by Daniel Caet
“Zazva is his real name?” Becca asked suddenly.
“No, it is not. But this is what its people call her, although it is not even a gypsy name, it comes from an ancient Sanskrit word, Zazvata. But I'll leave that for her to explain.”
Becca wanted to protest, but Charice's shrill voice interrupted her.
“Becca! Becca, you won't believe it, they have a bathroom! And what a bathroom, with everything and a bathtub!” she shouted as she dragged her hand without giving her a chance to end the conversation with Sadith.
The night was nice and warm although it didn't last long. They had the opportunity to take a bath, to soothe the aching body from the long trip in that van and to have dinner, a meal that Becca could not recognise, but which, probably due to hunger and fatigue, seemed the best she had ever tasted. Then they could sleep in soft beds and, although Becca was aware that they had barely slept for about five hours, when Sadith woke them at dawn, she felt fresh and rested. The breakfast was frugal, just a little hot milk with sugar and some toasted bread with honey, and before they had finished it Eustace was already urging them to go outside as fast as they could. The butler´s attitude was beginning to irritate Becca who was less and less able to stand by his side, but she could not say if what bothered her was that he tried to hover around as if he were the group's boss or that he had not been able to address her since the cemetery incident. Be that as it may, Becca didn't have time to rejoice in her anger with Eustace because what awaited her outside the house left her breathless. In front of her was a group of mules, tall as she had never seen them, and Becca was convinced they looked at her badly from the moment she left the house.
“This is a joke, right?”
“Your mother lives in the mountains, how do you expect us to get there if it's not on the back of a mule?” replied Sadith, who was already on one of the animals.
“They don't know what quads are, here?”
“Where we are going, no quad can reach, Rebecca, so I recommend you get on it if you don't want to be left behind.”
One of the gypsies helped a very unhappy Becca to throw herself on top of one of the animals, because the way she climbed on it could not be defined as riding. But if Becca was horrified by that experience, there was someone who was still less impressed. Charice, who had had to climb with the help of two men on top of a mule thrush, kept complaining about the smell of beasts, the flies they attracted, and that they were most likely full of fleas, ticks, lice and all kind of undesirable creatures. In response to her kind words, the mule threw her twice to the ground causing Charice to add insults to her string of compliments for the quadruped.
The first half hour was truly uncomfortable for Becca who was afraid of falling off the animal, but when she finally managed to relax, she forgot what was between her legs to recreate only in the images that filled her eyes. Those mountains were a kaleidoscope of green, orange and ochre colours, dotted with the grey of the stones that constituted them. For a moment, Becca thought she could understand why someone would choose to live there, among nature, among that absolute beauty. Even the cold air that traveled the roads they slowly climbed did not matter to her in the least; somehow, there, in the middle of who knew where and surrounded by strangers, she felt free, much more than she had ever been.
They followed the ascent path without stopping even for the meal that consisted of some bread and cheese on the mount. The road entered a cold and dark forest that covered one of the mountain slopes. As soon as they entered the forest it was as if they had become deaf, not a single sound could be heard. Becca was surprised that not even birds or the wind could be heard on the tree branches. As if he had realised what she was thinking, riding a few steps behind her, Eustace spoke:
“The name of this forest is translated as the gate of hell in ancient Romanian. The legend says that the devil has one of the entrances to his house here, and that he forbade the birds and the rest of the animals to make noise to be able to hear well if someone approached his abode.”
Becca did not answer although she was surprised he had deigned to speak to her beyond giving instructions. The man, seeing that he did not receive an answer, took that as a sign that she did not want to know anything about him and thrust the mule forward to the head of the group, leaving Becca half pissed off and half very pissed off.
The afternoon was very advanced, they had been riding all day without a break and the forest, which drowned with its mantle the little heat that the sun of that hour provided, seemed never to end. The road continued between the shadows and the silence for at least another couple of hours until finally the trees in front of them seemed to separate from the road, as if they were opening the entrance to another world. Before them a great esplanade was deployed, a huge clearing in the middle of that sea of trees that seemed to have separated respecting that immense space as if it were something sacred.
When her mule finally entered the clearing, Becca was even more surprised to see that the space was occupied by what seemed like a miniature town, formed by about twenty wooden houses as taken from a medieval tale, organised around a small square with a fountain in the central part around which a huge amount of life was displayed. There were kids running around the fountain, older women sitting on the edge chatting, people coming and going from one house to another or going into the farthest part of the forest. And they all had something in common, nobody paid the slightest attention to newcomers as if their visit was something expected, predictable. The gypsies who had accompanied them all the way started talking to the locals, and it was obvious that they were not strangers in the community. Becca saw someone giving them directions pointing to one end of the clearing where a narrow dirt road entered the forest again. One of the men came straight to Becca, who barely managed to get off the mule and began speaking to her in that language that Becca was supposed to be unaware of. Becca was tempted to tell him to stop, that she didn't speak his language; but suddenly she remembered what the woman had said and without hesitation she took a deep breath and concentrated on the man's words, not only wishing to understand him, but knowing that she would. Immediately his sentences began to make sense.
“Zazva is waiting for you,” the man said patiently as if he knew that she could now understand him. “You must follow the path, she waits there.” And his hand pointed to the path that entered the forest.
Becca looked at the unsafe road, unable to decide whether to obey the man or not until Sadith's voice rang out behind her.
“You've been waiting for this for a long time, Rebecca, there's no time for more doubts. I know, you're scared, but if it's any consolation, I don't think she's calmer than you.” Sadith smiled at the same time that her warm hands held hers, giving her the strength to take the first step toward the road. The following steps were easier. The road climbed surrounded by forest to reach a high ground, a new clearing although smaller. When she managed to reach the place, Becca saw a cliff unfold in front of her, offering a wonderful view of the mountains around her with the sun right in front of her starting her descent to hide behind the mountain. Its rays bathed all around in a red light the color of intense fire, the same color as the long, silky hair of the woman who was facing away from her, looking at the abyss. As if she had found out her presence, the woman turned slowly to look at her, and Becca found herself facing a beautiful face like that of a marble statue she had seen only in museums, a face she knew well because it was the face of the woman who had saved her from the creature in the gardens of Duncan Hall. A face with an immense resemblance to Sadith's and that looked at her with eyes full of tears.
Suddenly, the woman's voice rang in her mind, a sweet and calm voice that called her by her name and, somehow, Becca could remember hearing her speak her name long ago.
“Rebecca.”
Becca wanted to scream, run to her and hit her, make her pay for all the pain and loneliness she had had to live, show her how much hatred she felt for her, for abandoning her, cause her the same pain or an even greater o
ne, making her suffer as she had suffered, as she still did. Her legs took control and ran towards the woman with all her strength, but her hands didn't hit her, her words didn't hurt her, instead, her arms clung to her as if they would never separate again and the woman, corresponding to her embrace only whispered four words in her ear full of immense love.
“You'll never be alone again!”
Becca didn't know how much time she spent there, hugging that woman, but she knew she didn't want to get away from her. The woman took her face in her hands and spoke again with the same sweetness.
“You have become a beautiful woman and one of whom I am tremendously proud of! We have a lot to talk about, but now we need to go back to the town, the temperature will fall very fast now that the sun has set.” Becca tried to protest, she had so many things to ask her that she didn't want anything to interrupt that moment, and the woman seemed to read her thoughts. “I know, I know, but we'll have time for it, I promise.” And she took her hand to guide her back down the path to the village. When they arrived at the square it was already dark night. Many of the houses had lanterns timidly lighting their doors. The woman made her way to one of the houses furthest from the square and, without knocking on the door, entered followed by Becca. Inside, Sadith, Charice, and Eustace were waiting for them, sitting on wooden chairs by a fire that seemed like a blessing to Becca because it was freezing. The woman and Sadith merged into a deep hug, and without saying a word they only looked into each other's eyes making Becca wonder what they could be saying to each other. The hug lasted a few moments and, when they finally separated, Sadith turned to Charice.
“Charice, I think you're the only one who doesn't know my sister, Liliath.”
The name echoed in Becca's brain and her heart quickened as if her heartbeat wanted to echo that name. Liliath. Her mother, the woman she had just met was none other than Liliath, the Liliath she had been reading about for weeks, the treacherous Liliath, thirsty for power and capable of everything, even abandoning her own children for reaching her goals. Becca's heart broke and she felt stupid. She should have guessed. She must have assumed that her life could not suddenly become a soap opera in which the orphan finds an adorable mother. She hadn't wanted to see it, but she had always known. That woman was a monster and she was the monster's daughter. Becca began to feel how anger controlled her, how anguish took control and how the flame burned inside her again. They had lied to her, throughout her life they had lied to her! They had abused her trust, her desire to clarify her role in the world, in her family. She had been weak, fragile and manageable, but never again. She could feel the fire growing inside her about to overflow and put an end to all that lie and liars. Suddenly, a warm hand landed on her shoulder and Sadith's voice echoed in her mind.
“Breathe deeply,” she said. “Nothing is what it seems. The Liliath you've met in Helel's words and the one in front of you are different women. You should give yourself the opportunity to meet your mother through your mother's eyes, not through what others can tell you about her.”
Becca wasn't sure she wanted to accept that what Sadith was telling her was true, but she finally obeyed and began to breathe deeply to calm the rage inside her. A few seconds later the flame had disappeared, and she was herself again. When she raised her head, she found Liliath's face covered in sadness that was staring at her. Becca avoided her gaze and the woman, understanding the message, said goodbye to everyone until the next day and left the house. Sadith left after her and Becca said goodbye to Charice and Eustace with the excuse that she was exhausted from the trip.
That night the dreams were not pleasant, her mind conjured images of calcined corpses around her, but the bodies were not arranged randomly, all of them were prostrated before her, showing her adoration while she reigned over that death and rot knowing that she was the only cause. And among that death, Becca was the only sovereign.
The headache when she woke up was one to remain in history. Fortunately, Charice kept in her bag her collection of pills of all sorts that Becca could combine with a coffee that tasted like glory. They had not seen anyone else in the house, and Becca assumed that breakfast had been prepared by Eustace who was still completely missing just like Sadith. Luckily, Charice had not slept well either and was not particularly talkative, something that Becca's head was greatly grateful for. After breakfast Charice decided to sleep a while longer, and Becca thought it was a perfect opportunity to get some air without anyone getting in between her and her thoughts.
When she went outside, a group of children approached her playing and making a tremendous uproar, but they left immediately when a woman squealed something from the fountain in the square that did not seem very pleasant. Becca looked around and was surprised to see the amount of life and activity that this small town displayed at that time of the morning. There were a considerable number of people who worked hard to get from one place to another, chatting with their neighbours and not worrying about her at all. Suddenly, at the other end of the square, Becca saw Liliath coming out of one of the houses with some box in her hands. She was accompanied by an older and very fragile-looking woman who hugged her tenderly to say goodbye.
“Zazva is our blessing,” said a voice behind her and Becca realised that her mind had automatically recognised the words. She turned to meet the same woman who had yelled at the boys a second earlier. “She takes care of us. If it weren't for her, we would all be dead,” she said and a second later she left without giving Becca a chance to respond.
She didn't think about it for another second, her feet almost acted automatically and glided to follow Liliath who had gone back into the forest. She followed her in the distance without having any idea where she was going while she went deeper and deeper into the thicket, until she finally saw her arrive at a wooden house, built among the trees in a kind of high ground and with a wooden ladder that led to the door. Becca kept a certain distance from the house without knowing what to do and thinking that it was probably better to turn around, but suddenly the door of the house opened again and Liliath came outside and talked to her.
“Do you want to come in?” she asked sweetly. “I think I owe you a few explanations,” she said without getting an answer from Becca that wasn't sure what to do. “Please!”
Becca thought for another second, but finally entered the house after Liliath. The cabin was extremely simple, divided into two parts at different heights separated by a curtain that was open and showed a wooden bed and some bunkers on the highest floor, while the lower floor had only a large fire with some pots around and some armchairs that had long past their prime.
“Please sit! You´ll see that I don't live with many comforts. Do you want some tea?” she said offering her a ceramic cup with a steaming liquid.
“Thank you. Can I ask you why you don't live in town?”
“I like to live close to nature, and over the years I have developed a taste for being alone. The town people built this house for me. If it had not been for them I do not know what would have been of me, they helped me in a time of great need and welcomed me again when I needed to hide from the world. Actually, when we both needed it.”
“What do you mean?”
“Tell me something, what did you feel when you first entered the forest?”
“Actually, it seemed like the most beautiful place in the world.”
“And yet, it is a place that causes fear in many people, and not only because of the legends around it.”
“Eustace told me something about it.”
“However, in you the effect was different. Gypsies say that one always retains a special bond with the place where he was born, that place is as sacred as the mother herself.”
“How?”
“You were born in this town, among these people, Becca,” Liliath said, leaving Becca without knowing what to say. “When it was time to give birth, the circumstances around us, let´s say they were unsafe, so I hid in the only place where I knew that nobody could ever reach
us.”
“I see that the amount of things I don't know is immense,” Becca replied in a sour tone.
“Maybe it would be better if we focus first on what you do know, don't you think?”
“Oh, yes? Let me see! My name is Rebecca Engels, although that is probably not even my real name. I am an orphan, although in reality, I have a very large family with a mother and an aunt who must be two thousand years old or older, a father I know nothing about, but who strives to make me not to lose my love for reading by sending me magical books that tell stories that I don't understand. Oh, yes! They have tried to kill me about two hundred times in recent months, but there is no problem because I am able to destroy entire neighbourhoods with a movement of my eyelashes as if I was an atomic bomb with legs, but I do not have to worry about anything because, at least, I know where I was born. Don't fuck with me, okay?”
“Beyond the ironic tone, it's a relatively successful summary,” Liliath replied, smiling, which made Becca exasperate even more.
“Do you or any of our beloved family members have any idea of the disastrous life I have thanks to you?” Becca replied, noting how her anger was increasing and her heart was accelerating.
“Believe me, I am very conscious, and in no case was our intention, but if you accept an advice, it is time for you to stop crying around the corners for the hard life that you have had to live and begin to take the reins of that life and take it wherever you want it to go.”
“This is the last straw!” Becca shouted and threw the cup of tea that broke into a thousand pieces against the floor. “It is you who ruined my life leaving me when I needed you most. Because of you, I have spent my life alone, overwhelmed by my fears, the greatest of them fearing myself, what I knew I was capable of doing and not controlling. And now you come with life lessons? Save them because you have long lost your right to tell me how to live my life. I know who I am, and I don't need your guide to live my life.” Her body was tense like a rope, all her muscles prepared like a panther ready to attack.