by K. A. Linde
“I think you open your mouth and say, Sutton, I’m a Van Pelt.”
He sighed, leaning his head forward until it brushed against my forehead. A tingle shot through my body.
“I wish it were that easy.”
“You can make it that easy.”
He nodded, meeting my gaze again. “Then, let me try.”
“I…”
“Please, Sutton. Let me try to be the man you deserve.”
I knew walking away was the smart idea. That he didn’t deserve the chance to explain anything to me right now. That I wanted to scream with anger that we’d only gotten to this moment because he was outed. That he’d gotten caught.
But, instead, I just stood there as his lips moved closer to mine. As my world ground to a stop. Until nothing else mattered but that slow-motion movement.
The touch of those lips.
That undeniable temptation.
“No,” I breathed.
“Sutton, please,” he said. “This is right between us. You know it is. You can feel it. You can feel it here.” He pressed his hand to my heart and felt the powerful rhythm.
Our lips almost touched again. A hairbreadth apart. I wanted to give in. It’d be so easy. But it wouldn’t erase everything that had gone on between us.
“I need more time,” I told him.
Then, I did the only thing I could to save myself. I pulled open the door and fled.
Five
Sutton
I rushed down the hallway and straight into an open elevator. I could sense David behind me. He could easily catch me. Stick his hand in the elevator to keep it from going downstairs. Anything.
Instead, he stood in front of the elevator door and let his hand drop. Our eyes stayed locked.
For a second, I almost thought about stopping the inevitable. I could stay and hear him out. I could let him explain away why he’d lied to me the entire time we were dating. I wasn’t ready to talk. Morgan had known that. David had known that. So, I did nothing. And he disappeared from view as the doors slowly eased closed.
I slammed my hand on the elevator wall and screamed into the closed metal tube. How the fuck did my world keep shattering like this? Why couldn’t any of it be goddamn easy?
Tears threatened to spill from my eyes. I choked them back, swiping at the traitorous ducts. The last thing I wanted to do was cry. Again. I was so beyond done with crying. All I needed was to get home to my son, eat an entire container of ice cream, and get over myself.
I was tired of feeling like a victim. I was standing in the story of my life. When would I start to feel like the strong heroine? And not just the shell of the woman I had been?
The elevator deposited me on the bottom floor of Wright, and I rushed out to my car. Once I slid into the driver’s seat, I texted Morgan.
Don’t ever do that to me again.
I was just trying to help.
Don’t try to help. I don’t need your help.
Sut, I’m sorry. If you want to talk, I’m here.
I turned off the phone without answering and tossed it into my purse. Talk? Yeah, no. I didn’t want to talk. And I wasn’t going to deal with any more of her bullshit. Morgan was the CEO of Wright Construction. She knew exactly who she was and what she wanted and how to get it. How could someone like that possibly understand how I was feeling or what I wanted? She might be my sister. She might have helped raise me. But I was fucking tired of my siblings in my business. So tired of being the sad widow everyone pitied. I just wanted to forget any of this shit with David had ever happened.
I sped home. My mind on the encounter with David. He couldn’t open up. But why? There had to be a reason he was like that. Was it from living in New York City? I’d seen Gossip Girl; I knew the dramatized version of what it was like to live on the Upper East Side. Did it have something to do with losing his best friend, Holli, to suicide in high school? Or was it just because he was a Van Pelt? And Van Pelts were liars.
Whoop-whoop.
“Oh fuck!” I groaned as red and blue lights flashed in my rearview mirror.
I used every four-letter word I had in my vocabulary as I veered toward the side of the road. I pulled out my license and registration and waited with my window rolled down.
“Ma’am, do you know how fast you were going?” the officer asked.
I glanced up, ready to put on the waterworks and suddenly laughed instead. “Gregory McKinnon?”
His face split into a smile. “Hey, Sutton.”
It was one of Annie’s many exes. But I’d actually liked this one. “It’s good to see you. I don’t know how fast I was going. I just went through a bad breakup, and my mind is not here.”
He frowned. “I’m sorry to hear that. Especially after…” He let the silence drag out for a second. “Well…you know…your husband.”
I nearly choked on that word. Yeah, my husband. And a breakup. Man, I was a winner.
“Look, I’d just give you a warning, but you were booking it.” He gave me a sad smile.
“Sure. Of course.”
Gregory took my license and registration and came back a few minutes later with a shiny new ticket. He put me at nine under. I was sure I’d been going faster than that. Sympathy points.
I said good-bye to him and then went the exact speed limit all the way home. I parked the Audi in the garage and barreled into the house, waving the speeding ticket in my hand.
“Can you believe this?” I cried.
Jenny stood in the living room with Jason, doing some silly dance. “What’s that?”
That was when I noticed Annie was plopped down on my couch. She was filing her nails and glanced up expectantly.
“A freaking speeding ticket.” I pointed it at Annie. “From your ex.”
“Which one?” she asked.
“Gregory McKinnon.”
“Oh, he’s still hot. I didn’t know he was a cop.” She contemplatively tapped her finger on her lips. “I need to up my stalking skills.”
“Stop that! He’s a jerk who gave me a ticket after what I went through…”
Jen’s and Annie’s eyebrows rose at the last part.
“After you went through what?” Jen asked.
My hand dropped dramatically. The ticket was a thorn in my side. I wanted to tear it up and watch it fall to ashes. But, obviously, I couldn’t.
“Nothing,” I murmured. I turned to Jason, who had toddled over to me. “Come here!”
I wrapped my arms around my growing boy and lifted him onto my hip. He wrapped his arms around my neck and squeezed me until I felt like I couldn’t breathe. And I didn’t care one bit. Who needed to breathe when my baby wanted hugs? He’d grow up soon enough and not want them as much. I’d take all I could get right now.
“You know we don’t buy what you’re selling,” Annie said.
“Like, not at all,” Jenny said.
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“From that outburst, I’m guessing you need to talk about it,” Jenny added.
“Yep. What she said,” Annie said.
I groaned and sat Jason back down, crumpling onto the floor next to him. His mind was always going, going, going, and I played the new game he’d invented with the blocks. Really, I was evading the questions and pointed stares. Working up the courage to talk about it.
“Morgan set up me and David so that we were alone at Wright this afternoon.”
“Oh, boy,” Jenny said.
“Yeah. He came over Saturday to try to convince me that we should be together or whatever, but I told him I needed time and slammed the door in his face. Then, Morgan did this, and…we almost kissed.”
“Ooh la la,” Annie said. “So, are you getting back together?”
“No.” I shook my head. “I freaked out and left.”
Jenny sighed. “Did he say anything other than trying to kiss you?”
“Yeah. I mean, he said he has a hard time opening up. Some shit happened in his past. Plus, his parents are
the freaking Van Pelts. They’re notorious liars. I doubt they were great parents. But I just think that’s an excuse.”
“Maybe a reason,” Jenny said.
“Fine, a reason. Whatever. But it doesn’t justify what he did.”
“No, it doesn’t,” Annie agreed. “Let’s be clear. This guy infiltrated your life and made you fall for him, and the entire time, he was living a double life. How could you be with someone like that?”
I opened my mouth and closed it. I couldn’t. That was what I’d been saying since I found out. He’d lied to me. Whether or not he’d thought it would be hard to be honest with me, I felt betrayed. And I couldn’t just stop feeling that way.
“Whoa!” Jenny said. “Calm that down. He didn’t infiltrate anyone’s life. He’s not a spy. Don’t be dramatic, Annie.”
“I’m not being dramatic. He’s an asshole!”
“Asshole!” Jason repeated.
“Annie!” Jenny and I said at the same time.
“Sorry. Sorry!”
“We don’t say that word,” I told Jason. “Not until you’re older.”
He gave me an incredulous look, as if he were now going to say asshole all the time and I couldn’t stop him. Thanks, Annie!
“David came here for a job. He probably didn’t plan on starting a relationship. Are you sure he even knew that Wright was associated with his parents? Or that you hated them like you do? It’s possible that he didn’t even know.”
“Maybe,” I conceded.
“But, once he found out, he should have said something,” Annie added.
“Yes, but I don’t think he was purposefully malicious.”
“White lies are still lies,” I muttered.
“That’s right!” Annie said. “I freaking hate guys who lie. Like, argh! They make me want to scream. How dare they lie to you like that! As if you don’t care one bit whether or not they have a girlfriend or whatever.”
I exchanged a confused look with Jenny. “Uh…Annie? What are you talking about?”
Her freckled cheeks turned a soft pink, contrasting with her red hair. “So…I might just be anti-guy right now.”
“Aren’t you always?” Jen asked with an arched eyebrow.
“Well, you know I slept with your cousin, Jordan, when he was in town.”
“We’re all aware,” I said.
“He…has a girlfriend back in Vancouver.”
My eyes widened. “Oh!”
“What an asshole!” Jenny said.
“Asshole!” Jason repeated.
“Dear God, y’all!” I cried.
We all broke down into giggles. It was impossible not to. Jason wasn’t a particularly loquacious kid, but when he latched on to a word, he really went for it.
“Okay, Jordan is clearly…not a good guy,” I said. “That sucks, Annie.”
“I just…really liked him. Sorry to break into this whole jerkfest about David with my own problems.”
“I appreciate it. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one, honestly.”
Jenny laughed. “Hardly. I might or might not have been talking to Julian while he was here.”
Annie and I squealed in delight.
Both of my best friends into both of my cousins. Go figure!
She held her hand up. “But I don’t think he sees me that way. He rightfully is too worried about his mom’s cancer, moving to Texas with her, and getting a new job. Plus…cancer. I don’t blame him for not wanting someone…like me.”
“Shut up!” Annie cried.
“You’re awesome, Jen,” I added.
“I’m shy and reserved, and I might not even get into pharmacy school. You two have it all together.”
“Wow, we are all…just messed up.”
Annie nodded. “We really are.”
“I think that,” Jen said softly, “if David is going to fight for you despite all that happened, then maybe you should let him.”
“I do love a good grovel,” Annie said with a mischievous smile.
“Good guys are hard to come by,” Jenny said.
“Impossible!” Annie added.
“Yeah,” I agreed. I’d had one. The perfect good guy, and look at how that had turned out. “Maybe I should talk to him. I think, through all my rage, I didn’t really give him a fair shot to explain.”
“Uh…I wouldn’t have either,” Annie said.
I chuckled. “I’m still pissed, but we did have something, didn’t we?”
Jenny nodded. “You did.”
“I guess I owe him the chance to tell me the truth even if he wouldn’t before. If he really opens up, then I’ll see where it goes.”
“Just make him work for it,” Annie said with a wink.
“And be gentle with yourself,” Jen said. “It takes a lot of strength to give someone a second chance. I know that might be hard for you.”
I nodded. I’d already lost the love of my life once. I’d seen my brothers and sister fail horribly at love time and time again. I’d seen them come back, kicking and screaming for the person they loved. But I hadn’t been able to do that. Nothing could have saved Maverick. We never had a second chance. Maybe…just maybe I could see if that was in the cards for me and David.
Six
David
Three days of radio silence from Sutton.
I’d clearly fucked this entire thing up.
I hadn’t pushed her since she ran out on me on Monday afternoon. She needed her space. She needed to figure this out for herself. Even if that meant she decided not to be with me. I didn’t want that option, and I was going to do what I could to avoid that, but if that was her choice, I would respect her enough to live by it.
Morgan had apologized for setting us up like that. She’d had good intentions, but it had totally botched whatever headway I’d been making. Now, Sutton was completely avoiding me…and Morgan, as far as she’d said. She felt really bad about the whole thing. But the fault still remained with me.
I needed to figure out what my next move would be. I couldn’t show up with her favorite flowers and hope for the best. I’d fucked that move up with my hangover. Half-cocked plans were out of the question.
Sutton was…special. I’d never cared for anyone like her. I mean, fuck, I wanted to stay in Lubbock, Texas, for her. This desolate, dusty desert was anything but ideal compared to where I’d lived in the past. It was probably as close as I could get to the opposite of New York City and San Francisco. And yet, when I thought about it, all I had was fondness. And she was the reason.
I’d told the truth when I said that opening up was hard for me. It felt a bit like taking a razor blade to a vein and hoping for the best. Once all my secrets were out, would I really be better for it? Or would it be my demise?
Those thoughts swirled through my head all day as I drudged through seemingly meaningless work memos.
My phone pinged next to me, and I realized that I’d completely neglected it again. I tended to internalize all my problems. When shit got tough, I would go into my head and forget that the outside world existed. It was an awesome quality for work, as I could dig in until I figured everything out. Not so great for life outside of Wright Construction.
I had several missed calls and a text from Katherine.
Funny story. I ran into Penn. He said he saw you and accidentally screwed up your life there. Everything okay? Coming home yet?
I gritted my teeth at the implication that New York was still home. I’d spent eight long years trying to put the city behind me and everything I’d been and done there along with it.
My sister, like Morgan, meant well…usually. Okay, maybe it was more like sometimes. She’d grown up on the Upper East Side, just like I had. No one left there unmarked by the black taint that permeated Fifth Avenue.
I kept scrolling. I’d respond some other time.
Then, I saw a notification flash on my screen.
Superhero Movie
Friday, 7:00 p.m.
Be there! Prepare for hot
Hemsworth abs!
I blinked. Then, blinked again.
Sutton had surreptitiously added a note into my calendar for the second movie we’d planned to see together. With everything going on, it had completely slipped my mind.
Our first movie together had started this entire thing between us. She’d tried to cancel, worrying that it was a date when she wasn’t ready to start dating yet. Or at least, she hadn’t warmed to the idea. Then, it had ended in a kiss and snowballed from there. I didn’t know what she wanted now. I probably should let it go and reach out to her when she was ready. But this seemed like an opportunity.
My fingers stalled on the words I wanted to send to her. Would it be presumptuous to force myself into her life before she was ready? And what if she already had plans to take someone else? Did I even want to know if she was backing out?
Part of me wanted to push. But that hadn’t done me any good last time. Fuck, the last two times. It only pushed her further away. And I didn’t know how to bring her closer any other way. This was territory that I wasn’t familiar with. How could I reach someone who didn’t want to be reached?
I tossed the phone down onto my desk. I couldn’t do it. She needed to come to me. And she wouldn’t do that if I rushed back into her life. Plus, I wasn’t ready to hear if she was taking someone else. If she really meant everything that she’d said. Because more time I could give, but having her out of my life forever wasn’t an option. Not one I could stomach.
With my head buried in my work again, I was halfway through this memo when a new text buzzed from my phone.
I carelessly glanced over at it. Then, my eyes widened in shock.
We still on for the movie tomorrow?
Well, that was an unexpected text message. Sutton still wants to go to the movie with me? After all of this? I wasn’t about to turn that down or second-guess it in the least.
Yep. 7 p.m.?
See you there.
And that was that.
What the actual fuck?
After all that wondering, she just acted like nothing was out of the norm. Well, all I knew was that this movie was going to be really fucking interesting.