by Jeremy Han
“AHHHHGGGHHHHG!”
A burning liquid poured onto his wound, and then everything went black.
When he had opened his eyes he had no idea where he was. All he felt was the merciless sting below. He felt cold too, and then hot, a fever ravaging him from infection. He managed to look around, seeing that he was in a room with a large, flat wooden platform that served as a bed. All the castrated boys were lying there, several moaning from fever and pain. The sounds of young boys mutilated in body and crushed in spirit were heartbreaking.
He turned and saw Wang Ren next to him. The younger boy was unconscious. He reached and touched his brother’s burning forehead, a tear rolling down his cheek as his brother let out a moan and stirred softly.
“Mama…Water….”
Why?
Why did my father sell me?
Why did they cut off my organs?
Why?
Pain wracked him, but he did not know which was the most painful. His mutilation or his broken heart? Darkness mercifully claimed him and he dreamt of the family he would never see again. In his dreams, he was back at home. They were hungry, but at least everyone was together.
Family. Home.
A few days later, a man came and helped him to the toilet. He did not know that they had inserted a plug into his urethra and now it was time to see if he would live or die. It was removed and slowly, painfully, urine passed through and the man nodded at the sight. This one would live and bring profit. Wang Ren, however, could not pass urine and his fever shot up as the poison in his blood circulated. He had died screaming, hallucinating, pleading for his mother, and there was nothing that Wang Zhen could do as he sat by his side, holding his brother’s tiny hand. He had watched his brother die. In such operations, as many as half the boys would perish from infection. Those who survived were guaranteed a life in the palace, a new existence as eunuchs. Those who died were considered a business loss, and no one bothered to give them treatment.
After a few months of travelling Wang Zhen had finally arrived at a building so huge he could not comprehend it. It had red walls and gates so high he had to crane his neck to look. Beyond it he heard that there was a city where the emperor lived like a god. He wore a new tunic, one his parents could never afford and he had been cleaned up. A pouch hung on his belt containing his ‘jewels’ – his severed organs, to be buried with him at death so he could reincarnate as a complete man. He had followed dutifully, head bowed, spirit broken, through a small gate by the side of the palace. The agonising pain had gone, replaced by a dull throb between his legs. At least he could walk, but somehow he felt weaker than before.
A perfumed and elaborately dressed court eunuch smiled at him in a strange way that filled him with dread. He took the boy’s hand and led him in and for some reason the man’s touch disgusted him. Wang turned, and saw the door shut behind him with a thud that resounded with finality. His new life had begun, and there would be no turning back. He was inside the palace, in a perfumed world, alive. He would never see his family again and his brother lay dead outside somewhere far away in another world, a place of sorrow, misery and perpetual hunger.
He was sold. He had failed to protect his brother. He had been weak and defenceless.
He was made castrate.
51
The morning sun shone onto Wang’s face, the orange glow giving him a healthy hue he did not have. The ray of light pulled the eunuch out of the darkness of unconsciousness and back to the land of the living, albeit barely. The eunuch groaned, opened his eyes briefly before closing them as a great tiredness threatened to overwhelm him again like weights pulling a man into deep water. He knew he had suffered from a great fever caused by infection, but the experience was not new to him. Just the smell of the wound was enough to transport him to his past and in his delirious state he had thought he had gone back in time to the week he was castrated and his young, frail body had battled the illness. For several moments the eunuch could not remember where he was as the temperature burned through his consciousness. Was he a boy again? Or was he a man?
How can castrati be considered as men?
Wang Ren…. His lips formed the name as though the memory of his brother gave them life. He closed his eyes and saw himself lying side by side with the dying boy, holding his hand as the fever slowly burnt the life out of him. The pain of the sword wound was no longer as acute, reduced to a dull throb. He was healing, but it was the fever that he feared.
He sighed weakly and even his breath felt hot. He smelled mildly, but his wound had mostly healed. Though his body was weak, his mind slowly regained traction. He had lost track of time, but judging by his surroundings a great deal of time must have passed. He was now in a room that was sparsely furnished, lying on a bed with a coarse woollen blanket wrapped around him. Slowly he recalled the barn and the cold, hard floor where he almost died. The night assault, jumping in front of the bandit’s blade to save the son of heaven, the memories connected as the fog in his mind cleared.
The words too came back to him, spoken about him as though he was non-existent. Slowly, his mind reconstructed the words his subconscious had recorded as they discussed his fate and anger filled him like a toxin as his mind became clearer. Despite his weakened state, he slowly clenched his fist in frustration and anger.
We need to plug some gaps, Ji Gang’s words reverberated in his mind.
…keeping him alive, and feeding him misinformation to see where the trail leads. Also, if he is the mole, the mastermind may send someone to clean up the loose end, another voice echoed. His heart pumped and his shallow breathing deepened as hatred welled.
So I am just garbage to be discarded, or a bait to be used! he silently screamed. Am I no value to anyone at all? Why are eunuchs despised?
Hot tears rolled down his cheeks. He understood the context of his brother’s death now. The little boy’s suffering was a mere business cost to others, and his fate was forever one of being manipulated. He cursed the day Kong Wei had taken him into the palace. If he had never met him, if he was assigned some other duty, no matter how lowly, it would not have been worse than being used like a pawn. Kong had used him to fish information on the emperor for his own dastardly plans.
Wang Zhen knew that he was trapped by Kong now. He had become complicit in Kong’s attempt to assassinate the royal family, and he could not betray Kong without implicating himself. Yet Kong had set him up to die after he had been given the information he needed. Kong had hoped the bandits would tie up this loose end for him.
Discarded like a piece of trash. And now, to be used as bait. Manipulation after manipulation. No one cares if I die, they just want to use me to further their own ends. I’m a human being too!
Grief filled his heart like a flood and he started to cry in earnest. He sobbed softly into the blankets but could no longer contain himself as he started to tremble, not from the fever, but from sorrow. He had tried to forget his past as he adapted to life in the palace, but he had not known that the Forbidden City was a snake pit. He had thought politics were only for officials and royalty. By keeping a low profile, by serving the boy emperor faithfully, he thought these complications would not affect him, but he had been dragged in like a swimmer suddenly caught in a whirlpool. Nobody cared if he was innocent. He had suffered enough in life and all he wanted was to live as painlessly as possible but he became a pawn to be used and discarded, and he was sure that once his usefulness was over the Eastern Depot would let him die too.
Suddenly he felt his eyelids getting heavy again. The bout of anger had sapped his strength and slowly he felt his consciousness slipping, then all was blissfully dark again.
After an indeterminate amount of time the chirping of birds woke him. Their singing called him back to consciousness and slowly he opened his eyes. His vision was clearer and he could hear well again. He felt stronger, realising that his fever had waned. Slowly, he pushed himself up, sitting on the bed and reaching for a pitcher of water that had been le
ft near him. He drank, and even though there was no one around he knew he was being watched. His mind was a lot clearer now, and he was instinctively aware of his surroundings.
I am the bait.
But something had hardened his heart. He had woken with a resolution that nobody was ever going to control him again. He was mildly surprised that he neither felt angry nor bitter, but more importantly, he no longer felt helpless. He no longer felt like the man being sucked out to sea by powerful undercurrents and no one, no matter how powerful, would decide whether he lived or died. A cold clarity filled his mind and he saw what he must do. His conversation with the grand eunuch at the pavilion came back to him clearly.
“We are eunuchs, Wang. Slaves. Those joys of living that money and power cannot buy have been robbed from us. Freedom, family, love, sex – all have been stolen. There is only one thing left for us to accumulate. Do you know what that is?”
“No, Lord Kong.”
“Power. All that is left for us is power; the power to ensure that no one, except the emperor, could dictate your fate.”
Kong Wei, the empress dowager, the child emperor, the Dong Chang, the accursed Ming Dynasty – nobody would control him again. He would beat them at their own game. The one nobody suspected, the one everyone manipulated. He would let them continue to live under the impression that he was a helpless pawn, then one by one beginning with the man who had started him on this course of misery, the grand eunuch Kong Wei, he would turn the tables on them.
For my brother, and for me.
52
Kong Wei received news that the empress dowager had returned. His friend, and co-conspirator, Lei Xiang, had informed him, and as imperial chamberlain he had also reported that young Wang Zhen was nowhere to be seen. Of course it was not up to the chamberlain to ask the empress dowager where the young man was if she deemed not to tell him, and it would take some time to receive any news on his whereabouts.
And her hellhound Ji Gang, who will no doubt start nosing around.
He had no doubt that the commander would soon zero in on him. He would have to strike first, but first he must plan his moves well. He must persuade the empress dowager that Ji Gang had failed and should be punished. So far so good, he mused. He had received word that Liu Ning, the grand commandant of Nanjing who was also his boss, had been suspended pending an investigation into whether he had killed the governor or not. Yin was on standby to cause more chaos, while Yang had just sent his report. The band of Mongols now followed him, giving the story of the crown prince rebel more punch. They had fought valiantly at the villa, sending the bitch and her whiny son scrambling like whipped dogs.
The eunuch laughed as he pictured the scene. He imagined the empress dowager looking like a mad woman, the boy crying and shitting himself at the same time. He was glad he was alone so he did not have to restrain himself, and his jowls quivered with glee. How he loved a hearty laugh once in awhile! He soon became serious again though as he remembered the severity of his plotting.
Murder, rebellion, assassination, subversion…all I have done for you. It is unlikely I will survive this clash with the Dong Chang, but if need be, I will die for you my love.
He sighed and his features drooped with age and sadness as the memory of the empress and her two sons filled him. Although he would never be able to sire children he had dreamt, had wished, that these two boys whom he had cared for since they were born were his. He had loved their mother, and still loved her more than thirty years after her death. He had been in imperial service all his life and had seen how eunuchs were treated as emotionless creatures just because they were sexually neutered and his chest heaved as he continued to ponder these heavy thoughts.
They think that by taking away our sex organs they take away our soul, and our heart. But we still want to love and be loved. A man may still love a woman when he is no longer potent because love is from the heart, from the deepest part of a person’s soul. And this love is no less than what a complete man can give.
And for you, he vowed, I will face Ji Gang!
If he was honest with himself though, the thought of confronting the Eastern Depot filled him with fear. Everybody who had knowledge of the inner workings of the imperial court knew that the court’s mastiff never failed, never gave up, never showed mercy. He would not fight Ji Gang where the secret agent was strong. He would have to strike where he was weak, though moreover, all he asked for was to divert Ji Gang’s attention so that he could attack when the time was right.
He heard footsteps.
“You are here, finally,” Kong said with a little impatience.
Lei sat awkwardly, easing his long legs forward. “You should have seen the look on her Majesty’s face when she returned,” he replied.
Kong raised an eyebrow quizzically as he poured him a cup of tea.
Lei waved a hand as he sipped the expensive tea. “Just tantrums,” he said with an air of amusement. “Let us discuss our matter.” There was nervousness in his voice.
“I need to know where Wang Zhen is,” Kong replied firmly.
“Your spy?" Lei asked, his voice rising a notch higher with surprise that Kong might actually care for the young man. "He’s hurt badly. I heard he is recuperating in Nanjing.”
“For sure?”
“Yes. What is your plan?” Lei’s eye narrowed as a thought rose. “He is a loose end.”
Kong remained silent to that. He had been hoping that the loose end would eliminate itself with the unfortunate death of the young man, but now the young eunuch lived. He realized that now he may need to personally close that loop, or, he could leave it. He was fairly sure that if the Dong Chang had tortured Wang that he would have already revealed his link to Kong. Yet they had yet to confront him which meant two things. That Wang was not suspected yet, or they were keeping an eye on him. He dismissed the first, and assumed the second.
Ji Gang, ever the suspicious bastard from hell. He suspects everyone! he mused.
“We do nothing.”
“What?” Lei replied in confusion.
“They must be keeping Wang alive to see what happens next," Kong explained. "We let them wait. It will be some time before Wang returns to the capital and it will buy us time to plan and decide what to do with him when he returns. If the boy had spoken, you and I would not be chatting over tea right now. We would be singing like canaries in the ‘bowels of the empire’.” He referred to the headquarters of the Eastern Depot, where a signboard hung at the entrance saying that the fortress-like compound was the ‘bowels of the Ming’.
“So we wait?” Lei asked for confirmation.
“We do nothing, but everything.”
Lei looked at him, head tilted slightly. “What do you mean?”
“We plan our next step.” Kong made a show of looking out at the dark, purplish night sky, which was shrouded in a late autumn mist. “Winter is coming. Soon, the ceremony for the winter solstice must be conducted.”
“Yes, it is,” Lei replied, following his gaze.
“Did you bring me what I asked?”
“Yes,” he said, but Lei was reluctant to hand the book over. “Are you sure you want to take the next step?" he hissed, whole body tensing.
Kong stared at him. “Are you afraid? You weren’t before. What's spooked you now?”
“Of course I am afraid!” Lei suddenly exploded. “We could still pull back now! Let the many-handed murders become just another mystery the imperial court failed to solve. It has happened before. Allow the myth of Zhu Wenkui returning from the dead to fade away again. Nobody would care for a few dead magistrates. You should have seen Ji Gang’s face! He looked like a vengeful bodhisattva out to hunt demons to throw in hell! There will be blood, Kong! Ours!”
Kong gave him a sideway glance. “It’s too late. The hunting dogs from the imperial court have already been unleashed. We have to see this to the end.” After a pause dominated by heavy breathing, he re-emphasised his words. “It is too late, brother. The best d
efence,” he paused, looking hard at the other man, “is a good offense.”
Lei shuddered at the sight of Kong’s cold, reptilian eyes. They looked as though hard scales had formed over them as they gleamed in the moon’s light. The man is mad. He started to fear that if he backed out Kong would silence him too and slowly, reluctantly, he handed the book over.
“The emperor needs to make the winter solstice sacrifice.” It was a statement, not a question, Kong said as he looked at the book. It was a copy of the imperial document that charted the celestial movements, and it would give the day the emperor had to perform the harvest rituals performed during the winter solstice ceremony.
“What exactly are you planning to do?” Lei asked, voice tight with tension.
“It is better you do not know yet. That way, there is less risk. You have already done much. More so since you are so afraid of the Eastern Depot.” Kong waved him off.
“You doubt me?” Lei asked.
“Are we brothers?”
“Yes....”
“I am merely trying to protect you. Let the final sin fall on me,” Kong rasped. He laid a hand on Lei’s arm. “You are my brother. We entered imperial service together, suffered the same fate. I would not allow more harm to come to you. You have already risked much.”
Lei nodded dumbly. “It’s late,” he said, and inwardly he wanted to leave and never see his bosom friend again.
“Yes. Thanks for this.” Kong nodded at the book on the table.
After Lei had gone Kong continued to sit and think. He felt utterly lonely. He was also afraid. A man who doubts is a man no longer useful, he thought, and he feared that Lei would betray him. No, he won’t. He is too deep into this, just as Wang Zhen is. They can’t betray me without destroying themselves, but I can destroy them if I need to.
Almost as quickly as the contemplation to kill Lei appeared shame erased it. Lei was his sworn brother. They had helped each other survive those terrible years after Yong Le’s massacre of the imperial household, and in fact both of them were the only ones who still remained. Lei was precious to him. He took a deep breath to steady himself, closing his eyes as his body shook with tension.