The said creature was also desired by many people to be with them at their dying and to pray for them, for, although they had no love for her weeping or her crying during their lifetimes, they desired that she should both weep and cry when they were dying, and so she did. When she saw people anointed, she had many holy thoughts, many holy meditations, and – if she saw them dying – she thought she saw our Lord dying, and sometimes our Lady, as our God would illumine her spiritual sight with understanding. Then she would cry, weep, and sob amazingly, as if she had beheld our Lord in his dying, or our Lady in her dying. And she thought in her mind that God took many out of this world who would have very gladly lived, ‘and I, Lord,’ she thought, ‘would very gladly come to you, and for me you have no yearning,’ and such thoughts increased her weeping and her sobbing.
On one occasion, a worthy lady sent for her to talk with her, and as they were in conversation, the lady paid her a kind of respect and praise, and it was great pain to her to have any praise. Nevertheless she immediately offered it up to our Lord – for she desired no praise but his alone – with a great cry and many devout tears.
So there was neither honour nor praise, love nor detraction, shame nor contempt, that might draw her love from God, but, after the saying of St Paul, ‘To them that love God, all things turn into goodness,’1 and so it happened with her. Whatever she saw or heard, her love and her spiritual affection always increased towards our Lord – blessed may he be – who worked such grace in her for many men’s profit.
Another time she was sent for by another worthy lady who had a large retinue about her, and great honour and great reverence was shown her. When the said creature saw all her retinue about her and the great reverence and honour that was shown her, she fell to much weeping and cried out at it most sorrowfully. There was a priest who heard how she cried and wept – and he was a man not savouring spiritual things – and he cursed her, saying to her, ‘What the devil’s wrong with you? Why do you weep so? God give you sorrow!’
She sat still, and answered not a word. Then the lady took her into a garden by themselves alone, and asked her to tell her why she cried so grievously. And then she, supposing it was fitting to do so, told her in part of the cause. Then the lady was displeased with her priest, who had so spoken against her, and had great love for her, desiring and asking her still to remain with her. Then she excused herself, and said she could not agree with the manner of dress and behaviour that she saw among her household.
Chapter 73
On Holy Thursday, as the said creature went in procession with other people, she saw in her soul our Lady, St Mary Magdalene, and the twelve apostles. And then she beheld with her spiritual eye how our Lady took her leave of her blessed son, Jesus, how he kissed her and all his apostles, and also his true lover, Mary Magdalene. Then she thought it was a sorrowful parting, and also a joyful parting. When she beheld this sight in her soul, she fell down in the field among the people.1 She cried, she roared, she wept as though she would have burst. She could not control herself or master herself, but cried and roared so that many people were astonished at her. But she took no notice of what anyone said or did, for her mind was occupied with our Lord.
She felt many a holy thought at that time which she could never know afterwards. She had forgotten all earthly things and only attended to spiritual things. She thought that all her joy was gone. She saw her Lord ascend up into heaven, yet she could not do without him on earth. Therefore she desired to go with him, for all her joy and all her bliss was in him, and she well knew that she would never have joy or bliss until she came to him. Such holy thoughts and holy desires caused her to weep, and people did not know what was wrong with her.
Another time, the said creature beheld how our Lady was – as she thought – dying, and all the apostles kneeling before her and asking for grace. Then she cried and wept grievously. The apostles commanded her to stop, and be quiet. The creature answered the apostles, ‘Would you have it that I should see the mother of God dying and not weep? It may not be, for I am so full of sorrow that I may not withstand it. I simply must cry and weep.’
And then she said in her soul to our Lady, ‘Ah, blessed Lady, pray for me to your son, that I may come to you, and no longer be delayed from you; for, Lady, this is all too great a sorrow, to be both at your son’s death, and at your death, and not die with you, but still live on alone and have no comfort with me.’
Then our gracious Lady answered to her soul, promising her to pray for her to her son, and said, ‘Daughter, all these sorrows that you have had for me and for my blessed son shall turn for you to great joy and bliss in heaven without end. And do not doubt, daughter, that you shall come to us indeed, and be most welcome when you come. But you may not come yet, for you shall come in very good time. And daughter, be assured that you will find me a true mother to you, to help you and succour you as a mother ought to her daughter, and obtain for you grace and virtue. And the same pardon that was granted you before was confirmed on St Nicholas’s Day2 – that is to say, plenary remission – and it is not only granted to you, but also to all those who believe, and to all those who shall believe until the world’s end, that God loves you, and will thank God for you. If they will forsake their sin, and fully intend to turn to it no more, but are sorry and grieved for what they have done and will do due penance for it, then they shall have the same pardon that is granted to yourself, and that is all the pardon that is in Jerusalem, as was granted to you when you were at Ramleh,’ – as is written before.
Chapter 74
The said creature one day hearing her mass, and turning over in her mind the time of her death, grievously sighing and sorrowing because it was so long delayed, said in this way: ‘Alas, Lord, how long shall I thus weep and mourn for your love and for desire of your presence?’
Our Lord answered in her soul, and said, ‘All these fifteen years.’
Then said she, ‘Ah, Lord, I shall think it many thousand years.’
Our Lord answered to her, ‘Daughter, you must think to yourself of my blessed mother, who lived on after me on earth for fifteen years;1 also St John the Evangelist, and Mary Magdalene,2 who loved me most highly.’
‘Ah, blissful Lord,’ said she, ‘I wish I were as worthy to be assured of your love as Mary Magdalene was.’
Then our Lord said, ‘Truly, daughter, I love you as well, and the same peace that I gave to her, the same peace I give to you. For, daughter, no saint in heaven is displeased, though I love a creature on earth as much as I do them. Therefore they do not wish otherwise than as I wish.’
Thus our merciful Lord Christ Jesus drew this creature to his love and to recollection of his Passion, so that she could not endure to look at a leper or any other sick man, especially if he had any wounds showing on him. Then she cried so and wept, as if she had seen our Lord Jesus Christ with his wounds bleeding. And so she did in the sight of her soul, for through the beholding of the sick man her mind was all taken into our Lord Jesus Christ.
Then she felt great mourning and sorrow because she might not kiss the lepers, for the love of Jesus, when she saw them or met with them in the streets. Now she began to love what she had most hated before, for there was nothing more loathsome or abominable to her while she was in her years of worldly prosperity than to see a leper, whom now, through our Lord’s mercy, she desired to embrace and kiss for the love of Jesus, when she had time and a convenient place.3
Then she told her confessor how great a desire she had to kiss lepers, and he warned her that she should kiss no men, but, if she would kiss anyhow, she should kiss women. Then she was glad, because she had permission to kiss the sick women, and went to a place where sick women lived who were very full of the disease, and fell down on her knees before them, begging them that she might kiss their mouths for the love of Jesus. And so she there kissed two sick women, with many a holy thought and many a devout tear and, when she had kissed them, she spoke very many good words to them, and stirred them to meekness an
d patience, that they should not resent their illness, but thank God highly for it, and they should have great bliss in heaven through the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Then one woman had so many temptations that she did not know how best to behave. She was so troubled by her spiritual enemy that she did not dare to bless herself, nor offer any worship to God, for fear that the devil would slay her. And she was tormented with many foul and horrible thoughts, many more than she could tell. And, as she said, she was a virgin.4 Therefore the said creature went to her many times to comfort her, and prayed for her, most especially that God should strengthen her against her enemy. And it is to be believed that he did so, blessed may he be.
Chapter 75
As the said creature was in a church of St Margaret to say her devotions, there came a man and knelt behind her back, wringing his hands and showing signs of great distress. She, perceiving his distress, asked what was troubling him. He said things were very difficult for him, because his wife had just had a baby, and she was out of our mind.1
‘And, lady,’ he said, ‘she doesn’t know me, or any of her neighbours. She roars and cries, so that she scares folk badly. She’ll both hit out and bite, and so she’s manacled on her wrists.’
Then she asked the man if he would like her to go with him and see her, and he said, ‘Yes, lady, for God’s love.’ So she went off with him to see the woman. And when she came into the house, as soon as that sick woman who had lost her reason saw her, she spoke to her seriously and kindly, and said she was most welcome to her. And she was very glad she had come, and greatly comforted by her presence. ‘For you are,’ she said, ‘a very good woman, and I behold many fair angels round about you, and therefore, I pray you, don’t leave me, for I am greatly comforted by you.’
And when other people came to her, she cried and gaped as if she would have eaten them, and said that she saw many devils around them. She would not willingly allow them to touch her. She roared and cried so, for the most part of both day and night, that people would not allow her to live amongst them, she was so tiresome to them. Then she was taken to a room at the furthest end of the town, so that people should not hear her crying. And there she was bound hand and foot with chains of iron, so that she should not strike anybody.
And the said creature went to her each day, once or twice at least; and while she was with her she was meek enough, and heard her talk and chat willingly, and without any roaring or crying. And the said creature prayed for this woman every day that God should, if it were his will, restore her to her wits again. And our Lord answered in her soul and said she should get on very well. Then she was bolder to pray for her recovery than she was before, and each day, weeping and sorrowing, prayed for her recovery until God gave her her wits and her mind again. And then she was brought to church and purified as other women are, blessed may God be.
It was, as they thought who knew about it, a very great miracle, for he who wrote this book had never before that time seen any man or woman, as he thought, so far out of herself as this woman was, nor so hard to control, and afterwards he saw her serious and sober enough – worship and praise be to our Lord without end for his high mercy and his goodness, who ever helps at time of need.
Chapter 76
It happened one time that the husband of the said creature – a man of great age, over sixty years old – would have come down from his chamber bare-foot and bare-legged, and he slithered, or else missed his footing, and fell to the ground from the stairs, with his head twisted underneath him, seriously broken and bruised, so much so that he had five linen plugs in the wounds in his head1 for many days while his head was healing.
And, as God willed, it was known to some of his neighbours how he had fallen down the stairs, perhaps through the din and the rushing of his falling. And so they came in to him and found him lying with his head twisted under himself, half alive, all streaked with blood, and never likely to have spoken with priest nor clerk, except through high grace and miracle.
Then the said creature, his wife, was sent for, and so she came to him. Then he was taken up and his head was sewn, and he was ill for a long time after, so that people thought he would die. And then people said, if he died, his wife deserved to be hanged for his death, for as much as she could have looked after him and did not. They did not live together, nor did they sleep together, for -as it is written before – they both with one assent and with the free will of each other had made a vow to live chaste. And therefore, to avoid all risks, they lived in different places, where no suspicion could be had of their lack of chastity. For, at first, they lived together after they had made their vow, and then people slandered them, and said they enjoyed their lust and their pleasure as they did before the making of their vow. And when they went out on pilgrimage, or to see and speak with other spiritually-minded creatures, many evil folk whose tongues were their own hurt, lacking the fear and love of our Lord Jesus Christ, believed and said that they went rather to woods, groves or valleys, to enjoy the lust of their bodies, where people should not espy it or know it.
Knowing how prone people were to believe evil of them, and desiring to avoid all occasion as far as they properly could, by mutual good will and consent, they parted from each other as regards their board and lodging, and went to board in different places. And this was the reason that she was not with him, and also so that she should not be hindered from her contemplation. And therefore, when he had fallen and was seriously hurt, as is said before, people said, if he died, it was proper that she should answer for his death. Then she prayed to our Lord that her husband might live a year, and she be delivered from slander, if it were his pleasure.
Our Lord said to her mind, ‘Daughter, you shall have your boon, for he shall live, and I have performed a great miracle for you that he was not dead. And I bid you take him home, and look after him for my love.’
She said, ‘No, good Lord, for I shall then not attend to you as I do now.’
‘Yes, daughter,’ said our Lord, ‘you shall have as much reward for looking after him and helping him in his need at home, as if you were in church to say your prayers. And you have said many times that you would gladly look after me. I pray you now, look after him for love of me, for he has sometime fulfilled both your will and my will, and he has made your body freely available to me, so that you should serve me and live chaste and clean, and therefore I wish you to be available to help him in his need, in my name.’
‘Ah, Lord,’ said she, ‘for your mercy, grant me grace to obey your will, and fulfil your will, and never let my spiritual enemies have any power to hinder me from fulfilling your will.’
Then she took her husband home with her and looked after him for years afterwards, as long as he lived. She had very much trouble with him, for in his last days he turned childish and lacked reason, so that he could not go to a stool to relieve himself, or else he would not, but like a child discharged his excrement into his linen clothes as he sat there by the fire or at the table – wherever it was, he would spare no place. And therefore her labour was all the greater, in washing and wringing, and so were her expenses for keeping a fire going. All this hindered her a very great deal from her contemplation, so that many times she would have disliked her work, except that she thought to herself how she in her young days had had very many delectable thoughts, physical lust, and inordinate love for his body. And therefore she was glad to be punished by means of the same body, and took it much the more easily, and served him and helped him, she thought, as she would have done Christ himself.
Chapter 77
When the said creature first had her astonishing cries, and was once in spiritual dalliance with her sovereign Lord Christ Jesus, she said, ‘Lord, why will you give me such crying that people wonder at me because of it? And they say I am in great peril, for, as they say, I am the cause that many men sin over me. And you know, Lord, that I would give no man cause nor occasion for sin if I could, for I would rather, Lord, be in a prison ten fathoms deep, th
ere to cry and weep all my lifetime for my sins and for all men’s sins, and specially for your love, than I would give people occasion to sin wilfully because of me.
‘Lord, the world may not allow me to do your will, nor to follow your directing, and therefore I pray you, if it be your will, take from me these cryings during sermons, so that I do not cry at your holy preaching, and let me have them alone by myself, so that I be not barred from hearing your holy preaching and your holy words; for greater pain may I not suffer in this world than to be debarred from hearing your holy word. And if I were in prison, my greatest pain would be to forgo your holy words and your holy sermons. And, good Lord, if you wish in any case that I cry, I pray you, give me it alone in my chamber as much as you will, and spare me when among people, if you please.’
Our merciful Lord Christ Jesus, answering to her mind, said, ‘Daughter, do not pray for this; you shall not have your desire in this, though my mother and all the saints in heaven pray for you, for I shall make you obedient to my will, so that you shall cry when I will, and where I will, both loudly and quietly; for I told you, daughter, you are mine and I am yours, and so shall you be without end.1
‘Daughter, you see how the planets are obedient to my will, and that sometimes there come great thunderclaps and make people terribly afraid. And sometimes, daughter, you see how I send great flashes of lightning that burn churches and houses. You also sometimes see that I send great winds that blow steeples and houses down, and trees out of the earth, and do much harm in many places, and yet the wind may not be seen, but it may well be felt.
‘And just so, daughter, I proceed with the might of my Godhead; it may not be seen with man’s eye, and yet it may well be felt in a simple soul where it pleases me to work grace, as I do in your soul. And as suddenly as the lightning comes from heaven, so suddenly I come into your soul, and illumine it with the light of grace and of understanding, and set it all on fire with love, and make the fire of love to burn there inside, and purge it clean from all earthly filth. And sometimes, daughter, I cause earthquakes to frighten people so that they should fear me.
The Book of Margery Kempe Page 22