by Carol James
Luck had nothing to do with it. Sam was safe because of God and nothing else. Still, that he was OK was all she needed to know. He was OK. As the doctor answered Brad’s questions and described the procedures, she turned back toward Sam. If only she could climb into the bed and snuggle beside him, kiss his cheek, and whisper that everything would be fine.
Reaching over the rail, she caressed the fingertips of his right hand and then traced the veins on the back of it. The hand she’d held so often. The one that had pulled her close when they were dancing, that had gripped hers when he’d made her shift his car after their first trip to the Dairy Delite.
She brushed the back of her hand against the chestnut stubble on his face—his camouflage to age him for this trip—and suddenly they were back on the outcropping over the Balcones Canyon watching the sunrise, his early morning whiskers prickling her face as he kissed her in the golden dawn.
Then as she ran her fingers through the blond silk covering his head, her mouth curved into an involuntary smile. He wasn’t bald.
Suddenly the doctor’s answer to Brad’s question knifed its way into her thoughts. “Soccer? I can’t imagine he’ll ever play again. That knee’s been through too much.”
This loss would be devastating to him. Soccer was not only his profession, but it was so much of the person he was. It had been his world, his universe, for most of his life. As tears crept back into her eyes, she lifted his hand and kissed the back of it.
His eyes fluttered open and a soft smile warmed his face. “Hello.”
She entwined her fingers with his as relief rushed through her entire body. “Hi, Sam.”
He knit his eyebrows together. “Do I know you? ’Cause if I don’t, I want to.” His words were slow and childlike.
Dr. Andrews stepped over beside her. “That’s the meds talking. He might be a little loopy for a while.”
“Uh-oh. A doctor. This can’t be good.” Sam held on to her hand.
“I’m Dr. Andrews, Sam. Everything will be fine. I’ll be back to check on you in a couple of hours.”
“By-eee. See you later, alligator.”
As the doctor left the room, Sam turned his attention back to her. “He didn’t even say, ‘After a while crocodile.’ So what’s your name?”
He was so cute when he was confused. “It’s Katherine, Sam.”
“Wait...Katherine...Are you sure I don’t know you?”
Brad chuckled as he stepped up beside her. “Hey, buddy.”
“Brad. Great to see you, man. What are you doing here?”
Before Brad could answer, Sam had moved on. “She’s not your girl, is she?” He was talking about her as if she wasn’t even in the room.
“No, Sam. She’s yours.”
Sam’s eyes flew open wide. “Mine? Are you joking?” Grinning, he turned his attention back to Katherine. “You’re my girlfriend? Really? You wouldn’t kid me, would you? Really? I’m the luckiest guy in the world.”The smile vanished as quickly as it had appeared. “So, why aren’t we married? If you’re my girlfriend and I’m your boyfriend and we love each other, we should be married, right?”
If only things were that simple. She opened her mouth to answer, but his monologue trailed on.
“We do love each other, right?”
“Yes, we do.”
“You’re my girlfriend. I’m your boyfriend. We love each other. Then why aren’t we married? Wait. Have I been an idiot? Is it because I haven’t asked you? ’Cause if that’s the reason, I can ask you right now.”
Lying would be the easiest response. She could say they were engaged. After all, he had asked her. And if she hadn’t been so self-righteous, they would be now. She’d tried to make things right and asked him, hoping he’d accept. But he hadn’t. And no matter what she said in this moment, as the drugs wore off he’d remember the truth. “No. You’ve asked me.”
His eyes blinked slowly, confusion clouding his face. “So, why aren’t we married?”
“We love each other very much, but it’s complicated.” As she brushed his hair back from his brow, his eyes fluttered closed. Leaning over the rail, she kissed him on his forehead and then whispered the truth her heart must someday come to believe. “And no matter what we feel, no matter how long we’ve waited for each other, some things in life are simply not meant to be.”
30
The wooden runners creaked with the even cadence of a ticking clock as Katherine pushed the rocking chair back and forth on the sidewalk in front of Cattlemen’s Hotel. These past weeks had gone by unbelievably fast. Summers had seemed so much longer when she was in school.
Dad dropped down into the chair beside hers and matched her rhythm. “Nice night, huh?”
Because Cassie and Sam still occasionally texted, he knew what tonight was just as well as she did.
He reached out and patted her hand. “Baby Girl, maybe in a few months you should go visit that college friend of yours over in London.”
“I don’t know. We’ll see. Maybe it’s time to move on and see what’s around the bend.”
Cassie burst through the hotel doors onto the sidewalk and struck a pose. “What do you guys think?”
She was total cowgirl—boots, tight denims, an old-fashioned, calico western shirt complete with fringe and pearl snap buttons, all topped off with a straw cowboy hat.
Dad grinned as he spoke. “I think you’ll have to be careful, or they just might throw you onto a horse and ask you to run barrels.”
“What do you think, Beth?”
“You look great, Cassie. Absolutely perfect.”
Cassie smiled. “Thanks. You sure you won’t come to the rodeo with us? I don’t want you to be alone.”
“I’ll be fine, Cassie, really.” Their relationship had come so far this summer. “I’ll sit here and people-watch for a while, and then I’ll probably go over to the restaurant across the street for dinner. The clerk at the front desk said they have western dancing on Saturday nights, and I think it’d be fun to watch.”
Dad leaned over and kissed her on the forehead. “From one fellow introvert to another, enjoy the alone time.” He smiled, and he and Cassie turned and walked down the sidewalk toward the rodeo complex.
The street was washed in peaceful gray as the sun slipped behind the buildings and evening approached. For the first time in her adult life, her heart was at peace. No agenda, no notebooks, no lists. For as long as she could remember, she’d been living in the future, always planning and dreaming about what would be instead of enjoying what was. For years, life in the present had passed her by.
She’d spent her days waiting, dreaming, making entries on lists, marking through entries on lists. And how people spent their days was how they spent their life. Once a moment was gone, it couldn’t be gotten back.
Losing Mom and meeting Sam had taught her that.
The last weeks had been hard, but good. Cassie hadn’t spoken to her for days after Sam left for rehab in Dallas. Yet sisterhood had eventually won out, and Cassie had forgiven her. Life was too short for agendas and grudges. For waiting and not doing.
Sam’s words at that Oklahoma high school had run and rerun through her mind many times since they’d returned from the mission trip. Like his, her happiness would not be found in another person or in checking off entries on a list. What she had been seeking all these years through accomplishments, through jobs, and relationships had been right in front of her all the time, waiting for her to reach out and take it. But her “busyness” had obscured it.
Only in being still had she been able to see. True contentment and peace flowed from only one source. And no matter what direction her life was to take, she would learn to be content, because she finally understood the origin of true contentment. Thank You, Father.
And whatever the future held for Sam, her prayer was that he would find the same measure of contentment. And a still, small Voice deep inside suggested he would.
She loved him. She always would on some level. An
d while she would have been, and would still be, happy to be his wife, she was learning she could be content without him. But being the student was oftentimes difficult, and contentment didn’t come by flipping a switch. Growing in contentment was a process, and many days she failed as often as she succeeded. Yet with the passing of each moment, feeling at peace with her situation became easier. Would she be happier being married? Maybe. But life wasn’t all about her happiness.
Above all else, she knew one thing. Whatever road God placed before her would lead to one destination if she let it. True contentment and peace. He loved her with an everlasting, unconditional love.
As she lifted her eyes toward the sky, a small metallic glint flashed off a plane high above. Sam was flying back to London this evening. Maybe that flight was his. Maybe that plane was headed for Heathrow, and he was on it. God bless, my love.
The melancholy sound of a steel guitar floated across the road from the restaurant. She stood as its moaning melody beckoned to her. If she went on now, she’d have plenty of time to eat and then return to the hotel room and soak in the tub before Dad and Cassie returned.
The restaurant was packed with Saturday night patrons. Following the hostess to a tiny table in the corner, she wove her way between the couples on the dance floor. Some of them were good. But most of them were not any better than she and Sam had been. As Juanita has proclaimed, they were the perfect couple. She’d probably never find another partner like him. But then, she wasn’t exactly looking anymore.
Watching the couples move and twirl around the floor birthed an empty sweetness within her. The sweetness of his playful spirit, his excitement with living, his tenderness toward her feelings. The emptiness that he was gone and no longer a part of her life. She would carry these emotions deep in her heart forever.
“Excuse me, ma’am.” From out of nowhere a tall cowboy had materialized.
She shook off her memories and moved back into the present.
“I was wonderin’ if you’d like to dance.”
Her first impulse was to decline, just as she would have done before Sam. But a new woman was sitting in her chair. The one who was no longer a spectator to life—the one who was no longer simply waiting. “Thank you. I think I’d enjoy that.”
She followed him to the dance floor, and then he turned and offered her his hand. “I’m Rusty.”
“I’m Kath—Katy Beth, Rusty. Nice to meet you.”
The band began the next song, the loudness of the music making any attempt at conversation fruitless. As her right hand grasped his left, and then she rested the fingertips of her left hand on his shoulder, he placed his free hand against her back, and they began.
At first, they simply scooted around the dance floor, and then his hands told her he was going to lead her into a turn. As she came out of the turn, she looked into his face and he smiled, but it wasn’t right.
The fault, though, was not his. He was a good enough dancer, but dancing with him was just all wrong. She closed her eyes. He was too tall. Her arms were reaching uncomfortably upward. His hand was large and calloused, imprisoning hers. And he was wearing Clark’s cologne.
As the music ended, they dropped hands and, following the lead of the other dancers, clapped for the band. “Thank you, Katy Beth. How about another?”
“Maybe later, Rusty.” She didn’t mean that. “You’re a wonderful dancer, but I think I’ll get something to eat. I’m starving.” She didn’t really mean that, either.
“Thank you, ma’am.” He tipped his hat and sauntered back to join his friends at the bar.
She sat back down at her table and leafed through the menu. She wasn’t hungry enough to order a big meal, and she sure wasn’t in the mood to read all the pages of the gastronomic encyclopedia. Surely, they had some sort of grilled chicken salad and iced tea. She placed the menu into the chrome holder on the back of her table. Her gaze fell on the last page, and she changed her mind. Forget the tea.
“Are you ready to order?” A young woman who couldn’t have been much older than Cassie smiled and held her pen in the ready position.
~*~
By the beginning of the third dance, her food came. Rusty certainly hadn’t been mourning her loss. He’d been dancing the whole time.
The salad looked delicious, but the float looked even more so. She took a sip. It was almost as good as the ones from Dairy Delite. Before she could take another taste, her memories ambushed her, and her eyes filled. Not with tears of sadness, but with tears of gratitude for having known him, however brief the time. Thank You, Father.
Although she may never completely understand the purpose of their meeting again, their falling in love, and their going back to their separate lives, she would always be grateful it had happened. Knowing Sam had changed her, had pulled her out of the mire of routine and freed her to move on with life. Maybe one of these days she’d be able to thank him.
The verse about God working all things for good for those who love Him filled her heart. Good would come from this. It already had. And it was time for her, as she’d told Dad, to see what was on down the road.
In everything that had happened this summer, she had only one regret. She hadn’t seen Sam since that night in the hospital in Oklahoma because they’d taken him to Dallas by ambulance the next day. She could have driven up to visit him over these past few weeks, but she hadn’t. She’d needed some time to process her feelings. And now that she was in a place where she was ready to see him, he’d already left.
A tear tracked down her cheek and dropped onto the table. Even though she was content, she could still have regrets.
Dad might be right. Maybe she should plan a trip to London in the near future. More than anything, she wanted to see him one more time, to know he truly was OK, to confirm he had accepted the apology she’d made that night in Oklahoma—and above all that he had really forgiven her.
The fragrance of an ocean breeze overcame her before she realized anyone was there. As she looked upward into the Caribbean eyes she loved, she tried to speak his name, but no sound would come.
“Hi, Katherine.” His voice was soft, his tone tenuous, unsure.
She quickly wiped her eyes and was barely able to muster enough breath to whisper. “Hi, Sam.”
“Is this chair taken?”
As she shook her head, he sat down across from her.
“How did you know...?”
“Cassie.”
She should have known. “So, I thought you were flying back to London tonight.”
“How did you...?”
“Cassie.” She’d missed his grin.
“I am, but I changed it to a later flight.”
“I hope everything’s OK.”
“I just had some unfinished business to take care of.”
Her heart began to race. “You did?”
“Yeah. Seems you reneged on a bet I won at Balcones. I beat you downstairs that morning, remember? You owe me a root beer float.”
She held her hand up and motioned for her server. “Please bring him a float.”
“Yeah, and you can put it on her ticket.” His eyes twinkled as he grinned. “She’s buying.”
“So what’s new with you?” She was sitting across from the man she loved, the man who would always be Her One, and she couldn’t think of anything better to say?
He didn’t answer her question. “Did you ever get your job back?”
“Clark wasn’t able to hire me as a permanent employee. I’m doing contract work for him, and I really like the flexibility. I can work from home most of the time, so that allows me to help my dad and be there for Cassie when he travels. I’ll probably look for something else in a while. But then, maybe not. We’ll see what’s ahead.”
The waitress set his float on the table. “Thank you, miss.” He spooned some of it into his mouth.
“So what about you? Anything new?”
“Lots.” He pushed the float aside and looked into the depths of her soul. “I ca
n’t play professional football anymore. My knee won’t take it.”
Before she could stop herself, she rested her hand on his. Her eyes searched his for some hint of devastation. Soccer had been the focus of his entire life. “Oh, Sam. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s OK. I’ve had a lot of time to think the last few weeks in Dallas, and I’m at peace with it. I got to live my dream for almost ten years, which is more than many people get. Besides, I’m not the same man I was even a few months ago, and I don’t want the same things any more.” He placed his free hand on top of hers. “Everything works together for a reason.”
He was paraphrasing the Bible verse she’d called to mind earlier. “What will you do?”
“That’s what’s so great. They’ve asked me to stay on with the organization and do some scouting and recruiting. I’ll be traveling all over, but the best thing is, I can live wherever I choose. They said I don’t have to live in the UK unless I want.”
So he could stay here in the States, but he was going back to London anyway. He took another spoon of his float, and just as that first night at Dairy Delite a small dot of foam remained on his upper lip. Then she’d wondered what kind of a kisser he was. Tonight, she knew. Passion burned through her whole body as she fought with her entire being the urge to lean over and kiss the sweetness away. Instead, she gently blotted it with a napkin.
Reaching up, he grasped her hand. “I do have one other bit of unfinished business.”
The desire for him to ask her to go with him sprang from the deepest well of her heart. Her breathing quickened as she ached to hear the words.
“I want to thank you. You, your family, Brad and Josh, you’ve all helped me learn what life’s really about. I was so wrong for so many years. Knowing you has changed me, and I will be forever grateful. I just had to tell you before I left.”
The band began one of the songs they’d danced to in the Longhorn Suite that night with Juanita. He stood and offered his hand. “How about one more time before I go? Who knows when I’ll have a chance to Two Step again?”