“So if I surrender and ask Jesus in my heart, do you think God will do another miracle for me and send Andy home?”
“What would you do if He didn’t? Would you still believe in Him, or would you decide there’s nothing to Christianity after all?”
Hope considered the question. “I don’t really know.”
“You see, Jesus wants a relationship with you. How would you feel if your children only came to you when they needed something?”
Knowing Miss Hannah didn’t expect an answer, Hope kept silent and pondered her words.
“God sent His Son to die so that humanity could be reconciled back to fellowship with Him.”
“I thought it was so we didn’t go to hell.”
“That’s the end result of knowing Jesus. Heaven. But most of us have a lot of living to do between now and then. God wants to be involved with our daily lives, our struggles, and our joys.” She brought the hanky up for a quick swipe across her nose. “Yes, he wants to perform miracles for us. But sometimes we have to struggle. Those are the times when we really learn to trust God. To have faith that even if things don’t turn out the way we expect or hope they will, we still have a God who loves us and who wants to hold us while the hurting lasts.”
“So you’re saying that Andy might not come back, even if I pray?”
“Honey, I’ve been praying for my son all of his life. He’s been gone for the better part of fifteen years.”
Dread clenched Hope’s heart at the thought of Andy leaving and staying gone forever.
As if sensing her need to be alone, Miss Hannah rose quietly. “I’ll be here when you’re ready to come out and face the world.”
“Thank you, Miss Hannah. Please tell Lucille you’ll be staying to supper.”
“Who do you think sent for me?”
Hope smiled. “Lucille’s a real gem.”
“So are you, Hope. And I hope Andy figures that out and comes back.”
Tears filled Hope’s eyes once more, and her throat clogged as Miss Hannah shut the door behind her.
Left alone, Hope felt the solitude through and through. Was Jesus really able to fill that emptiness for her? Would He even want to? Somehow, she found herself on her knees beside the bed. She closed her eyes and said the only thing that came to mind. “Jesus.”
Suddenly, a sob began deep within and shot from her lips almost of its own volition. But once the sobbing began, it continued. Deep and painful wails that cried of her shame, her sins, her deep desire to know Jesus the way Miss Hannah knew Him, and Gregory and Betsy, and even Billy.
As the weeping gave way to gentle tears of surrender, Hope understood Betsy’s joy. She understood why Miss Hannah could still believe in Jesus when her prayers for her son seemed to go unanswered year after year. She understood that Jesus loved Andy even more than she did, and that He, too, wept over His lost love.
Seventeen
Andy rode for a full day to reach the cabin. Snow made the ride slow going as the horse slipped and slid up the mountain. Andy knew that, in another week or two, Hank’s prediction would come true and the pass would be too dangerous to ride through.
With mounds of snow flanking the narrow trail that allowed for passage through the mountains, one slip of a horse’s hooves or a sneeze could start an avalanche. More than one man had been buried alive for his folly.
On Andy’s first day of solitude, he used the ax found inside the cabin and chopped enough wood to last several weeks. The cabin had once been used by trappers, but now stood pretty much for anyone who needed a place to hole up.
The second day, he brought down a deer with one shot. Days three, four, and five, he stared at the fire and thought about his wife and children. A lonely ache began in the pit of his stomach and combined with his boredom to create a healthy dose of frustration.
On day six, a very real feeling that he was going mad led him to Hank’s Bible. He was willing to do anything to occupy his mind. He flipped through the pages until he found something familiar. He read about Noah and the ark. Next, he started reading about David and read all the way from the shepherd boy’s time in the fields tending his flock to the king’s death. Andy read and read and reread for two weeks, avoiding the four gospels at all costs.
After a month, his beard had grown out fully.
Three days of blizzardlike conditions had kept him inside and he felt restless. Grabbing his rifle, he followed deer tracks in the snow until he spied a massive buck standing in the distance. He took a step forward and heard a snnnnaaaap. Pain cut into his leg like no pain he’d ever experienced.
Sinking to the ground, he screamed out as the snow stained crimson.
Andy had always heard when a man faced sudden death, he repented for all of his wickedness. For Andy, this proved to be true. Blood flowed quickly, and the pain soon became more than he could bear. Waves of dizziness overcame him. He surrendered to unconsciousness breathing one name, “Jesus.”
❧
Andy woke to the soft hum of voices. For the second time in less than a year, he’d passed out expecting that he’d never wake up. He could smell the wood smoke and knew he had been rescued.
This is the second time You’ve spared my life, God. Is it even possible that You have a purpose for me?
He craned his neck to locate his rescuer but was unable to see who had saved him. Pain shot through his leg as he rolled to get a better view. He groaned.
“Do not move.” The soft voice was urgent.
A trace of shock slithered through him. “Yellow Bird?” Perhaps he had gone to heaven, after all.
She stood over him, her silky black hair brushing his arm. “You must lie still or your leg will reopen.”
Tears filled Andy’s eyes. “You’re not Yellow Bird.”
The young Indian woman gave him a sympathetic smile. “No, I am not. I am Little Moon.”
A bearded buckskinclad man came to stand behind the young woman, towering above her like a grizzly standing next to an averagesized man. The man’s gentle voice belied his massive size. “Someone was looking out for you, little brother.”
“What happened?”
“I’m ashamed to say the snow covered my trap.”
“And my leg found it?”
“Yes. My wife and I found you just in time. It’s been a fight with all the blood you lost.”
“How long have I been here?”
The young woman held up three fingers. “Now I will bring you soup to make you strong.”
The thought of food curled Andy’s stomach, but the Indian woman waved away his protest. “You must eat.”
The determination in her tone left no room for argument. “Yes, ma’am.”
“You called my wife Yellow Bird.”
“I’m sorry. For a second, she. . .uh. . .reminded me of someone I once knew.”
“And loved?”
“Yes. For a very short time.”
“My name’s Hal Fulton. Little Moon has been my wife for a little over five years. Don’t ask me what she sees in an old mountain man like me, but I thank God daily for sending her to me.”
The young Indian woman returned with a bowl. She gave her husband an indulgent smile. “I see his beautiful heart. And I know this is the man God has made for me.”
Taken aback by the easy way she spoke about God, Andy couldn’t help but question her. “How do you know about the white man’s God?”
She narrowed her gaze and straightened her shoulders. “God so loved all of the world that He gave His Son. He does not belong to white men only.”
Andy felt his neck warm. “I didn’t mean to insult you. I know God wants to be a God to all mankind. But my experience with Indians has taught me that most tribes serve their own gods and don’t believe in Jesus.”
She nodded soberly. “This is true. But my mother was a white woman captured by my father. She taught my father the ways of the true God.” She smiled, her eyes alight with joy. “He became a Christian and offered to take her home to h
er people, but she loved him and chose to live in the village.”
Andy couldn’t help but respond to her warmth.
“Now, no more talking. You must eat and then rest. And eat again, and rest again. And soon you will be strong.”
❧
Andy had been gone two months when Hope knew for sure. She was carrying his child. Excitement and dread combined with her already heightened emotions and she often found herself reduced to tears. They spent Christmas with Andy’s family at Michael’s home.
Miss Hannah’s eyes misted when Hope revealed her condition, but made her promise not to tell anyone else for now, until she’d had a chance to share it with the children. Miss Hannah had promised. But she squeezed Hope’s hand and whispered, “Maybe now God will bring Andy home.”
Hope smiled tenderly at her motherinlaw. “But even if He doesn’t, God will take care of us.”
That had been two months ago. Now, four months pregnant, headaches, nausea, fatigue, and constant snowstorms confined her inside. Depression set in, driving her to her bed most days, wondering what kind of fool she was to travel more than halfway across the country only to be left alone in this forsaken place. Today happened to be one of those days. She hadn’t left her bed all day.
A knock at her door drew her from the monotony of staring at the log walls wondering what she’d ever seen in Andy Riley. “Yes?”
Gregory entered, carrying a tray. “I brought you some supper, Ma.”
One look at her handsome son and she remembered exactly why she’d come here. And she’d do it all over again. A smile formed from deep inside her and found its way to her lips.
“Thank you, son. But I think I’ll eat with the rest of you tonight. I have a wonderful announcement to make.”
She brushed her hair, changed her clothes, and sat at the head of the table.
Glancing about at the expectant faces, she gathered a breath for courage and forged ahead. “I’m going to have a baby.”
Unabashed joy lit Betsy’s face. “You mean it?” She jumped up from her seat and flung her arms around Hope’s neck.
Hope laughed. “Yes, I mean it.”
“When?”
“August.”
Billy gave her a shy grin. “Is it a boy or a girl?”
“We’ll know in about five months, won’t we?”
“I hope it’s a boy.”
Hope turned her attention to Gregory. “You’re awfully quiet. What do you think?”
The look of utter betrayal on his face hit Hope with a force and her heart nearly broke.
His questioning gaze sought hers. “How could he just leave?”
“He didn’t know, Greg.”
“But h–he lied to me. He told me it was just a business arrangement.”
Hope’s cheeks blazed. “That’s between Andy and me.”
“Yes, Ma,” he muttered and stared down at his plate.
“Will Andy come back now, Ma?” Billy asked.
“I don’t know, son. But if not, we’ll be okay.”
“I miss him,” Betsy broke in.
They hadn’t spoken of him in so long, Hope had begun to wonder if they even really remembered him, though she knew that couldn’t be the case.
“I miss him too, Bets. We just need to pray that wherever he is, God is taking care of him.”
Greg hopped up. “I have to go do chores.”
Her heart nearly breaking, Hope watched him go. Father, please watch over Greg. And don’t let Andy stay gone so long that he does irreparable damage to his relationship with Greg. If he comes back at all.
How she wanted to get word to him somehow that he had a child coming. But even though Hank knew where he was, the pass would be closed for another two months at least, Hank assured her. So there would be no getting word to him, anyway. And he might be long gone before anyone could find him.
Besides, Hope wanted him to come home because his heart was sending him, not because of guilt or duty. If he didn’t love her and want to be her husband, then she didn’t want him to come back.
She’d lived through one loveless marriage. The only thing different had been that she didn’t love her husband either, though she’d had respect for him as a man and for his position. But she was desperately, wholeheartedly in love with Andy. And she knew she couldn’t settle for part of him. She’d have his heart. Or nothing.
Eighteen
Andy mended slowly, but thanks to Little Moon applying poultices and dried herbs, infection was minimal and he recovered with full use of his leg. Rather than helping him back to his cabin, Hal and Little Moon insisted he wait out the winter with them.
Remembering the mindnumbing boredom of that first month in the mountains, he quickly agreed.
He moved to a thick bed of buffalo hides, and Little Moon hung a blanket to enclose the corner sleeping area she shared with her husband.
Once he was able to join Hal, they spent their days looking after Hal’s traps, evenings reading Scripture or discussing something they’d read.
“The pass will be opening up in another month or two, little brother,” Hal observed one evening over supper.”
“Yeah, I guess so.” Andy liked the way Hal always called him little brother. He quickly understood that Hal saw him as a brother in Christ. As their relationship had deepened into friendship, so had Andy’s relationship with God.
He couldn’t very well deny God anymore. Not after God had twice saved him from certain death. Andy spent many hours reading the Bible, taking questions to Hal, and learning to pray. He knew that he was a different man inside than the man who had been caught in that trap weeks ago.
“So, when the pass opens, will you be headed for home?”
Andy couldn’t help but grin over his friend’s attempt to gather information. So far, Andy hadn’t felt like he could open up. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to. As a matter of fact, he’d come to appreciate Hal’s wisdom on many subjects. Perhaps, that was the reason he didn’t want to admit to all his past doings. And for leaving Hope and the children the way he had. Could he take the chance at reading disappointment in Hal’s eyes?
He shrugged. “Maybe.”
“Little Moon thinks you’re still pining away for Yellow Bird.”
“Yellow Bird?”
“You talked about her the first night.”
He remembered. And for a few nights after that, her memory had invaded his mind, most likely because of Little Moon’s ministrations. He hadn’t spent any time with an Indian woman since leaving the Sioux village.
But soon the memory faded again, to be replaced by Hope’s image. If he was pining for anyone, it was for his wife.
Hal’s chuckle brought him back to the present. “I think Little Moon is right. She suggested we take you along with us when we go back to the Indian village. Perhaps one of the young women will take a liking to you, too. If a grizzly bear like me can be blessed enough to find a woman like my Little Moon, I’m sure a handsome fella like yourself can catch someone’s eye.”
Taken aback by the suggestion, Andy couldn’t speak. When the silence became uncomfortable, Little Moon cleared her throat softly. “Perhaps Andy does not wish to find another Indian woman.”
“Oh, it isn’t that.” He had no desire to insult the woman who had taken such good care of him and nursed him back to health. “It’s just. . .well, to tell you the truth, Yellow Bird has been dead for several years. I have a new wife now. Her name is Hope.”
Hal’s laughter fairly shook the cabin. “Well, why didn’t you just say so? You must be awful lonesome for her.”
Andy nodded. “I am.”
Little Moon frowned. She put her hand on her husband’s arm. “Something is not right between you and your wife, Andy?”
How did women always know these things?
Andy shrugged.
Hal leaned forward. “Maybe you’d better tell us what the problem is. I’ve been told I’m a pretty good listener. And I can vouch for Little Moon, too.”
Andy felt the irony that a story six years in the making only took moments to tell. He capped off the story by telling about the incident with Mr. Harper in the general store. And, finally, of his flight to the mountains to escape his inability to be a man Hope could be proud of.
Little Moon wiped her eyes. “You must return to Hope. She will love you for the man you are.”
A glimmer of hope rose and fell almost simultaneously. “I’ve made so many mistakes.”
“Well, she knew that when she decided to be your wife.” Hal’s gentle voice held a note of compassion.
“What does your heart tell you, Andy?”
“I know God has forgiven me of all my past mistakes. But what if I can’t be the kind of man Hope deserves?”
Little Moon reached across the table and took his hand. “This woman loves you. She knew the man you are when she shared your bed. You’ve broken her heart by leaving her. That is what you will have to work to mend before anything else. Trust God to make you worthy of her.”
“My wife is a smart woman, little brother. If you have any sense, you’ll listen to her.” Hal beamed with love for Little Moon. She sent him a tender smile.
Watching the interaction of this couple who loved each other so madly, he suddenly knew he would go home and make things right. No matter how long it took or what he had to do or where he had to sleep, he was determined to win Hope’s love once more.
One thing he knew. The next few weeks until the pass opened were going to be the longest of his life.
❧
Hope took notsosecret joy in tending her very first garden. Michael had plowed a spot off to the side of her house, and Star had come to teach her to plant. She couldn’t believe how many details there were to attend to. Learning the difference between weeds and shoots. It was enough to keep her mind occupied.
Now she sat on the ground, pulling weeds—at least she hoped they were weeds.
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