by James Kelman
Yeah and you know where we’re living.
Murdo smiled.
Okay, she said, and put her arm round his waist and smiled to Aunt Edna: This boy laughs at the drop of a hat.
Murdo stared at her.
You are my boy, she said. You think I will forget that? I will not forget it.
Yeah.
Yeah. Queen Monzee-ay nodded. Yeah. She smiled and kept walking.
Aunt Edna called back: We are going for something to eat! Callaloo Kitchen! Mes enfants, Edna goes ethnic, we eat salt fish.
Murdo watched them walk to the vehicles. Sarah was there beside him. They exchanged looks. Sarah smiled. They started toward the carpark area, but keeping a yard apart. Sarah said, It’s wonderful you came. We needed you.
Well ye didnt really.
We did, you know we did.
He snorted.
Sarah stopped and put her hand onto his wrist. Murdo…
Ha ha! he said. The idea I wouldn’t come!
She kept a hold of his wrist. Oh Murdo.
He was trying to take his wrist away. Sarah let him do it. He looked away from her. Of course I would come. Of course. Ye just eh… I mean… Murdo had gone red, the reddest. His eyes closed a moment, he wasnt smiling. Sarah was watching him.
What? she said. Murdo, what?
Nothing.
Oh Murdo.
I just… Murdo stopped to breathe. What age is Gene?
Sarah gazed at him.
No, he said, I was just eh…
He’s twenty.
Is that his car I mean like is it his?
It’s old Murdo.
He frowned at her.
Well yeah! she said. Of course it is! My God!
They had stopped walking now, inside the carpark area. Queen Monzee-ay and Aunt Edna had entered the rear seats of one car. Sarah’s mother stepped into the front passenger side and her father into the driver’s seat. Gene and Joel were closeby.
Sarah whispered, You okay?
…
Murdo?
Yeah, I just feel a bit stupid.
Oh Murdo.
I do. He shook his head and sighed. Then he smiled. Are you still going to that college thing?
Yeah!
He chuckled and was maybe about to say more but she reached for his hand and pressed it. I got to go Murdo. I got to go now. You’ll stay in touch huh?
Yeah.
You got to.
I will.
People will want to know.
Murdo nodded. Sarah hesitated then leaned to him, put her arm round his waist and kissed him on the side of the face. Murdo remained, after she had gone in Gene’s car; she didnt look back. Her family’s car now moved off. Her father tooted the horn. The rear passenger window was down, Aunt Edna peering out. Murdo grinned, he waved to her, he waved to Queen Monzee-ay although he couldnt see her, she was on the other side.
Joel was there by the side of the pick-up and signaling him: Hey Murdo! You forgot something there?
Murdo frowned, he went forwards. It was the rucksack, Joel had his rucksack and accordeon-case, he brought them from the rear of the truck and passed them to him.
Jeesoh!
Joel clapped him on the shoulder then entered the driver’s side. We’ll see you sometime huh?
Definitely.
You going with the guys?
I think so, yeah.
Yeah. Joel nodded, switched on the engine.
Murdo stepped back. He pulled the rucksack on over his shoulders, lifted the accordeon-case, watching the pick-up roll forwards. Joel had his hand out the side window, a wave. Murdo waved in reply.
At the entrance to the Jay Cee Lounge Dad stood to the side of Declan. Declan was chatting to the cowboy doorman, smoking a cigarette with him. Murdo walked to stand next to Dad. That’s them all away, he said.
Yeah, said Dad.
When the cab arrived Dad made to lift the accordeon-case but Murdo kept a grip on it, settled it into the boot next to the ruck-sack. He got into the rear passenger seat, and Dad in the other. Declan sat next to the driver who was a white guy and knew all about the oil industry and maybe worked in it himself at one time or else knew people who did. Him and Declan spoke about working offshore and named actual rigs and famous guys who worked on them. Quite interesting stuff – Dad was listening – but Murdo was just tired, probably he dozed most of the way.
*
Dad had the key to the room which was on the ground level. A couple of chairs were along from the door. Inside two single beds and a double. The double was nearest the door and had Declan’s stuff on it. Him and Dad had six-packs of beer in the room. Declan lifted one and returned outside for a smoke.
Dad sat on the edge of the bed nearest the opposite wall. So the one in the middle was for Murdo. He yawned, lowered the rucksack and accordeon-case down on the floor between the two, and sat on the edge of his, elbows on his knees and hands clasped, gazing at the floor. Ye hungry? said Dad, after a moment.
Yeah! Murdo smiled.
There’s sandwiches in the fridge.
Great. Murdo continued to sit there.
Tired?
Yeah.
I’ll not ask what ye’ve been up to! Ye can understand but I was worried.
Yeah Dad, I’m sorry.
I dont mean for ye to apologize, I’m just saying.
I’ll pay back the money.
It doesnay matter about the money.
Well I will.
Murdo it’s not an issue. It’s just how I worry, ye know. I’m yer father. I cannay help it. People worry.
Dad I phoned Aunt Maureen.
I know, it was good ye did.
Murdo sighed, he leaned to drag over the rucksack.
Dad watched him a moment. We have to talk about things. I mean ye must know it cant happen. They’re not going to change their rules for ye son, they’re not going do that.
I’m not asking them to.
It doesnay matter what Diego said. It would be great if things worked that way, but they dont.
Murdo had unzipped the main rucksack compartment and was poking around inside. He yawned then rose from the bed with his toilet bag and some clothes.
Son ye’ve got to let me speak.
Dad I need a shower.
No. They’ve all been speaking except me.
Well I’ve not been speaking either.
Okay so now’s the time.
Yeah but if I can shower first. We can talk after. Dad there will be time.
No there wont. You’ll come out the shower and fall into bed, I know what like ye are after a gig.
Murdo groaned.
Hey, I’m not the baddy here. It’s just I’m worried. Come on, sit down a minute.
I would rather stand.
They’re all in the right and it’s me in the wrong.
Ye’re not in the wrong Dad.
Of course I am. I’m the only one saying no! no! ye’re too young, how will ye manage! Dad shook his head. Seriously, he said. Nay wonder I get irritated. They go home and sleep at night. I dont. How can I? How can I?
Dad!
No. I just lie there, worrying. Bloody Mexico! You’re no going to Mexico Murdo I dont want ye going there.
Dad it’s Texas.
It’s Mexico. That’s what they mean when they say the Valley.
Dad they mean the border, the Mexican border.
In America it’s the Mexican border, not if ye’re in Mexico; it’s the American border over there. Whatever it is it’s a border. Ye step from there to there. It’s a line son not a place.
I thought it was a river.
Dad looked at him. It’s a nightmare. That’s what it is: killings and murders; dope smugglers, private armies. I’ve got to tell ye what I think – ye might no like it – it’s a fantasy.
Dad what’s a fantasy?
This; what ye’re talking about.
It’s everybody else as well.
Yeah – except me, everybody except me. Th
ey all know and I dont. I’ll tell ye something son people here go about in a stupor. They dont seem to know anything. Dad walked a couple of steps, shaking his head. Seriously, he said, it’s kind of strange. They dont seem to know anything at all about what goes on in the world; politics and history. Geography! What a joke! It’s a bloody dream world; that’s what they’re living in.
Dad we’re only talking about music.
Oh are we! Is that what we’re talking about? I’ve been with Declan all day, away and tell him that. He’s a musician too if ye remember.
Of course I remember, he’s a brilliant guitarist.
Yeah well…
Dad, he is.
Dad shrugged. I’m no disputing it. Actually it makes my case. How come he works offshore? Eh? He hardly does any gigs at all. He’s not even part-time, he’s just once in a blue moon. That was a one-off last Saturday. And how much do ye think he got paid for it?
It’s not my business.
Seriously, how much? Think about it son. I’m talking the practicalities.
Murdo shrugged.
How much did Queen Monzee-ay get paid for tonight?
Aw Dad.
No. I’m only asking the question. Ye’ve got to. Never mind you and the girl and the other guys. Did ye ever hear about the big opera star that came to Glasgow for a one-off concert and got paid a million dollars? D’ye know what the orchestra got? Bugger all. Nothing. None of the orchestra got paid a penny.
What d’ye mean?
I’m not meaning anything except what I’m saying. If that was Queen Monzee-ay’s only gig in the past six months, how much did she get paid?
Murdo frowned.
And is that to last her another six months?
I dont know what ye mean.
Is that how long it’ll take her to get another gig?
Dad she’s retired.
Dont fall for that one, retired, it’s only rich people retire son the rest of us stagger on. It’s just people wont give ye the right wage for the job. They want somebody young because they dont have to pay them so much. So you’re left twiddling yer thumbs. What I’m saying is it’s a struggle and a fight, a total fight.
Queen Monzee-ay fights.
Sure she does. All I’m saying is ye’ve got to ask these questions. How does she get by? Is she on an old age pension?
I dont know Dad how do I know! Murdo shook his head. Jeesoh Dad.
I’m only asking.
The family has the store. That’s her store. She bought it when she was making money.
Right, replied Dad, okay. So that keeps her going. What about the rest of the family?
How do I know?
I’m only asking.
Well Dad ye’re better asking her. I’m no being cheeky.
I know ye’re not. Dad nodded. It is interesting but, when ye think about it in that way. Likes of the Gathering, when Declan played the gig, nobody paid to get in. Did ye notice?
They paid at the entrance.
That was for the actual Gathering Murdo. That was yer ticket for the whole thing. Everything that was there. That was what ye paid for. All the games and prizes and the kids’ competitions, bouncy castles, everything. Yer entrance ticket paid the lot. The dance too. That dance band, how much did they get paid? Add in yer traveling costs and the rest of it. These guys needed a truck for all their sound equipment. Plus they had two roadies.
The roadies were their pals.
It doesnay mean they dont get paid. They will. Then there were seven guys in the band. Seven guys! Motel costs, petrol, food. People have got to eat and that needs paying. Dad smiled. Ye’ve got to pay for food ye know. People dont give ye it for nothing.
Murdo stared at him.
Dad smiled for a moment. They dont, he said.
Murdo nodded. I made eleven dollars and seventy cents busking this morning.
Ye were busking!
Yeah.
Busking?
Yeah Dad why not. Eleven seventy, it was enough for a meal, more than enough. Murdo shrugged, and made to enter the bathroom, but he paused and said, I know people need to work like in an ordinary job Dad I know that. That was always Mum, that was her. Stick in at school and go to college. It was so as I could get a job and then I could like relax and play music and not have to worry about the next meal. I mean, I know that Dad. Murdo sighed.
Dad had his hands in his pockets. He glanced at the front door, then back at Murdo and he said quietly, How much did Diego Narciso get paid for tonight?
No Dad.
For talking’s sake?
No Dad no; jeesoh!
Come on, what? A hundred dollars, a thousand dollars, ten thousand dollars? What?
How do I know?
How many people went to the gig?
Murdo shook his head and stepped inside the bathroom doorway.
Just work it out, said Dad.
I dont want to work it out. I need to shower and go to my bed. The guys are coming early.
Dad stared at him.
Seven or something.
So ye’re going with them? Dad smiled. I’m not that bad surely.
…
Eh? That ye want to run away. Am I that bad? Really, am I? Dad was still smiling. He shrugged. I think I’m entitled to ask that.
Dad
No, well… Dad shrugged. We’ve been through a lot together.
Murdo gazed at him.
Eventually Dad said, I need to ask Declan something. Dad held up his hand. Just a minute son, if ye dont mind. He opened the outside door. Declan, he said, will ye come in a minute? Just for a minute.
Declan appeared in the doorway, gripping a bottle of beer by the neck. You want the heavy-weights in on this?
Naw just eh, we’re trying to bring some clarity into this.
Oh yeah so you got me, yeah… Declan yawned.
No I just mean like the practicalities, getting by as a musician.
Are you serious!
Just the basics I’m talking about; earning a wage and so on.
Declan held up his hand to stop him. Dont speak to me about no basics man, I been to Georgia on a fast train. Declan planked himself down on the edge of the double bed. You’re asking me man I’m the wrong guy. I would have cut off my nose to play with them guys Tom. Sure I would. Declan growled: Clara never got paid for nothing in her entire life, except baking cakes. Chess gigged, she stayed home.
That just makes the point, said Dad.
Folks need to live Tom I aint gonna deny that. They went gig to gig, same like most of us.
Hand to mouth, said Dad.
Hand to mouth is okay brother. Diego’s boys got a head start. You think he wont give them a leg-up? You heard him man they are family. He puts the word in they’ll find work everywhere. Like you go to the west coast man, their kind of music, they’ll get gigs. Hell Tom old Diego could fill a stadium. You come to Houston when him and the band are playing, his own band! Hey, ever hear of Lydia Mendoza? Houston lady man, born and bred.
Declan swigged beer from the bottle. He settled back on the bed lying full stretch with one hand behind his head, raised a little on the pillow. He swallowed the last of it and lifted a fresh one from the pack.
Murdo said, I need to shower Dad.
Hang on a minute.
Please Dad I’m really tired. Thursday was my last sleep. Murdo made to close the bathroom door. Does anybody need before I go? he said.
No sir, replied Declan, but go fast.
Dad shook his head.
Murdo smiled. See when ye think about it Dad: it’s all I do, is music; really, I don’t do anything else.
Ye can do it in Scotland.
Yeah, or here. I can do it here. Murdo closed the bathroom door behind him. He stood inside, looking about. Folded white towels, wee bits of soap. He had his own shampoo.
*
Next morning he was roused by Dad. Dad was over him shaking his shoulder, and whispering, Half six son ye better get up.
Murdo was dressed i
n moments. Dad collected the remaining sandwiches from the fridge. Declan was asleep when they left the room. Sun and blue sky, a beautiful morning. They sat eating sandwiches on the two chairs by the wall, listening to the whooshing traffic noises. A main road was not faraway, and visible between buildings; big trucks passed every few seconds. Murdo said, I think that’s the interstate road.
Mm.
Murdo glanced at him.
I do have a kind of sensitive question: ye got anything left out the two hundred dollars?
It was actually two hundred and ninety dollars. Ye gave me forty at the Gathering and Uncle John gave me fifty.
Uncle John gave ye fifty?
Yeah.
Dad chuckled.
I didnay spend anything.
Ye just saved it?
Yeah. Apart from bus-fares I’ve hardly bought a thing, except the accordeon. That pawnshop in Allentown Dad, I saw it that time we were there.
So have ye anything left?
Well only a bit.
Dad smiled. So what like’s the accordeon?
Aw no bad, fine, it’s alright. Eighty-five dollars. They reduced it from a hundred and twenty-five. It’s paying itself already, like I mean if ye count the busking. It’s not a bad sound either, although it might not look much.
Not look much! Ye kidding! It’s a beauty!
Well… Murdo smiled.
Seriously. It just glistens!
Murdo looked at him.
Even from the side of the bar, said Dad, from where I was standing. Yer playing I mean it was just… God! I’ll tell ye something too, people were knocked out; Declan too, you might not have noticed. But see that slow one ye did, the one where ye took the lead. Ye could have heard a pin drop. Did ye hear that audience? Eh! Did ye hear them! God son that was something, and that accordeon too, it was just sparkling and glistening and God! just part of it the way ye were playing. It was just special, like you, you are special.
Aw Dad.
I’m telling ye.
Dad You are.
You’ve got to stop this modesty nonsense.
Dad I’m not modest. That’s the last thing I am is modest. It’s just that you’re talking about another accordeon, you’re talking about the turquoise one. That isnay it. That belongs to Queen Monzee-ay. She just brought it for me to use. Mine’s is in the accordeon-case. And really… Murdo chuckled. It’s fine but I mean, it’s okay, it’s actually alright.
Let me see it.
Murdo got up and opened the door quietly. Declan’s bed was empty and the bathroom door closed, he was in having a shower. He collected the accordeon-case. He chapped the bathroom door on his way back out: Morning Declan!