“No, really, the book tour was great. All the talks went smoothly; I was able to manage my stage fright.”
“No, missy, I know you. Something’s off.”
I handed her the lunch, and her eyes closed when she smelled the opened container. “You didn’t cook this.”
“No,” I admitted.
“I wasn’t asking. I know you didn’t cook this.”
I smirked. “No. Dad’s friend did. You are safe, Dr. Lopez.”
She took a bite and moaned. “You are a lifesaver, Carolina. My last surgery was ten hours long, and I have to go back in with my next patient in two hours.”
“I’ll keep this short then. I’m sure you’ll want to sleep.”
“Out with it, then.”
“I would like some personal advice.”
“Sure,” she said between bites.
“Dr. Medina is back in Kansas City,” I said.
The fork in her hand stopped mid-air on the way to her mouth. “What?”
I nodded, and she put the fork down so she could study me.
Dr. Lopez knew everything Hector had done—from my perspective. She’d caught some of the rumors when she first came to Heartland and advised me on how to handle them. She was so experienced, and she often made my head spin. I relayed all the information Hector had given me at the café.
“It’s plausible,” she said and reclaimed the fork to keep eating. “From what I hear, Dr. Stuart’s priorities left the oncology department in a bit of a disarray. But your new Chief of Oncology should have more insight. Why are you talking to me and not her?”
“I respect her and value her opinion,” I said. “But she is my boss; I don’t really talk with her about personal stuff.”
“I see you still keep up unnecessary walls.”
“I’m working on it.”
“Fine, so what’s the problem now?”
“Hector wants to have dinner tonight. Says he has more to say. I was so angry at him then, I don’t know what to do.”
“And you don’t want to have dinner with him?”
“I didn’t, at first, but I still have questions. ”
Dr. Lopez chewed as she mulled over everything I had said, so I continued. “Then, there’s the fact that his wife sent me a letter.”
“What?” She almost spat out the bite she was working on.
“Yeah. It was so strange, Monica. I swear I don’t know what to make of it.”
“What did it say?”
“She wants me to give Hector a chance.”
“That is super weird,” she said, but there was a twinkle in her eye, and the corners of her mouth turned upward into a smirk. “But I like this woman. She has cojones.”
I threw my head back with laughter. “Yeah. I guess she does.”
“Honestly, Carolina, I don’t know why you are here. If you could stop listening to your head for even a second, you’d know what your heart wants.”
I sighed and rubbed my temple but said nothing to that, because what could I say? She was right.
“Or are you too proud?” she asked.
“Too proud?”
“Yes. Too proud. Don’t let an opportunity pass you by due to pride. I’ll say it plainly: that would be stupid. Are you too proud to forgive him now that you know he didn’t really intend to steal your trial?”
“It’s not just that. I didn’t have answers for seven years; that’s a lot of time to forgive.”
“Yes. I see it now. The pride—”
“Oh my god, it’s not that—”
“It is, and we both know it. You’ve always had a chip on your shoulder, trying to prove yourself. I recognize it because it’s the very same chip I carried on my shoulder for the first two decades of my career—only I didn’t have an amazing mentor to point it out to me and help me shake it off.”
“What on earth are you talking about?” I asked. “I don’t have a chip.”
“Yes, you do. Or are you going to tell me that proving to every man in this hospital that you belong here hasn’t been the driving force of your career? Are you going to tell me that anytime someone made a comment about affirmative action being the only possible way you could have become a physician, it didn’t bother you because you knew better?”
“I don’t see what that has to do with Hector,” I said.
“Everything, amiga. I saw how hard you worked to regain the respect your name once carried. You had to prove to the world, and more importantly, to yourself, that you could thrive without him. You did such a good job, now you are convincing yourself you don’t need him—and before you say anything, no, you don’t need him for your career to continue to flourish. But what if you do need him in your life, even when you don’t need him in your career?”
“What are you dancing around, Dr. Lopez?” I asked.
“What if you love him?”
“I did once,” I admitted.
“And are you so sure it’s gone? Because just you, sitting here, in that chair, agonizing about whether you can believe him again or not, tells me there are still feelings there. If you are so done with him, as you seem to be convincing yourself you are, then it would be easy to dismiss him and move on without a glance backward.”
Sometimes I hated this woman and all the sense she made. I narrowed my eyes at her.
“I know you, darling,” she said. “And you wouldn’t be here if you didn’t already know what to do.”
“You talk about me like I’m a petulant child throwing a tantrum.”
Dr. Lopez placed the lid on the now empty container and handed it to me. “Aren’t you?” she asked as she stood and pushed her chair to the side. “Feel free to stay here and think for a while if you’d like. I’m going to an on-call room to get a couple of hours of sleep before my next surgery.” Before she closed the door behind her, she spoke once more. “Oh, and Carolina, when you come to your senses, I’d love to meet him.”
She shut the door, and I sat there looking out the window. She was right, damn it, and it was so annoying. I knew I wanted to give him another chance to complete the story, but it would be the absolute last chance.
Chapter 25
Recounting of the Damage
“Fine. I’ll go to dinner,” I said, holding the phone to my ear. It was Friday afternoon, and I had waited until the last possible moment to agree to see him. We were on my timeline now.
“You won’t regret it. I promise,” Hector said.
“Where should I meet you?”
“I’ll pick you up.”
“Okay. Fine.”
“Will you be at your apartment, or your dad’s?”
“My place, but I live in a different apartment now.”
I sent him the new address, and all that was left was to wait for him. It might have been safer to wait for him at Dad’s, but I hadn’t exactly told Dad about my dinner with Hector yet.
Mainly, he would have to tell me what leverage the chief had had on him then. It didn’t escape me that he’d left that part of the conversation out. I hadn’t asked him about it, thinking it might be personal, but I had to know—and he’d have to tell me.
“You look great,” Hector said as he got out of his car to open the door for me. I hadn’t wanted to give him my apartment number—there was still some distrust there—so I told him I’d wait outside.
I may have overdressed in a body-hugging little black dress because he wouldn’t tell me where we were going. I decided to err on the side of caution in case we went someplace nice.
“Thank you,” I said, purposefully not commenting on his appearance, though he looked handsome as ever in slacks and a button-down burgundy shirt.
My jaw clenched when he parked in front of his house. I was surprised he still lived at the same place he had when he worked at Heartland. Had he kept the house the entire time, or was he merely lucky to rent or re-purchase the same home?
I’d have to ask him later because I was doing everything in my power not to shout at him. I didn�
�t wait for him to open my door; I got out of the car and started walking away from the house as I pulled out my cell to find my car service app. He was insane if he thought I was going to have dinner in there.
“Carolina!” he shouted. I heard the rapid footfalls of his jogging behind me. He grabbed my arm. “Where are you going?”
“I’m going home, Hector.”
“Why? What’s wrong?”
“You can’t be that stupid,” I said. “What made you think I’d have dinner with you at your house?”
“Please, just listen. This isn’t something nefarious. I brought you here because some of what I have to say, it may make you a bit mad.”
My eyes narrowed, but I didn’t press the key to call the car yet. “Mad?” I asked.
Hector nodded. “I figured you might enjoy shouting at me or perhaps throwing something. I wanted you to feel comfortable doing that if you wanted to.”
“You are not making me feel better about this dinner,” I said.
“I’m sorry. I knew you wouldn’t like a public scene. Listen, I’ve cooked, and I have nothing but dinner and your wrath planned for tonight. I promise.”
“What did you cook?” I asked, only mildly curious.
“Shrimp paella,” he said.
“I like paella.”
“I know.” He smiled, and it melted me.
I reluctantly followed him to his place because I was weak, but I kept the car app open should I change my mind.
“I made it earlier today. I’m just going to pop it in the oven for a few minutes to warm up.”
I nodded and took a glass of white wine from him. I guessed the no alcohol rule had been abolished—not that he had heavily enforced it before.
When he handed me the glass, I realized for the first time since he’d come back into my life that his wedding ring was gone. I took a sip of the wine, and it was heavenly. It was a vino verde with a mineral tone that made me think of the sea.
I took the room in. Nothing had changed in the house since I’d helped him decorate it. So he had kept the house. For a brief moment, I wondered if he had somehow remained in Kansas City under the radar but then shook it off. There was no way. He had returned to the FIHR.
“You haven’t changed anything,” I said.
“No,” he called from the kitchen. “I wouldn’t. Not unless you wanted to change something.”
I cocked my head to the side and studied him as he walked back into the living room. That was a strange thing for him to say. We both sat on the couch and set our wine glasses on the coffee table.
“Okay, Hector. I’m not getting any younger.”
“Why don’t we have dinner first? It would be a waste if you were too angry to eat, and I worked all day to make this dinner.” There was a playfulness in his eyes as he spoke, and I was finding it more and more difficult to school my face into sternness.
Hector set the dinner at the table and played Carla Morrison in the background. The soothing sound of her voice was relaxing, and the mood lifted as we ate and killed the bottle of wine. He plated the paella expertly, so it was almost a sin to devour it, but devour it, I did.
“No!” Hector said in disbelief when I briefed him on Dr. Keach’s fate.
“Yes. It was one of the best days of my life. Okay, I won’t give him that much importance, but easily one of the top twenty.”
“I wish I could have been there.”
“Me too. I tried to stay away from him, so I didn’t actually know what was happening until it was over.”
“Still, that must have been a relief.”
“It was, though, by the end of his tenure at the hospital, things were already a lot better for me. The new chief is a woman, and I think she recognized his misogyny for what it was.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised if Dr. Stuart also knew about his misbehavior but looked the other way. Your new chief must not have been willing to put up with it for money.”
“You know, I’m a little surprised at all these accusations you’re making against Dr. Stuart.”
“How so?”
“He wasn’t the best boss, sure, but back then, before he screwed me over, I really thought he was a good man. A good doctor. I respected him for many years.”
“And even after he did what he did to you, you feel this way?”
I shifted in my seat. “No. I guess it’s easier to believe after that.”
“Some people are really good at acting, Carolina.”
“Like you?” My eyes narrowed.
“No, baby. I’d never put up a false front with you.”
My guard came down, and I blinked at him. Had I heard him right? Had he just called me baby? I must have heard him wrong. I shook my head, but his eyes held mine. “All right, Hector. We’ve had dinner. Will you please stop wasting my time? Tell me whatever it is you have to say.”
“Would you at least tell me if you liked dinner?” he asked.
“It was okay.” I crossed my arms over my chest and smirked.
Hector chuckled. “Oh, I think it was more than okay.”
“No. That’s your ego talking.”
He chuckled again. “Okay.” He stood and started picking up the dishes. I recognized he was trying to keep his hands busy to have this difficult conversation. I did the same thing when I was nervous. I stood and started clearing the table with him, but not before kicking off my heels.
“I know my mother might have mentioned Andrea when she was here.”
I tried not to show any anger on my face. Did he not know Andrea had written to me? “Your wife? What does she have to do with anything?”
“Everything,” Hector said. “When I joined Heartland Metro, we had been separated for several years already. That entire time, I had refused to give her a divorce. I knew it was over, and that we’d never get what we had back, but I was stubborn.”
“I believe it,” I said, fully recognizing his stubbornness. So far, everything Andrea had written was matching up with Hector’s account of events.
“What you need to understand is that I came to Heartland only for you. At first, it was for your work. I was excited about medicine for the first in a long time when I heard about this young doctor who was inspired by my work, pushing the envelope of what was possible.”
I smiled at the sight of his excitement, but I wasn’t connecting the dots yet. He continued.
“Then I met you, and Carolina, everything changed. You have to believe that. I was suddenly less concerned about the perfect life and the perfect marriage I had drawn up for myself. Suddenly, giving Andrea a divorce didn’t seem like the worst defeat of my life.”
“But you didn’t go through with it,” I said.
“Actually, I did,” he said, wincing a little at the words.
“What?” I asked through gritted teeth.
“I signed that first year I was at Heartland Metro. Within a year, it was finalized.”
“What?” I hissed again. I couldn’t form full sentences at that moment.
“I was divorced soon after I met you, Carolina. I was hoping we could have—”
“But you never said anything,” I interrupted him. “You always wore the wedding ring.”
“The divorce was finalized in that two-year period when you wouldn’t talk with me.”
“And after that, when things were better between us?”
“I couldn’t bear to do it. The rumors had taken their toll and had just started to dissipate. I would have been damned before I let them affect your career any further than they already had. So I kept it to myself and kept wearing the ring, letting everyone believe I was still married.”
“Hector, you should have told me,” I said forlornly. “Back then, I wanted . . . more,” I said.
“I know, baby. You weren’t very good at hiding your feelings. Neither was I. Why do you think the rumors caught fire like that?”
“I always blamed Keach.”
“Sure. He ignited the rumors, but the blaze was all us. Even
when it was clear we weren’t on speaking terms, some still wondered if we’d actually had an affair that had ended badly.”
“Don’t remind me,” I said.
“I wouldn’t have believed us either.”
“You give yourself a lot of credit.”
“Come on. We’ve wanted each other for almost a decade. Since that first day in the conference room, I needed to know who you were. I couldn’t imagine you were the doctor I had come here for. I can’t tell you what it felt like, knowing it was you.”
“Speak for yourself. I haven’t said I’ve wanted you for years.”
Hector chuckled. “Tell yourself what you want, baby. I know what I see in your eyes—what I’ve seen since the first day we met.”
“What’s that?”
Hector moved toward me, his chest puffed like a predator. I took a step back until I couldn’t move any further against the kitchen island behind me. He caged me in with both his hands on either side of me, pressed firmly to the countertop.
“Desire, Carolina.” Letting his grip off the countertop, he cupped my face in his hands, lifting my face to meet his. “I see it right there, in your eyes right now.”
I dropped my gaze from him and let out a breath. He wasn’t wrong, but damn him for knowing. The slight buzz from the wine electrified the sensation of his hands on my skin, and I had zero willpower to break free.
Hector grabbed me by the waist and lifted me to sit on the countertop. My eyes widened with the surprise of the movement, but then my legs parted, making room for him to press his body against mine. The air crackled around us.
He ran his fingers through my hair and cupped the back of my head, holding me in place. “Hector,” I moaned his name. My breath was coming in choppy, and I didn’t have the power in my limbs to push him away. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to anymore.
“Tell me. Tell me you didn’t want me then, and tell me you don’t want me now. Set me straight, Carolina. This is your chance. Tell me I imagined it all.”
My eyes met his because I was no chicken-shit. I could see from behind the light stubble that his jaw was clenched as he waited for my answer. “I can’t,” I said with a challenging gaze. “It wouldn’t be true.” His eyes roamed my face looking for sincerity in it, finding an invitation instead.
Remission Page 19