Hard to Love

by S M Mala

  Alex was staring, saying nothing other than letting out little sighs.

  ‘What do you think?’ Mabel asked. ‘Are you listening?’

  ‘I’m listening,’ he quietly replied.

  ‘And Keith saying that people know I slept with Lee, that’s pretty crap. Who let that information out? That shit is the one who introduced them to us, as well as Lee being a fan of yours.’ Then she groaned. ‘Mum’s going to go mental.’

  ‘She’s going to get mad when she finds out what happened to you last night. He had no right to come at you like that.’ Then he smiled. ‘But I think your comment about him being an ugly fat fucker might have tipped him over the edge.’

  ‘I was only stating the truth. What were you doing there anyway?’

  ‘I needed to talk to you.’

  The eyes were wide awake now. No sign of tears from the night before.

  ‘Alex, we have to keep this under our hats until the time is right.’

  ‘I want to tell everyone we’re together, even people at work.’

  ‘They’ll think you’ve lost your mind.’

  ‘And my heart,’ he said, blushing as he said it. ‘You’ve made mistakes.’

  ‘How?’

  ‘Bob Jones and Lee Appleton.’

  ‘Bob wasn’t. He was there when I needed him to guide me back to be a functioning human being.’

  ‘Sex?’ he winced. Then he folded his arms and looked down. ‘The idea there’s a tape of Lee Appleton having sex with you bothers me. The fact you were unfaithful with a banana when you know oranges are the only fruit to give you the best orgasm. I demonstrated that to you.’

  Mabel laughed at his little pink cheeks and noticed he was going to smile, as she touched her bag, knowing that same footage was on the USB.

  ‘When I split with my wife and ended the affair, I didn’t sleep with anyone for over two years. I couldn’t.’ He was serious, and she tried to hide her surprise. ‘And then I made a few mistakes. I felt safe but not happy. That doesn’t mean to say I don’t feel things or care. I do. I just refuse to wear my heart on my sleeve so it can be trampled on.’

  ‘And when it came to me, you would rather we split.’

  ‘I felt like I was drowning.’

  ‘I see. I smothered you.’

  ‘When the moving in comment came up, I wanted to run. My stupid, knee-jerk reaction.’ He took a deep breath. ‘Now I have to win over four beautiful females and that’s going to be hard work.’

  ‘You’ve won over Rose.’ Mabel touched his face. ‘Jess is a push over. Lottie hates boys right now.’

  ‘Rose didn’t want to come and see me when I told her you and I split. She was upset. It was when you said she could still come over without me; that’s when she agreed to visit again.’

  ‘Oh no,’ she said, seeing him start to get upset.

  ‘And when I realised you didn’t want me around so I could do my thing, I felt hurt and…’ Alex shook his head. ‘I sound like a jack ass.’

  ‘You sound like a human being. A rather sensitive one.’

  ‘Don’t see him again.’

  ‘Pardon.’

  ‘Lee Appleton.’ Alex sat back in his hair, holding her hand. ‘It’s only a matter of time before he finds out you own part of the agency. What then?’

  ‘I don’t want anyone to get dragged into this. My mess and I’ll sort.’

  Mabel touched her bag, thinking on how she was going to make it all go away.

  ‘So, we’re like Starsky and Hutch?’

  Iona looked excited when sat in Mabel’s living room later that afternoon. ‘Where are the girls?’

  ‘With Granny Baba until five o’clock.’

  ‘And Alex?

  ‘Iona, I don’t know what to do. I let him back into my bed, and he’s saying all the right things except one.’

  ‘Love?’ Iona laughed and shook her head. ‘Mabel Day, would you prefer a man to say all that bullshit and not mean it, or a man who means it and not say it?’

  ‘He’s still grieving for his dad. You’ve got to remember, he never knew his real father and his foster dad was as good as a parent as any. I’m not sure if he’s thinking straight.’

  ‘Are you?’

  ‘Half and half,’ she replied and shook her head. ‘I love him. I can’t help it, but I do. And I’m worried I’m still in shock about Wes. How can I know I am making the right decisions?’

  ‘Sleeping with that Lee wasn’t your wisest.’

  ‘I know.’ Mabel rubbed her cheeks with the palm of her hands. ‘How would you recommend I do this?’

  Her friend took a deep breath and let out a disgruntled sigh.

  ‘And how did you get this information? This is all highly sensitive and confidential that you could get in trouble for.’ Iona asked, looking at it on screen. ‘Where’s your file?’

  ‘You don’t need to see that. I picked out the most recent ones and left the others for a later date,’ she replied, knowing that was embedded somewhere in her laptop and back up drive, secured by a password. ‘How would you approach these women without upsetting them? Should I go to their homes? Email them?’

  ‘And if they go to the police because you, a stranger, has got this information?’

  ‘They won’t, would they?’

  ‘You don’t know if they’re still seeing him.’ Iona shook her head gravely. ‘Mabel, what if they wanted a bit of fun using the website? Where does that leave you?’

  ‘People don’t go on websites for that, do they?’ She was met with an expression to say she was naive. ‘Surely not.’

  ‘All these questions show you’ve not really thought it through. We don’t know and you can’t risk it. What if this man found out that some were in relationships, what then?’

  ‘He doesn’t need the money. Then he blatantly wants the sex, doesn’t he?’ Mabel shuddered. ‘How would you advise I do this?’

  ‘We do this,’ Iona corrected and smiled. ‘Let’s do some good old detective work under the disguise of market research. How much money have you got for this?’

  ‘Money?’

  ‘Come on, an incentive so they get back to us. We can book a room in a hotel to set up all the meetings. Face to face research.’

  ‘We should have used you to do the research on them before we pitched. And Bob has been helpful too.’

  ‘Bob!’ she said, smiling brightly. ‘Now you’re not porking that poor thing, do you think he’d be interested in me?’

  ‘Seriously? He’d be in there like a shot, but beware!’ Mabel laughed. ‘His thing is quite large.’

  ‘Look at me,’ Iona said, shrugging. ‘I’m not exactly small, am I?’

  They both started to laugh, and that’s when Mabel decided to call her mother.

  ‘Hello darling, how are you?’ Joanna sympathetically asked. ‘Everything okay?’

  ‘Yes, thanks. Mummy, I was wondering because I’m a little sad, could you lend me some money to go shopping? I need cheering up.’

  She watched Iona laugh behind her hand as Mabel smiled.

  ‘Five minutes.’

  Alex pulled her closer as she left her home in a rush to see him.

  He wanted to meet down the road.

  ‘The girls will be back soon.’ The man looked happy, and it threw Mabel. ‘What’s so urgent?’

  ‘This.’

  He wrapped her in his arms and kissed her gently before diving straight in, making Mabel lose her footing when he tipped her back. It was very passionate, and she knew he was on heat, his tongue swirling in her head.

  When he eventually released her, Mabel’s head was spinning.

  ‘I wanted to make sure,’ he whispered, smiling while kissing her face. ‘And I got you something.’

  ‘Really?’

  He handed her over a small bunch of flowers.

  ‘It’s orange blossom,’ he said, blushing. ‘Seemed appropriate because I like oranges.’

  ‘They’re very pretty,’ she replied, stroking his fa
ce while her heart warmed to him. ‘You shouldn’t have.’

  ‘I wanted to. And this.’ He handed her a bag from the ice cream parlour. ‘Thought it would be nice.’

  ‘Alex!’ Mabel gasped and grabbed him in her arms. ‘You don’t have to do this.’

  ‘I have to do something.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Because I want you to be sure about me, and I know you’re not. Even this morning I could see it.’

  ‘I made love to you for the first time in weeks,’ she whispered. ‘If I were unsure, I would never have let you in my bed.’

  ‘I want to be in your bed.’ Alex gently grabbed her face in his hands. ‘I want you to want me to be there.’

  ‘One step at a time.’

  ‘Mabel, there’s no one else, just you.’

  ‘Don’t rush. You were upset last night. I don’t want this to be some weird grief thing,’ she whispered, then felt a pain in her back. ‘And I’m still sore from when that ugly fucker threw me against the wall.’

  ‘Can we meet?’ he pleaded, not letting go of her face.

  ‘Right now, I honestly don’t know if we’re a good or bad thing.’

  ‘It’s an amazing thing.’

  ‘Time will tell.’

  ‘And why didn’t you tell me?’

  Her mother had steamed towards her office door before slamming it shut.

  ‘Tell you what?’

  ‘About Keith pouncing on you Friday night and Alex coming to your rescue.’

  ‘Ah?’ Mabel had forgotten about it.

  ‘This is bloody serious!’

  ‘I know and…’

  Alex was walking towards her office, rubbing his head.

  She hadn’t seen him since Saturday afternoon with the impromptu meeting, and knew he was a little upset she didn’t come around to his flat that morning.

  Mabel decided she was going to play hard to get just to keep him in line.

  And she missed him at the bus stop, mainly due to Lottie getting in a flap about losing something before going to school.

  ‘I’m fine and he was drunk. Alex punched him,’ she replied, watching him smile as he opened the door.

  ‘I’m going to have to call the lawyers and make sure Keith doesn’t come anywhere near you again!’ her mother replied, looking furious. ‘And this slipped your mind?’

  ‘I’ve had a lot going on and it’s fine.’

  ‘And thank God for Alex stopping that lard arse from hurting you. This makes me so mad! And what did he say?’

  ‘It was pretty vile to be honest.’ Then Mabel squirmed. ‘He knew about me and Lee. I don’t know how. He was implying that it reflected badly on the agency.’

  ‘If this has been leaked it must have come from the man himself.’

  ‘Why would he do that?’ asked Alex, stepping closer.

  ‘Why indeed!’

  Joanna then marched off towards her office.

  ‘Can you stand up?’ he asked as Mabel watched everyone look at her mother stomping.

  ‘Sure.’

  Mabel got up and smiled at her team.

  ‘Could you go over there?’ he said, and she did. In one quick move, he shoved her desk forward. ‘That’s better.’

  ‘Why did you do that for?’

  ‘I can see you now.’ He smiled then sighed. ‘Hello, Mabel.’

  ‘Hello, Alex.’

  ‘I’ve got a lunch meeting then I’m going straight home. Will you be able to come to my flat?’

  ‘I’ll try, but I’ve got a few things that-.’

  ‘I want to show you something.’

  Seeing that her resolve was quickly failing when looking at him, she smiled.

  ‘What do you want to show me?’

  He was all over her as she walked into his home. All he had on were his jeans.

  Mabel hadn’t even taken off her shoes when his hand went straight down the front of her trousers.

  ‘Alex, calm down,’ she gasped, trying to catch her breath.

  This time he wasn’t listening, pulling her towards his bed and sitting down. His other hand was pushing up her top then bra, as his mouth went straight for her nipple, sucking hard.

  She removed her clothes while his mouth and hand stayed in place; his other hand pulling her trousers down. Resting her hands on his shoulders, she felt his fingers look for her nub then he stuck a finger inside her, pulling it out to lubricate the area.

  Slowly he rubbed her, and she looked at him, looking up at her. Mabel leant down and pushed his mouth away from her breast, covering it now with her lips, and feeling his tongue dance with her.

  Alex then turned her around making her sit on the edge of the bed, parting her thighs and continuing to rub her off. Looking down, she saw the slender fingers moved up, down, and around as he kissed her neck.

  She knew she was going to come and touched his face, as he kissed her palm. Bending her thighs, Alex gently grabbed her face.

  ‘Look at me when you come,’ he whispered. ‘I want to see it in your eyes.’

  He then let go and undid his fly, pulling out his cock and holding it in his hand, and then handed her a condom. She quickly rolled it down, watching him smile as she did.

  Then he pressed harder with his fingers. Mabel took a sharp intake of breath as the orgasm exploded through her body, leave her shaking and gasping. Placing her forehead against his, noticing his smile as he watched, she looked down and saw him push inside her.

  The gasp was even louder.

  Quickly she pushed down his jeans with her feet and watched him go in and out.

  They both did.

  Then they looked at each other, kissing frantically, still staring into each other’s eyes.

  ‘You’re amazing,’ she said, feeling his lips crush hers. ‘Oh God, I missed you.’

  ‘I know,’ he groaned, a gentleness in his eyes. ‘I missed you too.’

  Alex then held his breath, and it looked like he had a heart attack, but he let out a deep throaty groan before kissing her as hard as he could.

  ‘I don’t want to let you go,’ Alex said, wrapping his arms around her, as she rested her head in the crook of his neck. ‘I don’t.’

  ‘Is this what you wanted to show me?’ she said, trying to catch her breath, but squeezing her muscles a little tighter around was protruding inside her.

  He shook then smiled, kissing her shoulders.

  ‘I’ll do anything you want,’ Alex said, kissing her face. ‘Anything.’

  ‘Is this the same man who didn’t want to speak to me not so long ago?’

  ‘This is the man who has given his heart, body and soul to you, Mabel. Can’t you see?’

  It was unforeseen, her bursting into tears.

  ‘Hey, I was being romantic,’ he said, half laughing.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ she said, hugging him with all her might. ‘I’m worried you don’t mean it.’

  ‘May Day, I mean it, I really do. Please trust me on this.’

  ‘But only a few-.’

  ‘That was then and this is now.’

  ‘I’m just asking.’

  They sat on the balcony. Mabel examined him, examining her before resting her back against his chest. ‘Have you found somewhere to live? You’ve not said much.’

  ‘I haven’t felt like looking though I did view a house down your road. It’s much smaller than your place, but it’d be nice for Rose and me.’

  ‘We’ll be neighbours,’ she laughed, stretching her legs out.

  ‘I want us to be more than neighbours.’

  ‘Slow down,’ she said, turning to look at him. ‘This is way faster than last time.’

  ‘I’ve not been with you for six weeks!’ he said, anxiously. ‘And you’re a hard nut to crack when you're not co-operative. They think you’re difficult at work? When it comes to relationships, you’re stubborn and not that sharp.’

  ‘Pardon me?’ she asked, folding her arms, knowing he was going to be rude.

  Alex sat up and sho
ok his head.

  ‘I sat down opposite you and said I liked the view, remember?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘And you moved.’

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘Didn’t it occur to you I was talking about you?’

  ‘No.’ Mabel said defiantly. ‘It did not.’

  ‘And then I’ve been bumping into you when you go home,’ he said, looking at her quizzically. ‘Did you notice that?’ Mabel shook her head from side to side. ‘Really?’

  ‘You weren’t looking at me and every time I saw you, you had a scowl as if you didn’t want to speak.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Yes, really.’

  ‘I was upset,’ he said, raising his hands in the air. ‘When I tried to show you, I liked you months ago, you didn’t pick up any of the hints. I carried you into my bedroom just to make sure you knew what I wanted, do you remember?’

  ‘Are you implying I’m a bit thick?’ Mabel uncrossed her arms. ‘I was quick to pick up when you dumped me.’

  ‘Stop using that word ‘dumped’,’ he said, kissing her cheek. ‘I made a monumental mistake and will probably pay for it forever, which I don’t mind because that means I’ll be with you.’

  ‘You’re going too fast again.’

  ‘When you realise what you want, you have to go for it. There’s no specific speed on how you do it. You do it.’

  ‘The girls.’

  ‘Other than that.’ Alex laughed. ‘I’m stupidly happy, so you know.’ Then he moved closer. ‘And have you got anything to tell me about what happened with Lee?’

  ‘He’s a little odd; that’s all.’ Mabel bit her lip and glanced away.

  ‘You know he’s coming into the agency tomorrow?’

  ‘No!’

  ‘Thought I’d give you the heads up.’ He winced. ‘I don’t like him. He’s too self-assured.’

  ‘Some say that about you,’ she smiled, kissing him on the nose. ‘But you like his business, don’t you?’

  ‘The work is good and we’re creating a lot of interest from other companies,’ he mumbled. ‘You met him for tea and that’s it. No more.’

  ‘I’m certain that website was created for his own pleasure.’

  ‘What does that mean?’

  ‘He gets his cake and eats it, guilt free.’