by Gun Brooke
She found Eleanor on the couch, focusing on her laptop with a half-empty plate next to her.
“Did you fall behind a lot after today?” Addison walked over to the table and lifted the lid of the second plate. After pouring herself some mineral water, she grabbed a fork and carried it all to the couch. “Ellie?”
“Mmm? Oh, sorry. What did you say?”
“Did you miss a lot of important stuff today?”
“Some, but nothing that even comes close to how important it was for me to be here.”
The small flame in her stomach that was always lit when she was around Eleanor erupted into a bonfire. Addison ate in silence as she observed Eleanor working. It was fascinating to watch how the woman focused as she flicked at the touchpad while browsing her densely written documents and charts. Every now and then she frowned, but eventually she smiled, sighed, and snapped the laptop closed. “There. Now I’m going to shower.”
“Mind if I just brush my teeth first so I can crawl into bed?”
“Go ahead.”
Addison put her empty plate back on the table and walked into the bathroom. Brushing her teeth, she jumped as Eleanor walked in behind her and began to undress. Addison wanted to hurry up, give Eleanor her privacy, but then again, Eleanor knew she was in here. She didn’t have to undress right here while Addison was brushing her teeth. Could it be that Eleanor was already this comfortable around her? She didn’t seem like a casual, free-spirited person who undressed easily in front of just anybody. And since Addison was hardly anybody…
“I can hear the wheels turning from here,” Eleanor said quietly, a faint smile on her lips. “No, I’m not trying to embarrass either of us, or flaunt anything, or even tease. I’m just eager to take that shower so we can finally settle down and get some sleep.”
“Of course. Got it.” Addison could confirm her blush in the mirror as she rinsed her mouth before hurrying out of there. Of all the immature, idiotic ways to act. Ogling Eleanor through the mirror like a complete moron.
Addison rounded the queen-size bed on the left side, and, for some reason, it dawned on her that they would be actually sharing a bed. “Not exactly how I fantasized about it.” Muttering, she pushed at two of the pillows until they were positioned to her liking. As she curled up, her arms wrapped around her midsection, she closed her eyes and tried to will herself to instant sleep. Of course the faint sound of water running in the bathroom didn’t help. It seemed as if the images flickering through her overtired brain were either that of an unconscious Stacey or a half-dressed Eleanor. “Ah!” She shoved her fist into one of the pillows.
“Oh, my. What did the pillow do?”
Addison turned onto her back. Eleanor stood at the opposite side of the bed, also dressed in flannels. She was placing her watch and cell phone on the shelf doubling as a nightstand.
“The pillow’s innocent,” Addison said glumly. “I’m just—I feel like I’m about to go nuts.”
“No wonder. This day has been horrible for you.”
“Yeah, but not only that. It started out great, then slammed right into horrible, and slowly became pretty okay again when Stacey came to after the surgery. What was great about it was how wonderful and caring you’ve been to us. Then we’re showering and sleeping together…well, I’m torn.”
“Torn about who you were really giving a sucker punch?”
“I wasn’t hitting a person!” Aghast, Addison stared at Eleanor, until she realized she was being teased. “Oh. Hmm.” She covered her face with both hands. “I’m all messed up. A total idiot. Don’t listen to me.”
The bed dipped as Eleanor settled in on her side. “Yes, I agree, you’re messed up after today, but that’s not your fault. As for being an idiot, I beg to differ.” She rolled Addison gently until they ended up right next to each other. “And I want to listen, but how about we talk tomorrow when we’ve had time to sleep and recharge?”
“Sounds terrific. That’ll keep me from planting more feet in my mouth.” Addison inhaled the luxurious scent of Eleanor’s body wash.
Eleanor chuckled. “Understood. No more foot-plants.”
The fact that Eleanor could make light of the situation and seemed at ease just relaxing next to her made it possible for Addison to breathe. “Stacey started sounding like herself.”
“Yes, I’d say so, if you mean when she introduced me as your girlfriend.”
“I know. I can’t believe she did that. No doubt she’s going to blame coming out of the anesthesia.” Addison moaned.
“That makes sense. She comes out of the anesthesia thinking it’s a bright idea that we come out to her neurologist.”
It was harder now to know if Eleanor was teasing or not. “Um. Yeah. Hopefully that lies within doctor-patient confidentiality.”
“We’re not the patients.”
“We weren’t the ones doing the outing.”
“True.” Eleanor turned fully on her side and placed a hand lightly on Addison’s shoulder. “Time to go to sleep.”
“Okay. Good night.”
“Good night.”
Addison was sure it would be impossible to sleep, but hoped for some quality rest at least. To her surprise, it took her only three or four minutes to become drowsy. Next to her, Eleanor’s breathing already indicated she was fast asleep. Some light shone through the curtains and illuminated the ice-blond highlights in her hair and outlined her face. Addison let herself absorb Eleanor’s heart-wrenching beauty until she couldn’t keep her eyes open any longer.
*
Eleanor woke up from a dull pain in her side. She moaned and tried to shift to find a more comfortable position. A moan startled her and then something hard hit her shin.
“What the hell?” Turning cautiously toward Addison, she just barely caught a long, swinging arm before it hit her again. “Addie? Addison!” Now wide-awake, Eleanor quickly realized that Addison was caught in the throes of a nightmare. “Darling, wake up. Please.”
Addison was shaking, and as Eleanor tried to push the long hair from Addison’s sweaty temples, she could hear soft whimpers with each breath. She couldn’t bear to see Addison in such torment. Capturing the other flailing arm with her free hand, she put her lips to Addison’s ear.
“Wake up. Addison!” She spoke sternly, hoping to break through, but it was clear the nightmare had dug its claws deep into Addison, frightening her badly.
“St-Stacey.” Addison tugged to free herself. “No, no, no…”
“Stacey’s all right. Everything’s fine. It’s me. It’s Eleanor. Please, wake up, darling.”
Addison kicked out with her legs and hit Eleanor’s shin again. Groaning in pain, she hooked her leg over both of Addison’s to try to subdue her.
“Addie, open your eyes. It’s just a dream. It’s not real. Whatever you’re dreaming, it’s not real.”
“Ellie. Eleanor!” Addison’s eyes snapped open, tears pouring from them. “They’re gone. They were here and then they were gone and I can’t find them. I was holding on to them and then they disappeared and they left me behind—” Her voice shook so much, it was hard to understand what she was saying.
“Stop it, please. Please, Addie. You’re safe. I’m not gone and neither is Stacey. You’re not alone. You’re not. I promise.”
“Ellie?” Addison blinked and slowly stopped fighting. “What—oh. Oh.”
“A nightmare. A bad one.” So relieved that Addison was finally awake, Eleanor let go of her and sank down on her pillow. She kept an arm protectively around Addison’s waist, not about to let her feel abandoned. “I’m here.”
“Oh, thank God. You are. You are.” Addison hid her face in Eleanor’s neck. “I was so scared and it was so real. I was running along some tracks and there were car wrecks everywhere, but no sign of the train. And I saw your car. The Maserati. And you were gone. And Stacey too.”
“Sounds very frightening. Your mind seems to have mixed your parents’ accident with what it fears the most right now. No wonder
you were so distraught after seeing Stacey so sick yesterday.”
“It was horrible. I was all alone.” Pushing her hair from her face, Addison took a deep breath. “Thank you for waking me up. I’m sorry I woke you though.”
“No need to be sorry.” Eleanor kissed Addison’s forehead before checking the time. “We can still get another two-and-a-half hours’ sleep if we’re lucky.”
“Yeah.” Addison didn’t sound sure.
“Are you afraid to go back to sleep?” She cupped Addison’s cheek. “I’m here. I’ll wake you if it happens again. I promise.”
“I don’t know. I’m jittery all over, as if all my nerve endings are on alert. You know, like you can get when a thunderstorm is about to hit?” Addison hugged herself and rubbed her arms. “It’s the weirdest thing.”
“What if you lie down facing away from me? I can hold you, and if you wake up, I’ll feel it.”
“You’re so great for not losing patience with my being so freaking needy.” Addison shifted until she was on her side, and Eleanor snuggled up with her from behind.
“You’d do the same for me, wouldn’t you?”
“Yes, of course. In a heartbeat.”
“Well then.” Eleanor wrapped her right arm around Addison. Faint tremors reverberated from her to Eleanor. “Shh. Just relax.”
Eleanor closed her eyes and held Addison tight to her. When she was still as tense after several long minutes, Eleanor began rubbing her belly slowly to try to relax her. Oddly, this seemed to make Addison even more rigid and even move away from body contact with her.
“Darling? What’s wrong? You still upset?”
“No. No, I’m just not tired. Well, I am, but I can’t relax and go to sleep.” Addison was babbling, which showed how nervous she was.
“Want me to let go of you?”
“No!” Addison reached for Eleanor’s hand and pulled her arm back around her. “I need you. I really need you.”
“Tell me what you need. Please, will you share with me why you’re still so on edge?” Eleanor began caressing Addison’s stomach again, occasionally sliding her hand down her hip and up and down her thigh. “Just relax, darling. I have you.”
“Without your touch, I’m cold and trembling, and with you holding me, I’m on fire and shaking all over. I’m totally screwed up.”
Burying her face in the hair at the nape of Addison’s neck, Eleanor inhaled deeply. “What do you need? I can think of something that will help you unwind.” She slid her hand up and cupped Addison’s right breast on the outside of her pajama jacket.
“Ellie!” Arching, Addison placed her hand on top of Eleanor’s, holding it more firmly against her breast. “Please.”
“I have you. Trust in me, Addie. Let me help you.”
“Oh, God. I’m so worked up. Fuck.” Her voice a mere whimper, Addison squirmed against Eleanor.
“Shh. There. How’s that?” Eleanor felt the hard protrusion of Addison’s nipple against her palm and massaged it gently. Kissing Addison’s neck, she pressed her right leg forward, in between Addison’s. Addison’s center was hot against her thigh, like she was on fire.
“Oh, God, Ellie. Please, please, please.” Addison’s feverish whispers went straight to Eleanor’s core, but she wasn’t about to let this be about her, not for a moment. This was about being there for Addison.
“I want you to come for me, darling,” Eleanor said, clenching her own thighs as her words made Addison moan. She hadn’t quite counted on Addison’s needing her touch this much. Nor had she expected herself to respond the way she did.
“Touch me, please?” Addison whispered.
For a moment, Eleanor didn’t get what Addison meant, but then her cheeks burned and she slid her hand downward. She wasn’t going to touch Addison’s skin, as that somehow seemed taking it too far, too soon, and at the wrong time. Pushing her fingers in between Addison’s legs, she was amazed at how hot and damp Addison was. She maneuvered her leg to part Addison’s a bit more, for better access. Addison was trembling and gasping for air now. Pushing forward, she clearly tried to make firmer contact with Eleanor’s hand.
“Like this?” Eleanor murmured, circling her fingers against where the seam of the flannel pajama pants rubbed against Addison.
“Yes, oh, yes, like that. Ellie, don’t let go.”
“Never.”
“I’m burning up. So hot. So—oh! Oh!” Addison grew so rigid Eleanor almost feared she might hurt herself. Then she slumped back against Eleanor, gasping for air in long breaths that sounded painful. “Ellie, Ellie…”
Curling up behind Addison while holding her close, Eleanor hummed soothingly as she moved her hand to stroke her hip. “Mmm. That’s it. That’s better.”
“What—what about you?” Addison tried to move her head around to look at Eleanor.
“I’m fine,” she lied. “I’m quite tired and there’ll be other times.”
“You sure?”
“Absolutely.” Eleanor hid her face in Addison’s hair again. Truth be told, she was on fire too, but this wasn’t the right time for a mutual encounter. She tried to think past the heat radiating from Addison. Right now she shouldn’t allow any suddenly awoken libido to roam freely. Addison needed every minute of sleep she could get to face a new day at Stacey’s side. She certainly didn’t need Eleanor lusting after her.
“I have wanted you since day one.” Addison spoke quietly. “It’s not right that it’s this one-sided. Making love, I mean.”
“You need sleep, and if I find myself…affected by your presence, then it’s for me to deal with.” Groaning inwardly, Eleanor closed her eyes hard, as if that would help with her lack of self-control.
“Affected by my pres—what—as in turned on?” Addison’s expression went from surprised to affectionate. “Ellie.” She pressed her lips against Eleanor’s in a gentle kiss. “Why would that be embarrassing or inappropriate? I agree that I have pictured our first real time together in another setting and definitely when I wasn’t so messed up—”
“Even so, I’m not as vulnerable as you are, no matter how much I’ve come to care for Stacey. I should be able to control myself.” Eleanor wiped her damp palms on her pajama jacket.
“I don’t think you can control when arousal hits. Surely you felt how bad off I was just now? Do you honestly think I don’t realize being tossed into closeness after such trauma might make us fire on all four cylinders?”
How could Addison be so understanding, so strong, after having gone through hell and then woken up after a horrible nightmare? No wonder she loved her so much. Eleanor’s thoughts stopped so fast, she could have sworn they left tire marks in her brain. Love her? But of course. Of course she loved this wondrous young woman. Eleanor knew of Addison’s capacity for love as well, but that didn’t mean Addison would ever return her feelings in the same, all-overshadowing way. Still, admitting to herself how much she loved Addison, and how much she honestly cared for Stacey, made it possible for her to harness her arousal and settle down.
“You’re totally right, darling,” Eleanor said, snuggling closer again. “But please, let’s save it for when we’re rested and in a better frame of mind.”
“If you insist.” Addison seemed to want to say something more but then sighed and settled in against her.
“Go to sleep, Addie. Tomorrow will be better.”
“I hope so. I can’t bear to think otherwise.”
Eleanor didn’t know why she suddenly wondered if Addison was talking only about Stacey.
Chapter Twenty
Stacey was sitting up in bed having her breakfast when Addison and Eleanor arrived. She looked up at them, smiling broadly, and to Addison’s relief, the smile wasn’t lopsided and both her eyes crinkled in the same manner, making them sparkle.
“Look who’s doing so much better,” Eleanor said, sounding just as relieved. “Good job, Stacey.”
“Hey, you should praise Doc Stromberg. He’s the one who filled my head with junk. In
a manner of speaking. No doubt I’ll set off the metal detectors.” Stacey finished her yogurt and picked up a mug. “And I called Maureen.”
“Oh, God! Maureen!” Addison slapped her forehead. “I knew there was something I forgot yesterday. I’m so sorry, Stace.”
“No worries. It was kind of cool that I got to call her, sis. Less time to worry, and now she knew right away that I was doing much better. New and improved, so to speak. She’s going to visit this afternoon when I’m at that other ward.”
“What other ward?” Addison wondered if her brain was malfunctioning too, as her thought processes seemed to have slowed to unmovable.
“Doc said it was fine for me to move to a regular neurological ward. The PT person is supposed to show up any moment to help me get started with my exercises, and then if she’s happy with how I’m doing, I don’t have to stay here in the ICU. Cool, huh?” Stacey sipped her tea. “And how are the two of you? I remember you both reaching zombie stage yesterday. You look a little more…um, less pale. More like flushed.” She raised an eyebrow. “Aha.”
“Don’t you aha me, you little brat.” Addison knew she was blushing, she could feel it, and now she hugged Stacey and hid her face at the shoulder of her far-too-perceptive sister. “I’m thrilled that you’re doing so well, but please be careful and listen to the staff.”
“I’m doing fine. I’ll be running circles around them soon enough.”
“Stacey, please.” Addison pulled up a chair and sat down next to her. “Listen to me. Don’t be too cocky and overconfident. I realize you’re relieved that the procedure’s over and done with, but you have to pace yourself.”
“Okay, okay. I’m only kidding. You should’ve seen me when I had to go to the bathroom this morning. I had two nurses holding on to me, but I was like totally wobbly.”