Way to ladle on the pressure and make her feel a complete rat for refusing.
She had no idea how Christmas after losing a parent would feel, though she could imagine. Christmas as a widow, she knew far more about than she’d ever hoped to know. It fueled her decision to move right away where no one knew what happened and she wouldn’t need to discuss her losses with anyone ever again.
“I…uh…”
She stacked a couple more chairs while she struggled to find a gracious way to say no. Her search for the right words failed dismally.
Despite the uncomfortable echoes of Mrs. Parks refusing her Christmas invite, she really couldn’t spend Christmas with Ryan and his mom. Getting through today would be challenge enough.
Jeannie loosed a small sigh. “It’s okay. I won’t push you for an answer. But I wanted you to know you’re most welcome to join us. I always cook too much, so turning up on the day will be fine.”
Somehow, Claire managed a smile, though it was more with relief to have time to think of a good excuse than gratitude over the offer. “Thank you. I appreciate it. I truly do.” She rested a hand on the older woman’s arm.
Jeannie would make some lucky woman a wonderful mother-in-law. But that woman wouldn’t be her.
If only she knew how to un-feel these feelings she didn’t want. Not only about Ryan. About everything she’d moved here to get away from.
As if thinking of him made him appear, Ryan strolled in, followed by the Schaefers. The Mullins family arrived right after. The swirl of noisy greetings and conversation left no room for any private chat.
Plus, all the people arriving made it easy to keep as far away as she could from Ryan as he carried a stack of adult-sized chairs from the supply room and placed them in rows. Shame she stayed aware of him, even across the room and with her back turned.
Instead of escaping to the library as soon as possible, she now planned to stay in the schoolroom as long as she could. With the Sunday school kids already arriving and the final preparations for the Nativity play to keep them busy, she could easily make sure she and Ryan had no time to talk privately together.
If she hadn’t imagined that glow in his eyes, at least she had no need to worry about him being pushy or trying to get her alone. Even if he did want them to become more than verbal sparring partners, he wasn’t a pushy kind of guy.
Just, if she made sure they always had other people around, less chance of her drifting into thoughts she didn’t want to think or discussing topics she didn’t want to talk about.
Maybe even a chance to control her unruly feelings for him.
Brad, Maddie, and Jacob walked into the room, along with Maddie’s grandmother, Liz, and Liz’s husband, Hiram. Brad kept a protective arm wrapped around Maddie. They really were the perfect couple. Hard to imagine they’d divorced and lived apart for over a year.
A pang of envy hit her. She was happy for them, of course she was, though seeing them together reminded her of all she’d lost. At least the newly weds, Samantha and Daniel, wouldn't be here today. They’d left to have Christmas with Sam’s folks.
One perfect couple near her age was more than enough.
She studied her friend. Maddie looked more tired than usual. As she stood chatting with Sarah Schaefer and Liz, she rubbed her lower back. Claire waved to them, then threaded through the quickly filling room. “Are you okay? I saw you rubbing your back.”
So her anxious question made her sound like an old mother hen fussing over her chicks.
Maddie smiled. “I should have guessed that wouldn’t escape your eagle eye. I’m doing fine. It’s only practice contractions. They kept me awake last night. My OB said they’re nothing to worry about, normal for thirty-six weeks.”
All seriousness, Jacob stared up at Claire. “Ms. Robinson, did you know Mommy has a baby in her tummy? She and Daddy are going to give me a baby brother or sister for my Christmas present.”
She tensed and struggled to smile.
Maddie ruffled her son’s fine blond hair. “I think Ms. Robinson already knows, Peanut. And you’ll still find some other presents waiting for you on Christmas Day.”
Unwelcome pain swept Claire. She and Karl should have been wrapping presents and then hiding them from inquisitive little eyes, like she knew Maddie and Brad had been doing for Jacob. Stiffening, she pushed that thought away. Time to get her emotions under better control.
Perhaps she should have stayed substitute teaching. Kept moving from school to school without forming deep friendships or letting anyone get too close. Deciding to settle here and allowing herself to get involved with people began to feel like an uncomfortable mistake. The only blessing was that no one here knew about Karl and Rose.
And that’s the way she intended to keep it.
Somehow she summoned a grin. “Wow, Jacob. Presents and a new baby. This will be a very special Christmas for you.”
Much as she loved Maddie and Jacob, she had to get away from them before the memories crushed her. And away from all the other happy families. She clapped her hands and raised her voice to announce to the room in general. “Pastor Roberts is due to arrive any minute. Time for everyone twelve and under to come with me for Sunday school.”
And Ryan, as well. No escaping Ryan.
Though she knew she should, a big part of her didn’t want to escape him at all.
This was all his fault. If he wasn’t so annoyingly appealing and so frustratingly nice, none of her memories and feelings would have been stirred up. She could have kept them all safely buried where they belonged.
Could be, she’d hit up against something too big to DIY.
Chapter 8
Ryan almost chuckled at the way Claire so obviously chose to stomp along the opposite side of the street from him, ignoring him as if he wasn’t there. She’d been the same at church on Sunday. Her avoidance was so comical, it couldn’t possibly offend him.
Besides, only one place she could be headed at this time on this particular Wednesday afternoon. The store, to help set up for the annual Sunset Point carol singing and Nativity play.
Same place as him.
After getting it so wrong with Maddie last year, he figured he wasn’t the sharpest judge of whether a woman was just being polite, hated his guts, or if she was truly interested in him as more than a neighbor or friend. But even an ordinary Joe like him couldn’t mistake Claire’s attitude.
She seemed to go out of her way to try to rile him.
Everything redheads were reputed to be, with bells on. Half the time, she acted more or less polite, with a side of snark. The other half, she acted like she didn’t want to be on the same planet as him, let alone in the same room.
Problem was, he couldn’t be sure which half was acting and which half was real.
He hadn’t been stupid enough to try to come up with a reason to see her since Sunday. Not quite true. He’d come up with dozens of reasons, none of which she would have accepted. He had plenty of easy excuses to stop in at her place like he would with the other neighbors. Help fill her woodshed, make sure that door stayed unstuck, check on how her adopted cat was doing, for starters.
The clamor of her bashing away at her unsplit logs on Monday warned him off the first one. Not wanting to make a fool of himself again over a woman with zero interest in him warned him off the other two.
Trouble with falling for someone — it made being normal and neighborly almost impossible.
They both arrived at the store at once, and he stepped back to let her go ahead of him.
“Thanks.” The single word, muttered without as much as a glance his way, proved he wasn’t quite invisible.
After thumping the snow off his boots, he followed her through the double swing doors and into the warmth. As he pulled off his hat and coat, he glanced around. The doors leading to the café were still closed. Maddie leaned on the counter, wilted as a week-old salad, but attempted a welcoming smile. No sign of Brad.
“What’s wrong, Mads? You
look exhausted. You should be resting, not minding the store.” Concern sweetened Claire’s voice like sugar in coffee.
Maddie sighed. “I wish I could, but there’s so much to do. I’m way behind where I wanted to be with setting up for the carols. I hardly slept last night with the practice contractions and the baby kicking so much. Then an hour ago, Brad had a phone call — his dad’s in the hospital after a heart attack. He’s on his way to the airport now.” Tears filled her eyes, probably not the first she’d cried today.
Ryan whistled out a long, low breath and prayed for Brad’s safety. Good thing he’d planned to come early to help his buddy set up. Doubly good that Claire had the same idea.
While she wrapped a comforting arm around her friend, Claire’s forehead furrowed. “Oh, I’m so sorry. Terrible timing.”
“Yep.” Maddie attempted a watery smile. “Jacob’s upset Brad won’t be here to see him play a shepherd again. I had to promise I’d film him and email it to his daddy straight away to stop his crying.”
Jacob gave Ryan something practical he could offer to help. “Where is Jacob now? Mom would be happy to sit with him if you need it.”
“Thanks, Ryan, but he’s fine for now. Liz and Hiram love having him visit. Problem is, an active five-year-old is more than two eighty-somethings can handle. Thankfully, Hiram’s son is visiting, so I could let them take Jacob for the afternoon. Liz minded him for me last Christmas, but she’s so much frailer now than she was then.”
“So if they need a break, just call Mom, okay?”
“I will.” Maddie nodded. “And thank you.”
“Make sure you do.” Hopefully, she would. He rubbed his chin. “It’s almost like a replay of last year’s carol night when Susanna and Pat had to race off to Coeur d’Alene, leaving you and Brad to set up.”
“Except this time I’m not able to do nearly as much as I could last year.” Resting a hand on her baby bump, Maddie sighed again, her lips drooping. “I so wanted to make this Christmas special. Our first since we remarried, and Jacob’s last as an only child.”
“We’ll manage. You know Ryan and I will both do whatever we can to help.” Claire’s glance warned him he had better.
Shaking his head at her for even thinking such doubts, he jumped in to reassure Maddie. “Gladly. And I can help out in the store till Brad comes back. I know this is a busy time of year. Not just the carols tonight, but you have the turkeys and all the other Christmas supplies arriving soon. Since all the firewood and Christmas trees are delivered, the only work I’ll have to deal with are emergency callouts. If I get one, then maybe Claire will cover for me here?”
“Of course. No problem helping in the store or with Jacob. After tonight, once the Nativity play is done, that’s it for me till the new school term begins.” Claire eyed him almost pugnaciously as if they were competing for who’d chalk up the most good-neighbor points.
He held back a chuckle. Wrong to laugh when Maddie’s plans collapsed like a poorly built house. But Claire’s attitude promised the next few days could be interesting. He couldn’t hold back a tiny spark of hope. Even as he prayed for Brad’s father to make a quick recovery, he wouldn’t complain one bit about the opportunity to spend more time with Claire.
Maddie stood straighter, and her eyes brightened. “Thanks so much. I’m blessed to have friends like you two. I won’t say no to your help. Brad will be home by Christmas Eve. And we’ll all fly back to L.A. in February so his family can meet the new baby.”
“I’m praying that’s so.” Ryan threw Claire a challenging glance. Maybe she’d decide she wanted to start a praying contest, too. “And that the outcome for Brad’s father is as good as the outcome finally turned out for Pat and Susanna’s grandbaby.” He gestured to the wall behind Maddie.
As she turned to study the corkboard covered with photos of tiny Carol Noelle, he considered the pictures. The baby had grown up a lot since her birth last Christmas as a scarily tiny preemie.
He added an extra prayer — never to go through such an ordeal with a child of his own.
“She’s doing fine now, according to Susanna’s last email.” Maddie’s smile widened, looking a whole lot more genuine than her previous attempts. She patted her belly. “I’m so glad Peanut Number Two here has made it this far with no problems. God willing, it should be plain sailing now.”
Pain contorted Claire’s face for a moment, before she masked it. “I sure hope so,” she said. Suddenly all action, she hurried across the room to open the big double doors separating the café area from the store. Her lips quirked to one side as she surveyed the space. “You know, Mads, we could move the entire event to the school. That would make things so much easier for you. I can go home and bring my car down to move the props I left here.”
Not taking as much as a moment to ponder Claire’s suggestion, Maddie flattened her hands on the old timber countertop and shook her head emphatically. “I know it would be easier, and thanks for offering. But having the carol singing and Nativity here is part of my history. And it’s part of Sunset Point’s history, too. If my great-grandparents could manage it in the Depression years, I can manage it now.” She grinned. “With your help, of course.”
Claire rolled her eyes. “I guessed you’d say that.”
He had, too. Maddie didn’t give in easy, any more than Claire did. Or his mom. Life at the lake seemed to attract headstrong, stubborn women.
A wise man, a man like Dad had been, knew when to stand firm with a woman like that and when to back down. He hoped he’d learned that lesson, too. “Okay, we’ll get moving setting up here.”
“Not you.” Claire raised a warning hand before Maddie took more than a single step forward. “You sit down. If I catch you trying to lift or carry anything, you’ll discover my Ms. Bossyboots side.”
Maddie snorted. “Discover? It’s at least a year too late for that.”
He didn’t bother holding back his chuckle this time. Same for him, too.
“Rats. You weren’t supposed to suss my true nature so soon.” Smiling wider, Claire gurgled with laughter. “In that case, you know I mean it. If you want to supervise us, you can sit in the café while we work. But lift one finger…” She waggled her own finger in the air and narrowed her eyes in mock menace.
He loved seeing Claire like this, naturally warm and compassionate with her friend. So much more to her than her vivid unconventional beauty. Okay, and she was bossy with it. But in a good way. A caring way.
Her bossiness didn’t matter. That he’d imagined himself so in love with Maddie he’d hardly noticed the new teacher during her first months here seemed unbelievable to him now. What a fool he’d been.
And now, though he’d come to his senses months before, it seemed he was the only one Claire reserved her refrigerator treatment for. He could only pray that just as he’d had a change of heart, she would too.
Despite her attitude, they worked smoothly together and rearranged the room faster than he expected. The chairs, plus some extra from the back storeroom, formed a circle facing the makeshift stage, nothing more than a sheet of artificial grass Claire spread on the floor. The café tables edged to one end of the room extended the small service counter for tonight’s potluck supper.
When he returned from carrying the latest delivery of Christmas foodstuffs into the store’s walk-in cooler, he found Claire struggling to set up the lightweight gazebo that in past years formed the Nativity stable.
He hurried across to hand her the piece of rigid plastic tubing she couldn’t quite reach without letting the part-constructed structure collapse. Then he supported the tubes she’d already connected while she slid the one he’d passed her into place.
So unlike Claire not to fight his offer of help. In any other situation, she’d be insisting she could do it. His surprise must have been obvious because she rushed into explanations.
“Yes, occasionally I do accept help. I know that revelation must shock you.” She glanced up at the ceiling again, and h
er lips twisted in self-mockery. “I’ve never had to do this part on my own. Last year, Mrs. Parks took charge, and I was her assistant while she showed me what to do. This year, it’s just me.”
“And me,” he added gently, praying he wasn’t about to say too much. “I’m always willing to be there for you.”
Their gazes met and clung for a long moment that dragged all the air from his lungs and left his last words hoarse and breathless. Her lovely eyes widened, and her lips parted. Though they weren’t touching, not even the slightest brush of their fingertips, their connection felt solid and tangible. As real as if he took hold of her hands or embraced her.
He didn’t try. She’d run a mile if he did.
“Thank you, Ryan. You’re a true friend.” She rested a hand on his arm. Then laughing shakily, she tore her gaze away from his and pulled her hand away. “But don’t go thinking this means I’ll willingly accept help next time. Treat it as a once-only. I doubt it will happen again.”
“I won’t expect it.” He smiled and chuckled, as he guessed she’d intended him to. “Back to your normal ‘I can manage’ after tonight.”
For a moment, he’d seen the Claire he loved most of all. This precious glimpse of the soft, vulnerable Claire, peeking out from behind her snark and attitude, formed enough of a blessing for today.
He just wished he knew what made her feel she needed to act tough, do life all on her own, no help from anyone. Had someone let her down? Or had she lost someone close to her?
Sureness grew in him, as real and certain as God’s love. In the Lord’s good time, he’d know. And when she told him, that would be the key to healing whatever hurt her so badly.
Chapter 9
Claire eyed Maddie, cheerfully singing along with the Christmas carols on the sound system as she straightened the Christmas display in the store window. Where did the woman get her energy from? And could she have some, please? While Claire felt limp as a washed-out dishcloth thanks to the Christmas Eve rush, her friend flitted happily from one task to another, cleaning and tidying and ringing up the till.
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