by Lucy Gordon
‘I did Jack Cayman a great disservice by marrying him without truly loving him. He had a son, Primo, and I think I tried to replace one son with another. Primo and I grew close, then Jack and I adopted another son, Luke. But you can’t use one child to replace another.
‘I tried to be a good mother to them, but then I met Franco and we fell in love. He was married. We couldn’t be together, but Francesco was born from our love.’
‘And Toni?’ Evie asked shyly.
Hope gave a warm smile.
‘Toni was the love of my maturity, and he still is. He always will be.’
But she did not say that Toni was the love of her life, Evie noted.
‘When you both came to Naples last year,’ Hope resumed, ‘I was overjoyed. I looked forward to long talks with my son. I would tell him everything, and we would be united as mother and son. But-’ She sighed and gave a helpless shrug.
‘You didn’t tell him anything?’ Evie asked.
‘Oh, yes, but only the bare facts. Of course, the child I’d dreamed of didn’t exist. In his place was a man who’d turned himself to iron in order to endure what life had done to him. How could I share my thoughts and feelings? They would simply have embarrassed him.
‘We spent long hours together talking about nothing of importance. At the end of it our hearts were still closed to each other, and I think now that his heart will remain closed, except to his son, and to you.
‘He doesn’t feel that I am his mother. He knows it with his head, but it’s a meaningless word because he’s never had a mother’s love or care from me. That’s why he always calls me Hope, never Mother.’
‘Yes, I wondered about that.’
‘Now I’m trying to do the only thing I can for him. He told me how he forced your parting, and why, and he’s right in many ways. He is a dark man inside, and not every woman could cope with him. But I believe you can, and I’m here to beg you to go back and give him another chance.’
‘But Hope-’
The older woman seized both her hands and spoke fiercely.
‘I haven’t been a good woman, Evie. I have been cruel and selfish and I’ve hurt many people along the way. I try to make up for it, but some things can never be put right. I’ve learned a great deal about men-perhaps too much.
‘Some men are made to be husbands, and some to be lovers. I’ve known both kinds, and loved both kinds. A wise woman can sense the difference-’ she gave a rueful smile ‘-but I was not always wise.’
‘I think you’re the wisest woman I know.’
‘If so, I’ve bought that wisdom through hard and painful lessons. I told you I knew the yearning you are feeling-just for one man, because he’s the only one who will do. I know when you should run from it because it will destroy you. And I know when you should listen to it. I tell you, this time you should listen. Because otherwise you will never be free.’
‘How can I go back to him against his will? Maybe he secretly wanted a way out?’
‘You wouldn’t say that if you could see him now. If the two of you lose each other finally, you will survive, but I’m not sure that he will. He’s strong in his way, but it’s not the right way to help him now. You are connected to life in a way that he isn’t.’
‘If only I knew what was the right thing to do.’
‘Listen to your heart. It will tell you all you need to know. It won’t be easy for you. He’s always going to be a troubled man, but he needs you desperately. And you’ll have all his love, even if he finds it hard to tell you.’
Evie drew a sharp breath. ‘I’ll get dressed as fast as I can.’
Outside stood Justin’s car and driver, both of which, Evie guessed, Hope had simply commandeered.
As they drove back to London Evie reflected, with wonder, on a lifetime spent avoiding commitment. Now she was plunging into a commitment so deep it was terrifying. But not as terrifying as a life spent without him.
When, hours later, they reached Justin’s house, Hope let herself in with a key that perhaps she had also commandeered. Everywhere was very quiet, and at first Evie thought the place was empty. But then she saw him in the big garden, far away under the trees, in the fading light. She began to run.
When he looked up and saw her hurrying towards him, he grew very still. She half expected him to turn away, rejecting her, but at the last moment he opened his arms. When she went into them, they closed about her in a fierce grip.
But still he said, ‘Go away, Evie. Don’t do this,’ while his arms held her tighter and tighter.
‘Shut up,’ she said. ‘No more of your words. You won’t get rid of me with words again. I’m staying, do you hear?’
He groaned. ‘I’ll break your heart. Don’t you know that?’
‘Yes, and I’ll probably break yours. What of it? Hearts break and mend. But if we part again mine will break and never mend.’
She shut off his reply by kissing him. Her embrace held as much strength and determination as passion, and at last the message began to get through to him. The decision was no longer his. She had taken over, imposing her will on him, and all he needed to do was yield in peace and joy.
She drew back, taking his face between her hands. Months of anguish had left him thin and haggard.
‘I’m here to stay, do you understand that?’ she said. ‘No more foolishness; we’re going to be married.’
He nodded, smiling faintly.
‘If you take me on, it’s that lifetime commitment that you didn’t want,’ he warned her.
‘Leave me to worry about that.’
‘Evie, listen to me. Once this is done, I won’t let you go, ever. I’ll be jealous and demanding, possessive, selfish, unreasonable-’
‘That’s understood,’ she said with a shaky laugh. ‘I’ll just kick your shins.’
‘Be warned. Leave me before it’s too late.’
‘You fool, it was too late long ago. We just didn’t realise it. It’s all right.’ She kissed him gently. ‘It’s all right-all right-’
Then he yielded, dropping his head on to her shoulder with a sound that was like a sob. She held him close, soothing him silently.
When he looked up, Hope was standing there in the gloom.
‘Did you do this?’ he asked.
She nodded.
‘Thank you-Mother.’ His voice lingered on the word.
Hope gave a little satisfied smile and moved away until she was lost among the trees. They could do without her now, and she had a wedding to plan.
The two in the garden didn’t see her go. They had set their feet on a long, troubled road, where there would be bitterness as well as joy. But the joy would be there, all the sweeter for the struggle. And they would travel together, with no turning back.
Lucy Gordon
Lucy Gordon cut her writing teeth on magazine journalism, interviewing many of the world’s most interesting men, including Warren Beatty, Richard Chamberlain, Roger Moore, Sir Alec Guinness and Sir John Gielgud. She also camped out with lions in Africa, and had many other unusual experiences which have often provided the background for her books. She is married to a Venetian, whom she met while on holiday in Venice. They got engaged within two days.
Two of her books have won the Romance Writers of America RITA® Award: Song of the Lorelei in 1990, and His Brother’s Child in 1998 in the the Best Traditional Romance category.
You can visit her Web site at www.lucy-gordon.com
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