Love and Heartache (Love &... #2)
Page 9
“Truthfully Rox, I don’t think there’s anything you can do.” Her eyebrows turn up, but she nods her head in acceptance, and turns to leave.
“If you need me, you know where I am.” I plaster a small smile on my face, and flop down on the bed beneath me, the moment she closes my door behind her. Staring up at the ceiling, memories from the past play over and over again. All I’ve remembered so far goads me, while everything I still need to recall teases me. It’s like I’m watching my past in reverse, unable to control it. I pull my journal from under my pillow and write until my fingers cramp. The serenity washes over me with every word I write, the cathartic feeling of letting go of the past releases the tension I’ve held in my body, since finding out about the picture.
My head perks up when male voices from the hallway garner my attention. Snapping the book shut, I rest it on the bed and tiptoe towards the door. I rest my ear against the wood, straining to make out what’s going on.
“Roxy, just let me through.” Nathan’s gruff voice sounds pained, and I find myself pressing closer to hear Roxy’s response.
“Hell fucking no. You outed her to the entire team, when she’d dropped literally everything to make sure you knew the truth.” I smile at Roxy’s words, knowing how loyal and protective she can be over someone she cares about.
“Roxy, don’t make me move you.” The threat is clear in his tone, but even with Nathan being Nathan, I think he’s seriously underestimating Roxy’s feisty side. Scuffles on the other side of the door vibrate through the door, and I can’t help myself from flinging it open to survey the scene in front of me. I’m glad I did, when I see Logan with his arms around Roxy physically lifting her down the hallway, and Nathan leaning sheepishly against the wall. I had no idea Logan was even here but seeing him carry Roxy away makes a hell of a lot more sense than Nathan doing it. The thought of Nathan’s hands on her leaves a bitter taste in my mouth and a sick feeling in my stomach. Nathan must sense my presence because his head whips round so fast, he should have whiplash. His eyes both soften and narrow at me, before he’s stalking my way. The intent is perfectly clear as he gently grabs my arm and pushes me back, into the threshold of my room. Roxy glances over, with fire in her eyes, though when I shrug in response, I see her sag in Logan’s arms. She shakes her head but smiles knowingly, all the while pulling Logan away. The door closes in front of me, and silence descends around us. Nathan stands resolute in front of me, his expression searching mine, for what I have no idea. I will myself to speak, but Nathan beats me to it. His voice comes out tired and broken.
“We need to talk.”
10
Nathan
“We need to talk.” Even to my own ears, my voice sounds exhausted. I feel like we’re going round in circles in a never-ending loop of denial. In the locker room earlier, I had every intention of backpedaling my actions, but she was so mad, her mood affected me a lot more than I should have let it. The moment she demanded an explanation in front of everyone, I bottled it and turned it back on her, outing our connection from the past to the entire team. Regret has haunted me since saying those words, not because they aren’t true but because she deserved more than me selling her out to save my own skin. And what Isabella fails to realize, is that I know her tells. I couldn’t forget them if I tried. Like the fact she shuts down when she’s hiding from saying what she truly feels. I hurt her with my words, and if I could take them back I would. Or at least, not shout them from the rooftops like I did.
“I’m sorry for what I said. I shouldn’t have lost it like that.” Her eyebrows hike up in surprise, while a small breath emits from her mouth. I definitely shouldn’t be picturing capturing her lips between mine. Not when everything between us is this complicated.
“You were pissed, it’s understandable. I guess I should apologize too. I was mad that you hadn’t come to me about it.” Her words trail off, leaving a hell of a lot of things unsaid between us. Another one of her tells. She lets her voice quieten when she wants to say something but is scared of the reaction.
“I didn’t come to you because the last time we spoke, you said you needed time to figure everything out. Truthfully, I had no intention of going to Rory either. The fact we ended up fighting was because the guys were insinuating shit about you and I hated it. I had no idea that you’d come to find me about it. I didn’t even think you’d be bothered about my reaction.” Her entire face scrunches up beautifully.
“How the fuck did you get to that conclusion? I’m not completely heartless and the fact that Roxy told me how cut up you was over it, I knew I needed to explain.” She steals a deep breath in before continuing. “Especially with our history with unexplained photos.”
I can’t mask the shock that exudes from every pore of my body. How the fuck does she know about that? Unless, of course, that’s another thing she’s remembered from our past together. And yet another thing that she’s hid from me. Giving her the chance to explain, rather than me surmise, I gesture for her to elaborate.
“When Roxy came to me this afternoon to tell me about the picture, which FYI I had no idea was doing its rounds on the internet, it triggered another flashback. I remembered how devastated you was seeing the picture of me and Seth and I didn’t want a repeat of you thinking the wrong thing and pushing me out like last time. Turns out I couldn’t stop that from happening.” A frown falls on her face, but my mind is still too absorbed on the fact that she’s remembered a pretty important detail from all those years ago.
“Genuinely, when I showed up at practice, it was to make sure you knew that there is absolutely, categorically no way I’d ever do anything with Rory. He’s like a brother to me, and the situation you saw happening in that picture, stemmed from you anyhow.” The words jolt some sense to me, which must translate to my face as she holds her hands up to explain further.
“We were in class together and I was thinking of you. I saw Rory’s dimple and it made me think of yours. In my head, I could see you sat on the beach beside me, flashing me that fucking dimple at me. I was so absorbed by the image of you, Rory was concerned something was wrong. Obviously the picture was taken by one of his ball bunnies and completely misconstrued.” She sighs with relief, and I see her shoulders sag, letting out the tension I hadn’t realized she was holding. I know I shouldn’t let any of her flashbacks give me any sort of hope, but it does. Unknowingly, it fills me with optimism that I desperately try and tamp down. She’s already shot me down once; I can’t keep pushing her. All I can do is make sure I respect her wishes and give her time.
“Anyway, now you know the truth. There was really no point in punching one of my best friends. Although I can tell he held his own.” Her eyes flit over to my split lip, which I’m not gonna lie, still stings like a bitch. I guess that’s what I get, for going after a guy who has a few inches on my 6 ft 3.
“Lucky shot.” She exhales laughter which tinkles through the air, causing my smile to widen hearing her giggle.
“Next time just come to me yeah? As strange as this is, I would like to try to be friends.” I snort, praying like hell there won’t be a next time and wishing like fuck, that we will eventually be more than just friends. But obviously I can’t tell her that, she’s one step away from pushing me away again.
“Sure thing pretty girl.” Her eyes roll, but a smirk sits upon her face. As much as I want to stay, I know I should go. The more time I spend with her, the more I become enamored with her, and right now it’s clear I’m securely in the friendzone, weirdly. I’m about to say goodbye as Roxy beats me to it, shouting through the door, that she’s ordered food and I need to beat it so she can have girl time with her best friend. Isabella laughs while I shake my head at the balls on the girl. Without thinking, I open the door, and flip Roxy off, before murmuring goodbye to Isabella. She grins a breathtaking smile, making everything that has happened today, fade into the background. Her ability to make me forget everything is disturbingly alarming but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
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br /> “Come on Romeo. Let’s go.” Logan claps his hand on my shoulder, pulling me along beside him. I shrug him off but follow him dutifully to my truck. He slides in the passenger seat, while I slip in behind the wheel, starting it up. The engine roars as I drive us back. Logan’s quiet the entire journey, only piping up to ask if he could change the song once or twice. I park up in our normal space and glance over. His jaw is tense, while a line appears on his forehead.
“Dude what’s your problem?” I question, not understanding why the mood has taken a sudden plunge into tense city.
“Do you realize how lucky you were tonight? Coach could have easily benched both of your asses over fighting, and in the end, it could have been sorted by you manning up and speaking to Isabella instead of fighting with your captain.” He grits his teeth, and even though I know he means well, the anger inside starts to burn. “You’re insanely lucky that Rory is the most laidback guy ever and won’t hold a grudge as long as you fall in line of the court.” I sigh, knowing I have a shit ton I need to prove still.
“Which I will. I know how much you need me on my A-game and trust me, I’ll bring it.” He narrows his eerily silver eyes, before nodding in agreement.
“You better.” The threat lingers in the air and if anyone else had said it, I’d be knocking them out by now, but I know Logan is coming from a good place. Basketball means a fuckton more to him and Rory than it does to me.
“I will, I promise.” I hold my fingers up in a scout’s honor, which Logan chuckles lightly at.
“One more thing Nath, do not fuck around with Isabella. You’ll end up with more than a split lip if you do. And not just from me. Roxy will have your balls on a platter if you plan on hurting her.” Scrubbing a hand across my face, I laugh nervously, knowing he’s telling nothing but the truth.
“I know, and trust me, it’s never my intention to hurt her.” Logan nods, and heads up to the apartment, leaving me alone with my contemplations. If there’s one thing that I’ve realized tonight, is that I’ll take the rush of emotions she makes me feel, over the numbness and darkness I’ve lived through, every fucking time.
11
Isabella
“Red or black boots?” Roxy holds up one of each, assessing which works better with the outfit I’ve currently got on. I mean it’s not like I’m going to get to choose, considering everything I’m wearing is Roxy’s. Even the boots she’s now looking at intently. If I had my own way, I definitely would be wearing something under the Wolves jersey she’s lent me, and I definitely would not be wearing knee high boots with it. I’m just lucky that neither pair have much of a heel. Roxy at least knows that with my height, heels are a major no go.
“Come on Izzy. At least pretend that you’re going to enjoy yourself tonight.” I plaster a fake smile on my face, forcing my cheeks to my eyes. If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s pretending everything will be alright, when deep down I know it won’t. Call it karma, call it sixth sense, call it whatever the fuck you want, but I feel uneasy about tonight. The thought of watching Nathan play is both exhilarating and terrifying and throw my weird feeling in the mix, sets me on edge. Hell, the only reason I know I’m going to have to suck it up and go, is because I blackmailed Roxy into attending. Hence the makeover that I’m having to sit through at the hands of Roxy. The only way she said she’d go is by insisting on lending me something to wear and then doing my makeup. I’m used to Isla always wanting to beautify me so sitting here, I can be pliant as Roxy gets to work on fixing my face. It gives me time to mentally prepare for the onslaught of butterflies I can already feel fluttering around my body, at seeing Nathan again. After the whole picture incident, the guy doesn’t realize how much I’ve tried to avoid him this week. Being so open and honest with him frightened the fuck out of me, and I knew I needed space from the intense pull he seems to have on me. Not to mention that my body seems so attuned to his presence; it’s becoming eerily unnerving. It happened the other day on the quad, one minute I was in line with Roxy to get a coffee, then the next thing I knew, I was hiding in the bushes after knowing Nathan was nearby. I swear he must feel it too, as he crossed the quad quicker than I thought possible, which made Roxy laugh so much she nearly cried. Luckily, I think he put my disappearance down to me not actually being there in the first place, and not that I was actively avoiding him by hiding in bushes. In between classes, I’d get this eerie feeling I was being watched and at one point, I thought he’d taken to stalking me. Turns out it was just my mind creating something that wasn’t even there.
“So how does it feel to have friend zoned Nath?” Roxy questions, the curiosity clear in her voice as she moves round the room, getting various items of makeup laid out in front of her.
“I’ve not friend zoned him. I’ve asked him for time. Two very different things.” She snorts in response before speaking.
“Izzy. You told him you wanted to try to be friends. Whether you meant to or not. You’ve hard friend zoned the dude.” Shit. She’s got a point. I think I’ve inadvertently pushed him into a place that I’m not so sure I’m happy with. The grimace on my face must speak for me, because Roxy grabs a bottle of vodka and a plastic cup from her dressing table. She pours, while I hold and then gestures for me to drink. Gratefully, I take a swig, feeling the burn hit the back of my throat. She does the same, drinking straight from the bottle, before putting the cap back on and resting it beside me. Her fingers get back to work, applying god knows what to my face as my mind tries to figure out what I’m going to do about Nathan. Whatever way I look at it, he’s in my life to stay, but in what context, is another story. And at this point, it feels like I’d rather run from making any sort of decision, rather than facing it. Roxy’s phone pings with a text, distracting her momentarily as she squeals with delight then reads it out loud.
“Cole’s having a party tonight after the game. I know you hardly ever go, but it might be fun.” I snort, recognizing she’s blowing smoke up my ass, as I don’t hardly ever go, I never go. She knows this, after the first god knows how many times of asking. It only took her, about twenty rejections for her to stop inviting me. Probably realizing that I can be fucking stubborn when I want to be and unfortunately for her, parties are just yet another thing that seem to torment me. And get this, the irony of the entire situation is I can’t even remember why I hate them, I just know that the idea of going to some random party, makes my stomach swirl and my brain throb.
“Rox…” There’s an underlying vulnerability to my voice that Roxy must hear as she holds her hands up in defeat.
“One day Isabella James, I am going to help you get over this fear you seem to have of parties. Just know it’s coming soon.” She points her freshly painted red fingernail my way before typing on her phone. Moments later, music fills the room, some heavy tone to one of her favorite rock bands plays. She sings along, while continuing her assault on my looks.
I know Roxy’s right, and part of me wishes I could get over whatever is stopping me, but after everything that’s happened this week, I just don’t think I could face it.
An hour later, Roxy finally puts down all her tools and pushes me towards her floor length mirror. I drag my feet but when I see my reflection, a short gasp emits from my throat. It’s scary how unrecognizable I can become, with a bit of makeup and my hair actually styled into something other than my standard ponytail or bun I usually wear it in. She’s accentuated my eyes with light blues and greens, which if I tried to do, would end up looking garish, but because she’s a fucking expert at it, all it does it highlight the color of my eyes, making them even more intense than they usually are.
“Say something Izzy. Although if you’re going to tell me you hate it, I’d keep that information to yourself.” Laughter bubbles up, as I pull her in for a quick hug, thanking her and telling her how much I appreciate her. Call me ridiculous but the fact I look like I do right now, helps with the nerves that have been festered in my stomach since Nathan waltzed back into my life.
“Tonight isn’t just about Nathan. I’m going to support all the team, Logan and your brother included.” She rolls her eyes before countering.
“But you’re not dressed like this for them.” She makes a good point, but fuck if I admit that she’s right. Instead, I choose to tease her.
“Maybe I am. Maybe I have my eye on someone on the team. Maybe I have my eye on Logan.” Her jaw clenches, just as her eyes narrow shrewdly. It’s obvious that she’s not sure whether I’m joking or not, and the not knowing is pissing her off. The vein that pops out when she’s trying to control her emotions is prominent on her forehead, and I can hear her teeth grind together slightly.
“Well, that’s new. Have at it.” Even though she’s trying to be calm and come off nonchalant, it’s undeniably clear by the wobble in her voice, that this has affected her more than she’d like to admit. She turns to grab the bottle of vodka and chugs the rest of it down in one. My eyes widen, though it’s unsurprising. Roxy pre drinks, what most people drink in an entire night and somehow she’s still always pretty compos mentis.
“Actually.” I meet her eyes in the mirror, unsure of what she’s going to say. “Not Logan. Never Logan. I know I have no right but please. I’ll stay away from Nathan. You stay away from Logan.” Spinning in my place, Roxy looks to the ceiling and then back to me, the nerves evident. I get a sudden spike of guilt flowing through my body, realizing that she actually believes that I’d do that to her.
“Roxanne Paine. Do you honestly believe I’d do that?” I smile her way, and she sighs, before transforming her relief into a glare.
“Bitch. You had me going there. I genuinely thought you were being serious.” Giggles erupt from me, laughing at the absurdity of the situation. I refrain from saying it but at least now I know that Logan means a hell of lot more to her, than she probably wants to admit.