Lovesick Little

by Leslie Phelan

  Arielle took little steps toward him until her toes were right under the bed’s edge. She fixed her gaze down upon the man who didn’t choose her, who never even once considered her in the running. For a second, she felt bitter jealousy poison her heart, and she welcomed it. After all, one would require sufficient hatred in order to muster up the rage it takes to cut a man’s heart out.

  The longer she stared, envious of the love they’d undoubtedly spent all night making, the more she cursed them both for leaving her out in the cold. Without taking her eyes off his face, she slowly began to raise the dagger over his heart.

  She clutched the handle so tightly, her knuckles hurt. Her arms shook, and her wrists ached cold. She began to imagine what it would be like to hold his heart, finally. To dive back into the cool ocean with it pumping in her little hands. She wondered if he ever realized he’d been holding hers all along.

  Suddenly, something took over her body. Without even thinking about it, her eyes shut, her knees buckled, and she threw the wretched instrument of death out the open window. As it hit the water, it turned the blue ocean around it a bloody shade of red, as if the dagger itself was bleeding in her love’s place. He was safe, and her chance was gone. And now, her time was up.

  As the dagger sunk out of view, a vibration of peace was restored to the room. In this moment of absolute clarity, Arielle realized there was no way that she or any desperate, terrified version of herself could have ever gone through with hurting Gabriel. It simply wouldn’t have been possible; the love within her would have never agreed, for she knew that to live knowing she’d hurt one so wonderful would’ve been a fate far worse than death.

  Now empty-handed and with no choice but to die, she looked down at him again. Blissfully asleep, he had no idea that his little foundling was about to leave his side forever. How terribly she missed him already.

  Her lips began to quiver and she fell to her knees at his side. She whimpered without a sound, and wept without tears in the pathetically, unsatisfyingly dry cry that only mermaids know. As she wept, frustrated and sad, she kissed softly his hand that hung over the edge of the bed. Gently pressing her lips and rubbing her soft cheeks against the cluster of freckles that dotted his wrist, she silently sobbed some more, finding it unbearable to think that, just like on the day she saved him, the impending sunrise meant she’d have to part from him. Except this time, she’d never get to see him again. The idea of it was so devastating that it sucked the wind right out of her.

  When she pulled away, she noticed there was a little drop of water sitting on his hand where her cheek had just been. Her eyes began to blur, as if they were filling up with moisture.

  Investigating the wet peculiarity, she touched her finger to her lower lashes and then inspected what she found. A tear! Could it be? The feeling of release was merciful. The tear was so tiny and yet, looking down at the drop on her finger, she could imagine an entire wet universe within its blurry edges. It was such an incredible first that she wanted to save it, but then she remembered that where she was going, she could definitely not bring any keepsakes.

  A few tears were followed by many and they began streaming down her face with increasing force. A floodgate had burst open, and there was no stopping the waters now. The tears came fast and strong, drenching her porcelain cheeks and reddening the whites of her blue eyes. She cried for her life that was over, and for all the pretty things she’d be leaving behind. She struggled to catch her breath as it all sank in, that she was leaving forever and never, ever coming back.

  Then, all of a sudden, the tears ceased. All went quiet inside her head, and she felt a calm warmth roll over her body, expanding her from the chest out as she took long, slow breaths. In this moment of heightened senses and still-standing time, something assured her that there was nothing left to fear.

  It was a peculiar feeling, for losing out on Gabriel’s love had been the worst conceivable scenario from the start. But somehow, in this moment while she made peace with her ending, she couldn’t ignore a feeling that the universe was unfolding exactly as it should, and everything, though presently it hurt, was all working out for the best. Warmth began to radiate from deep within her, and she found herself feeling glad for the two young lovers, and wishing beautiful things for their future.

  She wiped her face dry and let out a deep sigh, peering mistyeyed out the window as the sun, still hidden behind the edge of the world, began to heat up the horizon. In just a few more moments, a new day would begin and it would be time for her body to become one with the whitecaps.

  So, in the spirit of getting the hard part over with, she stood up and wiped her teary hands on the fabric of her nightgown. As she did so, she noticed that something strange was happening to the tips of her fingers. In addition to the water that was streaming through her eyes, her fingertips seemed to be disintegrating into tiny, wet bubbles. She observed them for a moment; as soon as they formed, they broke away from her body and floated out upon the air. Her ending was beginning, and that was all there was to know.

  She turned and went for the door but when she reached for the handle, her hand fell right through it as more bubbles lifted away. She used her elbow to open it and as she stepped through, glanced down at her toes to see that small, foamy puddles surrounded them as well. The puddles evaporated almost as soon as she stepped past them. She was evaporating, too.

  Realizing what was happening and knowing she hadn’t much time, she started towards the back of the ship. She began to run, feeling herself become lighter as iridescent little bubbles dispersed into her wake. Tears fell from her eyes still, but now they did so in streaming globules of salty air that rolled down her cheeks to be licked away by the breeze. She was becoming sea foam.

  When she reached the stern, she grabbed onto its white railing. Her fingers were now gone, but her palms remained. She lifted a foot to step up but fell forward, and tumbled right through the railing. She was tufts of shimmering opalescence, falling to the water in slow motion, witnessing the sun’s rays break dawn one final time. As she breathed in her last breath of salty sea air, she thought of Gabriel’s face.

  As she hit the ocean water for the first time that summer, she expected to feel its beautiful, refreshing cold shoot through her. Instead, she felt a cozy tingling all over as her body disintegrated into a constellation of tiny air pockets, churning gently with the moving water. Waves rolled through her and twirled the last remaining bubbles from her nightgown, and she felt what it was to become one with the spritzing crest. Feeling her body recycle itself back into the will of the waters, she said a sweet goodbye to the short but extraordinary life she’d lived. And she closed her eyes, preparing to slip away for good.

  But then, just as the last of her light was about to be extinguished, something gripped her in its warm, loving arms. She couldn’t see what was holding her, but could feel it cradling her sweetly as it scooped her from the water, lifting her higher and higher. Soon, the waves she had just been rolling in were far beneath her and she was floating in the clouds.

  “Who are you?” she asked as she looked all around her. She had her voice back, and it felt wonderful vibrating through her throat and chest again. She searched for a face in the clouds around her but saw no one. Then, she heard the most angelic voice, and knew without a doubt that she was being carried by the loving spirit of her mother.

  As soon as she knew it, a beautiful, smiling face appeared before her. Diaphanous and otherworldly, her mother looked exactly like she’d always pictured, with the same flaxen hair and fair skin as her own, and the kind of deep blue eyes that seemed to peer straight into the core of her.

  “My child, how I’ve been waiting to see you; I was prepared to wait three hundred years more!” Her face was so beautiful and beaming with joy, and she shone like a bright star. Arielle couldn’t believe her eyes, and felt herself tear up again. She was so very happy to see her mother, but was ashamed of having failed, and for setting the whole plan out of order. “My belo
ved princess, why do you cry?” asked her mother. “There is nothing to fear anymore; we can rejoice now!” But the little mermaid just shook her head, remembering what the sea witch had told her. Since she hadn’t found the love she’d set out to find, she’d have to give up her place among her family.

  “Mother, there is no place for me in the heavens anymore. I am to remain as sea foam on the crests of the waves for all eternity.” She cast her eyes down in disgrace, expecting her mother to just bring her back down to the water. Instead, her mother began to giggle until her laughter was so jubilant and delightful, it echoed out into the sky. “My dear daughter, you have not failed at finding love! You have found more love than most souls could even hope for.” As they fell from her mother’s rosy lips, the words sounded too good to be true. “Love comes to us in many ways, and takes many different forms,” she explained. “You may not have found the exact love you were counting on, but rest assured that you are loved, and in ways that not even death could remove.”

  Arielle thought about what her mother was telling her. It was true, she had not found the romantic love she’d yearned for, but the more she thought about it, the more she realized that love truly had come to her from so many unexpected sources, from the beginning of her young life until the very end. She’d had the unconditional love of her family and people, and then when she ventured up on land, she’d found the love of a whole new family, and the kindness of so many souls. The more she examined this new definition of love, the more she realized it had been making her life sweeter every step of the way since long before she was even aware she was seeking it. Love was, and always had been, everything.

  Arielle closed her eyes and let the natural high of such a great truth send ripples of joy through her ascending spirit. Looking down at the grand vessel below, she thought of Gabriel who’d be waking soon, and wanted to take one last look at him before she left forever. She asked her mother to wait for her, and then floated herself down towards the ship and through the top deck until she was hovering like an angel above his bed. She watched him quietly through the sheer canopy, still as deep in dreamland as he had been just a few moments before when she left him. Already, it felt to her like a lifetime had passed since then.

  She drifted down until she was hovering right above him and gave her love a soft kiss on the brow. There had been so many things she had wanted to do to him, so many other ways in which she had wanted to kiss him. But now, while her spirit visited him this one last time, all there was to do was kiss him gently and unbeknown, the way she had done the first night when she had brought him to rest in the sand. She knew the memory of his face would live on in her dreams forever, and with that, she was finally ready to leave his side.

  Then, just as she was about to leave, the little mermaid Arielle stopped to wish well upon her worthy adversary. She imagined how sweet Erica’s dreams must have been as her head rested on the same pillow as Gabriel’s. But this time, amazingly, she felt not even the tiniest twinge of jealousy, only gladness and gratitude. So she made a wish for the dewy young lovers, that they may never take for granted the enrapturing love they’d found. And then she kissed his bride on the forehead as well.

  Just as she was about to float away, Erica stirred and yawned as if suddenly aware of her presence, but too sleepy to open her eyes. Arielle whispered in her ear, “Love him with all your soul,” and set an intention for eternal happiness for the both of them. Erica’s eyelashes fluttered softly, and she sleepily buried her face into her husband’s shoulder.

  “Forever I will,” Erica whispered back, smiling and giggling softly in her half-dreaming state. And as Arielle looked upon the woman who had ultimately bested her, she knew that the words she spoke were genuine. So she kissed her once again and in a glimmer of light, disappeared through their canopy and into the dawn’s pink skies. Just like that, she was gone from their lives forever.

  Suddenly roused from her sleep, Erica sat up and looked around the room, adjusting to the morning light. She could’ve sworn she’d heard a girl’s voice, but there was no one else in there except her snoozing sweetheart. Sleepily, she reached for her white silk robe and set her feet down off the bed. Groggily, she tiptoed towards the door, but the creak of the wooden floors woke her husband up. “Where are you going, beauty?” he asked as he sat up and rubbed his eyes.

  “Where’s Arielle?” she asked as she tied her robe. “Sleeping,” he answered curiously. But Erica looked somewhat worried, simply and intuitively shaking her head ‘no.’ Eyeing his new wife quizzically, Gabriel jumped up, pulled on a pair of pants followed her out. They were on a boat, after all, and there were only so many places their little friend could be hiding. But when they arrived at her door that was open just a crack, they saw that her bed and her room were empty.

  The blankets were turned over but just as Erica had already somehow known, they hadn’t been slept in. On her night table sat Gabriel’s harmonica and on her pillow sat her priceless necklace, the only thing she’d come into their life wearing.

  They searched all the rooms of the ship but she was nowhere to be found. The sunrise had already begun drying the dew off the decks, and they stood up on the top one, looking out to the glimmering waters. Then, just a few yards from the side of their grand vessel, she saw Arielle’s nightie floating on the waves.

  She gasped and leaned into her new husband. With heavy hearts, they both watched it drift away from the ship while they both came to understand that their little dancer was gone. As mysteriously and unexpectedly as she had come into their lives, she had now departed. They knew in their hearts that that was the last they’d ever see of her in this life. How terribly they already missed her.

  The little mermaid blew them kisses as she floated up and up, in the arms and by the wings of her dear mother. Together, they sang songs of beauty, renewal, and the persistence of love. After all, it was love that had led a little mermaid to transcend her oceanic existence, and it was love that now carried her spirit up into the next realm. The little mermaid’s soul would have an eternity to love, after all.

  Acknowledgements:

  I have written a fresh version of my favourite old story for the new souls of my day to enjoy, that we may keep this gorgeous fairytale alive, as reflected through the eyes of this modern world.

  Many people believed in me and supported me while I channeled and meditated upon the piece I was creating. To them I am eternally grateful, and it is with them in mind that I make this and any future contributions to the world’s collective trove of works of imagination.

  Elise M., my Phoenix, my designer, friend, and muse – thanks for sharing your vision and your talent to help me bring this piece from a scattered document into a beautiful book. Your encouragement saw me through the most discouraging of days. I am honoured to have created something with you.

  Odette M., thanks for the time you took to read and edit this manuscript. Your keen eye was most helpful, and I am forever grateful.

  Jessica H., thanks for being the dear friend who so thoroughly looked over my early draft. You were always wonderful like that.

  My amazing mom & dad, Howie & Anh. Thanks for raising me in a safe and lovely realm of love where imagination and creativity are honoured. I am who I am because of you two!

  Light, gratitude, and pretty thoughts for all.

  - 430

  Love,