Holiday Loves
Page 41
* * *
A sandwich and a thick, hearty stew waited for me on the island.
“You’re not going to eat?” My mouth watered.
“Already ate.”
I dove headfirst into that food. Again, I had eaten in some of the best restaurants this world had to offer, but nothing tasted better than this food. She stood, leaning against the kitchen counter, with her arms crossed, watching me.
“This is amazing.”
She flushed. “It’s nothing.”
I paused and looked her in the eyes. “This might be the best stew I’ve had in four years.”
She pressed her lips together and looked away.
“Jesse said you’re in culinary school.”
“Yes.”
“So, you followed your dream.”
She lifted her eyes to mine. “You’re the only person I told that too.”
“You knew what you wanted nine years ago.”
“So did you.”
I nodded. “I thought I did.”
She frowned but didn’t ask. I didn’t tell.
I tried again. “Do you like school?”
“I love it.”
“Jess said you’re almost done.”
“I graduate this Christmas.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Not sure. Everyone has big plans to work in restaurants or open their own bistros.”
“But not you?”
Those delicate shoulders lifted a fraction. “I wish I could just stay in a kitchen like this and cook on a small scale. I don’t want to work in the industry.”
This conversation fascinated me. Women I had dated all wanted more. More attention, more limelight, more money. Kaitlin might be the only woman I knew who actively worked to avoid all that.
She cleared her throat. “I know what Jesse said, but I don’t think you should move in here.”
I knew that. Better than anyone.
I had no argument. She was probably right. The last place I should be was here. Sorrow washed over me. I missed the skinny kid with the big eyes and infectious laugh who used to adore me. I had taken that friendship for granted, assuming that it’d always be there for me. Now in its place was a beautiful stranger who seemed intent on keeping me at arm’s length.
She moved to leave the kitchen, to end this conversation. Irrational emotion flowed over me. Didn’t she want to even try to get back to where we had been?
I grabbed her petite wrist. Her breath caught in her throat and her eyes met mine.
“I’m not leaving. Not this time.”
Her chest heaved, but her gaze was steady. I willed her to speak. To spill out words that would give me a roadmap, directing me towards how I could fix this.
Instead, she wrenched her wrist from my grasp and stomped upstairs.
Well, that went fucking well. If I were a caveman.
* * *
The next few days back in Vancouver, passed without me seeing Kaitlin. She was avoiding me and doing a damn good job of it. She was either in her room or out of the house.
It frustrated me. This wasn’t what I wanted. To be completely honest, I wasn’t sure what I wanted, but it wasn’t this. It didn’t help that I was in the middle of pre-season training with my new team. Starting with a new team wasn’t easy. I knew a couple of guys, on a name basis only, but it wasn’t the same camaraderie that I shared with the team that I had just left.
It was after 8 PM when I came back to the house. I caught Kaitlin coming out of the laundry room as I walked in. She didn’t look at me, kept her eyes downcast and started to make her way back upstairs.
I’m not quick to anger, but my frustration boiled over.
I grabbed her arm and spun her around.
A gasp escaped out of her, and her big brown eyes were wide on my face.
“We need to talk,” I all but snarled.
She wrenched her arm out of my grasp. “No.”
I liked the determination in her eyes. I wanted her to fight. “Yes.”
“You can’t make me,” she said with a childish tone.
I laughed. Mostly because it reminded me of the Kaitlin of the past. Feisty and hot-headed.
“You want to bet?” I challenged.
Defiance flared in her expression. “Going to manhandle me into a discussion?”
“If I have to.” It was a hollow threat. I would sooner manhandle my own granny than Kaitlin.
“What is there to talk about?” she threw her hands up in frustration.
“We can talk about the fact that we’re going to be living together for the next six months.”
“Your choice, not mine.”
I raked my hands through my hair. “You really don’t want me here?”
She crossed her arms and stared at the floor.
“Tell me why you hate me,” I tried again.
“I don’t hate you.”
“Than what is it?” I stood in front of her, my hands on my hips, completely baffled as to how to navigate this situation. I would have said that Kaitlin was the one female in this world that I knew best, but right now she felt like a stranger.
She refused to answer.
I sighed. “Listen, I know you don’t want me here.”
“Why did you come back?” her gaze was steady.
If I wanted this friendship to move forward, I needed full disclosure. “I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.”
Shock crossed her face. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t know what I want. I feel disconnected and that pisses me off. I met my goals, and I thought I’d be happier.”
“So, you came home,” her voice was soft.
“It was selfish. I was only thinking about myself. I never meant to upset you.” Our eyes connected. Kaitlin was the only one who ever seemed to be able to handle my truth. “I just didn’t know where else to go.”
I knew we should talk about that night, but I didn’t have any words to make it better.
She chewed on her lip. “You can stay.”
Relief flooded my body. “I don’t want to be here if we are just two strangers living side by side. I miss our friendship.”
She took a deep breath. “What do you want?”
“Do you think we can put everything behind us? No hard feelings?”
She took her time answering. “We can try.”
That was as good as it was going to get, but I vowed to make it better.
“Thanks.”
* * *
It was after midnight on Friday and my class had just helped take over a local restaurant. It had been an exhausting evening with lots of chaos and shouting, proving again that I never wanted to work in a restaurant. Now my class had just finished cleaning up, and we were sitting around in the empty restaurant having some drinks with the staff.
The guys in my class were getting boisterous, their energy high from the intensity of the night. I only felt exhaustion from the evening and I wanted to go home. I had tried twice to call a cab, but neither of them had shown up.
Zach: Where are you?
I rolled my eyes. He was obviously taking his new role of big brother seriously. That is exactly something Jesse would do.
Me: Waiting for a cab
Zach: Coming to get you. Where are you?
Me: You don’t have to do that
Zach: Already in my truck. Send me address
Me: Starfish Restaurant in Granville Island
I really didn’t want to impose on Zach, but I also didn’t want to spend any more time here. I just wanted to shower and collapse in bed. I gathered my knife roll, folded up my chef’s coat and put everything in my bag. I took one last look around the industrial kitchen. Dishes remained in the big industrial dishwasher. I grabbed a tea towel and quickly wiped the dishes down and put them away.
Satisfied that we were leaving the kitchen in as good a shape as when we started, I turned to grab my stuff.
Mike stood between me and the door.
“Hey Mike,” I said warily. I didn’t really like Mike. He was too cocky and loud for my taste and for the better part of two years we had barely spoken.
He looked around the kitchen. “What are you doing back here by yourself?”
“Just finishing up.”
His smile was wolfish. “You’re always the goody two shoes, aren’t you?”
I shook my head. He wavered on his feet and his eyes were bloodshot. If I wasn’t mistaken, he was hammered. “Not really.”
“I’ve watched you, you know that? You always have the cleanest work station, you take the most meticulous notes.”
I shrugged my jacket on. “I’m just trying to do my best.”
“You never hang out with our class. You always scurry home. Don’t you like to party?”
I didn’t like where this conversation was heading. “I should go, my ride is on his way.”
“Him? You telling me you have a boyfriend who’s coming to get you?”
I hoisted my bag over my shoulder. “Something like that. Have a good night.”
I tried to walk past him, but he stepped in front of me.
“You don’t need to rush off because we both know you don’t have a boyfriend coming to get you.”
I tried walking past him, but he stepped in front of me.
“Mike, please get out of the way.”
“You think I didn’t see you trying to call a cab?”
I spun around. If he didn’t want to move out of the way, I’d walk the long way around the prep station to leave the kitchen.
He grabbed my arm and pulled me against him. “Where do you think you’re going?”
“Mike,” I pushed on his chest. “Let me go.”
He lowered his mouth to mine and planted a wet kiss on my lips. It caught me so off guard, I initially didn’t react.
“Am I interrupting anything?” a familiar voice spoke from behind me.
Zach!
Mike lifted his head. I pushed on Mike’s chest, squirming out of his grasp. Without looking at Zach, I grabbed my bag and walked past him. Without saying goodbye to anyone in my class, I made my way outside, grateful for the fresh air.
Mike’s unwanted advances made me feel shaky and unsure of myself. That is the first time I had ever been kissed against my will and I didn’t want to imagine what would have happened if Zach hadn’t walked in.
We got into the truck. Zach slammed his door and gunned the engine. In silence, we started to drive home.
“Is that your boyfriend?”
I looked over at him with incredulity. “Mike?”
“The guy who was all over you.”
I turned my face to look out the passenger window. “He’s definitely not my boyfriend.”
We pulled up to a red light. “So, do you just make out with guys you're not dating?”
His accusing tone annoyed me. “Who said I wanted to make out with him?”
“What does that mean?”
“He was drunk.”
Zach’s voice sounded choked. “Are you telling me he kissed you against you will?”
“I just want to go home.”
The light turned green and Zach gunned the truck, doing a wild u-turn in the middle of the intersection. Cars honked behind us.
“What are you doing?” I held onto the door.
“I need to talk to your friend.”
“Zach, no!”
He ignored me and pulled back into the restaurant parking lot.
“Please stop,” I cried as he got out of the truck and started to stalk towards the building.
I was only halfway across the parking lot when he disappeared into the restaurant. By the time I slipped into the restaurant entrance, I could hear Zach’s voice call over the chatter of the party.
“Where’s the asshole who kissed Kaitlin?”
The entire room fell silent. Too mortified to follow him, I stood listening.
Zach didn’t even sound like Zach. His voice was cold and clipped. “I’m going to give you all one warning. I don’t like anyone kissing Kaitlin. Next time that happens, there isn’t going to be a conversation about it. Understood?”
Jarred, a guy in my class spoke in awe. “Are you dating her?”
“You have an issue with that?” Zach shot back.
“No.”
“Keep your hands off her.”
I stood in complete shock. Zach brushed passed me. I could hear my classmates excited voices break into a chatter.
“Holy shit, was that Zach Burke?”
“Did anyone know that Kaitlin was dating someone?”
“Hey, who’s the asshole who kissed her?”
What had just happened?
I slipped out of the restaurant and trailed after Zach. We drove the rest of the way home in silence while I processed everything.
Mike had left me alone for almost two years, so tonight had caught me off guard. I didn’t think, sober, he’d be a problem for me, but regardless, Zach’s performance tonight had effectively ensured that no one in my class would ever try anything again.
I looked over at Zach. I didn’t know how I felt about this new bossy side of him.
“I could have handled Mike, you know,” I finally spoke.
“I know.”
“So, if you knew that, why did you go charging back in there like that?”
We pulled into our driveway. He killed the engine. “I don’t know.”
I blinked. “Just something to do?”
This time it was his turn not to answer. He gave me a look before getting out of the truck. I worked to keep up with him. The way he kicked off his shoes and tossed his keys on the counter, I could tell that he was still pissed.
“You’re really going to be the one acting pissed about tonight?” My tone was sharp.
He gave me another hard-to-read look before disappearing upstairs to his room. What had just happened?
If I was going to be honest with myself, I loved having Zach here. But I didn’t want him here in the capacity of a protective older brother. I already had a brother who coddled me daily and I didn’t need another one.
Why had he charged back in there? Even Jesse wouldn’t have done that.
It pissed me off. And it confused me.
* * *
The next morning, I found Kaitlin cooking in the kitchen. I stood in the doorway watching her. Her face was flushed and tendrils of hair fell from her ponytail. On the stove, four pots simmered and steamed. Everywhere I looked, there were mixing bowls and dishes.
“What’s going on here?”
She glanced up at me. “Just cooking.”
I slid onto a stool watching her. She looked stressed. I hated that she looked stressed.
“You look like you are feeding an army. Are you expecting company?”
She tossed a spoon in the sink. “No.”
“Is it because of last night?”
She paused and looked at me. “What was that?”
“What was what?”
“Why did you go back there?”
Because the thought of some dude kissing you makes me insane.
* * *
Five years ago
I stood at the edge of the deck and watched as Kaitlin yelped as her dad sprinkled water on her bare shoulders. She stood up with her water glass.
“Kaitlin, don’t you dare,” he warned, laughing as he backed away from her.
She tossed the water and got the entire front of his t-shirt.
His eyes widened playfully. “I’m going to get you.”
They both looked towards the side of the house and then raced together towards the garden hose. She was fast and almost made it there first, but he was faster.
“Dad, no!”
His smile was huge as he turned the hose onto her. She screamed, her hands in front of her, while the water soaked her.
She shrieked and tried to get away, but he was hosing her down like a fireman would a burning building. They both were laughing uncontrollably as
he let her grab the hose from him and he took his punishment.
I stood spellbound, unable to stop looking at her wet, almost translucent white tank top. The wet fabric clung to her petite frame, curving around her small breasts. Her nipples were pert buttons.
I felt my dick harden. Which was terrible since Kaitlin was like family and she was only 17.
Jess came outside. He sized up the situation in one mortifying heartbeat with a glance at his sister and then a pointed look in my direction.
Without a smile, he said, “Come talk with me while I work on the car.”
In the garage, I could hear Kaitlin’s laughter. I cracked open a beer and stood watching as Jesse bent over the engine. He didn’t look at me when he cranked on some nut.
“I saw how you were looking at her.”
“What?” I froze.
“Kaitlin,” he stood up and wiped his hands on a rag. “I know that look.”
I remained silent.
“You’re her honorary brother in this family. I think it’d be pretty confusing for her if any lines got crossed.”
“She’s 17! I’m not going to cross any fucking lines.” My tone sounded harsher than I intended.
“Didn’t look that way to me,” he took a sip of his own beer.
“She’s just a kid.”
“Exactly. She’s just a kid and you’re a 21-year-old professional hockey player. I don’t know if she’s even kissed a guy yet.”
My dick twitched again while I tried to block the idea of her kissing someone out of my mind. “Why are you talking to me about this?”
“I’m her brother and it’s bad enough that some dude is going to one day lock lips with her and do even worse, but it can never be you, okay?”
We eyeballed each other for a long moment. Then I gave a short nod. “You have my word.”
* * *
Present day
Kaitlin stood before me. “You in there?”
I rubbed my face with both of my hands. I shouldn’t be here. Kaitlin didn’t want me here. Jesse didn’t want me near Kaitlin and if I was going to be really honest with myself, the only reason why I moved back in here was because of her. I had told myself that I could just be friends with her, but who was I kidding? Last night I had acted like a jealous boyfriend.