With tears in his eyes, Milan turned to them, "Why would she do that? Why didn't she tell me?"
Ned looked to Sarah, knowing that she would be more helpful than he in this situation. He was still very much the enemy - the bully, who had spent the last several years pointing fingers and making accusations, trying to make the truth somehow fit into his own narrative.
Sarah stood up, moving to Milan, but he backed away from her touch, trembling with rage. "Did you know?" He screamed at her.
Tears slid down her cheeks. "No. I didn't know. I had no idea." She answered, wrapping her arms around herself, her heart breaking in two over the revelations. She hadn't known at the time either. When she'd found the diaries, that was the first she heard of the problems Paulina had.
Ned stood up, creating a barrier between an enraged Milan and a hysterical Sarah. "Stop this. She isn't to blame. No one is. The truth of the matter is that Paulina did what she did on her own accord. I'm afraid that we're never going to have the answers as to why. People do many things out of desperation. For her, it was grief. You know that now."
"Why didn't she tell me? I could have helped her. That child was mine too. Why didn't she tell me?" Milan slumped into a chair, putting his head in his hands. He began rocking back and forth, his shoulders shaking as he sobbed.
Sarah tried again, her voice almost inaudible, "I didn't know. She never said anything to me. She had her reasons. Maybe she wanted to wait until she was sure, then..." she paused to find the right words to express what she wanted to say. "Maybe, when she was ready, things went bad. I can't imagine what it must have been like to have lost a child, a child that she carried. That does things to people. I'm sorry that this happened. I'm sorry that you found out this way. If I had known what those diaries said, I would have gotten rid of them a long time ago."
Milan threw his head back and ran his hands through his hair. "Johanna." He said, confusing both Sarah and Ned.
"What about Johanna?" Ned asked, looking to Sarah for clarification.
"She told me. Why didn't you tell me?" Milan's dark eyes bore into Sarah's.
"I didn't know that's what they said. I never read the diaries." Sarah started.
"But, you were the one that kept them. Both of you did the exact opposite of what I asked you to do and, now, look. Do you see what you have done?" Milan spoke through clenched teeth, hot tears still pouring down his cheeks.
Ned felt it was time for him to intervene. He couldn't bear watching Milan destroy the only relationships he had left in the world. He blamed himself for helping to drive Milan to this cold, dark place in his life.
He did something he'd never done before and wished he'd done years ago when this nightmare had just begun. Milan resisted at first, confused by the sudden embrace. He struggled to break free, but Ned used all of his might to hold Milan still. After a few moments of confusion and discomfort, Milan finally relaxed, succumbing to the pent up emotions and the reality that Paulina had taken her own life after suffering a miscarriage.
“I'm sorry, Milan. I'm sorry that this happened and I apologize for all of the pain I've added to your life.” Tears that Ned rarely shed, slid down his face. Years of being angry had finally caught up with him. He now realized that the animosity he felt toward Milan was ill-placed and came more from fear – fear for whom he believed was a monster in their midst and anger for perpetuating the hatred and sparking the vicious rumors.
“I can't take back what was said or done. I wish that I could, but know that I will do everything in my power to right the wrongs and to change the hearts and minds of everyone in this community. I'll make a public statement and allow you time to heal.” Ned added as he tried to figure out any way that he could turn this tragic case around and mend broken fences and hearts.
Milan's back stiffened. Ned released him from his arms and braced himself for a barrage of angry words that he knew he deserved. Instead, Milan backed away, scrubbing the tears from his face with the back of his hand, and walked to the photo of Paulina that still hung on the wall. At first, he studied it, his chest heaving. Sarah moved to comfort him, but Ned held her arm, telling her to wait.
They watched Milan's pain spill from his body. His emotions rocked through him. One second, he was crying. The next, he was fighting to control his breathing. All the while, his eyes remained transfixed on the portrait of Paulina.
She seemed to be looking back at him, wearing the smile she wore up until the day that she died. That smile and those eyes are what captivated Milan at the beginning and kept his heart beating up until this point. His heart no longer beat like a man who loved, but pounded like a beast that had been set free after years of captivity. He wanted to rage, to destroy, to make it all disappear, just like she'd somehow managed to do, but he loved this manor and he loved the life that he thought they had together.
After several pained minutes of him wrestling with himself to find a way to cope, Milan went into a fit of rage, grabbing the portrait, slamming it on the floor, destroying it piece by piece. Sarah was horrified by the sight and wanted desperately to make him stop, but the sheriff wouldn't let her intervene. He held her arm, shuddering at what he was witnessing, but knowing that if anyone deserved to be enraged it was Milan. He'd suffered yet another devastating blow. He needed to vent. He knew it took a lot of courage for Milan to approach the county prosecutor's office about reopening Paulina's death investigation. When he'd been told, he thought that it was a bold move for a man whom he considered to be a murderer, but now realized it was the bravest thing he'd ever seen someone do to save himself from destruction.
Chapter 17
“WHERE IS SHE?” Milan threw open the drapes, checking the windows for any sign of a break-in.
Sarah put her hands to her chest. “I don't know. I've looked everywhere. She's not answering her phone. I've called the employment agency to see if her caseworker has heard from her. I don't know. Do you think she could have just decided to leave town for good?”
Milan threw his hands up in the air in exasperation. “She wouldn't just leave! She couldn't. We have to find her.”
Sarah stood frozen in place, staring at an item on the floor. Milan followed her gaze, breathing heavily.
“What? What is it?” He moved around to the far side of the bed. Lying on the floor, open, with its contents scattered on the floor, was Johanna's purse. He fell to his knees.
“Call the sheriff's office.” Milan ordered.
Sarah turned to the motel manager. “How could this happen? How did you not see anything?”
The woman shrugged. She had been on duty all day and hadn't noticed anything unusual.
* * *
“SO, HE’S BEEN cleared? You're finally done ruining his life?” Johanna sat next to Ned in his county vehicle, staring at him with fire in her eyes.
He sat with his chin on his chest, exhausted from a long night of sitting with Milan and Sarah, waiting until Milan had calmed down enough to be deemed safe to leave alone.
“Yes, he's clear. It's done.” Sheriff Acker answered. “Paulina committed suicide. It wasn't his fault.”
“Just like that?” Johanna fought to control her temper. “Answer this, why is it that no one ever searched the attic? I wasn't even looking for evidence and I found the diaries. Explain that to me. Is that how you people conduct all investigations around here or just the ones where a rich man is involved?”
Ned cringed at the accusation, but he couldn't blame her for believing that. After all, he had been the one that helped to create the myth – the urban legend – that the Merced Manor harbored secrets and that mysterious deaths had occurred there.
He answered Johanna as honestly as he could, knowing that what he had to say wasn't going to help his case. “Mistakes were made.” He closed his eyes, briefly, starting again, “I made mistakes. I made an assumption based on a gut feeling and my own personal fears. I was wrong. I shouldn't have done that, but what matters now is that we know the truth – Milan knows the
truth and we... He can move forward.”
Johanna frowned at him with the same disappointment in her eyes that she'd carried since the day they had first met. “Well, that's just great, isn't it? You can just magically erase all the damage now? You have some magic wand or something, right?”
Sighing, Ned removed his hat, wiping his brow before responding. “Johanna, I've already told you that I made mistakes.” He paused, realizing that he'd missed something else entirely. “Can I ask you a question?”
She wanted to challenge him, to make him admit how horribly he'd treated and allowed others to treat Milan, but feared she'd become too emotional.
Ned took her silence to mean she consented to be asked a question. “Why are you so outraged by all of this? Why does this have you so broken up? Are you two involved? Is that why you chased after me today because you two are involved?” Ned sank back in his seat, frustrated that he'd let another clear fact go without notice.
Johanna hadn't expected him to ask her that. She hadn't yet been able to admit it to herself entirely, but he was right in a way. She couldn't hide what she felt any longer, not from herself, not from Milan, and not from the world.
As bad as the timing was and as horrible as the situation had become, somehow she'd managed to fall in love with Milan and it scared her, scared her so much that she fought it with all of her might, but it was too late. The feelings were here to stay and she would have to accept them and move forward, whether Milan reciprocated her feelings or not. It was time.
“You're in love with him, aren't you?” Ned reached out to squeeze her arm gently, sighing. “That's what this is about. Can't say that your timing is doing you any favors, but I get it, really, I do. That's why you stuck around. I thought there was something wrong with you for wanting to be associated with all of what was going on.”
Johanna put her head down, embarrassed that she felt the way she did.
“It is okay, you know. A word of warning, give him some time. He's been through a lot and he still has a long road ahead of him. If you choose to stick it out, be prepared for hard times ahead.”
“I don't need you to warn me about him. He's a good man. I'm no fool.” Johanna answered.
“I know that you're not a fool. I was the one who was a fool. I let things get out of control. Now that the truth has come out, I have a long road ahead of me too. I have to help fix this mess.” Ned exhaled slowly.
Johanna didn't want to have this conversation with the sheriff, so she changed the subject. “So, the girl? Do you know what happened to her? Why did you suddenly stop looking at Milan?”
He took a deep breath, choosing his words carefully. “She ran away with some old boyfriend. She made up some story about being called by voices to the Merced Tunnel, so that no one would really know what she was up to. The guy walked into the police station in Nashville and confessed. When we found her car, there was evidence all over it. He drove her body to the tunnel to dump it.”
“So, you searched the tunnel and questioned Milan for nothing then? Isn't that special?” Johanna didn't think her anger could become any more intense.
“We got it wrong, but Milan was worth checking into at the time. Unfortunately, her body was left on his property right about the same time he arrived back in town.” Ned tried to explain why he'd focused on Milan initially.
“And, what about that Johnson kid? He gets a free pass for destroying property and trespassing?” Johanna asked.
He shook his head, answering, “No, we will deal with that later. I can guarantee you of that.”
“Unbelievable!” Johanna pulled the door handle to get out of the car. “You sure have it handled, don't you?”
Ned's phone rang just as she stepped back out onto the sidewalk. She slammed the door behind her and started to walk away, back to the motel she'd been staying in off and on since she arrived.
“Wait!” He called after her, opening the passenger side door. “Johanna, wait! Someone is looking for you!”
She turned, surprised to know someone had located her in the first place.
“Looking for me? Who?” Johanna walked back to the car, hesitantly.
He held his cell phone out to her. “Find out for yourself.”
She put the phone to her ear, nervous about who could be on the other end. “Hello?”
“Where have you been?” His voice was shrill. “Are you okay?”
“Milan?” Johanna felt a lump of emotion, form in her throat. He sounded genuinely concerned about her. “I'm fine. You asked me to leave, remember?”
He sighed. “I know. I'm sorry. When I saw your purse just laying there on the floor, my heart stopped. I thought something horrible had happened to you. Are you sure that you're okay? What are you doing with the sheriff?” Milan had a lot of questions running through his mind.
“Getting answers to my questions.” She answered, wiping the lone tear that escaped from her eye.
“Where are you now? I'll come get you.” Milan nodded at Sarah, saying, “She's okay.”
“It's over?” Johanna asked, meaning more than she wanted to have to explain.
He understood. “Yes, I think it is. Where are you, Johanna?”
She wouldn't let another moment pass without having all the information she needed. “I have to know everything. I can't allow myself to go back into that situation blindly. I just can't. It hurts too much.”
Milan knew this moment would come. He knew from the first moment he met her that one day, he'd have to face his own demons and finally speak his truth, even if it killed him.
“I'll tell you everything.” He whispered. “Let me come get you.”
* * *
SARAH LOOKED UP to the ceiling in response to the footsteps above in the master bedroom. A sense of relief washed over her. He'd finally gathered the strength to walk back into the room he and Paulina had once shared.
“What's wrong?” Johanna asked, following Sarah's gaze.
She put her hand up, motioning for her to stay quiet. Johanna pulled out a chair and sat down to wait, unsure what it all meant. Within a few moments, the soft sounds of Milan sobbing filled the quiet house.
Johanna started to head upstairs to help him. Sarah called her back, saying, “Let it happen. He has to do this on his own.”
“He's done?” Johanna asked, feeling the gravity of the situation.
Sarah nodded, “I hope so. Things like this take a while. He is going to have more dark days ahead of him.” Acquiescing to the inevitable, she added, “You'll have to be strong for him. Be strong where he is weak. Be kind where he is harsh. His mother did the same thing too, you know?” Sarah's eyes welled with tears as she remembered that time in their lives.
“I know. I can't imagine what this must be like for him.” Johanna pushed back her sorrow.
“No, you can't, but you will have to find a way to endure. Learning to love wholeheartedly again, won't be easy for him.” Sarah warned her.
“Yeah, I know. The question is, does he love me or the idea of loving me? I mean, wasn't he the one that was torn up and hated me because I reminded him of her? How do I learn to live with a ghost?”
Sarah didn't have an answer. She struggled to understand too. The resemblance was striking at first glance, but the differences were many all at the same time. She hoped that Milan hadn't confused one woman for the other and wasn't trying to replace what he lost with Johanna.
A knock at the door interrupted their conversation. Sarah rushed to answer it, before Milan was disturbed.
“Yes?” She asked the round-faced man, standing in the doorway.
“Is Mr. Merced available?” He asked.
Johanna walked up behind Sarah, looking over her shoulder to see who was at the door. “Hey, I know you.” She said, trying to remember where she'd seen him before.
He looked at her uncomfortably, asking again, “Is Mr. Merced here?”
“Wait a minute. I know who you are. You were here a few weeks ago, asking about the hou
se. Aren't you the realtor?” Johanna asked, thinking back to when she'd told him that Milan had changed his mind.
“My name is Lou. Yes, I was here before.” He looked behind them. Milan was walking down the stairs, a look of concern on his face.
“What are you doing here? Is something wrong?” He ushered him into the living room to sit down, asking Sarah to get some coffee for them.
Johanna excused herself, following Sarah into the kitchen.
“He said he was the realtor.” She told her. “Is Milan still planning on selling the manor?”
Sarah hated being put in this position and bringing up things that had already been settled. “He's a private detective from Nashville. I don't know what Milan plans to do now. I assume he still intends to sell the house.”
“Why is he here now? I thought this was done.” Johanna was livid. She had no idea that the man, claiming to be a realtor was really there to investigate her. “I'm going to find out what's going on right now.” She turned, marching back to the living room.
Sarah didn't have the energy to argue anymore or settle any more differences of opinion. She decided that Johanna and Milan would have to hash things out together.
Milan was surprised to find Johanna in the doorway. “Yes?” He asked.
She ignored Milan, fearing she'd say something she'd regret. Looking at Lou, she asked, “You're a private detective? You're the one who invaded my privacy?”
Milan stood up, saying, “Johanna, this isn't about you. He's not here for you. I told you, I'm sorry.”
“Well, why is he here again?”
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