by Etzoli
Unfortunately for my sanity, though, I was about to have the entire store to myself. My late night partner had called in sick, so I was going to have the slowest part of the shift all to myself, until someone else came in to cover. I’d tried to mentally prepare myself, rifling through the magazine racks for anything that looked even remotely interesting to read, but nothing caught my eye. I was about to give up on finding anything to do when our store phone rang.
Now, the store phone almost never rang, and it never meant anything good. I picked it up with a bit of fear—only to hear a voice I’d never expected, but one I very happily welcomed in that moment.
“Hi. Is this Matt?” It was a bit crackly, as our store phone wasn’t exactly the greatest, but she was still perfectly audible, and a great relief to the endless hum of the machines and beep from the front door.
“Sara?” I asked incredulously.
“Yeah. Jen told me where you worked.”
“…Hi. How are you?”
“I’m good, but that’s not why I called.”
I took a breath. Whatever she said next, I knew it wasn’t going to end well. “What’s going on?”
“It’s Carl.
My heart sank. This really wasn’t going to end well. “What did he do?”
“That’s the thing. I think he’s going to do something.” Sara’s voice picked up in urgency as she went on. “He just called me. Talked about the police and about Blake. He seemed scared. He refused to talk about anything in particular, and he just hung up out of nowhere. I don’t think he’s all there, you know?”
I tried to rationalize it, if only for my own sake. “Well, he isn’t aware that you know. That might be why he didn’t talk about much.”
“You guys didn’t tell him?” she asked, surprised.
“We haven’t actually talked in a while,” I replied, a little embarrassed. “I don’t know where he is.”
“Matt, that’s really, really bad, isn’t it? Jen didn’t say much about him, but he was a pretty big deal over there, right?”
“Yes. He was a general, kind of. A lord.”
“So he’s already feeling a loss of power, and now he’s missing out on his friends, and losing control all over. He’s going to try and get that back somehow.”
“I don’t know what to do about that,” I admitted. Something about her made me want to be honest, or maybe I just really wanted advice from someone who knew what was going on, since my mother hadn’t been much help.
“…I don’t either,” Sara replied, to my dismay. “But we can’t just leave him to wander alone out on the streets. He needs help.”
The doro bell chimed. I looked up, and a shabby-looking man was there, looking at me expectantly. “I’m sorry, Sara. I have to go. I’ll keep that in mind.”
“Okay. Good luck,” she added as I hung up.
The man just wanted a pack of cigarettes. While I checked his ID, the door chimed again. I didn’t bother to look up until the new voice addressed me directly.
“Matt, we need to talk.” His tone chilled my blood to ice. It was a voice I hadn’t heard in a long time. Not Carl, but the voice of the Lord of Candir, whom I’d never trusted for a second. The man who’d betrayed Reynir Cellman, to his ultimate death.
“Hi, Carl,” I said, trying to keep things calm. The customer was struggling with his wallet, his hands unsteady. I prayed he’d get out of here soon, before Carl started talking—but as usual, fate and I were still at odds.
“I’m going to find a way back, and you’re going to help,” said Carl. There was no anger in his voice, only determination and confidence. Even so, it worried me. I didn’t have control of this situation. I was adrift, and danger lurked in every corner, waiting to strike.
“Not sure what you’re talking about,” I said mildly. The customer finally got his wallet out of his pocket, and began to count out change coin by coin.
“I found a guy. Daniel Whitman. He knows about Cyraveil. He’ll know how to get there. He even lives in town, Matt! We can go back. All of us.” Carl sounded almost deranged. His voice rose as he went on. I had no idea what he was talking about. It seemed illogical. The thoughts didn’t flow together right.
“How are you sure?”
“I know he will, Matt. Trust me.”
I could never trust you Carl. “That’s kind of hard to believe.”
“Okay, look,” he said impatiently. He turned to the customer, still counting out nickels. “Hey, get lost?”
“Jus’ be a secon’,” the man muttered. Carl’s eyes narrowed.
“Carl, it’s fine,” I cut in, but Carl was already closing on him. He grabbed the man’s hands, and started tossing his money on the counter.
“Hey now!”
“Just shut up. Here.” Carl shoved the pack at him. “Get going.”
I hopped the counter, landing behind Carl. I grabbed his arm and his shoulder, twisting him around and pinning him to the glass display of lottery tickets next to us. He was too surprised to react in time. “Carl, calm down.”
“Matt, what the fuck?” He struggled, but he was too weak to do much to me on Earth. I had no trouble holding him steady.
“Calm. Down.” I turned to the customer. “Please excuse my friend. I’m sorry about this.”
“Don’ worry ‘bou’ it,” the guy mumbled. He took his smokes and the change, and left in a hurry. Once I was sure he was gone, I let Carl free.
He came back swinging, but it was too obvious. The punch was too telegraphed. I dodged it easily. I stepped back and waited calmly for Carl’s next move. He was heaving breaths, but he seemed to recognize finally that attacking me wasn’t going to accomplish anything.
“Are you good?” I asked.
“…Yes,” he replied. It was more calm than I expected. I entertained the faint hope that he actually was under control.
“You wanted to talk?”
“Yeah.”
“…So?”
“Don’t you want to go back?” Carl asked, exasperated.
“No,” I said firmly—but if I was being honest, I’d never been more on the fence about it.
“But—”
“It was one part of my life, and it’s over now. I’m trying to move on, Carl.”
“You were a general. A leader. A revolutionary,” Carl said breathlessly. “You started a movement. You toppled an empire. You were important and powerful. They would have given you anything. Why wouldn’t you want to have all that?”
“Did you rehearse that?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Take this seriously, goddammit,” he snapped. “That was you, wasn’t it? You’re a natural leader. Those speeches, man. You said you were just improvising, but you inspired people to fight. To die . ‘Eternal glory’, wasn’t that it? How they’d be remembered, even if they died in the struggle, breaking chains? You’d fight for the silent and something-something.”
I shrugged. “I got that from a song.”
Carl paused. I saw him twitch a bit, before a laugh of all things erupted through im. “Fucking song lyrics . Your’e kidding.”
“Nope.” I shook my head. “Straight from the song. I barely even changed them.”
Carl laughed harder. I grinned nervously. Maybe he was getting back to normal.
“See, this is why you have to come back, Matt!” My hopes were dashed as quickly as they’d grown. “Help me find this guy. We can all go back. You belong there, I belong there, Jen definitely belongs there. We’ll all go back, all of us, and everything will be okay.”
Carl wasn’t stable, that much was obvious. He didn’t know what he was doing. He’d completely jumped off the deep end. At the same time though, I did consider his words.
Maybe we did belong there. I felt like I had unfinished business now. Between Carl’s reminders and Jen’s recollections, I was brought back to those moments just before I’d decided to bring us home. The people there were depending on me for a solution, to lead them through crises. I was insane to think
it would just all work itself out. We’d just overthrown a generations-old dynastic government; chaos was bound to follow no matter how well we handled the transition. We’d only just begun our work there.
Responsible. Everybody called me the responsible one. I don’t know how much I agreed with them, but I couldn’t deny I felt an obligation to these people. I had a duty to them, after having asked them for so much. Those speeches I gave, the oaths I made. I would betray the spirit of my people’s sacrifices if I didn’t come back to follow through on what I’d promised.
Not just the people I’d lead, but there was another, more personal sacrifice I had to honor. An agreement made in the dead of night, around a low burning fire in the command tend on the outskirts of the city. A promise I’d made to a dear friend, far braver than any of us, who knew he was going to die but charged forward without regrets. Blake had loved that world, and the people within. He’d made me swear to make it a better place, whatever it took.
As my past words echoed through my head, I looked back at Carl with a cold eye. Even if I felt like I might need to return, I knew Carl shouldn’t. He was a far better person before we’d left. Kinder and warmer, if a bit annoying. He’d become so cold and distant now. I hesitated to admit it, but I felt like Cyraveil had created a monster in him—one that never should have been woken.
Carl couldn’t return with us. I’d seen him betray a best friend first hand, turn his back and let him die at the hands of a ravenous horde of revolutionaries. I would never, ever trust him again.
“Go home, Carl,” I said softly.
His face fell. “That’s it? That’s all you’ve got to say?” His voice was as quiet as my own.
“Cyraveil doesn’t exist,” I said firmly, consciously echoing my words from the night we’d come back.
Carl shook his head. “You’ll change your mind. Eventually.” He turned and left the store, and I felt like the room instantly became lighter. I found it easier to breathe, as if the weight of Carl’s presence had settled right on my lungs. The release seemed to affirm my decision to shut him out. I leaned back against the counter, once again lost in thought.
Now I had two paths in front of me. One of them grew increasingly dimmer each day, which I’d tried to walk down but had lost my way. Beside me, another path began, where my sister and a world I thought I’d sworn off loomed like ancient towering statues, silently judging my every move.
I felt my mind turn, and with reluctance and fear in my heart, I stared down that second path.
Chapter 15 — Jen
“So what’s the connection here anyway? History of abuse from the father, possibly passed down?”
“No. As far as I can tell, Mr. Westin was a model citizen. The records of his divorce proceedings with Erica Silverdale are sealed.”
“Entirely?”
“Anything worth mentioning, at least.”
“Wait, you said was a model citizen.”
“Philip Westin died in a car accident, about a year ago. Apparently fell asleep at the wheel and drove off a cliff on the coast. No foul play suspected.”
“Huh.”
The door to Sara’s bedroom opened. I snapped upright, the pillow I’d been hugging tossed aside.
“Uhh, hi?” Her face poked through the door. She looked startled, and more than a little confused.
“…Hi. I kinda snuck in while you guys were out at dinner… Sorry.”
She walked over to shut the window I’d left open. I would have closed it, but the breeze and the fresh air felt really nice. It still didn’t smell right, but it was better than nothing. “Did anyone see you come in?”
“As if.”
She closed the blinds as well, before settling down cross-legged in her desk chair. I leaned back into the corner of the wall again, letting my eyes droop half-closed. Surprise all done with, Sara now just looked concerned again—which only made me feel worse. “Were you sleeping? You really freaked out there.”
“Huh?”
“I mean, you just jumped up really quick. You used to be impossible to wake up.”
I’d already promised myself never to lie to her again, and I wasn’t about to break it now. “…I don’t really sleep well anymore.”
“Since you got back?”
“…No. Before that.” I took a deep breath, but Sara held up her hand before I could say anything.
“It’s okay. You don’t have to. Just tell me when you’re ready, okay?”
I closed my mouth. I wasn’t ready. I thought I was, but the moment I tried to summon those memories to the surface, just to talk about them, they enveloped me like a frozen river. The sounds were the worst. The chains, clanking on the stone floors as they dragged past. Metal gates opening and closing, day and night without warning. Newcomers, crying through their first night—then the utter silence when they didn’t come back on their second.
“Nightmares,” I said finally.
Sara nodded, trying to look sympathetic. “I’m sorry. I wish I could do more to help.”
“You really are. You don’t have to be sorry.” I tried to give her my best smile. “Thanks for letting me steal your bed.”
“You didn’t even ask,” she growled in mock-outrage.
“Well, I didn’t get to sleep anyway, so all’s fair?”
She shook her head, smirking, then twisted around and tapped at her keyboard. The screens flicked on. “I’ve got a paper I have to finish writing. Are you spending the night?”
“Is that cool?”
“Of course. Just… we gotta stay quiet. I can’t have my parents finding out.”
I was puzzled by that one. Sara’s parents had always been super nice to me. “Why not?”
She shrugged. “I just don’t want to answer questions I don’t have to.”
“Okay.” I felt like I wasn’t getting the whole truth, but I trusted her. She’d tell me when she felt ready, same as she’d offered to me.
Okay, I’m sorry. I’ve been avoiding the dragon in the room. That stone I found out in the forest. I hadn’t decided anything about it yet. But it was a way back. All three of us could go back. To Cyraveil.
Did I even want to go back? I had no clue. I mean, I’d already started leaning toward the idea just as wishful thinking, but having the actual possibility suddenly thrust into my hands was way, way different. Now it wasn’t a hypothetical anymore, just something to comfort myself before I got back to facing the real world again. Now, this world wasn’t even necessarily the real one anymore. This was just one world, and Cyraveil was another.
Before you start wondering if I was getting all worked up over nothing, I was almost one-hundred-percent sure that the stone was for real. It was written in a language only I could write, out of anybody on the entire planet, and it described—in explicit detail—the exact nature and methodology of casting an etomala for transporting people across worlds. I’d even tried out the first part of it, and for a second, I’d actually felt the connection again. In the core of my being, I felt swirls of energy, beautifully familiar. I cut it off before I went too far, but it was exhilarating.
We’d even be returned at the exact time we left, although I couldn’t say for sure where. Stars, if it split us up again…
The idea was tempting, I won’t lie. If nothing else, having options again made me feel so much more at ease. At the same time though, my nightmares weren’t getting any better, and every last one of them had to do with Cyraveil. How could I just go back to that? And Matt—why would Matt ever want to go back? The two of us had a life here, and even Carl could probably find a way through his issues. Go back to normal. If the three of us weren’t certain, we’d never cross back safely, and we had to have three to make the trip. The stone was very clear on the rules.
When I found it there, I’d stayed in that clearing for a long time. I just looked at it, looked at the trees, at the sky. I barely moved for an hour, if not longer. When I finally did, I left the rock exactly where it was. I felt like it shouldn’t be t
ouched, like it was sacred or something. I don’t really know why; it’s not like Sylves worship rocks or something. Sylves don’t worship anything, really.
Anyway, after all of that, I just didn’t want to be alone—but at the same time, even wandering down my own street, the neighborhood I’d grown up in, I looked around at every house and realized I didn’t know a single person. Not one neighbor. I couldn’t even remember ever meeting them in the first place. Had I ever met them? Had I bothered to get to know the people right next to my own damn house?
I got out of there. I was scared. Sure, I could tell myself I probably wasn’t in any real danger, but that doesn’t mean daphut when you’re feeling like you’re surrounded by strangers with intentions you can’t understand, people you don’t know, who you can’t expect to leave if you just wait them out. My own house no longer felt safe to me… so I ran.
Instinct brought me to Sara’s. It was a pretty easy climb from a tree near her house to the roof, and from there in through her bedroom window. I’d never tried to sneak in before, but I just wanted somewhere to hide out that felt familiar. Plus, nobody was home. Weirdly enough, Sara’s room felt more familiar and safe than my family’s house. At least, while it was devoid of my actual family, anyway.
“This is soaked,” said Sara, picking at the jacket I’d draped over the folding chair she kept in the corner. “Were you outside this whole time?”
“Oh, you know me,” I said airily.
“Uh huh. Out worshipping trees or something?”
“That’s racist,” I grinned. “But yeah, I was out in the woods. Speaking of which, how did your date go? Matt refused to spill.”
“It went… okay ?” Sara tilted her head to the side. “There was a lot to talk about. Things more to do with magic and certain parallel worlds.”
“Oh… sorry I ruined your date,” I said, red-faced.
“As if.” Sara echoed my tone from earlier almost perfectly. She even tried to affect my accent. I couldn’t help but laugh. “That bad?”
“You sound like a five year old dubasal ,” I giggled.
“Well, you’re my teacher, so whose fault is that?” Sara easily dodged my throw of the nearest pillow on the bed. “Jeez, you’re so violent now.”