by L M Feldt
The boy is quiet for a moment as he considers my request, maybe trying to decide if he wants to share his big secret or not. He has a rebellious streak I can identify with.
“I not supposed to be there.” He hesitates. “Trade?”
Ah, the little devil. I’d suspected something like this was coming, watching his young mind churn. His eyes flick to the knives strapped to my thighs.
“One lesson.” I offer. It had worked with Naoaki back in the compound, why not here.
“With knife.” He points.
“No knife. One lesson.” I think about it and quickly amend the offer. “With sticks.” Bad enough I am negotiating with a child to defy his family and enter a forbidden place. I certainly don’t need him hurt as well and knife training always results in a scratch or two. Best way to learn.
“Three lessons.”
“Two.”
He frowns, then agrees.
The crunch of gravel distracts me and the boy darts off the second my head is turned. Damn! How am I going to find him later? I hadn’t even gotten his name. I sigh. It would have been nice to have had a guide, now that our group is resolved to go to these mysterious labs. I suppose that if the boy had been there enough times to learn a new language then it had to be safe enough despite the local superstitions. I wonder what the labs had been used for before the war. Nothing good, I’ll bet.
“Hey.” Khane lowers himself to the black pebble shore a few feet away. He sits at an angle to me, one eye on the moonlit water, glancing back as though to check on my state of mind, but not wanting to get caught staring at me.
“Hey.” I feel suddenly guarded. I had been hoping for a quiet space to be alone, a rarity these days and I am a little ticked off at being followed.
“I would have supported you, you know.” Khane looks back at me in the darkening light. His eyesight isn’t as good as mine and I hope he can’t see my face and the sour expression I know is plastered there.
“I know.” My curiosity about love, relationships and sex has sparked since that crazy hot kiss after our fight with the armored worm. So much power and promise had gone into that moment that it also scared me.
Khane shifts, edging closer.
“I came to find you partly to make sure you were ok and partly to…” He trails off, kicking at a small stone. It lands in the water with a quiet splash.
“Khane…” Have I always been so awkward? Why can’t I just spit out how I feel? Right now, I feel….. conflicted. I yearn for love and all it’s messy glory. I want the starry nights and elusive fantasies I can’t even imagine. My nerves are raw. I want things I know I can not have, not right now, not until we reach the city of lights and safety. With the burden of our group’s safety resting heavily, I am hesitant to let my guard down.There is just too much at stake right now to start something as worrying and consuming as a new romance.
“Look.” Khane turns, his rough features outlined by the bright silvery light reflecting off the water. “I get that you feel like you have to be on your guard until we reach the star city, that your goal is to get everyone there in one piece, but I’m here too. You don’t have to do it alone. You can trust me.” He waits for me to say something but I can’t find any words. I want the partnership he seems to be offering….but what do I know of relationships? I have relied on myself, only myself, for so long.
Then he sighs and the moment for me to express my heart is gone. He touches my knee lightly and is gone, swallowed by the growing darkness and the thick greenery of the verdant gardens.
I sit, motionless, and watch the ripples on the water in silence. This is what I had been craving, space, peace. Yet now I sit by myself on a hard rock surrounded by emptiness. Would it be so bad to allow this thing between us to grow, now, out here in the wilds? Would the distraction make me slower to respond to danger? Would some terrible thing happen because I wasn’t one hundred percent on my guard?
But, what if I didn’t pursue a relationship with Khane and then one of us dies before we reached the city? Wouldn’t I regret the loss of what might have been? If I do decide to allow this thing between us to grow… how does one go about that exactly? The lack of privacy is a major issue. We live day and night surrounded by a small group of people that will definitely notice us sneaking off to be alone. The logistics are daunting and well outside my experience.
By now the quiet and solitude of the moonlit shore have been drowned out by the noise in my own head. I growl and push off, giving up on whatever peace I’d originally hoped for. The city of lights pulls at me… but in spite of my growing restlessness, I will be sorry to leave this place.
Twenty Two
The boats rock gently as waves from the larger portion of the lake meet us at the mouth of the channel. There are five boats in all. Some carry my friends and I while others port our supplies. After investigating the labs we will be continuing on in our quest to find the city of lights, leaving behind this calm oasis. My sparring partner, Sabd, and the small boy from the beach, our guide to the lab itself, are the only natives with us. The others are too wary of the island and it’s ghosts.
I sit in the center of the forward boat with Micha and his remnant as Sabd steers our craft. I gaze out across the waters we are about to enter and can’t shake the sense of unease. Things lurk out in the deeper waters, things I have no wish to meet. The morning of our leaving I’d had an epiphany, that we should have trained as a group, there among strangers that understood the need for violence and the compassion to pull a punch, these fishermen turned warrior. It would have been great practice and then the rest of our group would be better able to defend themselves should Khane or I die. It is too late now.
The water gets rougher as we enter the lake proper. Waves froth to white at their tops and the boats bounce erratically. A fog is rolling in and I start to worry we will get lost in the spreading grayness. I hold tight to the rails of the boat and flash a fierce grin at Micha, trying to fend off my growing fear with aggression. He doesn’t grin back but winds tighter into himself, huddling closer to his strange pet even as it focuses it’s glassy stare out across the waters. Does it see something I cannot?
I groan and refocus my energy forward. I would have been happier in Naoaki’s boat despite our issues, at least she is a warrior like me and would understand my need to vent. Instead, I’d insisted we spread out the strong among the weaker, distributing those with fighting skills. I hope it is not wasted effort. If the threat comes from the below the water then all our planning won’t make much difference. We’ll never see it coming. We are all equal in our tiny boats bobbing on the water, vulnerable to whatever creatures live below…. dry land can’t come soon enough for me.
“There!” Yells the boy excitedly as he points toward a gray shroud in the mists.
It doesn’t look like much to me. I can see no trees or buildings or anything other than a darker gray blot against an already darkening sky. The storm clouds that had massed on the horizon this morning are now closing in on us and a new sense of urgency makes me want to grab the paddle myself and help row. I don’t relish the idea of being caught out on the open water when the storm hits.
Sabd grunts at the swirling darkness and spins his oar deftly to the wider, flat side, cutting a path through the white tops far quicker than before. The others see our destination too and we race the growing storm with renewed energy. The wind whips my hair and I grit my teeth. We may just make it.
I can just make out the solidity of the island’s shore when the first barbed head crests. Someone shouts but we have already seen it. Then the massive head sinks below the waves, a long, sinuous body following in an arc of silvery scales and rippling muscle. My heart pounds and I gulp leaden air as my adrenaline surges. My wings lift, sparking in the ozone saturated mists as my body reacts to the growing threat. The air around us has thickened and taken on an eerie wavering glow, a phosphorescent fog that swirls angrily against the black waters. It moves over and around us, sometimes obscuring our v
iew of the island.
I grip the sides of the boat tighter, wishing with all my will that we reach the shore before the serpent notices us. The idea of fighting the monster in the water, it’s domain, sends a shiver of stark fear down my spine.
A shrill cry from behind is the only warning. I start and turn to see Naoaki crouching low in her boat, knives gleaming wetly as a smooth loop of scales slide beneath the waves. It has spotted us. Everything happens very quickly after that. The tail of the beast erupts next to our boat, a silvery spear with dark purple fins at the tip, waving briefly over our heads before crashing down over the stern. Sabd dives gracefully into the water, avoiding getting struck as the boat flips. He disappears beneath the dark waves and is gone.
I take a breath to yell a warning….or scream, but don’t have time for either. The cold water hits me, more solid than I’d expected and I am immediately disoriented. I struggle to find the surface, thrashing wildly against the swirling darkness, my wings beating uselessly in the water. I am starting to panic, scanning frantically for any hint of the surface. I am helpless and terrified and my lungs are starting to burn. Then I see a brightness in the murk. I swim toward the glow, grateful for the strange fog that now lights my way. If it had been a dark night sky I would have been in serious trouble. The glowing fog above me is a beacon even with it’s shifting patterns. Just a little further.…
I am focused, fighting my body’s reflexive need for air. I reach up to the surface…. but it isn’t air my hand touches. Smooth, cool scales slid by, reappearing again as the massive body writhes in the water. Stark terror grips me. I have gone down, not up. I have mistaken the glimmer of the silvery creature for the glowing fog and now I have no idea which way is up. My air is running out, I won’t find the surface in time.
My wings of steel and strange powers are useless to me now. Convulsions from lack of oxygen have started and my vision, already impaired by the dark water, is starting to fade. I do not want to die this way…alone…struggling. This is not the warriors way. I have planned my whole life to go down fighting. Not like this. The last thing I see before blackness takes me is a huge shining black shape, long and sinuous, another serpent.
I dream then, I think. Or maybe it is the Soul’s Gate, the last barrier between life and death, the moment when my life’s accomplishments are judged. It is different than I had expected. I’d thought some of the more important warriors would be present, ones I had read about and learned to admire. Instead, I find myself back in the compound getting my first ink, the mark of a twist. I watch as my younger self struggles with the knowledge of segregation, of being physically marked as being less than others.
I had always known I was different, one can’t be born with orange eyes and not be aware of that fact. But up until this point I had been proud of my distinctive eyes. I imagined I was the descendant of some wizard queen assassinated by rebels and left at this compound to be raised in secrecy. Now, I watch as my younger self is told that she is not special, that she is a pariah of society, an outcast, deemed by society to be the equivalent of trash. She stares hard into the mirror and tried to see the terrible thing that everyone else does. This is the moment, the start of the burning in my gut and the anger that has always driven me. I had been judged and found wanting, not based on anything I had done but on something I had no control over, my very DNA. Fine! But you don’t reject me…I reject you!
The freshly inked tat on my face starts to itch, then burn. I touch the tattoo, feeling strange grit on my skin and open my eyes… It takes a moment to register as I squint into the blinding whiteness. Then I realize, it is the sun on my face that burns, sand that scratches me. I am not in the compound or reliving old memories, I am lying on a narrow slice of beach and water laps at my toes. I am dry on one side, damp and sandy on the other. I am not dead.
I rise up to my elbows and look around. The last thing I remember is drowning, deep under water as a black serpent comes for me. Why am I not eaten? Tall grasses surround me, waving gently in a light breeze. The sky is a pale lavender with a few wispy white clouds. The air smells fresh and clean like it does after a big storm. I don’t understand and have to pinch myself to be sure. Yep, I’m awake now. But how did I get here? I sit up, glancing down at my right hand as I do. There, just at the tip of my splayed fingers, carved into the brown sand are two curved lines, connected at one end and intersecting at the other. The sketch of a fish.
I assimilate this knowledge with a tingle down my spine. I know now, without a shadow of doubt, that the dark skinned creature we had dubbed ‘Ash’ and then lost in the grassy plains is in fact; Fish. This sign, now duplicated a second time, cements my suspicions. It also makes me wonder why he hasn’t made himself known to his cousin, Naoaki. They were so close. Why does he continue to let her believe he is dead? Why is he following us? And why, when I hadn’t saved him from the black pool, has he saved me?
I trudge along the beach keeping an eye out for a boat or any sign to indicate our group has made it to shore. My guts clench, I am both desperate to know and content to remain ignorant. Here, in this moment they could all be alive….but soon I may learn differently and I will never be able to go back to this time.
These strange thoughts make me hesitate and I pause mid-step. The storm itself could have capsized the boats. With the silvery serpent thrown in and one of the warriors missing, me, what chance did they have of fending off that creature?
I growl in anger, shrugging off weakness. This is not the warriors way. We do not let fear take control of our thoughts or actions. I stomp on, bashing through the tall weeds and muttering the five poses of the twin knives; ‘Warrior one, Shiva, the side gate, iron arms, soft whip.’ I repeat myself until the the self anger and fear have burned away and I can think again. But it takes a while. My head pounds and the hot sun beats down on me. I should be happy, celebrating that I did not drown, a sad and unglamorous death. Instead, I am pissed. I chide myself for making a panic driven choice while underwater, leaving my friends undefended. What kind of warrior was I?
So, distracted by my furious inner dialog, I don’t notice the slim wisps of smoke that are a clear sign of a campsite and I don’t stop my forward thrashing until a sharp spear is pointed at my face.
Twenty Three
There is a lot of yelling and backslapping, even a hug or two. I am astonished. I have always expected the worst no matter the circumstances. Now, seeing everyone alive and relatively healthy I hardly know what to do. I am speechless. I look around at grinning faces, Sabd is enthusiastically slapping me on the back again, and I can see their shock and happiness at seeing me. I can also see that they haven’t come away unscathed. Cuts and bruises adorn most of them. Aito has a cut over his eye, a nasty looking gash that still leaks and needs to be attended to. Khane has scrapes and an ugly dark bruise on his leg. Naoaki has her left arm, her throwing arm, in a makeshift sling and a few cuts. Micha, with just a few nicks, sits huddled by the fire, his usual brooding gaze peppered with surprise and maybe a little more respect, though his remnant looks just as motley as ever. The two fisher people, however, are just fine. Sabd is still grinning madly and unleashes a stream of his native tongue as he stands tall, wide spear spiked in the sand. He is quite excited and I can’t believe it is all for me.
“The number one warrior says that the god of the lake, the great Scylla, has let us pass! We were seen worthy!” The small boy yips in joy as he dances in a circle, waving all six blue arms. The two natives look unharmed but maybe they got hit on the head?
“Ah…” I am still in shock I think. Then my stomach rumbles.
“Here, sit by the fire.” Khane gently takes my arm and leads me to a stone boulder near the fire. I sit and accept a broad leaf with chunks of grilled fish and some kind of tuber. I am starved and shove the still warm food in with little regard for manners. Everyone laughs but I have no idea why.
“You have been gone for nearly two days.” Khane tells me. His eyes glint strangely in the sunlig
ht and I realize with a start that they had all thought me dead.
I stare into his eyes while I chew and I am not sure I believe him…yet his stark emotions make it clear he is telling the truth. I am uncomfortable dealing with his barely restrained affection so I focus on eating and gaze around the campsite while he continues to fill me in. The boats, all but one, are resting high on the beach, upside down. The supplies are strewn everywhere, some I can see still bobbing in the water.
“The storm was something they call a Great Durga, very powerful and destructive. It hit us in the afternoon and raged all the next day. We tried to stay dry under the boats and this morning is the first time we’ve seen the sun….or you.” Khane wants badly to hug me again or kiss me. I can see it in the way he leans forward and looks at me. Now is not the time to display our feelings or poorly defined relationship. I give a small smile and shake my head. He seems to understand and piles more fish on my leaf plate.
“How did you start a fire after all that rain?” I ask. I am finding it easier to focus on the mundane rather than think about other, stranger questions. Questions like; Was I by myself for a day exposed to the raging storm? Or was there someone with me as I lay unconscious? And more than that; Do I tell Naoaki that Fish is alive? Would she even believe me? Am I sure I believe it? But I know in my gut that I do. Fish is not only alive, but well improved.