?”
She looked up at me and smiled. “Of course, sweetie.”
I was starting to get warm and
thought about taking off my parka, but I felt a little silly talking to my mom about a serious subject when I was wearing a Victorian costume. It wasn’t me. My parka was. And what I wanted to ask…well, I wanted honesty.
“Is Marsha the reason you and Dad got a divorce?”
Her mouth dropped open slightly. Then she reached across the table and took my hand. “Oh, honey, no.”
“Then why?”
“Oh, Ashleigh, your dad and I were barely eighteen when we got married. We had so much growing up and changing to do, and we didn’t realize then that we’d change in different directions. Your dad likes the big corporate world and travel and schmoozing and entertaining people. Me”—she shrugged—“I like the simple, small-town life. Your dad and I still love each other, and we want each other to be happy. And we admitted that the best way to be happy was not to be together.”
“So you just gave up?”
“We recognized that we wanted—needed—different things to be happy. Your dad needed someone who loves the glamorous world he lives in. And I needed something else. I’m not exactly sure what it is yet. I’m still trying to figure that out. Most girls figure it out in their twenties. But I was busy being a mommy and a wife.”
“Are you saying you don’t know who you are?”
“Pretty much, yeah.”
I slumped back in my chair. I hardly knew what to say. You don’t expect your mom to have an identity crisis. She’s the adult. She’s…well, she’s your mom! If she didn’t know who she was, how would you ever know?
I leaned forward. “Do you like Mr. Wynter?”
“Of course I do.” Her eyes widened. “Oh, no, not like what you’re thinking. He’s just a friend. I’m in no hurry for romance, but if I were, well…”
Her cheeks turned red, and she began drawing hearts on a page in her binder. Hearts, like I did whenever I started crushing on a guy and wondering what going on a date with him would be like.
That was just too weird to even think about.
It was a little after midnight when Tara crept into my room. I’d been sitting on the window seat, looking out onto the street so I’d seen the sleigh arrive. I’d heard her laugh as the driver helped her get out. I’d watched as Shaun put his arms around her and rubbed his nose against hers while the sleigh went up the street. I had looked away when he’d kissed her.
“Oh, you’re awake,” she said as she closed the door behind her.
The only light I’d left on was the lamp beside my bed. I’d put a silk scarf over it so the room looked a little blue. I didn’t think it would have looked like much light from the street. If she would have even noticed. She’d obviously been totally caught up in Shaun. Which I completely understood. I might not get the attraction of Shaun, but I knew when I was ready to have a boyfriend, I’d want to be immersed in him too.
And I definitely would be, if he took me on a romantic sleigh ride.
“You’re only here for one more day,” I told her. “You didn’t really think I was going to spend what little time we had left sleeping, did you?”
I helped her get out of her Victorian costume. When she was in her flannel PJ’s, we both sat on the window seat—it was that big—looking out, with my grandma’s quilt wrapped around both of us.
“I kinda like it here, Ash,” Tara said.
“Yeah, it definitely has its moments.”
“Shaun and I are talking about coming back during spring break.”
“That’d be great.”
“And probably in the summer. Maybe we could get summer jobs here, working for your mom.”
“Please do,” I said. “You can make the breakfast and beds, while I sleep in.”
“Think of all the different kinds of people you’ll meet. I think it’ll be fun.”
It would be fun. Especially if Tara was here.
We were quiet for a few minutes, watching snowflakes fall.
“If Josh didn’t have a girlfriend,” she said quietly, “wouldn’t you go out with him more than once?”
I nodded. “Twice at least.”
“How could you not want him to be your boyfriend?”
“Love doesn’t last when you’re young, so why bother acting like it does?”
I was staring hard out the window because it had been difficult saying that. Especially to Tara, who thought Shaun was her forever guy. I just didn’t get it.
Tara was so quiet that I was afraid I’d hurt her feelings. Having a boyfriend was the one thing we’d never agreed on.
Twisting my head slightly, I rested my cheek on my upturned knees and looked at Tara. “Do you really think you and Shaun will live happily ever after?”
“I don’t know, Ash. I just know that I’m happy now.”
“It’ll hurt so much if you break up.”
“What if we never break up?”
“Then I guess you’ll have happily ever after.”
“Exactly.”
She looked really pleased with herself. Really happy. But it was scary to think of happily ever after. It was scary to think about trusting someone enough to give him your heart now, hoping he wouldn’t break it later.
18
As Tara explained it, from the time they’d arrived on the island, it had been all about what Tara wanted to do. Hang with me. Eat fudge. Dress in Victorian clothes. Eat fudge. Take a sleigh ride.
So their last day on the island was all about what Shaun wanted to do. And he wanted to go to the mainland. He wanted to drive across the bridge connecting the straits.
Why he thought that would be a rush, I don’t know. Had to be a guy thing.
I’d stopped trying to figure Shaun out. He made Tara happy and that was all that mattered. And he was willing to include me in this little excursion across the water, and that made me happy.
I hadn’t been on the ferry or to the mainland yet, so I was excited about getting to tag along. I wasn’t even thinking about being the odd number. And I didn’t even complain that it felt like the temperature had dropped a hundred degrees since yesterday.
Shaun, with his love of numbers, would have no doubt spent time explaining that my theory was impossible. But I was beginning to learn the difference between very cold and realllly cold.
Shaun was also very methodical. He had the entire day planned out. But he was being secretive and wouldn’t show Tara the list on his PDA. Yes, his list. He was going to check them off as we did them. Geeky. But again, he made Tara happy, so I was okay with it.
“Please, tell me just one thing we’re going to do,” Tara begged as we trudged to the dock. She was hanging on to his arm, which was a good thing because the wind was strong today.
“We’re going to drive across the bridge.”
I wasn’t sure how we were going to do that. I figured he was going to rent a car. If they had a car rental place over there. Surely they did.
“I know that,” Tara said. “Tell me something else.”
“Have lunch.”
She laughed. I didn’t know why. Love did strange things to people.
The ferry horn blasted.
“Come on, we better hurry,” I said.
We practically ran to the dock, bought our tickets, and dashed onto the ferry. We went inside where the wind couldn’t hit us. It wasn’t much warmer. I was concentrating on figuring out where the warmest seat might be when I heard Shaun say, “Hey,” greeting someone.
But who did Shaun know here?
I spun around and watched as Josh approached from the rear of the cabin, or whatever they called the little room on top of the ferry. It had big windows so we’d have a great view.
Josh and Shaun tapped knuckles.
“Thanks for doing this, man,” Shaun said.
“Not a problem,” Josh said.
“Doing what?” I asked.
“Josh has a car. He’s going to drive us over the bridge.”
“Oh, that’s nice of him,” Tara said.
But her tone sounded funny, like someone who’s tryin
g to appear surprised but isn’t.
“Yeah, it is,” I said. And I was back to thinking that being a third wheel wouldn’t have been nearly as awkward.
Maybe I should get off now, before things get any worse.
The ferry horn sounded again, and the boat began to move away from the dock.
Too late. I’m stuck.
“Cool. Let’s watch,” Shaun said, taking Tara’s hand and pulling her toward a window.
Which, of course, left me standing there with Josh.
“You didn’t know I was going to be here,” he said.
I shook my head.
He nodded.
“Where’s Nathalie?” I asked.
“Working.”
He shoved his hands into his pockets. I was still cold. I wanted to reach out and button up his jacket, like I thought bundling up someone else would help warm me.
“This”—I pointed my fingers at him, pointed them at me, pointed them at him—“is not a date.”
“I know. Shaun needed a car. I’ve got a car.”
“And no experience driving it.”
He grinned. “I’ve got experience.”
“We’ll see.”
“Ash, come see the view,” Tara called out.
How touristy. A few other people were on the ferry, and they all looked at me. I rolled my eyes and grumbled, “She’s the fudgie, not me.”
But I did walk over to the window and looked out. It appeared to be as snowy on the mainland as it was on the island.
I felt Josh come up behind me.
“You’re shivering,” he said.
He got nearer. Put his arms around me. I knew it was impossible, bundled up like I was, but I swear I could feel his warmth. It felt so good. I knew I should shove him away, or at least step away, but I didn’t.
I just stood there and let him hold me. And watched the mainland grow closer and closer.
And kept telling myself that this wouldn’t be a date. I wouldn’t be the other woman. He was a guy, I was a girl. We were friends. It was no big deal. We needed his car.
Unfortunately, I was also feeling like maybe I needed him, too.
The city on the mainland was bigger than the one on the island, but it still had a historic feel to it. A lot of the stores looked like lodges and had fireplaces. We decided to eat at a restaurant in a log cabin. Josh explained to the hostess that his friends were from the South, not used to the cold, and asked if she’d give us a table by the fireplace.
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