by Eva Luxe
I should be happier that he’s here to surprise me. And part of me is. But the rest of me is still stuck in that hallway, hearing Jason’s comments over and over again. I barely pick at the food he brought us, and he notices.
“Amil. You okay?”
“Yeah. Sure. Just not that hungry.” I lie.
“Oh, I get it. Saving up room for the catering company taster this weekend, huh?”
Shit. I’d totally forgotten about that. And now, I was in no mood to actually do it. “About that…I’m not sure I can go.”
“What? Why not?” Brent looks incredulous, and I can’t blame him.
“I just - all this fancy eating out is making me gain weight.” Before I can stop myself, the rest of the thought bursts out. “And I’m fat enough as it is, I don’t need more.”
Brent sits back. “Amil. Where is this coming from? You look amazing.”
“No, I don’t! I look gross. I definitely don’t look good enough to be a Junior Partner.”
“Wait.” Brent reaches out and cups my face in his hand. “This doesn’t sound like you. It sounds like…Amil, did your ex say something?”
“Cute and smart.” I offer a halfhearted grin.
“Look, why do you care what he thinks anyway? He’s your ex, nothing he says matters-”
“If you paid more attention, you’d know that’s not true, Brent!” Suddenly, I’m hopelessly frustrated and angry. Why doesn’t he understand? “It does matter to me!”
“Why? Do you still have feelings for him or something?” Brent backs up now.
“No! Absolutely not!”
“Well, then you should try caring more about what I say than what he does! I think you’re beautiful, why isn’t that enough for you?!”
I can feel the tears prickling at the corners of my eyes now. “It’s not - please, just leave me alone. I have to get back to work.”
He wants to argue with me - I can feel it - but he bites back whatever retort he has in mind, and settles for leaving with a quiet, “Okay.”
I wait for the door to close. Then I let the tears out.
Chapter 52 – Amelia
The afternoon is even worse than the morning after that. I keep having to blow my nose and wipe my eyes to avoid leaking all over the court documents I’m supposed to be reviewing. I can’t keep my head on straight, apparently.
“Since when did all of this get so complicated? Maybe it’ll be better if I just call it all off. No promotion, no wedding stuff…no more Brent.”
Maybe.
“Don’t be ridiculous, Amelia!” Rosa, who’s been listening to me vent and weave back and forth for the last twenty minutes, points her finger at me. “You’re letting Jason get under your skin, and that’s the exact wrong thing to do! He’s a heartless jackass, and you’re about to give up on someone you’ve really fallen for, just for him? Come on!”
“It’s not that simple, Rosa. What if Jason’s right, and I’m just not the right material for the Junior Partner position…or for Brent? He was so angry when I told him I didn’t want to do the catering tasting.”
“Well, that’s his problem. And I have a feeling he’ll get over it. Or if he doesn’t, you know he’s not worth your time.”
“That’s not making me feel better, Rosa. This whole thing…maybe it’s just too much, too soon. All the trips, the food, the wedding stuff. I’m not sure I’m ready for it.”
Rosa looks resigned. “If that’s how you feel, I’m not going to argue with you. But sweetie, I think I’m the wrong person to be having this conversation with. If you’re going to do all this, you should at least talk to Brent about it, don’t you think?”
For a long time after that, I sit in my office alone, thinking. My thoughts spiral around and around, but the one that keeps coming back to the surface is that Rosa’s right…I should at least talk to Brent. He deserves that much. So I pick up the phone.
“Hello?”
“Brent, hey, it’s me. I, um - listen, I’m sorry about earlier. I’m just not…not as sure about all this as I was. I think - I think that we should call off the rest of this wedding stuff.”
“Amil, where is this all coming from?” Brent sounds more hurt than angry - somehow, that’s worse. “Let’s at least talk about this in person, okay? How about dinner tonight?”
I hesitate. Then, “All right. Dinner sounds good.”
“Great.” I can feel the slight smile in his voice. “How about Alessandro’s after work? I’ll text you the address.”
“Sure.” I wonder if he can tell that I’m not smiling, the same way I can tell that he is. “I’ll see you there.”
Almost as soon as I hang up the phone, someone knocks on my door. “Yes?”
I expect Rosa to poke her head back in, but it’s not her. It’s Jason. I’m surprised, and immediately defensive. “What?”
His smile makes my stomach clench. “I just got a phone call. Nothing all that important…unless you consider wedding arrangements meaningful.”
Wedding arrangements…what is he talking about? I just look at him, clenching my fists under the desk. He doesn’t need my prompting to continue.
“I really couldn’t believe it when I picked up the phone and it was a wedding venue…one of the ones you told me you cancelled. They were…confused. Apparently someone made a name change to the participants and they wanted to confirm it.”
“I don’t - I don’t know what you’re talking about,” is all I can manage.
Jason comes around to the corner of my desk, looming over me. I feel suffocated.
“Please. We both know that’s not true. Are you really so desperate that you’re getting married to the first lunk that comes along just to prove you’re worth someone’s time?” The smile on his face is predatory, and my stomach twists even further into its preexisting knots.
“What I’m doing is none of your business.” I manage.
“I think we both know that’s not true, sweetheart.” Fuck, I hate him so much. Especially because I think he might be right.
“I don’t much care what you’re doing, honestly. I just feel bad for the poor guy you somehow made think you’re worth his time and attention. Is it that guy who was wandering around the office earlier today? I hope he learns his lesson before it’s too late…or you could save him the trouble and just cut him loose yourself.”
I think he sees my eyes getting glassy with tears, and if it’s possible, his smile gets wider. He turns to go, but before he closes the door behind him, tosses one final barb over his shoulder. “I learned my lesson with you. I hope he does too.”
Chapter 53 – Brent
I’m getting dressed for dinner when my phone buzzes. It’s a text from Amelia: Don’t think I can make it tonight after all.
Why? What’s going on, Amil?
Everything seemed to have been going great until today. I don’t know what changed, but I really, really don’t like it. I have a feeling it has a lot to do with the ex that she works with, but I don’t feel comfortable confronting her and demanding to know whether that’s true or not. It doesn’t seem fair. But this change is so quick and so drastic…
Still no answer from Amil. Fuck it. This is something that we should talk about in person. If she doesn’t want to do it over dinner, maybe I can catch her at the office before she leaves.
The subway ride back to Amelia’s office building seems to take forever. In reality, it’s probably about twelve minutes. Her building is right across from the subway stop, and as I come up onto the sidewalk, I see the doors of the building open - and there’s Amelia. Perfect timing.
I hurry to the crosswalk, keeping one eye on her, and as I wait for the light to change, a man and a woman, arm in arm, exit the building and walk up to Amelia. Great. Stall her, just a little longer. I don’t know why talking to her seems so important - okay, I know exactly why, but I’m still trying to deny it just a bit, even in my own head.
The light changes, I cross the street - and by the time I get to
the front of the building, Amelia is still there, along with the other two. But even from a little ways away, I can tell she’s really unhappy about it.
“Amil!” I call out, and her expression changes to one of relief when she sees me. I walk up to the trio - the other two are a blonde woman who looks more like a model than a lawyer, and a muscular guy carrying himself like he’s the most important guy on the street. It occurs to me a bit too late that he’s probably her ex.
“Hey. I’m glad I caught you before you left.” I smile, but Amelia doesn’t return the expression.
“Is this him?” the woman asks in a simpering tone of voice that grates on my ears from the first syllable.
“I think it is!” the man says. I hate him instantly.
“Brent, what are you doing here?” Amelia asks, looking incredibly uncomfortable.
“I came to see you! You sent me away earlier and wouldn’t answer my texts…what’s going on?”
“Tell him, why don’t you?” the man says to Amelia. “You know what I told you earlier was right. You’re just stringing him along in some big old farce that’s a waste of his time.”
“Amil, who the hell is this guy?” I don’t know what’s happening here, but I don’t like it at all.
“She didn’t tell you about me? Doesn’t surprise me that much. You must be her rebound squeeze. I’m Jason…her ex-fiancé.”
“Oh, so you’re the resident jackass.”
“Ah, so you have heard of me.” For some reason, this seems to give him a strange pleasure.
“Just enough to know that the conversation Amil and I need to have is none of your business.” I step a bit closer to him, unsure of exactly what I’m going to do if this escalates.
Amelia speaks up. “Brent, please just go. I need to…I need to think about all of this. The wedding, the events, us…it’s all just too much.”
“What? Why?”
“Because I’m not worth it, that’s why!” she’s almost crying now. “I don’t deserve your attention, I don’t deserve any of this.”
I can see in her face that she’s telling the truth (or at least what she thinks it is.) I have a feeling that perspective is heavily influenced by the “it” couple who are still watching this all unfold.
Well, that does it. I have to tell her the truth, and I have to tell her now.
“Amil,” I say, “Please, calm down. Listen to me for just a second, all right? It doesn’t matter what you think you deserve, or what these two tell you you don’t deserve. This last month…it’s been the best month of my life. I thought doing these things with you would just be a fun escape for me, and then for both of us, but it’s turned into so much more than that. I want you with me tomorrow, and all the days after that, because…because I love you, Amil. That’s why.”
Amelia stares at me, tears streaming down her cheeks. “I…I don’t know if I can do this right now. It’s all happening so quickly.”
The rejection cuts into me, but I’m still not angry with her. It’s a bit of a surprise that I’m not, really. I certainly was when Kelly left. Instead of raging at her, I hear myself say, “I don’t believe that, Amil. I don’t think you do either. But I can’t make you love me, or yourself.”
Ignoring the looks from Jason and his harpy, I turn around and walk down the sidewalk. If this was a romcom, this is the moment where Amelia would run after me, telling me to stop, to wait, that I was right.
She doesn’t.
Chapter 54 – Amelia
I spend the weekend in bed, staring at the ceiling fan and failing miserably at not thinking about Brent and Jason and the whole mess that my personal life has suddenly become. It certainly doesn’t help that I’d forgotten my parents are coming to town this week. They say it’s just for a vacation, but that usually means they’re coming to check in on me.
Sometimes I look at my phone, but there are no messages from Brent. I can’t make you love me. That keeps echoing around in my head. I wish I could have told him the truth…that he doesn’t have to. But how can I tell him that, when I feel so messy and worthless? I can’t get Jason’s words out of my head either.
I finally get out of bed when my alarm sounds on Monday morning. As I shower, I find myself waking up…and beginning to feel angry. Brent put me in this position with his plan, and then his declaration of love…and now he’s just going to leave me hanging?
I decide that I’m going to stop by his place on my way to work and end this once and for all.
Knock, knock, knock. I’m dressed, upright, looking professional, as I rap on his door. I hear shuffling as I knock again, and finally the door opens on a sleep-bedraggled Brent.
“Amil! Hi.” He perks up at the sight of me. “What’re you doing here?”
“I came to ask you a question, Brent. When are we going to stop doing this?” My voice is colder than I want it to be, but I don’t have the luxury of coddling him right now. I need to get him away from me, so he can find someone worth his time.
Brent sighs, leaning against his doorframe. “We’re going to stop doing this, Amil, when you decide that this is real. When you stop pretending you’re worthless, and start realizing how wonderful you are and how much I want you. We’ll stop doing this when we’re together. Really together. That’s when.”
“Brent, I…I need time to think.” Is all I can manage.
He regards me with a look somewhere between sadness and bemusement. “You’ve got eight weeks to think about it, Amil.”
“Eight weeks?”
“Eight weeks. That’s when the reservation I kept at the Crystal Plaza is. You know, the place we first re-met? I know it’s real and I want to go through with it but obviously I need you to pull yourself together and get on board. Take the time you need…but I’m not chasing you down again. You know what I think, you know how I feel. That’s all I can do.”
“O-Okay.” My voice is shaking, and that’s all I can get out before I turn and leave. I half-expect Brent’s ‘I won’t chase you’ to be just a line - expect him to call out from his apartment door to me before I get to the elevator. But he doesn’t. All I hear is the soft click of his door shutting, and when I look back, the hall is empty.
I go to work, and sit in our weekly conference meeting. Only when Styles walks in and sits at the head of the table do I remember that today’s the day he is announcing -
“- the newest junior partner for our firm.” Styles says, resting his hands on the table. “We had a number of talented staff members apply, but as is often the case, there was a clear frontrunner.”
Down the table from me, Jason smirks. Yup, that’d be about perfect, I think. Just prove him right about me again.
“So, with great pleasure, I can tell you that myself and the other partners are happy to welcome to our partnership ranks…Amelia.”
My mind short-circuits. Did he just say my name? I think he definitely did. Everyone around me at the table is applauding (except for Jason and Violet). Styles reaches out to shake my hand, and my body, on autopilot, stands up and returns his handshake. “Thank you so much,” I manage.
The rest of the meeting is a blur, and you couldn’t pay me to tell you what else was said. I walk out when it’s over, still in a haze. I make it to my office, and that’s when Rosa bursts in, practically jumping up and down. “I knew you could do it! Congratulations!”
I hug her back and thank her, but in my head all I keep thinking is I have to call Brent. He was the one who encouraged me to take the job to begin with. Without him, I never would have even turned in an application. He helped me see that I was worth the energy, that I’m good at my job, that I’m amazing…shit. He was right about me.
After Rosa leaves, I pick up my phone and call before I can stop myself.
“Hello?”
“Brent, I got the job!” I burst out.
“What?! That’s fantastic!” he shouts from the other end of the line.
“Listen,” I say, the words spilling out of me in a fountain. “I
never could have done this without you. I owe you a huge thank you - why don’t you come over tomorrow night and I’ll cook for you, and maybe we can talk about us?”
There’s a long silence on the other end of the line. “That’s really sweet, Amil, but I don’t want you doing things just because you think it’s what I want.”
“No, no!” I blurt, “Honestly, I just…I want to say thank you. And my parents are in town, and when I tell them I got the job, they’re going to want to meet the guy that helped me out so much.”
I can hear the hesitance in Brent’s voice as he says, “All right. Just dinner, tomorrow night. You do deserve a celebration after all this, at least.”
“Thank you so much! I know it’s weird, it’s just really important to me that you’re there.”
I hang up the phone with Brent, and immediately text Rosa my office! Now! She’s there almost immediately. “What’s up, hon?”
I motion her into the office, and she closes the door behind her. “I need your help with something. Something special.”
Chapter 55 – Brent
“I’m not sure about this.” I say, buttoning my nicest shirt and looking over my shoulder at Nikki, sprawled on my bed.
“Don’t lie,” Nikki replies. “You’ve never been more sure of anything in your life. So quit whining, and give this woman a chance. You couldn’t stop telling me how amazing she is, maybe you need to refresh your own memory on that before you spend this whole dinner worrying about what might or might not happen.”
I sigh. “You’re right.”
“Usually am.” Nikki laughs. “Now go.”
I button my last button, double-check the address that Amelia sent me, and head out. I know this might be a mistake…it’s been hard enough not calling her every single day since she sent me away last week. Seeing her in person again? That might be too much.