Wingless Book Series (book 1)

by Holly Hood

  “What!” I asked in shock.

  My brother was having a baby. That was the craziest thing I thought I could ever hear. Gray, the son that could do no wrong, who was still in college, who said he would never let anything get in his way, was having a child.

  “Yeah, I’m having a baby. A boy as a matter of fact,” he said with a look of pure happiness.

  “Wow, Gray. I never would have thought,” I said, taking the picture to look it over again. Maybe this time I would see my nephew to be.

  “Lyric Marcus is what we are going to name him,” he offered, getting a little uneasy.

  “That’s awesome,” I said, hugging him again. It was all too much. But I was happy with it.

  My dad came in patting Gray on the back and looking at me with a smile.

  “I see he broke the news,” he said, laughing a loud laugh.

  “Yeah, I was just telling him how happy I was for him,” I smiled.

  “Where’s everyone at?” my mother’s voice came echoing down the hall.

  We looked at each other with looks of shock. We hadn’t expected her so early. She came in, stopping in her tracks when she saw me. This made me feel a little nervous.

  “Hey, hon. We were all just checking out this ultrasound with Eve,” my dad told her, trying to reel her in.

  “I’m going to start dinner,” she said, heading back out of the room.

  “Kay, you come in here right now. Eve is back and I think she would like to talk to us. Give her that much,” he said rather sternly.

  My mother appeared in the door again, not making eye contact with me for more than a split second. My dad motioned us all to sit down.

  “I’m sure you’re here for a reason. I wanted to wait until your mom got here until we all sat to talk,” my dad said.

  “Yeah, I came by just to get some things off my chest. Things that have been bothering me. I don’t know what this will change, but I’m hoping something,” I said looking at them all.

  My mother still would not look at me, and it hurt. This woman once was the ear I always told everything to. And I couldn’t understand what I did that was so wrong that she didn’t want to talk to me anymore.

  I thought about how to tell my family I wanted their acceptance. So I did the only thing that seemed right.

  “Gray, I knew that when I came here I was going to make a point to tell you that I am sorry for anything I ever did to you, and I was going to tell you how you made me feel for all these years. But I think we came to an understanding now, and I just want to say, I love you. And I hope we can put all of this in the past and move on,” I said, tears falling down my cheeks.

  Gray and dad both looked moved.

  “Dad, you’re my dad. And I just hope that I can be everything to you that you are to me. No matter what I do, I just want your acceptance. And I never have felt like I truly got that, and I’m here to just ask you to please just accept me for me. Please let me be me,” I said, barely able to get it all out.

  My Dad hugged me tight.

  “I will accept you for whatever you want, and I have always felt that way. I just want you to be around. I love you, Eve,” he said, wiping my tears.

  That’s all I’d wanted to hear for years, and now I was finally hearing it.

  I stared at my mother as she looked past me as if I didn’t exist. I knew this was going to be tough. I knew it had to be said, though. There were only so many chances you got in life to say what you truly meant.

  “Mom, I know you may not want to talk to me, but I have something to say and I just hope you want to listen.” I kept my eyes on her. She crossed her arms, looking at the side of my dad’s head. “Acceptance is all I am after. I don’t need an apology. I don’t need you to explain anything to me about why you feel the way you do. I just want you to accept me for me and let’s just move on.”

  We all stared at my mother as she finally brought her hazel eyes to mine. She stared at me long and hard. It felt like minutes later before she spoke.

  “You’re my daughter and I know you expect something out of me because I’m your mom, but I don’t want to. I don’t want to accept what you have done,” she said, throwing her hands up.

  “Kay, what kind of answer is that?” my dad asked, looking appalled.

  “I don’t have a choice, Ray? I have a choice. Just because you have a kid doesn’t mean you have to stick by and watch them make mistakes. I lost one kid and I’m choosing to lose another. It hurts too much and I won’t do it again.” She got up.

  I got up too.

  “No, Mom!” I yelled at her. She wasn’t going to walk out. “What did I ever do to you?” I yelled.

  She kept shaking her head trying not to be part of the situation. It was the same way she was with my dad when they got into huge blowups. “You tell me. I don’t care if you don’t want anything to do with me. I came here for an answer one way or another, so it doesn’t matter. But tell me what I did. I just want to know what I did wrong.” I held my breath to keep from crying again.

  “I told you I can’t do this. I lost one child, I won’t lose another. You go be who you want to be, but I’m saying goodbye. I’ve already said goodbye months ago,” she said, clutching her hands to her chest.

  “Is it Evan?” I asked.

  “It’s more than just Evan. It’s you, it’s always been in you to drive a nail into your coffin one by one, and I just can’t do it. Marcus was the same way and he’s gone. I can see it all over again,” she said, trying to walk out, but stopping. “You’re my daughter, but you’re not how I wanted.”

  My dad jumped up.

  “Okay, okay,” I said, tossing my hands in the air and heading out onto the porch.

  I exhaled, finally breathing. Looking out into the driveway, I saw Evan heading up to the house. This was a surprise because I hadn’t even called him.

  I ran down the steps to him, jumping into his arms. He lifted me off the ground hugging me tightly. I felt so secure and loved and comforted. It was the best feeling I could feel at that moment. And I wasn’t mad at all that he was there, because it was a moment that I truly needed him near me.

  “Is everything alright? Are you okay?” he asked me, wiping my tears as he surveyed my face.

  “I’m good. It went better than I expected,” I said, looking back at the house, seeing Gray in the doorway. “It’s hard to explain. Gray come here,” I shouted.

  “Eve, I might have made up with you, but I didn’t think he was part of that,” Gray said as he made his way down the steps.

  Evan looked at Gray with a look of agitation, but by the time Gray cracked a smile, it was gone.

  “I really appreciate it. That’s all I ever wanted, man,” Evan said to Gray.

  Gray nodded shaking Evan’s hand.

  “And I see that now. That’s why I know you’re a good man, a good person. Anyone who would stand up for my sister is alright with me.”

  We said our goodbyes. I promised that despite my mother and her opinion of me, I wasn’t going to let that spoil how I felt about them.

  You couldn’t win them all, and I had tried. I just had to come to the realization that, although someone is your family, it doesn’t always mean that you are going to like them or want to be a part of their life. I didn’t hate her for that. I didn’t know what you were supposed to feel. All I felt was sadness for her, because she was choosing to miss out on a piece of herself. Some things change, others stay the same. And I believed that my mother would always be that hurt and broken woman who found a way to get you down those stairs swearing you would never come back again.

  Chapter 35

  Peace

  “I think it looks better in the red,” I told Evan, looking at the shirt he was trying on.

  “What, you don’t like me in blue?” he said, holding onto the dressing room door, smiling at me.

  “I like you in everything, you know that. I just really don’t like that blue,” I said sitting down.

  He was as bad as
a girl was when it came to shopping.

  “Fine. I’ll get the red,” he said, tossing the blue over the door.

  “Great,” I said, yawning.

  “After this, I got a surprise for you. Well, sort of,” he said, coming out in the red.

  “Oh really?” I asked.

  “Yeah, I think you will like it.” He looked at himself in the mirror, ever so chirpy.

  “Well, tell me already. I hate waiting,” I said in anticipation.

  It had been a couple days since I saw my family. It was a closure that made me feel healthier mentally.

  “We are going to meet your dad and Gray for dinner and I will tell you there,” he said as we headed out of the store.

  I got in the truck wondering what he had up his sleeve that would involve my family. I knew it didn’t involve my mother, but that was to be expected.

  Evan took my hand as we made our way in the parking lot. Even he was happier since I had worked things out with them.

  As we all sat in the restaurant, Chuble, I was pleased that I was there with at least two of my family members. My dad and Gray started to realize that they liked Evan once they let their guard down and got to know him.

  “This is amazing,” I said through bites of my fajitas.

  “I’m glad,” Evan said, giving me a weird look at my enthusiasm to the food.

  “What? It is,” I said laughing.

  “I believe ya,” he said.

  Evan cleared his throat and began talking to us all.

  “I sort of had a surprise for all of you, and I hope you like the idea,” he said. My brother and dad were all ears.

  “Well, let us be the judge of that spit it out,” Gray said playfully.

  “Eve has told me dozens of times how fond she is of Jamaica. Said that you guys had gone there years ago when they were just kids. So I made all the arrangements for you all to take the trip again,” he said.

  I was completely shocked, and my dad and Gray equally so. This was the most generous thing anyone could do, and for all the right reasons.

  “Well, I don’t know what to say. That can be really expensive, Evan,” my dad said, trying to be polite.

  “It’s no problem. I really want Eve to get some time with her family, and I know it means a lot to her. So price doesn’t make a difference. It’s her happiness that matters to me.” He grabbed my hand under the table, squeezing it.

  “What about Mom?” Gray asked, puzzled.

  “She can come. There’s a ticket for her if she wants to, everyone is invited. I think you all will have a good time,” he said.

  “What about you?” I asked, suddenly feeling like he wasn’t coming.

  “I said I want you to have time with your family. I live with you, I can survive a couple days without you. Take the time to have fun with them,” he said very stern.

  “Uh, okay,” I said, looking away.

  As nice as it sounded, it would have been equally nice to be there with Evan as well. I tried to put it out of my head as we finished up the nice dinner.

  “Well, I am all for it as long as Kay is okay with us going. She probably wouldn’t be willing to take the trip,” my dad said, looking a little irritated at the thought.

  “I don’t want to be rude, but who cares if she doesn’t want to go. Maybe you will have more fun without her. I think it will be good for all of you,” Evan said, eyeing my dad after his bold statement.

  My dad looked at me, his eyes softening. “You know Evan, I believe you may be right. She’s my wife, but that doesn’t mean I have to be happy about her all the time. So I will. I’ll do it,” he said, slapping his hands down on the table.

  Gray nodded. “Me too. I just have to see if Devan feels like flying, or if she can even,” Gray said.

  “Oh, yeah, the baby. Congrats on that. I don’t think I said that yet,” Evan said, extending his hand across the table to Gray.

  “What are your thoughts on kids Evan?” my dad asked.

  I almost choked on my water, nearly falling out of my chair.

  “Dad, are you joking me?” I said, half losing it. My face grew warm with embarrassment. Evan didn’t seem to be as affected about it as me.

  “That’s not anything I think we considered or will consider,” he said flatly.

  I gave him a weird look at his response.

  “You don’t want any kids?” my dad asked.

  “It’s not that. Just not something I want to think about any time soon I guess you would say. It’s complicated.” He shrugged it off.

  I knew this meant that being who Evan was, having a child was not something he wanted to do for some sort of reason. I had never discussed children with him because I was young and it wasn’t anything I wanted now, and I wasn’t even sure ever. I figured, to Evan, it meant another person who had a life that they were forced into. Or that he was afraid that he would have to kill his own child one day. Each idea was disturbing.

  “Well, I guess that isn’t a bad thing. Right now Eve is young,” my dad agreed, looking at Evan with a bit of confusion. He let it go and we all finished eating then said our goodbyes, going home.

  “I can’t believe you are sending us to Jamaica,” I said, taking the throw pillows off the bed.

  Evan helped me, tossing them playfully at my head.

  “I thought it would be good,” he said, getting in bed.

  “I don’t know how I feel about leaving you for four nights and five days, but yeah it should be nice.”

  “Don’t talk like that. I don’t like when you say stuff like that,” he said, a sudden irritation setting into him.

  “What do you mean?” I asked.

  “You’re not leaving me. You are coming back, so stop talking like we won’t see each other again.” He pulled me closer and we kissed.

  “I know it will be the first time in a long time I was away from you this long. It’s going to feel strange,” I said, touching his face to get him to look at me.

  “It will be fine. No other reason would make me want to be away other than your family,” he said, kissing my lips, looking at me funny.

  “I just get a little freaked before I have to get on a plane,” I said. “It always gives you a little anxiety.”

  “I don’t know why you think like that, but it’s disturbing,” he said, sighing a loud, overly dramatic sigh.

  “That’s just me, I guess,” I said, not thinking twice.

  I rested my head on his chest, closing my eyes. Tomorrow would come so quickly, and then I would be away from him. I didn’t know what to expect. I was grateful to get the time with Gray and my dad, and maybe even my sister.

  Morning rolled in like a swift train, it jostled me awake with bright light shooting in from the windows. I yawned, looking over at the clock to see that I still had an hour of sleep before the alarm would even go off.

  It was five in the morning; I couldn’t believe I was up. I rolled over to face Evan, kissing his cheek, admiring his handsome face as he slept peacefully. He woke up rather quickly, practically attacking me. This was a great way for him to say goodbye, I thought to myself as we made our way out of the bedroom finally.

  “You got all your stuff packed?” Evan asked me, picking up my two duffel bags.

  “I think so,” I said.

  My stomach was not feeling well at all, and I knew it was nerves. That’s how it always went when I was nervous. I swore I should have had an ulcer by now.

  “Well, let’s hit the road. Your dad and Gray are going to meet us at the airport,” he said so chirpy it was almost as if he was happy I had to leave.

  I shrugged it off thinking it was more the intimacy that we’d just engaged in, not that I was leaving. Sometimes I wondered if I was nuts.

  I stared out the window as we sped down the highway to the airport. Evan kept his hand on my leg as he drove, a small smile on his face. We didn’t say much. I think we were just enjoying the last few minutes together.

  “You will be fine, you will have fun a
nd I’ll be here waiting for you when your plane lands in less than a week,” he said, slapping my leg as if I was an old school pal.

  I punched him in the arm. “Come on, say you’re going to miss me or something. You make it seem so simple.”

  “That’s because it is. It’s a few days, and we have the rest of our lives to be together,” he said, coming to a stop in the airport parking lot.