by Etzoli
“Remember,” Matt intoned, in his calm and careful voice, “Etoline doesn’t exist here either. I know it’s harder for you, but stick to English, yeah?”
I nodded. He opened the door and stepped outside, the world beyond waiting for us both to finally re-emerge after so many years gone. “Don’t forget about Mom!” he called, as he reached the sidewalk and vanished around the fence border.
He was right: it was harder for me. Let me be clear, I don’t mean that resentfully in any way. But after all those years, English just didn’t feel like my native tongue anymore. Being surrounded by this now foreign language was the weirdest feeling after being plunged back into this world.
Yeah, I could understand things written down, words people said, whatever. Mostly, anyway. But I hadn’t spoken it much in nearly seven years. I had a harder time getting to the meaning sometimes. English might have been my birth language, but Etoline was the language of my heart. And more importantly, my brain. Even now, I was mentally translating those text messages into Etoline. It was just automatic.
Nothing like getting dropped into a place where not only does no one speak the same language as you, but where they’re actively hostile to Linguen. It was like the worst immersion learning possible. Or the best, I guess, since I did learn pretty quickly. I had a good teacher. English disappeared for me practically overnight and didn’t return for a very long time.
You should have seen my first interpreting session between the Sylves and the Cellman ambassadors. That was a hoot. First time I’d spoken or even heard English in nearly six years.
It didn’t end well.
My phone buzzed again, bringing me back down to reality. If I didn’t get a move on, I might end up late. I hurried upstairs to my mother’s room, pressing my ear to the door. No sounds. She must still be asleep. Ugh.
I rapped on the door with my knuckles lightly.
“Mom?”
“Nnnnngh.”
I rolled my eyes. “Mom, you gotta get up.”
“Wha times it?”
“Time for breakfast. Come on.” I smelled coffee beginning to waft up the stairs, and wrinkled my nose. I’d never liked coffee, and even less so now. It messed with my head too much. “I’m coming in, okay?”
I pushed the door open, with more force than I’d intended. It swung wide and bounced off the wall audibly. My mother twisted around under the covers, raising a hand to shield her eyes from the sunlight that streamed in behind me.
“Jenny, let me sleep.”
I brushed aside my irritation at the wrong name. I’d been called much worse. “Mom, if I do that, you’ll sleep past work. Come on.”
“What?”
I sat down next to her and helped her sit up. She leaned heavily on my shoulder, blinking through the fatigue. “Did you forget to set your alarm again?” The question bounced through my mouth unbidden, but it felt instantly familiar. It was a weird feeling, like I was acting out a play I’d performed a hundred times, but never read the script for. I just knew what was supposed to come next, although I was playing the part normally meant for my brother.
“All right,” she said, her eyes finally opening properly. “Go on, let me get dressed at first.”
“Nuh-uh. Up you get.” I took an arm over my shoulders and helped lift her out of bed. She wobbled slightly, but steadied herself quickly enough. Now that she was standing, she was way less likely to fall back asleep. “Look on the bright side. You only have to go to one job today, right?”
“…Yeah.” She smiled. “Go on then. I’m up.”
“I’m going to go heat up your breakfast. If you want it warm, you’d better be down soon.” I went back downstairs and found the plate Matt had prepared, and tossed it in the microwave.
By the way, microwaves? Pretty awesome. Even if it usually tasted worse, convenience trumps that a lot.
Refrigerators too. I’d learned how to live without one, how to preserve meat and live off the land, but hell if I wasn’t about to use it now.
I heard my mom thumping down down the stairs just as the microwave dinged. I pulled the plate out and set it at the table for her with silverware. I was weirdly proud that I remembered where the silverware drawer was. Made me feel comfortable and warm inside. The little successes were adding up, okay? I was feeling almost like I was back at home, so much so that I forgot what planet I was on.
“ Vei pol nara susvyla ta nara bylar, selaval, ” I said, gathering up my own dishes and rinsing them in the sink.
“Huh?” I glanced up to see my mother looking very confused. Whoops. I mentally slapped myself a dozen times. English, dammit.
“I’m just practicing. Your food’s on the table.” I gestured, where the steam was rising off her food. It was bothering me that I couldn’t remember the English name of her meal. I could give it’s Etoline name ( kelbasal , for anyone playing along at home), but that didn’t really help much. I began pouring her coffee into a mug as she sat down and dug in. I set the mug next to her and gave her a peck on the cheek.
“I didn’t know you were taking a foreign language,” she said, picking up the newspaper Matt had left. Having now dealt with a lot of high level politics myself, I suddenly found Matt’s habit of keeping up with the world at large a lot less strange.
“Well, why not? Might be useful.” To my undying relief, she didn’t ask what language, just returned to her food. I pulled my bag off the table and onto my back. It felt balanced, but it didn’t hold a candle to the quiver I usually wore around my shoulder. It was a light but remarkably sturdy material, hand-made by Tethevallen Sylnanden for my twenty-first birthday.
My throat choked up a bit. My heart sank at the memory that bubbled up to the surface. I missed him dearly.
“Are you okay?” Mom’s voice punched through the veil that had suddenly fallen over my eyes. I looked at her with a smile at the ready.
“Of course,” I replied, very deliberately in English this time.
“You’ve been acting weird.”
“You’re just tired. I’ll see you tonight, okay? Matt’s making dinner.”
Mom perked up at that. Matt was definitely the best cook in the family, on top of saving us a bunch of money. He managed to make even the cheapest ingredients taste pretty great, and he’d picked up a lot of new tricks while hiding from the Cellman legions. I was looking forward to that grocery trip after school, weird as that might sound. It’d help me out in more ways than one.
“I gotta go now. You good?”
“I’m fine, Jenny. Have a good day at school.” She threw me a little wave, before returning to her kelbasal.
I gave her my best smile, before I pulled on a dark coat and headed out the door.
***
The world opened up around me, and it was good to see the sky again (even if it was mostly covered by layers of puffy gray clouds, rolling steadily in with an angry look that predicted an imminent downpour), but all of that was completely ignored in favor of the girl waiting impatiently on the sidewalk. Her name was Sara, and she was my best friend in this world.
She was also the reason my phone hadn’t stopped buzzing all morning.
“Jenny, what took you so long?” she called out. I practically skipped my way down the sidewalk. I was so happy to see her I almost glazed over the fact she’d called me Jenny.
Sidebar: I stopped going by Jenny a long time ago. In the other world anyway. And if you’re wondering if I used some fancy Etoline name, the answer’s no. Tethevallen translated my last name directly for royal meetings and formal occasions, but mostly I just went by Jen. For one, it sounded cooler, but really it just felt more like me. Stronger, I guess? I dunno, it’s just how I felt. Sorry I can’t give some sort of profound explanation that digs into my identity or soul or whatever. I used to be Jenny, now I’m Jen. It was a thing.
I decided I might as well start trying to change that now. I really didn’t like ‘Jenny’.
“Hi, Sara.” We started walking toward school, which was o
nly a few blocks away. Our house was pretty close, so I’d never had to walk far, and it meant my friends usually gathered in front of our place whenever we decided to walk together. Normally there were at least three or four of us, but today it seemed like it was just Sara. I was a little glad. I was worried about dealing with too many at once right now. I wanted to ease back in, so to speak. “This is gonna sound weird, but can you call me Jen?”
“Uhh, okay?”
“I dunno, I just feel like Jen now.”
Sara looked at me funny. “Did you have an epiphany overnight?”
“Sure.” I wasn’t quite sure what ‘epiphany’ meant, but I figured it’d do.
“All right. Jen.” She nodded. “Okay, remember how I was hanging out with a guy online?”
“Yeah?”
“Well he’s pretty cool. I talked to him a few times in person too, if you’re wondering, so this isn’t a chatroom romance or anything. Anyway, you don’t need to hear me go on about him, so I’ll get right to it. I was thinking about asking him out, ‘cause I don’t think he’s ever going to ask me.”
My eyes were glazing over just a little. I only vaguely understood what she meant by ‘chatroom romance.’ I felt so tired from everything I’d just been through, and my mind was wandering away to memories of nights in the deep woods. Sitting around the fire wrapped in furs, watching a blanket of stars envelope the sky, listening to Ruvalei play us a gentle tune as we drifted off to sleep.
“—your permission, because it’s your brother.”
I snapped back into reality. “ Dov? ”
“Huh?”
Dammit, not again. “You want to go out with my brother?”
“Yeah.” Sara bit her lip nervously, waiting for my reply.
I pondered for a minute. I understood why she was asking me, since my brother and I had always been pretty close even before all of this. We’d grown up taking care of one another, since Mom didn’t have a whole lot of time, and we got pretty protective of each other. More than once, I’m pretty sure I deliberately got in the way of people trying to hang out with my brother, if I thought they were a threat or something. Now, it just seemed all so silly. He was plenty capable of making his own decisions and taking care of himself. I’d seen that first hand.
“That’s up to you,” I replied. “I’m just a bystander.”
“You sure?”
“I’m sure.” I affixed a smile to my face. “Just so long as nothing changes between us, right?”
“Right.” Sara smiled too. Hers looked genuine.
I wasn’t lying to her. She and Matt could be totally happy together. Who knows? They didn’t seem like a bad couple. I didn’t really dwell on it. Like I said, it wasn’t my business. I had plenty of other concerns to deal with once school started, as Sara was about to demonstrate.
She’d just said something I didn’t comprehend at all. I knew every word, and it wasn’t exactly a long sentence, but the the meaning was completely lost to me. I felt panic rising in my chest, sending shivers through my limbs. I tried to steady myself mentally. Maybe I hadn’t been listening close enough.
“Sorry, what?”
She repeated herself, a little slower. I listened carefully. It didn’t help one bit. My brain struggled to process the words into something, fatigued as I was.
Full confession: I didn’t actually sleep last night. Might have dozed off a couple times, but I was too scared to actually let myself fall asleep. Between that and the hectic events of the past few days (weeks, really), I was seriously running on empty.
I desperately tried to decipher Sara’s words. Context didn’t help at all, she was switching topics. How much of it was idiom, and how much was literal? It wasn’t a question. Maybe I could just brush it off. No… Sara was waiting for an answer.
“Sure,” I ventured hopefully.
“Do you need help with it?”
Crap. Crap crap crap. What did that mean? I was too afraid to answer incorrectly. That question could go anywhere . I wracked my brain, but the best I could come up with was that she was talking about something to do with technology. Computers, probably. I never used them much in the first place. That was her thing.
“Hello?” Sara waved a hand in front of my eyes.
“ Vack. Vackal daphut vack, ” I swore under my breath. My face was heating up. I suppressed it with every ounce of will I could muster. I wasn’t about to look embarrassed, not right now. I might have felt it, but damned if I was going to look so stupid in front of my best friend.
Not that I had any other options at this point. I sighed.
“Look, this is gonna sound weird again… but I have no idea what you just said.”
Sara raised an eyebrow. “Uhh, what? And why are you talking like that?”
I realized I had stopped trying to correct my accent. Sara was way too attentive. Usually something I loved about her, but right now it was really problematic. I tried to affect the more plain Pacific Northwest speech again. “Don’t make fun, okay?”
“I’m not,” Sara replied. “But we were just talking about this yesterday, and the day before…” She trailed off.
“…Can you keep a secret?” No, I’m not about to tell her. Don’t be stupid. But I have to come up with something .
“Of course.” Sara leaned close, expectant.
“I’m not so great with memory right now. Forgetting little things a lot.” Sara looked really concerned now. “Don’t worry, I’m fine. I went to the healers, they checked me out. Nothing wrong with me.” I might not have been lying earlier, but I can the deception game when I have to. Like I said, former diplomat.
“Healers?” Sara pointed out dryly.
“Like I said, forgetting things.” And looking like an idiot while I did. Doctors. That’s the word. Doctors, nurses, surgery, hospitals. Ambulances and nine-one-one. Not healers and rituals and magic. “So anyway, what were you saying?”
“Your laptop. You know, your computer?”
“Right, what about it? You said something about sound and broken records?”
Sara shook her head. “What on earth happened to you? Did you have an aneurysm or something?”
“Assume yes, okay?” If I weren’t feeling so awful, I’d have laughed at her choice of words. This definitely didn’t happen on Earth.
“Fine, whatever.” She took a deep breath. “What I said was: I’m sorry if I’m repeating myself a lot, but uhh… you need to improve your laptop’s… protection.” She sighed. “Did you get that?”
“Yes.” I winced. I felt like I was being spoon-fed by her. It was mortifying. But I had no idea what a record was, or a laptop until she’d just explained it a moment ago. And a ‘firewall’ meant something very different in my book. I looked away as my face really did light up red. I felt a hand on my shoulder. Sara was taller than me, which only added to the effect. She was older, taller, smarter, everything-er. I was just… inferior.
“Jen, are you okay? Seriously?”
I nodded. “Yeah, I’ll be fine.” I put a smile back on my face, and turned around to meet her concerned expression. “Just feeling wonky today.”
Sara frowned. “Text me if anything else happens, okay? I’ll see you at lunch?”
“Yeah. Wait, no.”
“No?”
“I promised Matt I’d have lunch with him today. He needed to talk about something.”
“Oh.” Sara looked relieved. “Okay, that’s fine.”
A car buzzed by us, breaking up the conversation for a moment. It startled me—the first moving car I’d seen in nearly a decade. I managed to hide my surprise, thankfully, or else Sara would have probably gone to full emergency mode.
“Hey, Sara,” I added quietly. “Don’t mention any of this to Matt?”
Now she looked even more worried. “Jenny, what’s going on?”
“Promise me, all right?”
“I promise.” I could tell she meant it. Good old Sara, always reliable. I felt a rush of affection for my best f
riend.
I’d missed her a lot too.
“I’ll see you in Journalism,” I said, trying to reassure her.
“Okay.” I wasn’t sure if it had worked, but she looked a bit better now. Meanwhile, I just felt awful. I felt guilty hiding myself from my best friend. Maybe Sara ought to know at least a few things. I couldn’t possibly tell her everything , even if I wanted to—but if she just knew a few details, it might make our lives a whole lot easier. I was sure I could get her to believe me.
I just had to get Matt to agree.
***
After that long detour head-pounding panic, our conversation swapped back into safer topics. Things I had a way better handle on. By the time we reached the school, I was back to my normal self. Or as close as I could be, anyway.
I waved goodbye to Sara, who had a class on the opposite end of the school. My first class, something-something-Algebra, was only a few steps inside. Funny how I couldn’t remember the name of the class, teacher, or more than two students, but I knew exactly what room it was in and when it landed in my schedule.
Things you appreciate when you aren’t as comfortable in a language: Math is pretty much universal. Different symbols, but everything else carries over. I could breeze through this class without a sweat. Meanwhile, as more English filtered through my brain from snatches of conversation around me, the memory of the language flowed back in as well. It still didn’t feel right , but at least I wasn’t going to look like an idiot again, as I had in front of Sara.
I’m not a huge math nerd or anything, but I don’t have trouble with it. And with the day I was having so far, it was almost relaxing to deal solely with symbols and logic puzzles. Of course, my satisfaction only lasted a few minutes before I remembered this was still work, and I was still stuck in a class full of people I mostly didn’t care for. The class seemed to drag on forever after that. I probably fell asleep three or four times, little micro-naps that nobody noticed. Coming out of the last one though, I was instantly awake again.
My vision seemed to flash slightly, and suddenly everyone looked… different. I couldn’t say why. Nothing had changed. Physically, everybody was exactly the same as the moment before. But everyone seemed just a little off-putting. Hostile, even.