by Helen Lacey
Grace bit her bottom lip and smiled. To be desired so completely, so urgently and with so much unabashed passion was highly erotic. For the first time in her life she completely rejoiced in her sexuality. He gifted her immeasurable pleasure and she suddenly longed to return that gift. She wanted him to feel what she felt—complete abandonment, total trust and mind-blowing ecstasy.
She pulled back and linked their fingertips. “Come with me,” she urged and led him into the bathroom.
When she flicked on the jets of the double shower spray and pulled him into the open cubicle he raised both brows inquiringly. “What did you have in mind?”
Grace laughed, pushed him gently against the tiled wall and circled her palms over his pectorals. “Whatever I want,” she said, kissing a trail from one small budded nipple to the other.
Laughter rumbled in his chest. “Throwing down the gauntlet, Grace?”
She nodded and kissed lower. He was already aroused, already hers to take. “And if I am?”
He raised his arms and braced against the wall. “Whatever you want,” he invited softly.
Grace smiled and eagerly took up the challenge. Tenderness and desire transcended through her fingertips, her lips, and her tongue. He offered her moans of encouragement, and when he could take no more, when she felt his control slip, Grace gave him all she could. In that moment she had the power, the potency in her touch to bring him to his knees as release claimed him, and she held him through the pleasure, giving him her strength and the feelings that were in her heart.
* * *
Four hours later Cameron was in the small kitchen making scrambled eggs.
Which look as scrambled as my brain at the moment.
Grace sat on the other side of the counter on a stool, wrapped in a fluffy robe, sipping a glass of wine. With her hair mussed, her eyes a kind of hazy green and her lips the color of cherries, she looked delectable. She smiled at him over the rim of her glass.
“Pleased with yourself, are you?” he asked as he stirred the eggs.
A dreamy look washed over her face. “Hmm?” She shrugged and the robe opened, showing the hint of cleavage.
Cameron did his best to concentrate on the cooking and not her exposed skin. “You know exactly what I mean.”
She smiled again, deep and alluring. “It’s no secret to you that I’ve had a fairly repressed sex life.” She put down her glass. “Until now.”
It was quite the admission. “Why?”
She shrugged again. “Control, I guess. I could close off and only give the parts of myself I was certain wouldn’t make me vulnerable.”
Cameron pulled the eggs off the heat. “Being vulnerable isn’t weakness, Grace.”
“I’m starting to realize that.”
He came around the counter, grabbed her hands and swiveled the stool ninety degrees. “Can you let go of your control long enough to think about your future?”
His heart pounded as he spoke. He’d had days to plan what he wanted to say to her. But the moment he’d picked her up that morning it confirmed what he wanted to do. What he’d planned to do since they’d returned from Burdon Creek.
“My future?” The tremor in her voice was unmistakable.
“Our future,” he said and moved between her legs, pulling her close.
She drew in a long breath and tilted her head. “I don’t understand what—”
“Grace,” he said as his heart thundered and Cameron took as much air into his lungs as he could. “I’ve spent the past sixteen years denying what I feel and I—”
“Cameron, I think we should—”
He place two fingertips against her lips. “Let me finish,” he said gently. “I have to say this, Grace. I’ve been working out ways to say this to you for the past week. For a long time I’ve been pretty casual about how I viewed relationships. I didn’t allow myself to get seriously involved with anyone. I kidded myself that I didn’t want anything permanent, or any woman to mean more to me than some good times and sex. But that’s not really what I want.”
She stared at him, unmoving.
“At Evie’s wedding everything changed.” He touched her cheek and ran a thumb along her jaw. “All those years of fighting and insults and antagonism...it was as though I’d woken up in a reality where none of that stuff existed. And now I want permanent, Grace. And I want it with you,” he said, cradling her hips intimately. “These past couple of weeks I’ve felt an incredible connection with you. Tell me you felt that, too?”
“I did,” she whispered. “I do.”
His grip tightened. “Then let’s not waste that feeling, Grace. A lifetime ago I let you go even though I knew it was the last thing I wanted. And before I had a chance to tell you how I really felt about you.” His thumb moved over her cheek and he smiled. He stroked her face one more time before he reached into his pocket and withdrew a small box. “I love you, Grace. Marry me?”
The world tilted on an axis and Grace felt like she was falling. She didn’t, though. He was there, in front of her, holding her against him. His brown eyes were dark and rich. He flicked the box open and Grace saw the most perfect ring, a brilliant white diamond surrounded by superbly cut emeralds.
“The green stones are the same color as your eyes,” he said and watched her as she continued to stare at the box. When she didn’t move he spoke again, slower this time. “But if you don’t like it we can change the—”
“I like it,” she said quickly and drew in a sharp breath. “I really do.” Emotion clogged her throat. And the yes she wanted to say so much danced around in her head. “But...Cameron...I...I...”
He pulled back, suddenly pale as he put space between them. “Are you saying no?”
Grace wobbled on the stool and then slid to her feet. “No... Yes... I mean, I’m not saying... I’m just saying—”
“You’re saying what?” he asked, cutting her off.
“It’s just so unexpected,” she said quickly. “So fast...”
“Fast? We’ve been dodging around this for years. I love you...I’d hoped you loved me back.”
Grace pushed back her shoulders and slowly moved across to the living room and sat on the sofa. Cameron remained by the kitchen, a trillion miles away.
“Please, come and sit down,” she said and tied the robe tighter.
He nodded, came across the room and sat beside her. Grace took a breath, the longest she could. She wanted to touch him. She wanted to feel the safety of his arms around her. Instead she stared at the jewelry box he still held in his left hand.
“I know how hard that must have been to say,” she said quietly. “And if I wasn’t leaving next week, things might be different. But I—”
“So we can make them different, can’t we?”
Another breath. Another dose of steadying oxygen in her blood. “How? I have a life in New York. And a career I can’t simply discard.”
He stayed silent for a moment, absorbing her words. “Okay...you have a career. We’ll work around it.”
She met his eyes. “How can we do that? Your life is here. My life is there. And we both want different things.” Grace grabbed his hand and the jewelry box lay between their palms. They were connected by a ring that part of her desperately wanted, but another part of her knew she couldn’t take. “We both know what kind of wife you want, Cameron. One who lives in Crystal Point, for starters. And one who wants to settle down and raise a family with you. That’s not me. That won’t ever be me.” Emotion burned her eyes. “I’m sorry. But I’ve never pretended to be anything other than who I am. I just can’t be that kind of woman.”
* * *
Despite knowing he was getting exactly what he should have expected, Cameron felt like he’d been punched in the gut. He pulled air into his lungs. “And that’s it?”
Her hand moved off his. “I know it’s not what you want to hear.”
Cameron jumped up and the ring he bought her rolled to his feet. He left it there. “No, it’s not.”
She looked at the small velvet box and picked it up, holding it for a moment before she placed it on the low glass table in front of her. “My career has always been all I am. And I have to go back and prove to myself that I can do it again. For the first time in months I feel strong enough to do my job properly. Please try to understand.”
He did understand. She was rejecting him. Again.
“Ambition above all else?” he asked, pulling a tight rein on his hurt and disappointment.
“Of course not,” she replied. “But I’ve not made any secret of that fact that I intended to go back.”
Cameron experienced a strange pain in the middle of his chest. She’d made up her mind. She was leaving. He’d lost her. Again.
“And tonight, Grace? Is it your way of saying goodbye? Chuck in some last-minute hot sex before you pack your bags and leave everything behind?”
“I’m not that—”
“What?” he shot back abruptly, cutting her off. “Cold?”
She looked instantly wounded and Cameron’s insides burned with a hollow pain. He didn’t want to upset her...not intentionally...but he was angry and disappointed and plain old hurt.
“You think I’m cold?” she asked in a quiet voice. “After everything we’ve... After tonight and every other time we’ve been together?”
“Don’t confuse sex and love, Grace.”
She stood up quickly. “What do you want me to say to you? That I’m torn...of course I am. This is the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make.”
Annoyance began to weave down his spine. “Really? It seems fairly cut-and-dried.”
She wrapped her arms around herself. “I didn’t lie to you. I didn’t make any promises. You know how I feel about marriage and children. I’ve worked hard to get the career I wanted. And now...now I have to prove that I can do it again without falling apart like I did after the accident.” She sucked in a long, heavy breath. “I don’t expect you to understand...you’ve never failed at anything.”
I’ve failed to get your love.
“Of course I have,” he said roughly.
“I mean you’ve never failed to be anything other than yourself,” she said tremulously. “Last weekend with Pat and her grandchildren, I really saw you for the first time. I saw that you’re funny and charming and incredible with kids and so unbelievably comfortable in your own skin. Wherever you go, you belong.”
Cameron stilled. “I’m not sure what that has to do with you turning down my proposal.”
“Everything. Nothing. It’s just that you know who you are. And I’m a slightly neurotic, overachieving control freak who has never really belonged anywhere except in the life I’ve made in New York. Whenever I come back here it reminds me of how different I am from everyone else. Most of my life I’ve felt as though I have been stuck in between worlds.”
He knew that about her and his heart lurched. “Then, how about we meet somewhere in the middle?”
She took a shuddering breath. “How can we? In the middle there’s an ocean.”
“It’s just geography, Grace.”
“It’s more than that,” she refuted. “It’s about you being an important part of this community. And the kids like Dylan and Emily—they need you. I could never ask you to change or give up being part of that. Just like I can’t change what defines me.”
Cameron took four steps forward and reached her. He grasped her shoulders and molded the bones beneath his hands. He wanted to kiss sense into her. He wanted to love her until they weren’t sure where she began and he ended.
“That’s a cop-out, Grace. This isn’t about the job or anything other than the fact you’re scared to death to really feel something for someone. That’s why every relationship you’ve had has been lukewarm. You chose the doctor and the suit because they didn’t threaten your little safe world where you don’t have to let yourself be seen for who you really are.”
The truth hit Cameron with lightning force.
“I get it now,” he said, releasing her. She shuffled back slightly. “I finally get why you came back. It’s not about the car crash or your friend’s death or because a therapist told you to spend time with your family. You simply don’t want anyone to work out that you’re not perfect. But now you’ve regrouped, right? You have your strength back—you’ve faced what happened in the accident and you want to dive straight back into that life. And by doing that you can once again turn your back on this place and everyone in it.”
“I didn’t turn my back on Crystal Point,” she snapped, emotion bared in her eyes. “I was sent away.”
He stilled. “What?”
“I was sent away,” she whispered this time as she sank back onto the sofa. “To school.”
“School? You mean—”
“I mean boarding school,” she said, cutting him off. “I mean to a place where I didn’t know anyone and where I was put in a class higher than my age because I was considered too smart, too advanced for my normal grade. A class where I was first tormented and then ignored for being younger and smarter...and different. And I’d come home for holidays and my family would all be here—this fabulous tight-knit unit—a unit I wasn’t really part of. I was told how lucky I was to be getting such an amazing education. And they were right. I did get the best education possible.” Tears glittered on her lids. “But when school was over and I came back I felt so out of place...so distant. That’s why I couldn’t stay.”
The question he’d pondered a thousand times came out. “So it wasn’t because of us?”
“No.” She shook her head. “It was never about that. In so many ways you were the only reason I wanted to stay.” She took a long, steadying breath. “But I knew you were getting serious and I got scared.”
“Scared of what?” His insides crunched. “Of falling in love?”
“Of failing to be...more,” she admitted unsteadily. “Of not living up to the expectations of my parents, my teachers...and even myself. I had to live the life that had been planned for me. If I didn’t, it meant it would have been a waste to send me to that expensive school. And I couldn’t do that to my parents. But when I came back...”
He knew what she meant. “I got in the way?”
She shrugged. “I left quickly because I didn’t want to get in any deeper.”
His back straightened. “And still don’t, clearly.”
She held the velvet box in both her hands. “Please don’t be like this. We can have tonight...tomorrow...”
“You know,” he said quietly, resignedly, “I’ve pretty much loved you since you were sixteen years old. But I’d just joined the police force and I knew you weren’t ready for a relationship. So I waited a couple of years—waited until you were old enough. When you came back from school and we started dating I thought it would lead to a life together. But you told me then that nothing would keep you in Crystal Point—especially not a small-town police officer. So I guess things haven’t changed all that much.” He took a deep breath and tried to not think about how much he ached inside. “Goodbye, Grace.”
Without another word he turned around and walked out of the room. And out of her life.
Chapter Twelve
When Evie and Scott arrived home on Monday, Grace heaved a sigh of relief.
Her flight back to New York was booked and although she was glad to have a few more days to spend with her sister, she also wanted to go home. And New York is my home.
She thought Evie looked exhausted and told her so. They sat together in the kitchen, sipping the peach iced tea her sister had begged for.
“I’m fine, honestly,” Evie insisted and patted
her bulging belly. “Just tired from the trip home. I did nothing but relax and get pampered by my lovely husband while we were away.”
“You’ve popped out,” Grace said as she looked at her sister’s stomach. “And still a month to go.”
“Three weeks,” Evie replied. “I wish you were staying until then.”
Grace drank some tea. “I have to get back to work. So, tell me about the honeymoon.”
Evie grinned. “Everything?”
“Well, not everything.”
Her sister laughed. “It was romantic in a mostly non-amorous kind of way.” Evie rubbed her palms across her abdomen. “What about you? What did you get up to while we were away?”
I made love with Cameron Jakowski. Again and again. Oh, and I got a marriage proposal, too.
“Not much,” she lied then explained about babysitting Noah’s kids and tutoring Emily.
“Babysitting?” Evie’s steeply arched brows rose significantly. “Really?”
“Don’t look so surprised.”
Evie smiled. “I’m delighted, not surprised. The twins are adorable. Notorious at dinner and bath time, though.”
“Mmm...well, I had a little help.”
“Help?”
Grace drew in a breath. “Cameron stopped by. He cooked dinner while I was on bath duty.”
“Cameron did?” Evie’s eyebrows went up again. “And?”
Grace shrugged as the weight of her suddenly complicated life pushed down heavily on her shoulders. “And we had dinner and then he left.”
“That’s not what I meant. What else has been going on with you two?” her sister asked with way too much intuition. “And don’t bother denying it. After what happened at the wedding I wouldn’t be surprised if—”
“I slept with him.”
Evie’s green eyes almost popped out of her head. “Oh—I see. And what else?”
She took a few seconds before she told her sister of the weekend at Burdon Creek, Thomas’s accident and briefly mentioned how she and Cameron had become close.
“But why did you agree to go in the first place?” Evie asked.