by Ben Collins
The rain eased off and Tom was soon taking the fast corners flat out.
‘The best way to picture the final bend when it’s wet is like an oil slick. As soon as you steer left the car will slide.’
‘Gotcha. What gear?’
‘Second. And when the rear breaks away you can steer into the slide a little …’
‘Counter-steer?’
‘Yes, but not for too long. And the other thing you can do – but don’t ever try this in your Ford Mustang – is floor the accelerator, because the front wheels can drive it straight out of the skid.’
We launched another assault. His expression was as focused as Maverick’s in a 4G inverted dive with a MiG-28. We spun on the oil slick corner and he counter-steered faster than anyone I’d ever coached. Time flew by, but complaints from the producers were noticeably absent whilst Cruise was enjoying ‘the best day ever’.
‘There’s some people around the place making me a little nervous. Before we go can we make sure they’re clear, especially the guy on this last turn?’
‘Don’t worry,’ I said. ‘Nobody likes him much; that’s why he’s there.’
He grinned, went solo and promptly punched out a 1.47 lap in the wet. I could scarcely believe the stopwatch. He lost it on two occasions going into that final corner, burying the throttle like a touring car driver and clipping the mini tyre wall just in front of where I was standing. Each run culminated in gales of raucous laughter.
With his film in the can Tom thanked everyone profusely and went off to be briefed for his interview.
The largely male crew found it hard not to notice the slender blonde approaching the track with Clarkson in tow. Cameron Diaz was wearing a stripy top and spray-on jeans; she wasn’t short of helpers when it came to belting herself into the Kia.
I explained the basics on the demo lap, but found myself avoiding her feline gaze as she lowered her chin and looked up at me. She had this way of making you feel like you were flirting. I cranked up the AC.
She took to the driver’s chair and shuffled it forwards and back until her golden ballet shoes rested precisely on the pedals. A screech of rubber and we shot onto the dried-out track.
Cameron had raced the Long Beach grand prix circuit in a Toyota Celica, so I knew she had plenty of backbone. She was pushing the Kia hard from the outset. Her trademark pout barely altered except when she bit her lower lip for her first flat out assault on Follow Through.
The slower sections were more revealing, as she discovered the limitations of the gearbox.
‘God, what gear is that?’ Her Valley Girl accent catapulted me back to junior high.
‘That’s first. Try and avoid that one.’
‘No kidding, it’s a raw deal. Fuck.’
‘That’s fifth; don’t rush it. Swearing helps.’
‘Shit. Fuckin’ piece of crap car …’ Her giggle did funny things to my spine.
Cameron was dialled in so we sent her solo. Grant gave her the count-down. She stalled in third gear, then nailed it.
Her times were fast. I asked if she needed any help with anything.
‘Actually yes, could I get my lip gloss? Crackin’ up in here.’
‘Grant, she’s going a lot faster than Tom,’ I said.
‘I think we can get him another go now the track’s dry.’
Mr C had already reappeared with a helmet, itching to go back out.
I followed Cameron’s progress until the Kia spluttered to a halt. After the previous week’s roasting at the hands of the mighty Andy Garcia, its clutch had finally quit. I picked her up in a white Jaguar XKR and paparazzi hiding in the treeline recorded the moment for posterity under the breathless headline: Shaken Hollywood star rescued by mysterious knight in shining armour. If only …
Cameron took the spare car and promptly set a record time of 1.45.2.
Cruise hopped back in and I rode shotgun to dial him into dry running.
‘Basically your braking markers are the same in the dry, but you brake less and carry more speed. So use third gear through here …’
‘But you said second …’ This was no laughing matter. ‘I know, but not in the dry.’
Poised on the start line, Tom closed his eyes, lowered his head and rehearsed every inch of the circuit with his hands. I taught him to arc his entry to the penultimate corner and use the new concrete to boost his time. He ran wide with just one corner to go but held onto the bucking bronco by its ears and dragged it back onto the tarmac.
He kept it lit and sliced inside the border so fast that he tipped onto two wheels. For a moment it looked like he might roll and I could hear the producer’s knees knocking behind me. Tom shot through the corner, then feathered the throttle and covered the remaining 50 feet before coming in to land. It was his fastest lap.
His reward was to take out the new Bugatti Veyron Super Sport which I’d lapped earlier. The T Rex of the motor world boasted an added 196 horsepower and a top speed of 267mph. 1200bhp was enough to smoke all four wheels off the line, force your mouth wide open and keep it that way. It gripped so much in the corners that the tyres melted after just four laps. The fuel tank emptied after six. The combination of the newly-laid final corners, with surplus concrete allowing you to carry extra speed, and the Bug’s atavistic grunt helped me post a new track record that I can’t see being beaten anytime soon, and left Bugatti with a £20,000 tyre bill.
I’ve put on my helmet and the white suit for the last time; taken one final look around the pilot’s changing room. Reg the beetle is long gone, as are many of the friends I made here over the years. The place is empty once more, the paint still peeling, but the memories remain.
Sure I’ll miss the car park packed with Ferraris, the cabin erupting with ideas and the hangar filled by a cheering audience. Good old John Prescott’s cut-out still guards the door, sun-bleached by years of service. I’m leaving Dunsfold with as many questions as I had when I first arrived, but with the answers to a whole lot more. And speed. God I love it. Wang the music up and drop the hammer. And I know that my favourite road leads home, to those I care about most: my family, my future.
I still love watching Top Gear, although I tell Jezza I never bother because it infuriates him. I saw him rolling a Robin Reliant onto its roof the other night; Georgie and I cried with laughter.
Acknowledgements
Georgie, my soul-mate, thank you for all your support during the highs and lows over the years. Your indomitable zest for life always reminds me what life’s all about. The little ones too; more beach, less laptop, I promise.
Jonathan Taylor, Peter Sherrott and the ‘A’ team at HarperCollins had their work cut out keeping this project under wraps, whilst navigating some large icebergs along the way. Thank you for this opportunity to tell my story.
Mark Lucas, your verbal skewer cut me to the bone; thank you so much for all your hard work, Obi Wan!
Russ Lindsay and James Grant Media, your clarity of vision has been invaluable.
Heartfelt thanks to the Ministry of Defence for their co-operation with this project.
Special thanks to a few very good men who built and supported my racing career over the years: Klaas Zwart and the mighty ‘Ascari boys’; Ray Mallock, Phil Barker and the stellar crew at RML; Graeme May, Texaco and Stuart Bassett; Jonathan France and Embassy Racing; Bill Jarnagin; Rick and Todd Kelly, Joe Bremner and the Aussie boys at Kelly Racing; Simon McNamara, Jamie McCallum and Hamish Charles at Transfrontier; Jim Wiseman; Adam Shore and JimEarl; Nigel Hassler and Donnie Graves; the members of the British Racing Drivers Club.
Every company that has ever sponsored me and notably: Hays Plc, WRM Logitics, Lynx express delivery, QR-4U, The Ministry of Defence, EFS, Elite Mobile, Jack Daniel’s, Holden, Castrol, AD Group, Ridgeway Group, Alpinestars.
The Top Gear Team, thank you for the good times, I wish you all the best for the future.
Index
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h it was created. To locate a specific passage, please use the search feature of your e-book reader.
accidents/crashes 11–12, 26–7, 30, 33–5, 134, 135, 208–10, 212–13, 247–50, 253
Alfa Romeo 75 226, 227
Alonso, Fernando 254
Aria GP5 helmet 234
Arkle, Lieutenant Nick 103, 104
Arrows 42
Ascar Series 60–3, 81–5, 99–101
Ascari:
12 Hours of Sebring 57–9
FIA GT Championship 243–50
FIA World Sportscar Championship 44–6
KZ1 supercar 59, 244
Le Mans 48–53, 55, 59–60
Resort, Malaga, Spain 188–94
Rolex 24 Hours of Daytona 55–7
Aston Martin 8, 244
8 Vantage 173–5
DB9 173, 231, 279
DBS 187, 279–80
Audi 47, 52, 53, 59, 196
R8 316, 317
RS4 188, 189, 190–1
RS6 201
Austin Healey 179
Automobile Club de l’Ouest 43
Autosport 273–4
Avon & Somerset Constabulary 293
Barker, Phil 82, 83
Barlow, Jason 310
Basingstoke indoor Mall car chase 281–6
Baxter, Billy 164–9
BBC 307
bendy bus 287–91
Bentley coupé 52
Berger, Gerhard 154
Billière, General Peter de la 63
Black Mountains, Wales 116
Black Stig:
anonymity blown 66
competition between White Stig and 69, 110
demise of 67
lap record, Top Gear 110, 153
reasonably priced car lap record and 161
Blackpool, economy race from Basel to 301–6
blind drivers of reasonably priced car 163–9
Blundell, Mark 51, 52
BMW 183, 184
3 Series 268, 269, 270, 271, 272, 273
635 171, 172–3
GPS satellite-controlled automatic 330i 219–20
M3 188, 189–90, 191, 281–6
M5 229
M6 173–4, 175
Bolt, Usain 160, 161
Bovington Camp 293–9
Bradley, Charles 26
Brands Hatch 23–7, 29
Clearways 25, 26
Druids 25
Hawthorn 26
Paddock Hill 25
Surtees Esses 25, 30
Brecon Beacons 73–5, 118
Bridgestone 213
Britcar race, 24-hour 265–73
British Aerospace 293
British Army:
Ben Collins career in 63–4, 73–5, 81–5, 87–90, 93–101, 112–31, 135–7, 248, 278
Evo 7 vs 293–9
British Grand Prix 39
Bruntingthorpe airfield 216
Bryce, James ‘Boicey’ 216, 217
Bugatti Veyron 195–202, 203–4, 317, 322–3
Burrows, Tony 316
Button, Jenson 275
Cadwell Park 28, 30
Cage, Nicolas 255, 257, 258, 260, 261, 262
Carr, Jimmy 148–9, 150, 156
Casper 111, 146, 179, 181, 189, 198, 296, 299
Castle Combe 28
Caterham kit car 175–6
Cessna 196, 197
Channel 4 63
Chevrolet:
Impala 235
Lacetti 155–6, 159–62
Chilton, Tom 216, 290
Churchill, Winston 277–8
Circuit de Catalunya, Barcelona 45–6
Citroën 258
24-hour race, Snetterton 91–3
Ami 8 179, 181
Clarkson, Francie 174, 193
Clarkson, Jeremy 2, 143, 279, 325
arguing, talent for 194
Basel to Blackpool fuel economy race 301, 302, 304, 305
Britcar 24-hour race 265–6, 269, 270, 271, 272, 273, 279
British Army vs Evo 7 293, 298, 299
Bugatti Veyron and 196, 197
Cameron Diaz and 321
Classic Rally of Mallorca 178, 179, 180, 181
DVDs 177, 187
force of nature 232
idea of exercise 234
Kew to City airport race 254
Koenigsegg CCX test 204, 209
Mall car chase 281, 283, 286
Mercedes Benz C63 test 190, 191, 192, 193, 194
Mitsubishi Starion test 171, 174
reasonably priced car and 107, 109, 149, 150, 155, 156, 158, 161, 168, 169
Schumacher as Stig and 311, 312, 313
Top Gear Live 78, 79, 80, 223, 224, 227–8, 230, 231, 238
Classic Rally of Mallorca, 2009 178–82
Collins, Ben:
accidents/crashes 11–12, 26–7, 30, 33–5, 134, 135, 208–10, 212–13, 247–50, 253
adapt quickly to all kinds of cars, learns how to 195
America, childhood in 17–18, 103–4
anonymity, ensures 66–8, 254, 263–4, 307–13, 315, 325
Army career 63–4, 73–5, 81–5, 87–90, 93–101, 112–31, 135–7, 248, 278
audition for Top Gear 1–9, 65
childhood 11–18
children 244, 251, 273, 278
commercials 8, 161, 231
fast driving and spectacular
driving for TV, learns
difference between 69–71
father and 12, 13, 14–15, 16, 17, 20, 21–2, 26, 27, 40, 41, 42, 79, 100, 243, 249–51, 254
fighter pilot, ambition to be 16
Formula 1 car, drives 315–16
Formula First 21–2, 23–30
jobs 27, 55
journalism 273–4
law degree, studies for 31
leaves Top Gear 325
love live see Collins, Georgie
marries 244
mother and 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 21, 40, 41, 79, 100, 107, 148, 250
‘powertest’, Top Gear 65–6
racing career 21–62, 81–5, 99–101, 123, 174, 244–50, 273, 318
sponsors, search for 28, 31, 42, 63, 123, 174, 273
as Stig see Stig, The
stunt driver, movie 254–63, 278, 279, 312
swimming 17–18
Top Gear, Series 3 65–71, 91–3, 103–12
Top Gear, Series 4 131–2, 139–44, 146, 152
Top Gear, Series 5 147–8
Top Gear, Series 6 149–50, 171–6
Top Gear, Series 7 148–9, 150–1, 152–5, 195–202
Top Gear, Series 8 155–8, 159–60, 204–11, 215–19, 233–42
Top Gear, Series 10 160, 185–94, 253–4, 265–75
Top Gear, Series 11 161–2, 211–13
Top Gear, Series 12 203–4, 281–6, 287–91, 301–5
Top Gear, Series 13 160–1, 178–82, 293–9, 308–13
Top Gear, Series 14 316–17
Top Gear, Series 15 319–23
Top Gear episodes, races and challenges see Top Gear
training, physical 46, 63, 73–5, 87–90, 95–8, 101, 113–23, 124–30, 135–7
Collins, Georgie (wife) 27, 29, 30, 31, 75, 90, 144, 244, 250, 251, 264, 265, 273, 278, 325
Cooper, Gordon 177
Corvette 244, 281–6
ZR1 316–17
Coulthard, David 316
Cowell, Simon 106–10, 148, 161, 162
Cox, Randy 274
Crowe, Russell 257
Cruise, Tom 319–21, 322–3
Cunningham, Neil 227
Daily Star 307
Dallaglio, Lawrence 160
Dalton, Timothy 187
Davies, Alan 155
Dawson, Ian 59
Daytona, Rolex 24 Hours of 55–7
Dee, Jack 149–50
Dent, Steve 254, 260
Diaz, Cameron 321–2
Die Hard 196
Dixon, Scott 41
Donington Park 32–8, 44–6
Craner Curves 32–3, 37
&
nbsp; Old Hairpin 32–3, 38
Redgate 38
Doyle, Pat 203, 282, 285, 286
Dunlop 58, 59
Dunsfold 63, 103, 147, 160, 163, 172, 188, 192, 203, 204, 205, 211–12, 219, 238, 287, 309, 311, 316, 317, 325 see also track, Top Gear
EA Sports 161
Earnhardt, Dale 273–4
Eaves, Dan 216
Edwards Air Force Base 177
Elvington 236–42
Enfield, Harry 156
Enjolras, Sebastian 44
Euphoria Race Team 227, 269
European Le Mans Series 318
Eurostar 196
Evans, Chris 211
Eve, Trevor 155, 156
F-14 Tomcat 16
F-16 Fighting Falcon 235, 318
F-22 Raptor 177, 220
Falklands War 103–4
Fallows, Colin 235–6, 237, 238
Fan y Big 116
Ferdinand, Les 156
Ferrari 47, 155, 159, 211, 215, 244
308 278
355 278
360 211, 212, 213
430 204, 211, 212, 278–9
458 279
Dino 278
FXX 308–13
Ferrari, Enzo 27
FIA GT Championship 244–50
FIA World Sportscar Championship 44–6
Fiennes, Sir Ranulph 63, 143–4
Fifth Gear 63, 78
Finn, Jason 223–4
Flüelapass, Switzerland 185–8
Ford 220
Fiesta 27, 281–6
Focus 3, 4, 63, 192
Mondeo 22
Formula 1 12, 20, 31, 32, 42, 51, 55, 58
drivers on Top Gear 153–5, 183–5, 308–13
Sauber car 183–5
Red Bull car 315–16
Formula 3:
International 41
National Series 38–40, 46, 183
Formula 3000 Championship 58
Formula Ford, Irish 35
Formula Vauxhall Lotus 31–8
Fortec 39
France, Bill 56
Frenchie 199, 200, 201, 226, 228, 229, 230, 231
Garcia, Andy 322
Gardesana road, Italy 277–8
Geller, Uri 40, 41
General Motors 282
Goodyear 35
Grant, Hugh 156
Grint, Rupert 319
GT Championship, FIA 244–50
Halliwell, Geri 147–8
Hamilton, Lewis 160, 254, 275–6
Hammond, Mindy 239, 240
Hammond, Richard 2, 156
accidents/crashes 233–42, 272
Basel to Blackpool economy race 301, 302, 304, 305