by Holly Smith
This book is a work of fiction. The names, characters and events in this book are the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any similarity to real persons living or dead is coincidental and not intended by the author.
The Naive Bumblebee
Cover Design by Luis Ku
Published by Gatekeeper Press
2167 Stringtown Rd, Suite 109
Columbus, OH 43123-2989
www.GatekeeperPress.com
Copyright © 2019 by Holly Smith
All rights reserved. Neither this book, nor any parts within it may be sold or reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems without permission in writing from the author. The only exception is by a reviewer, who may quote short excerpts in a review.
ISBN (paperback): 9781732713703
eISBN: 9781732713710
Printed in the United States of America
Chapter 1
One Saturday morning, Nelise Laverty walked down the street towards her favorite drug store to browse the greeting card section inside. She loved reading the expressions within the cards as they evoked good feelings within her that she found difficult to do for herself. Her eyes would well up with tears imagining how uplifted a recipient would feel reading the words of affection, and they would light up with joy while reading congratulatory words about marriage, a baby, or success of some kind. Her expression would mellow as she imagined a recipient reflecting fondly on their beloved after reading an expression of love. She no longer imagined herself receiving any of these types of cards after her divorce.
Next on her agenda was to order a sundae from the little ice cream parlor behind the card section. She loved Saturdays because no matter what the past week had thrown at her or what the upcoming week might bring; this was a special time that she didn’t have to share with anyone else if she didn’t choose to. There was only one person in her life that she did want to share it with and that was the parlor’s counter clerk, Loyle Greene.
People were out and about in the sun wearing shorts, tops, and sandals but Nelise wore dresses in warm weather with her sun-streaked brown hair in a braided bun. Unlike some, she still wore makeup to highlight what she thought of as her only redeeming features: perfectly arched eyebrows and blue-green eyes that stood out against her golden skin. She tried not to think about the rest of her obese body, which was not easy at a time when society considered the anorexic look attractive for women, and she couldn’t admit to herself that in the back of her mind lurked an idea that one of these days Loyle might see her as more than a weekly ice cream-eating customer. Loyle carried extra weight also, but even so, you couldn’t use the “f” word on him. With his dark brown hair, bronze-colored eyes, and handsome face, who cared anyway? Certainly not her.
Workdays were trying at best, and wherever she went, her environment reflected back to her that she was f-f-f-f . . . , well, overweight. She refused to include the word “fat” in her vocabulary. Although she knew that was an accurate description of the current state of her body, even momentary contemplation of the “f” word, as she chose to call it, started her on a downward spiral of morbid feelings that would send her on an eating spree and plunge her further into the abyss of depression. She had tried so many diets: protein diets, meatless diets, liquid diets, fasting, and more. When none worked, she sought counseling, which quickly drained her financial reserves, giving her another excuse to escape from her life through food. One day, she decided to consider herself a “woman of weight” and let it go at that.
After entering the drugstore, she walked directly to the card aisle, immediately found two she liked and brought them to the counter where she enjoyed her weekly sundae . . . and Loyle. When he wasn’t busy, he would share small talk with her while she purposely ate her ice cream ever so slowly to extend the visit. Afterward, she would tease him about leaving a tip, and he would pretend he was annoyed and say, “A tip isn’t necessary; I’m always glad to see you.” Then he would wink and her heart would warm. Although she assumed he was only being nice to the f-f-f . . . , woman of weight, she felt sad when the whole experience was over and she had to walk out into the cold, cruel world again.
As she left the drugstore, she heard a young girl say to her friend: “Ya know, she would be attractive if she weren’t so fat. With all the diets out there, you’d think she’d try at least one of them.”
You know nothing of me, you impudent little brat! Is this all there is to my pathetic life? Am I doomed to spend each day on the hamster wheel with no reward? Do I have to give up food, which is the only thing that dulls the ache of an empty life? Isn’t there a way to change my destiny? Ugh.
She arrived at the usual intersection and decided to take the longer way home. Please let me see some beautiful flowers or maybe something unusual to think about while I do my errands, she begged the universe. Nelise always looked for something to distract her from people’s hurtful comments, noises, or facial expressions as they passed by. She could have driven her car to avoid the comments and stares, but she liked walking in the sunlight and gazing at manicured yards, flowers and trees along the way. And besides, it was exercise everyone would agree she could use.
She came upon what looked like a newspaper stand, yet there were no newspapers, magazines or anything else visible; just a kindly man—or woman, she couldn’t determine which—standing at the counter. The person had the unique appearance of being either male or female.
She walked up to the counter and read the sign overhead aloud: “Experience Your Best Self!” A moment later, Nelise found herself greeting the smiling androgynous person looking at her while thinking: One more self-help gimmick to waste money on.
“Can I help you with something? MG’s the name,” she—or he?—said, emanating a friendly demeanor.
“Just MG?” Nelise asked.
“Yes, MG.”
“OK. I’ve never seen a stand here before,” Nelise commented.
“You’ve never been down this street before.”
“Oh, yes I have, on a few occasions. Anyway, what does that sign mean?”
“Just what it says: Experience Your Best Self!” MG said simply.
“Ha! I don’t recall ever experiencing my best self yet,” Nelise said, briefly contemplating her past.
“Well then, you stopped at the right place at the right time; lucky you! Would you like to start today?” MG asked, pursuing Nelise’s opening.
Nelise stepped back to think. She knew how she felt leaving the ice cream parlor. It was uplifting going in, yet she felt downhearted after leaving. What if this were the same experience? If she was able to feel like her best self while there, how would she be able to step back into her regular daily existence without feeling even more of a letdown? Of course, at the moment, she could see no visible indication of where this experience would occur.
“Well . . . , I would but . . . ,” she said hesitantly. “Will you be here tomorrow?”
“Most likely but I can’t guarantee it; things are always shifting around you know,” MG explained.
“Then I think I will take the day to think about it; I have errands to run and . . . , well, just how long would this take?”
“I cannot say; time is irrelevant there. You either want the experience or not, that’s all,” MG said matter-of-factly.
Nelise tried to look behind MG wondering what “there” meant. MG would not move out of the way. It seemed like there was a black curtain behind her—or him.
“Well, look at me, I’m . . . , uh . . . , overweight. How long would it take for me to experience my best self in light of whatever you are selling?” Nelise asked fearing what the answer might be yet figuring it couldn�
��t feel any worse than she already did.
“What you look like here is irrelevant there,” MG said.
“Well, what do I need to do to go . . . there?” Nelise asked while her brain scrambled to understand what was going on yet she couldn’t quite pull herself away from such an opportunity and wasn’t sure why.
“You simply have to make a decision, yes or no,” MG answered directly.
“OK then, yes; it’s a yes,” Nelise said, surprising herself.
“Great!” MG said with a sudden big smile and handed Nelise a book from under the counter between them. “That’ll be one hundred dollars please.”
“A hundred dollars! There’s nothing on the sign indicating that I’d be buying a book; and for that much money!”
“Out here everything has a price, dear; in there everything is free,” stated MG. “And this is not just a book. How much is it worth for you to experience your best self? I will make a deal with you. If you decide tomorrow that you don’t want it, bring it back and I will refund your money. After tomorrow, though, the deal is off.”
“Really? You’ll refund money on this book sale? That’s why you’re going out of business,” Nelise stated bluntly.
“Yes, I would refund your money tomorrow only; and who said we’re going out of business?”
“Well, it looks to me like this is the only book you have left to sell.”
“Quite the contrary. Things are never what they appear to be, miss. We can barely keep up with the demand!”
Nelise looked at MG’s face for signs of humor but didn’t see any.
“Yeah well, OK then,” she said, curiosity getting the best of her. She paid the money hoping upon hope this was for real.
MG handed her the book. “Read it slowly; do not lend it to anyone, and never tell anyone about it, not even your friends.”
“OK,” Nelise said, thinking, I don’t have any friends to tell, even if I wanted to. She assumed the stand would probably not be there tomorrow and that it was another gimmick yet the event did liven up her day and kept her attention focused on something more interesting than other people’s reactions to her appearance. She held the book behind her purse so that a passerby would not be able to see the title. When the book stand was out of sight, she looked down to see the title for herself. There was no title or any writing at all on either side of the binding. Why am I not surprised? I guess some people like to pull hurtful scams and pranks on others, especially if they’re overweight. She opened the book and saw printed pages and felt relieved.
Chapter 2
Nelise was home in time for supper. She made a tuna sandwich and grabbed a soda, then unusually decided to have a small glass of milk instead. She wanted to read the book right away but decided to wait until bedtime when she was relaxed. What’s the rush? I’ll read this little book in an hour. I wonder if I’m truly going to experience my best self or find out I’ve been duped again by my desperate feelings.
After preparations were made for the next workday, she sat in her bedroom’s easy chair and opened the book. There was no author name, copyright information or foreword, not even a title within the book’s covers. Curious. It started with Chapter 1, which read:
Hi there. I’m happy you decided to experience your best self. Sit back, relax, and we’ll take you on a wonderful journey. Read slowly and do what the book tells you to do. Worry about nothing, not even placing a bookmark if you don’t finish reading today. When you are ready to read again, the pages will open where you left off.
Well that’s just crazy. Who is this “I’m” and “we” anyway? Nelise’s curiosity was tweaked and she continued reading:
If you could put in an order that would describe your best self, as if you were ordering a meal in a fine restaurant, what would that be? What would it look like? What would it feel like? When you know for sure, speak it aloud slowly. Stop reading until you do that.
Nelise was raised to do as she was told and pondered what her best self would be like: slender, attractive, self-confident, happy, and well dressed. I would feel free to do the things I’ve always wanted to do like dancing, horseback riding, swimming, boating, motorcycle riding, hiking, and hanging out with friends. People would like and respect me. Men would like me for who I am. After she finished speaking, she realized how her feelings changed with each idea; up and down emotionally like a see-saw. There were moments when she felt her throat tighten with frustration and she could barely speak, others where she felt hope and a glimmer of elation, and then doubt would overtake her. In spite of it, she was determined to go along with the book she paid so much for to see where it might lead. There must have been some reason I came upon that stand, she reasoned.
She picked up the book to continue reading and the bookmark she had placed in it flew out onto the floor. She placed the open book on her lap and watched as it re-opened to her stopping point. She laughed out loud as if it were some silly magic trick and continued reading.
Great! Now, there are a few rules for you to be aware of. First, if you allow negative feelings, you will find yourself back where you are right now. If you want to get back inside, you’ll have to figure out why you were thrown out. You can ask for help and you will receive it if necessary. Next, if anyone shows up causing you negative feelings, you must deal with him or her promptly or else you will be thrown out. Lastly, nobody else must see this book nor should you discuss it with anyone. Now that you understand the rules, turn the page. I look forward to meeting you!
Nelise felt strangely excited at first and then doubtful; hopeful and then skeptical. This is the weirdest book I have ever read. And who the heck is this author? And exactly who am I going to meet? She noticed the page was half blank but the book ordered that the page be turned. When she did, she saw a vivid picture of sun rays shining down on a very large, old wooden door painted royal blue. There was a strange poem engraved on it in letters of gold:
In the Garden, all are free,
I, You and Me;
All is Good, Pure and Kind,
Everything Real Lives in Mind.
Flowers and ivy, lush and leafy trees and bushes grew around the door that stood in the middle of the woods all by itself. She noticed some words in fine print at the bottom of the door: Reach out and push the door until it opens through and slowly turn the page.
She laughed. Whoever thought to write this was certainly creative. She pushed on the door until it came loose on three sides. She had to turn the page so she could actually push the door through. Once she was on the next page, the door melted back into its own page on all sides. There was a large circle on this side of it with white letters that read:
You have now entered into the spirit realm of deep space. Close your eyes and say aloud: “I’m looking for the Garden.”
OK, I’ll play your silly game, Nelise thought, but I don’t get how this is going to help me experience my best self. She smirked, sighed, closed her eyes, and spoke aloud sarcastically, “I’m looking for the Garden.”
“Hi there, this is Garden. Welcome,” said a kind and gentle voice.
Nelise felt goosebumps on her arms as a feeling of warmth flowed around and through her. It was as if invisible arms embraced her. She opened her eyes and there before her stood a beautiful ghostlike woman with large, deep purple eyes, lavender hair with streaks of gold, and a flowing dress of soft iridescent colors from her neck to her matching soft shoes. The sight of her took Nelise’s breath away and she felt wonderfully entranced.
“What’s your name? Did you write this book?” she asked the woman.
“My name is Esleen, and no, I didn’t write this book but I had a part in its creation. There is everything here that you could ever dream of having or doing. Is there something you want to experience first or would you like to take a stroll and look around?”
“Yes, I’d like to look around a bit. Are you going to walk with me?” Nelise asked, forgetting about the book.
“Oh yes, I am your guide; I will always be
with you when you are here. Why don’t we walk up Main Street and I can show you all the little shops and places you can visit and make purchases if you’d like.”
“Main Street? Little shops? That sounds wonderful!” Nelise exclaimed, feeling happy there were no other people around. For once, she felt totally relaxed and comfortable.
“Main Street is a multi-colored cobblestone street with lighted lampposts of gold and beautifully decorated shops,” Esleen explained cheerfully.
“OK,” Nelise said. Just as they were walking away, she noticed this side of the door was also blue with trees and flowers surrounding it. Beams of white light shone from somewhere; from where, she wasn’t able to tell. I’d better remember that so I can get out, or back in if I’m ever thrown out, she thought.
Esleen took Nelise’s hand and, after taking a few steps, a long, beautiful cobblestone street appeared before them exactly as Esleen had described. There were shops with plants and small lights around their front doors as far as the eye could see while beautifully shaped trees separated them from each other. Nelise felt as if she had stepped into a story book and then laughed at herself recalling the book she purchased. She was speechless with the giddy feeling of holiday excitement. She had never seen so much sparkling beauty at once. She noted that although there were no people, all the shop windows had signs indicating they were open. They approached one small shop with a little white fence in front bordered with violets and little yellow flowers. A sign read “Create a New Body.” Nelise stopped and stared.
“Does that mean what I think it means?”
“Yes. Would you like to try it?” Esleen asked.
“Oh yeah, I’ve got to see this!” Nelise said with a suspicious laugh.
As soon as she entered the shop, a lovely lady about her age, tall, slender and very pretty, came over to her. “Welcome to our shop. How may I help you? You have such lovely eyes you know.”
“Thank you,” Nelise said, genuinely pleased. It had been a long time since she had been complimented about anything.