“You plan on coming out of there any time soon?” Mason knocked on my bedroom door. He’s been doing this every day since he came home.
“Go away!” I flung a pillow from my bed at the closed door.
“Jenni, you have to eat. I haven’t seen you eat in days,” he begged.
“I’m not hungry!” I yelled back at him. I felt bad when I did it. I knew he was grieving too, the only problem was, he was the adult now. He had to hide his feelings as he took care of me. At least, he thought he did.
“Please, Jenni?” His voice softened. “I’m worried about you. You’re nothing but skin and bones. I’ve never seen you this thin.”
“I’ll eat later.” I rolled over so my back was to the door in case he opened it. It had been a rough morning. Not only was I dealing with losing my parents, but the taunting was back. The Twitter video that I’d been trying to keep from my brother had now been turned into a GIF. People I wasn’t even friends with were texting it to me. I can only assume that they got my number from Darrin. It’d been happening for a few weeks, but this morning I got a message that said I should just drive into an intersection like my Dad did.
I’ve thought about it. More than once if I’m honest. I got in the car last week, and just sat there thinking about letting it roll into traffic. What if I hurt someone else though? I could never do to another family what’s happening to me.
I honestly don’t know why I’m here anymore. I feel like I don’t matter. My friends don’t call me anymore to check on me. Kenzie stopped showing up at the house after I yelled at her the last time. No one from school came to the funeral, or sent a card, or anything.
“Jenni?” Mason was standing outside my door again. “I’m heading out for a few. Will you be ok here for a little while?”
“I’m fine.” I’ve said that so many times over the last two months, that I thought I’d convinced myself it was the truth. I don’t even think I know what the truth is anymore. “I may take a hot bath later.”
“Jenni…” Mason paused like he was debating on whether he should actually leave me home alone or not.
“I’m fine,” I whispered as a sob rolled through me. Tears that I’d been holding back broke free. I honestly didn’t think I had any left. They blurred my vision of the homecoming picture I still had taped to my mirror. I don’t know why I still had it there. Maybe I was trying to convince myself that all of this was a bad dream. Nate really did like me, and I’ve just been trapped in this nightmare. If I woke up, I’d be snuggled next to him, and my parents would be waiting to lecture me when I came home late.
“Ok. If you’re sure.” Mason’s voice got quieter. “Call me if you need anything. I’ll see ya later.”
After a few minutes, I heard an engine and his headlights shone through my window. I curled onto my side as I cried. I cried for myself, for my parents, for Mason, but most of all… I cried for my innocence that I’d lost. The world was a cruel place, and I was slowly drowning in it.
Chapter 8
Jenni
Eight forty-three. The numbers were glowing in the darkness as I stared at nothing in particular. I hadn’t moved from my bed since Mason left. The streetlights had come on, casting a glow into my bedroom window. The house was quiet. I’d gotten used to quiet over the last month. I’d been keeping to myself so much, that most of the time voices startled me. A ding sounded from my phone. It was stupid, but part of me assumed it was Mason. I knew he’d check up on me at some point, and if I wanted to be left alone, I needed to answer him.
You’re such a slut!
“Ding.”
Do you spread your legs for everybody like that?
“Ding.”
I bet you weren’t even really a virgin.
“Ding.”
I want a turn next.
“Ding. Ding. Ding.”
How are your oral skills? Do you like being watched? Ever thought about two guys at once?
They wouldn’t stop, and every time I deleted one, five new ones would pop up. Tears streamed down my face as I hurled my phone at the wall. I heard it crash and the dinging stopped as it fell to the floor. I rolled onto my back and stared at the ceiling. “Why? Why is this happening to me? What did I do to deserve this?” I cried out at no one in particular. As if the universe hadn’t punished me enough, my laptop started buzzing with notifications. I was never going to escape this. Never. No matter what I did, or where I went, this was going to follow me. It was online! I had comments from people who didn’t even know me. A few were in support of what I was going through, but for the most part they were asking for more videos. Did Nate not understand that he’d ruined me? Who would want someone like me now?
Nine o’clock.
I’d decided that I was going to take that bath. I had a headache, and I wanted to get in the tub, and make it go away. I shuffled into my parents’ bathroom in search of some pain meds. My mom always kept their bathroom well stocked.
I ran my fingers along the labels until I found what I was looking for. As I wrapped my fingers around the small prescription bottle, I closed my eyes and released a deep breath. I swallowed as the tears started up again. I never knew a human could cry this much. Where did the tears come from? Surely, I wasn’t drinking that much water.
I turned, bottle in hand, and made my way to the hallway bath, my bathroom. I left the light off but the door open. The hallway light was on. It would allow enough light in for me to see. I turned on the water, allowing it to warm before filling the tub. As the sound of rushing water filled the air around me, I slowly undressed. I stared at my reflection. I looked gaunt from not eating. My skin was pale, my eyes red from crying. I’d been doing a pretty good job of hiding my pain. Baggy sweats have been my friend for weeks.
I stared at the label on the bottle clutched in my hand. This would help me. It had to help me. I popped the lid off, and shook a few capsules into my palm. My vison blurred as I stared at them. “I’ll feel better,” I murmured to myself. “I’ll be better.” I tossed them in my mouth and swallowed before leaning forward to take a sip of water from the sink. When I stood back up and saw my reflection again, I didn’t feel different. My eyes went from my reflection to the bottle in my hand. I swallowed against the pain as I shook a few more capsules out. “I need this. They’ll help me,” I told myself as I tossed them in my mouth and repeated the process. When I went back to the bottle, it was empty. I set it on the counter, and lowered myself into the tub.
Warm water sloshed around me as I turned the faucet off, and sank down to my shoulders. My body felt heavy, but the water seemed to soothe me. It was like a warm hug that I’d been craving for weeks. I closed my eyes, and attempted to relax, but life was cruel. In the silence of the house, my nemesis taunted me. The sounds of alerts on my social media were faint, but there. My eyes leaked as the tears came back, and I cursed the empty bottle on the counter. Why couldn’t there have been a few more? Why did people who didn’t even know me, hate me so much? They had to hate me. Who would do this to someone they didn’t hate?
I held my breath as I sank below the surface. I thought about keeping myself under. What would happen if I never came up for air? All of this would go away. I’d be happy again, and I’d be with my mom and dad. I only lasted about a minute before instinct kicked in and my nose rose to the surface. I blinked against the water dripping in my eyes, and that’s when I saw it. It seemed harmless in its plastic case. Mason’s razor.
I reached for it, and as my fingers wrapped around the handle, they trembled. What would it be like? Would I feel better?
I fumbled to get the blade to release. It slipped through my fingers, and landed in the tub with a small splash. Maybe this wasn’t supposed to be like this? Maybe the universe was trying to stop me. But why put me through this? Wouldn’t it be better if all this just went away?
I felt around until my fingers slid across the metal. A small sting zinged up my arm as my fingertip started to bleed. I thought it would hurt. I thought
I could never stand the pain. I thought it should hurt, but I felt better. I felt better knowing that it could get rid of the pain. I’d be happy again, and away from all of this. I apologized to Mason as I dragged the blade across my tender flesh. I watched as blood pooled on my wrist before running over the edge and landing in the water around me. As I repeated the motion, I sobbed. This was it. I was getting rid of the pain. I’d be free, and never have to deal with this again.
It took about an hour before I passed out. I don’t remember much after that. I remember placing the blade on the edge of the tub as I hung my head. I remember feeling the pulse of my wrists as the pain drained away. I remember lying back in the water, and crying as I said I was sorry to whomever was listening at the moment, and then… I remember darkness.
oooooooo
My body ached as my eyes fought to open. Where was I, and why did I feel so tired? I blinked against the faint light in the room, and attempted to lift my hands to rub my face. Why were my arms so heavy? It felt as if I had weights in them holding them to the bed. The bed. It wasn’t my bed. It was harder, and the sheets weren’t as soft. My head lolled to the side as my eyes adjusted to the room.
Mason. Mason was sitting in a chair beside me. He was asleep. I surveyed my surroundings, and that’s when everything started to click into place. I was in a hospital bed. I’d cut myself to dull the pain. I’d taken a bath and made a huge mistake. I’d done something that I never thought I’d do, and now I was here.
“You’re awake.” Mason leaned forward and scrubbed his palms down his face.
“Yeah.” It was all I could think of to say at the moment. I was embarrassed that he was seeing me like this, and ashamed of what I’d done.
“Jenni.” He swallowed as his eyes teared up. “Is this about Mom and Dad? Am I not listening to you? You scared the shit out of me. I’ve lost everyone I love. You’re all I have left.”
“I’m sorry.” I sobbed. “I’m so sorry. I love you too, but…” I turned away. I couldn’t look at him. I couldn’t let him see the shame that I felt. He would never understand. He was a cool kid in high school. He was on the football team. He was popular. He’d never know what it was like to be me.
“But what?” He moved from the chair he was sitting in to sit on the edge of my bed. “What is it?” He reached over and tugged gently on my shoulder to try and get me to look at him.
“I can’t.” I sniffed. “I just…”
“You just what?” he begged. “Please Jenni. Help me understand.”
“You’re gonna hate me.” I cried.
“Tell me,” he coaxed. “Please.”
I swallowed against the lump in my throat. My wrists throbbed where they were bandaged, and my head was pounding. “You have to let me finish before you say anything,” I warned.
“Done.” He gave a quick nod. “Now tell me what’s so bad that you could do this.”
“Remember when I called you a few months ago, and asked about Nate Carter? He’d asked me on a date, and since you knew Brad, I thought you’d be the best person to ask.” I sucked in a deep breath, and exhaled.
“I don’t really hang out with Brad anymore, Jen.” He shrugged.
“You promised.” I glared at him. He held his hands up in surrender, so I continued. “I went out with him. We had a great time. He was sweet, and respectful. I thought he really liked me. We kept talking, and before I knew it, I thought we were dating. I had his jacket; he picked me up for school every day. He asked me to homecoming.” I closed my eyes as I barreled on. I told my brother everything. Every last detail about what Nate did, and how Darrin and Michelle played a role in it too. “Let me see your phone.” I motioned to where it was tucked in his pocket. I pulled up Twitter, and scrolled through my newsfeed until I came across the video Nate had posted. “Here.” I handed him his phone back.
I sat there watching Mason as he watched the video. His teeth were grinding together as the vein in his neck ticked. His eyes narrowed as he started scrolling through the comments. “This has been going on since homecoming?” He growled as he looked up at me. I nodded. “And you didn’t tell anyone?” I shook my head. “Jenni, this is harassment.”
“This is why I didn’t tell you. I just want it to go away. I didn’t agree to any of this.” I waved my arm in the air despite the fact that it was pulsing in pain. I needed meds, but after all the ones I took at home, I’m sure my doctor’s going to question it.
“I’m sorry. I’m not trying to upset you. Rest. I’ll fix this.” He waved the phone as he opened up a text, and started typing furiously. I had no idea what was going on in his head at the moment, but I could tell his temper was staying in check by a thread. Mason has always been protective of me, even when I was getting on his nerves. Now, he was right; we were all we had for each other, and Nate Carter was threatening that. “Sleep. I’m not going anywhere.”
I nodded as I rolled onto my side. My eyes fluttered open and closed a few times, but exhaustion won out. I didn’t know what time it was, but I knew it was late. Mason yawned from his position in the chair before silencing his phone. It was the last thing I remembered before I fell back into a deep sleep.
oooooooo
It was late in the morning when I woke up. My sleep had been disrupted several times throughout the night as nurses checked my vitals, and doctors came breezing in and out of my room. Mason kept his vigil over me, and I slept the best I could.
When the nurse woke me this last time, it was different. When I glanced over at Mason, he looked as if he’d gone ten rounds in a boxing ring. His hands were bloodied, and his lip was split. There was a blood stain on his shirt, and the sleeve was ripped. Once the nurse left the room, I sat up in my bed. “What happened to you?” I was in disbelief. Mason was not a fighter.
“Nate won’t bother you anymore, and the video is being taken down. I fixed the problem,” he mumbled as he blanched in pain.
“What?” I stared, completely lost.
“I fixed it. I’ve been working on a plan. When you get out of here, you’re moving in with me. I’m going to get an apartment, and I’ll help you finish school online. I’m going to give you a new life, Jenni. The life you deserve.” He continued to scroll through his phone as if we were having a completely normal conversation and he didn’t just beat the crap out of someone.
“What about football?” I gasped. Mason was on scholarship for football. He’d been a star quarterback in high school.
“Football’s not everything. You’re more important. Mom and Dad were always telling me to grow up. Well, I’m going to now. I’m going to fix this, and make sure that it doesn’t happen again. Your life is going to be better now. I’m going to make sure of it. I promise.” He glanced up at me and smiled.
I’d never seen my brother like this. He was never the serious type. He was a jokester, and a goof off. Our parents were always telling him to grow up, but I never thought he would. Just knowing that he was willing to give everything he wanted up for me made me love him that much more. I was finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. The storm clouds in my sky were parting, and I just may be happy again sometime soon.
Chapter 9
3 Years Later
Jenni
It was fall, and the days were slowly cooling down. Classes were in full swing, but it didn’t really matter. I spent all my time at home if I wasn’t in class. I didn’t go to the library. I didn’t go to coffee shops, and I most certainly didn’t date. Mason had been working at The Rusty Nail for a while now. His hours were long, but I couldn’t complain. It paid the bills, and he seemed to be happy, at least he used to be. Last week, he came home in a grumpy mood, and he’s been kinda quiet since.
Today is my short day. I only have two classes; econ and ethics in business. As I looked outside at the gray sky, I attempted to choose something flattering to wear to class. I don’t know why I bothered. Most days, I’d dress in jeans and a long-sleeved t-shirt. It was kinda my thing, and it covered my scars
. “You wanna ride to campus?” Mason called from the kitchen.
“Thanks, but no,” I called back.
“See ya tonight!” he yelled before I heard the door to our apartment slam shut. That right there is why I told him no. He’s been in a bad mood, and I’m avoiding him until he tells me why.
After pulling out a pink shirt, I quickly dressed, pulled my hair up in a messy bun, grabbed my books, and rushed out the door. I could get a ride on the L, and get to class in a few minutes. I didn’t mind walking to the station, and this way I could think of ways to avoid HIM; Evan.
You know how sometimes you meet someone, and no matter how hard you try to stay away from them, they constantly show up wherever you are? Well, Evan Shaw is that person. He’s tried to talk to me in class a few times, but I’ve worked really hard to not be friends with him.
I know all of this makes me sound like a bitch, but he doesn’t understand that I can’t be friends with him. I’ll never be friends with another guy ever again, and I’m ok with that. Nate Carter ruined me. He was just like Evan. Charming, sweet, good looking, persistent, and the most dangerous… charismatic.
On the first day of ethics class, Evan looked right at me and smiled. I knew then that I’d have to avoid him. His piercing brown eyes with little gold flecks could stare right through a person. His floppy brown hair and crooked boyish smile were sure to make any girl swoon. When he sat down beside me, I got up and moved across the room. He furrowed his brow at first, but then in true guy fashion, he shrugged it off and talked to the girl who took my seat. Today, I needed to make sure that I came in the classroom after him, so I wouldn’t have to do that again.
On Broken Wings (The Witness Series Book 7) Page 6