“You fought so hard trying to be different from those guys, not even telling people your family name a lot of the time because you don’t want them to know you come from money. Maybe there’s a part of you that pushed Edgar away too, and it’s worth thinking about. Maybe that’s why you couldn’t really tell him how you feel about him.”
Tumi sat in stunned silence. He had done a lot of soul searching over the past months. His quest to find his birth parents had made him rethink every part of his life. It was strange to consider the fact that maybe Tumi had been just as prejudiced as the guys who he couldn’t stand. And in the process, he had pushed away the possibility of being with someone he really cared about.
Tumi thought back on his discussion with Sister Beatrice about his birth mother, Abongile. He thought about Beatrice’s words often over the past days: your mother had to leave you because she loved you. And she couldn’t live with her decision unless she was certain that you were feeling that same kind of love every day. I hope you remember the gift that she gave you, and that you see it that way. And I hope that you make her proud by nurturing love in your life. Abongile had sacrificed the bond between them just to be sure that Tumi would have a better life. Even though she loved him so much, she knew that he had to find a family who could provide for him in ways that she never could. He felt like he was failing her, being bitter and ungrateful for the gift she had given him. He felt compelled to make her proud. He wanted to live his best life, for her…
And then, like a bolt of lightning, it struck him. He felt his heart and his breath completely stop. His eyes shot open wide. Everything around him began to fade, and nothing felt real anymore. Only one image stuck in his mind. Neville looked concerned, and asked Tumi if everything was okay, but Tumi could hardly answer him. After gathering himself, he finally said: “I know who she is…” Before he could say anything else to Neville, Tumi was on his feet, running down the streets of Ridgemont towards Donovan Square.
He ran as fast as his legs could carry him. Finally, he arrived at the tall building and rushed inside, completely out of breath. The shadowy passageways surrounded him as he moved without any other thoughts besides the face of the woman he had been searching for. Years he had spent wondering who she could be. He ground to a halt in front of the door, and knocked three times. His heart was almost beating out of his chest. He knew, with every fiber of his being, that he was finally at the end of his journey. As the door opened, the woman staring back at Tumi first looked concerned, and then seemed to realize exactly what was happening. Tumi whispered, “Abongile…”
Immediately, the woman burst into tears. Her sobbing was deep, carrying years of heartache and yearning. She hugged Tumi tightly, her tears staining his shirt. “My son, my son! You’ve found me, my son! I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Tumi said, hugging her back and sobbing as well. He had found the woman who had given birth to him, the woman who had made such an enormous sacrifice to ensure that Tumi would live a good life. “I should have realized sooner that it was you. I’ve been searching for you for so long.”
“You have found me now. But how did you know that I was the one you were looking for?”
“The way you spoke to me. The way you tried to keep me from getting myself into trouble. That look in your eye… It all came to me suddenly. You had been so close to me for years. Watching me and caring for me. It just all came together in an instant…”
“I had to let you think I was someone else. But I couldn’t stay away. That was why I came to work here as a cleaner. But I’m glad we found each other again. After all these years my heart is whole.”
Tumi hugged the woman he had known as Lydia, the cleaning lady in Nova, but who all along had been his birth mother Abongile.
Chapter 33
Tumi sat with Abongile in the small storage room where the cleaners kept their supplies at Initia Nova residence hall. It was incredible to think that he was talking to his birth mother, the woman who had cared for him for the first two years of his life in the township where he was born, the woman he had been dreaming of meeting for years. He couldn’t believe that the moment had finally come, and he felt a sense of relief that he had never felt before. Looking at her now, the blue overalls and the lines on her face, the grey hairs at her temples, the years of hard work evident in her eyes… Tumi felt intensely close to her even though they barely knew each other.
He smiled contentedly and said, “I can’t believe you were right here all along, that we greeted each other in the hallway almost every day and I never realized who you were.”
Abongile nodded, a somber look in her eyes. “I’ve changed a lot since I was a young woman. My life has not been easy. I regretted leaving you. Every day I thought about it. I decided to find you a few years ago, and when I found you… I always tried to stay close to Ridgemont, always getting jobs in places where I might have a chance to see you once in a while. I tried to stay hidden so that you wouldn’t notice me, but I wanted to see you. I was glad that you never recognized me. But I knew that eventually you would see who I am, especially once we started seeing each other here every day. I knew that you would remember me. I just couldn’t bring myself to say anything. I was ashamed.” Abongile put her hands over her face and sighed deeply. “I felt so terrible for what I did. I wanted to be a good mother, but I was so lost without Hannes. He was the person who made me feel like I could take on anything. But then he was gone, and I couldn’t do it on my own.”
“I know. You don’t have to feel ashamed. I know how much you loved me. I spoke with Sister Beatrice from the children’s home. She told me about you, about what you went through at that time. It was one of the things that helped me to realize who you were. She said that you never wanted to put me up for adoption, and that you came to see me the day my parents took me home. You wanted to make sure that I was going to a good family. And I did. I’ve had a great life growing up with parents and a brother who love me so much. They’ve given me everything I could hope for in a family. But I always wondered about you and my biological father. I always wanted to know where I came from.”
“Why?” Abongile said, a crease between her eyebrows. “Why did it matter to you so much who I was? I thought you would be happy with the family who adopted you. I read about them a lot over the years. Your mother, she is a very powerful woman. She has done many great things. They live in a beautiful home. Why would you even think about your life in the township again?”
Tumi shook his head. “I guess I never really felt like I fit in. There was always a part of me that felt like I was different, like I wasn’t connected to the life that I was living. Having all the money, studying at Ridgemont University… it just felt like I wasn’t really supposed to be here.”
“No, no, no,” Abongile said, her expression stern. Her eyes were locked on Tumi’s. “That was never what I wanted. I was afraid that if I ever came back into your life, you would see me and think that you were like me. That you weren’t good enough for the things you have in life. I was scared you would think that you are nothing more than the township boy. But it looks like I failed. You still think that way.”
“You haven’t failed at all. And there’s nothing wrong with being from the township and feeling connected to the people there. I just always wondered what my life would’ve been like if I’d stayed there, with you. If we’d grown up like a family, would I still have been the person I am today? Would I still have cared about the law, been able to work my way up to where I am today?”
Abongile touched Tumi’s arm as she responded: “I wanted you to be happy. I wanted you to have the things I never had. But being in that place, the township… it’s not easy to get out and to make something of yourself. No one I knew could do it. None of the single mothers could help their children to make a better life. That’s why I had to make sure that you didn’t grow up in that place. I know you think that there is something about you that is always carrying that place
with you, and maybe you are right. But I could see what your life would be like if I kept you there. I could see it in the thousands of other mothers who worked night and day to feed their children, who struggled so much to barely survive. Their children are now, too many of them, doing drugs, sitting on street corners, joining gangs… You might think there is something good about staying there, but you don’t remember, my boy. You don’t remember what it was like. I had to make sure that you didn’t end up becoming a cleaner like me, or end up begging. And every day I saw you going to class here at Ridgemont, I knew that I made the right decision.
“You see, that is why I could never tell you who I was. I could never let you think that there was something to be found in the place you were born. There is nothing there.”
Tumi could see the concern in Abongile’s eyes. Listening to her speak, he could see that she had wrestled with the decision, and once again he felt how much love it had taken for her to be able to put him up for adoption. She had lived a difficult life, and she knew that he wouldn’t end up in a place like Ridgemont if she had kept him. With everything Tumi knew about life in South Africa’s townships, he knew that she was probably right. It would’ve been almost impossible for him to get a decent education, avoid the gangs and the drugs, and find enough money to study at a university, no matter how hard he worked. But he couldn’t agree with her on everything she was saying.
“I think you’re wrong when you say there was nothing good in the township,” he said. “I read about Hannes and the work he did with the labor movement. He was fighting for things to get better. I met with Petrus, and even with the mistakes he made, he loved his son. And I saw how much Sister Beatrice tried to make a better life for the children of the township. There is a lot of good there, and you are a part of that. I’m grateful for what you did for me, and I just want you to know that I wanted to get to know you not because I hate my life now, but because I needed to feel… whole. There was always a part of my story that was missing, and I needed to know it.”
Abongile had tears welling in her eyes as she looked at Tumi. Tumi admired the way that Abongile spoke her mind and was resilient throughout her life; she reminded him of his mother, Koena, and the thought made Tumi feel even closer to her. Abongile said, “But my boy, you have been holding yourself back. I saw you fighting with those boys in the passage, trying to defend me. The way you looked at them, it wasn’t just about the way they were acting, it was about who they are. I wanted you to realize that you are a part of this world now, and you can change it for the better, but you don’t have to feel bad for being a part of it. It’s what I wanted for you. I saw it again in that redhead boy that lived in the room with you. The one you were falling in love with.”
Tumi was taken aback. “What do you mean? How did you…”
Abongile laughed, and said, “It was clear as day! Clear as day! You fought against it so hard. The way you two used to bicker…” Abongile laughed again, and reached out her hand to place it warmly on Tumi’s. “I only wanted you to find a home and to find love. I’m glad your family gave that to you, but you shouldn’t hide from the love that’s in front of you. Have you told that boy how you feel about him?”
Tumi shook his head. He had only just met Abongile for who she really was, but she could already read him like a book. She was the second person that day to encourage Tumi to talk to Edgar, and he was starting to realize just how transparent he had been. He knew that he wanted to speak to Edgar. “I haven’t told him everything yet. We’ve had a complicated time together. He’s about to leave the country and things aren’t really going well between us right now.”
Abongile jumped to her feet. “He’s leaving? Go to him, Tumi! Tell him how you feel before he leaves you. Don’t keep love at arm’s reach. I long for another day with the man I loved… While you still can, show him how much you love him.”
Tumi nodded, and knew that he would listen to her advice. But he suddenly realized how much time had gone by, and he jumped at the thought. He looked at his watch. He was missing his final exam! He sprang from the chair and said, “I need to go! My final exam is today. I’ve completely lost track of time. Can I come and speak with you afterwards? I want to know everything about your life. I wish I didn’t have to go.”
Abongile nodded. “I’m here now. We’ve found each other at last. I won’t leave you again.”
Tumi smiled and ran from the room, hoping that Prof. Nkuna would understand his explanation for being so late for the exam, and hoping that he hadn’t missed his final chance to talk to Edgar before he left the country.
Chapter 34
Edgar sat writing furiously at the back of the hall. The room was quiet with the seventy students sitting in serious concentration, and Prof. Nkuna stood in front watching the students as they wrote their final exam. The only sounds Edgar could hear were pens scratching on paper and the occasional cough. Even though Edgar had been trying to stay focused on the exam paper in front of him, he felt a nervous flutter in the pit of his stomach. He couldn’t see Tumi anywhere in the room, and the exam was already an hour in. Edgar had been distracted since he sat down in the hall, rehearsing what he would say to Tumi when they ran into each other, trying to make sense of the impossible situation that he was in. But the more he tried to will himself to think only of the hundreds of cases he had studied over the past few weeks, the more his mind drifted to Tumi’s face.
He looked at the clock that was projected on the large screen at the front of the hall. He still had two hours to go for the exam, but his brain felt like jelly. He wasn’t getting anywhere in answering the questions, and all he could do was worry about Tumi missing the exam. He put his head in his hands, feeling the discomfort in his stomach becoming more severe, and feeling unsure of everything. Finally, without thinking, he stood up. He arranged his answer book and looked at the half-finished questions in front of him. There was no way he could pass the exam, but at that moment he didn’t care anymore. He walked to the front of the hall, feeling hopeless, and saw the look of shock on Prof. Nkuna’s face when she saw that he was handing in his answer book so early. He handed her the book without a word, grabbed his bookbag where he had left it at the front of the hall, and walked towards the exit.
He felt defeated. He was ending his time at Ridgemont on a whimper. He had told his father that the only reason he had come back was to write the final exam, and now he had given up before he could finish. The real reason he had come back, the person who had drawn him to return, was Tumi. He couldn’t bear the thought of never seeing Tumi again. But Tumi had even skipped the final exam, probably so upset over what Edgar had done to him. He walked out of the hall with no other thought than getting back to London as soon as possible.
As he walked out of the front entrance of the law building, looking out over Donovan Square, he heard his name being called from a distance. He looked towards the sound, recognizing the voice and feeling his heart beating faster.
“Tumi?” he called out. Tumi was half-jogging towards him, looking frazzled. Tumi approached him and held his hand to his chest as he caught his breath. “Why weren’t you at the exam?” Edgar asked. “Was it me? Were you upset about what happened at Percy’s Pub?”
Tumi’s eyes were wild with a hundred emotions. He looked completely dazed, but exhilarated somehow. He said, “I just had a very strange experience. Everything I’ve been searching for… But where are you going? Why aren’t you still in the exam? I just came here to finish it and to find you. I have to talk to you…”
Edgar averted his eyes. “I couldn’t finish it, Tumi. I couldn’t keep my mind on the exam with everything that’s going on.” Edgar turned and looked deeply into Tumi’s eyes. Those warm, honey brown eyes stared back at him intensely. Edgar remembered the moment when his brothers had invaded their room and made a mess on his bed. He remembered the kindness of Tumi as he invited Edgar to sleep on his own bed. The closeness of Tumi’s body, the tranquility of waking up with Tumi’s arm around him
… He wished that he had never hurt Tumi. He wished that he could go back and do things differently. He had seen something more in Tumi ever since their first encounter, a passion for justice and a longing for something unknown. Edgar admired Tumi for being the strong-willed, intelligent and determined person that he was, and the admiration had grown into something more. Now, Edgar had hurt him when all he wanted to do was to be close to him.
Edgar cleared his throat and said, “I’m sorry, Tumi. I’m sorry for everything that’s happened. I wish things could’ve been different between us. I just feel so terrible about all of it. But I don’t regret meeting you, and I don’t regret the feelings I have for you. I just want to make sure that I don’t hurt you anymore. You were right when you said that I’m exactly the person my brothers say I am. I can’t even finish the law exam… I need to take things seriously, grow up. All I ever thought about was myself, and I ended up hurting you and disappointing everyone.”
Tumi took a step closer to Edgar, looking tenderly at Edgar. He lifted his hand to Edgar’s cheek, feeling the warmth there. Edgar felt vulnerable being so close to Tumi. He kept his eyes locked on Tumi’s. Tumi finally spoke, his voice barely a whisper: “You were the one who helped me, Edgar. Having you around has meant so much to me. I can’t tell you how grateful I am. I found my birth mother, and it was all thanks to you. I spoke with her this morning.”
Edgar’s gasped at the news: “What? Where did you find her? What’s she like? I can’t believe it! I thought you’d reached a dead end on your search.”
Swift Justice Page 20