98. If You Need Help, Get It
After struggling with the problem of trying to figure out what clothes work for me and why, I finally decided to bite the bullet and get some help.
My plan was to find a salesperson in one of our local stores who had put together a good look for herself and who would be able to help me do the same.
Over a couple of weeks, I spoke with three or four different women in various clothing departments, outlining what I was looking for. The first two made some halfhearted attempts to help, but were obviously not all that interested.
The third young woman was enthusiastic but, after I saw what she had pulled together from the racks, it was clear that she didn’t have a clue what she was doing for me, even though she had quite a good look for herself.
On the fourth try in as many weeks I hit the jackpot. I found a woman who was enthusiastic and knowledgeable, and clearly understood what I was trying to do in creating a simple look. Very briefly I outlined what I was looking for in terms of my various clothing needs and the colors I wanted to work with.
We set up an appointment for later in the week—to give her some time to pull some possibilities together—and she asked me to bring in the outfits that I liked from my own wardrobe so we could build from them.
Maryke spent several hours with me over the next couple of weeks. She showed me what worked from my closet and from the clothing she had selected from the racks and what didn’t and why—either a jacket was too short, or a skirt too long, or the cut wasn’t right for my shape, for example.
With her help I was able to zero in on the best silhouette for my body type. She helped me add a couple of pieces to my existing business outfits and to find a comfortable, washable, work-at-home look that, with some easy layering, I can use year round. And we added a couple of other pieces that dress down the business look or dress up the casual look so I can greatly expand the serviceability of each piece in my closet.
Building a simple wardrobe with the help of a personal shopper has made it possible for me to reduce my clothes shopping excursions to once a year, or less. It’s been over a year and a half, and the only new items I’ve acquired are some T-shirts to take me through the summer.
Now that I understand my silhouette and know what pieces I need to make it work for me, I can avoid the impulse shopping which contributes to corporate profits but seldom does anything positive for my wardrobe.
Getting some professional advice saved me an incredible amount of time, energy, and money, and it has immeasurably simplified my life.
If you can’t find a knowledgeable salesperson to help you, perhaps you have a friend who has an innate sense of style who can steer you in the right direction. Or you may be able to find a personal shopper listed in the yellow pages. Or simply ask around for the name of someone who can guide you once you carefully explain your parameters. Just remember to keep in touch with your own intuition through the process.
And don’t overlook consignment shops as an excellent source of quality clothing for your simple wardrobe.
99. The Simple Purse
One day several years ago I pulled into the parking lot of my neighborhood grocery store. As I was getting out of the car to go in to do my shopping, I happened to look over at the car that had pulled in beside me.
I watched a woman get out of the car, sling her duffle bag–sized purse over her shoulder, and walk across the lot into the store.
I knew for a fact that she was going to spend the next twenty minutes or so walking around the store with that bag over her shoulder. She’d come to the checkout counter, pay for her groceries, bring everything out to the car, climb in, and drive off.
She would have spent all that time carrying that huge bag around with her, and the only thing she would use from it would be a check or a two-inch by three-inch plastic credit card that weighs a fraction of an ounce.
I knew this because it was exactly the same thing I was going to do, and exactly what I had been doing for years.
I went home that night and emptied the contents of my bag onto the dining table. I sorted through every item and pulled out only the things I had actually used during the past week: my wallet, a pen, my lipstick, and a huge ring of keys. I put everything else back in the big bag, and found a smaller bag to hold the items I had actually used.
I put the large bag in the trunk of my car, in case I might actually need a pair of packaged rain slippers, a serrated knife, a small bottle of hand cream, a slightly shredded package of tissues, an empty perfume atomizer, a large hairbrush, a slightly mangled miniature tube of toothpaste, a small flashlight, a hand-held calculator, or any of the other vital accoutrements we tuck away in those gargantuan totes.
Six months went by. The emergency supplies in the trunk of the car went untouched. The strap-shaped crease in my right shoulder gradually faded. It occurred to me that I could possibly pare down some more.
I went through the same exercise with the smaller bag. What had I used from that bag recently? Four plastic credit card–sized cards: my driver’s license, my library card, one credit card, and a triple A card—which I hadn’t actually used, but you never know.
I pulled the money out of my wallet and set aside the wallet, with all its miscellaneous photos, old receipts, mangled business cards, and tattered pieces of paper with cryptic notes. I folded the green money, along with a couple of checks, and put these with the plastic cards. I ringed them all with a wide rubber band on which, just for the heck of it, I wrote “Gucci” in black ink.
I got rid of all the keys except a single car key, for which I don’t need a ring. (I use a garage door opener to get into my house.) Since I seldom write checks anymore (#80), I don’t require a pen—though there’s always one attached to a counter with a plastic cord should the need arise.
I had already stopped wearing sunglasses because it had become such a hassle to change them back and forth and to find them in the bottom of my bag.
I keep any spare change I might pick up from a folded money transaction in the car’s ashtray.
I keep a small emergency supply of tissues in the glove compartment.
Eventually, I got rid of the emergency bag from the trunk of the car.
I will say that even though I was delighted to be free of having to carry a heavy bag around all the time, I did go through some withdrawal pangs. Not only had I been in the habit of having a purse with me for many years—so for a brief time I felt almost undressed without it; but it had also become my security blanket. There lingered the small nagging concern that I might need one of those mostly useless items I had always carried with me. But, having seen all those items strewn over the dining table, I knew that I hadn’t actually used any of that stuff for a very long time, in some cases, ever.
It didn’t take long to get comfortable without a purse. Once I began to experience the freedom of not having to deal with that huge bag of stuff, there was no going back to carrying a handbag.
So now, in the pocket of whatever I happen to be wearing, I keep my “Gucci” rubber-banded cards/check/folded green stuff, my car key, and the one thing I would need above all else should I ever be stranded on a deserted island, my lipstick.
That’s it. It’s so simple. It’s so liberating.
THIRTEEN
Simple Wardrobe Ideas for Men
100. Gibbs’s Ideas for Simple Clothes for Men
Gibbs has volunteered to share his own thoughts about simple clothes for men. Here they are:
“When it comes to business clothing, men have it a lot easier than women. Unless they’re actors, they need only look neat, clean, and like everyone else they work with. The simple fact men’s clothing manufacturers would like you to forget is this: Nobody notices what a man is wearing unless it’s weird.
“Years ago, a friend of mine simplified his business wardrobe by restricting it to one gray suit with two pairs of pants, three blue shirts, one tie, one pair of shoes, and several identical pairs of socks. Nobody n
oticed.
“I asked him if there was anything he’d do differently. He said next time he’d get a suit with three pairs of pants, because pants wear out much faster than jackets.
“Clothing that isn’t for work can be chosen mostly for its function—fishing, woodchopping, ballroom dancing, for example. Pick it primarily for how well it does the job.
“As far as appearance is concerned, just don’t buy anything that glitters.”
There’s probably not a whole lot more that needs to be said about simple clothes for men. That in itself says a lot.
A FINAL THOUGHT
It’s been more than five years since Gibbs and I first made the decision to begin living simpler lives. Looking back, we see it as one of the better decisions we’ve made. Not only has it been a fun and challenging adventure, but it’s given us the incredible opportunity to step back and take life a little less seriously. We’ve come to see that even though we’ll never get to do it all, we can still be happy and fulfilled. In truth, it’s more often than not the quiet, simple moments that bring depth and meaning to our lives.
At its most basic level, the process of simplifying allows us to cut back on the incredible number of time- and energy-consuming options that confront us every day.
It was only a few years ago that when you wanted an ice cream cone, you could choose vanilla, chocolate, or strawberry. Now there are dozens of flavors to choose from. It was only a few years ago that when you wanted a new car, there were only a couple of dozen models to choose from. Now there are hundreds of models to choose from. You can apply this same expansion of options to nearly every area of our lives: the food we eat, the clothes we wear, the television programs we watch, the music we listen to, the sports we participate in, the web sites we frequent, and so on.
It’s gotten to the point for many of us that taking the time to consider all the flavors takes away a good portion of the time we have to enjoy the ice cream. As reader Kathy Louv said, “I’m learning to take the Baskin-Robbins out of my life.”
How do we do that? We start by becoming aware that the problem exists. Then we train ourselves to minimize the number of options we get exposed to through the clutter we accumulate, the activities we participate in, the expectations we try to meet, and our excursions through the mall.
But of course, having no options can complicate our lives, too. One of the greatest challenges we all face is to find a happy balance between the opportunities that are available to us, the media-implanted urge to have them all, and our own desire to keep focused on the things that really matter.
READING LIST
Household/Family
Campbell, Jeff. Clutter Control: Putting Your Home on a Diet. New York: Dell Trade Paperback, 1992. Dozens of books on the market tell you how to get organized. In my opinion this is one of the best. It’s a basic, no-nonsense approach. It’s also a great companion book to Speed Cleaning, listed next. But remember, the best way to control clutter is to get rid of it, and keep rid of it. That’s one of the basic tenets of the simple life.
Campbell, Jeff, and the Clean Team. Speed Cleaning. New York: Dell Trade Paperback, 1987. A delightfully easy system for simplifying household cleaning chores.
Rosemond, John. Six-Point Plan for Raising Happy, Healthy Children. Kansas City: Andrews and McMeel, 1989. Paperback. Outlines a simple, basic approach to raising children who are responsible and depend on themselves for their entertainment and, ultimately, their happiness. Also spells out Rosemond’s guidelines for family television use.
Wilson, Mimi, and Mary Beth Lagerborg. Once-a-Month Cooking. New York: St. Martin’s Press, 1986. Paperback. Describes a step-by-step plan for preparing two weeks or a whole month of main-meal dishes at a time.
Work/Creativity
Boldt, Laurence G. How to Find the Work You Love. New York: Penguin, 1996. This book won’t give you the answers but it will guide you to the right questions. It explains beautifully why, for your own growth and peace of mind, you have the duty and responsibility to find your life’s work.
Cameron, Julia. The Artist’s Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity. Los Angeles: Jeremy P. Tarcher, 1992. Paperback. Following the steps outlined in this book may help you find the work you love.
Orsborn, Carol. Enough Is Enough: Exploding the Myth of Having It All. New York: Putnam, 1986. A delightfully readable story of one superwoman’s decision to start living with a saner scale of expectations.
Saltzman, Amy. Downshifting: Reinventing Success on a Slower Track. New York: HarperCollins, 1991. A business journalist’s look at how our attitudes toward work and leisure are changing for the better. Outlines five strategies for downshifting. Includes interviews with people who’ve made the decision to lead more balanced lives and tells how they did it.
Schor, Juliet B. The Overworked American: The Unexpected Decline of Leisure. New York: Basic Books, 1991. A scholarly documentation showing how the demands of employers and the addictive nature of consumption tie us to longer work schedules and reduced leisure time. A real eye-opener regarding our present-day work habits.
Money
Dacyczyn, Amy. Tightwad Gazette II. New York: Villard Books, 1995. Paperback. This book, along with Dacyczyn’s first book, Tightwad Gazette, lists hundreds of ways to spend less money. These books embrace and celebrate frugality, and offer many practical, thought-provoking, upbeat, and amusing discussions on saving money that everyone can use.
Dominguez, Joe, and Vicki Robin. Your Money or Your Life: Transforming Your Relationship with Money and Achieving Financial Independence. New York: Viking, 1993. Paperback. This book will change the way you think about money and offers a practical plan for simplifying both your financial life and your work life. Shows how to set up a monthly budget and how to use a graph for keeping track of income and expenses.
The Green Group. 101 Ways to Save Money and Save our Planet. New Orleans: Paper Chase Press, 1992. Paperback. The emphasis in this little book is on saving money through sensible practices that are good for the planet.
Hunt, Mary. The Cheapskate Monthly Money Makeover. New York: St. Martin’s Press, 1995. Offers a palatable approach for reorganizing your financial life and for developing a healthy attitude about money. Also outlines a workable system for establishing a monthly spending plan.
Long, Charles. How to Survive Without a Salary. Toronto: Warwick Publishing Group, 1991. Paperback. Some interesting ideas on how to get along with less and make do with what you have. Not a lifestyle that will necessarily work for everyone, but it shows what’s possible.
Terhorst, Paul. Cashing in on the American Dream: How to Retire at 35. New York: Bantam, 1990. Written by a CPA and a former partner at Peat Marwick Mitchell & Co. who cashed in and retired at 35. Assumes you have equity either in your home or stocks that you can put to work for supporting an early retirement. The numbers and rates of return he cites aren’t realistic in today’s financial climate, but if you have the equity available, his plan can be adapted to other circumstances.
Lifestyle
Bennet, Steven, and Ruth Bennet. 365 TV-Free Activities You Can Do with Your Child. Holbrook, MA: Bob Adams Publishing, 1991. Paperback. Includes both indoor and outdoor activities that require little or no preparation and that will provide hours of entertainment which otherwise might be spent in front of the television.
Eisenson, Marc, Nancy Castleman, and March Ross. Stop Junk Mail Forever. 1994. Available from Good Advice Press, Box 78, Elizaville, NY 12523 (914) 758-1400. $3. The best program I’ve come across for eliminating junk mail.
Kelly, Jack and Marcia. Sanctuaries. Bell Tower, 1994. A guide to monasteries and retreat houses. Published in both an East Coast and a West Coast edition.
Lindbergh, Anne Morrow. Gift from the Sea. New York: Vintage Books, 1978. Another perspective on simple living and what complicates our lives.
Peace Pilgram: Her Life and Work in Her Own Words. Available from Ocean Tree Books, Post Office Box 1295, Santa Fe, New Mexico 87504. Paperba
ck, 1992. This is the incredible story of a woman who simplified her life down to a comb and a nail file, and then carried a message of love and peace around the country. Anyone who longs for a truly simple life will love this book.
Simple Living Journal. Available from Publisher Janet Luhrs, 2319 North 45th Street, Box 149, Seattle, WA 98103 (206) 464-4800. $14 per year (U. S.). This is a quarterly newsletter that shares ideas about simplifying and tells personal stories of people from around the country who are doing it.
Stoll, Clifford. Silicon Snake Oil: Second Thoughts on the Information Highway. New York: Doubleday, 1995. A fascinating look at computers and the hype surrounding the Internet, written by a computer expert. A witty and perceptive explanation about how and why computers can both simplify and complicate our lives.
REFERENCES
Mail Preference Service, P. O. Box 9008, Farmingdale, NY 22735-9008. Write and request that your name and any variation of your name not be sold to mailing list companies. This is a first step in the process of reducing the amount of junk mail you receive. Many other effective steps you can take are outlined in Stop Junk Mail Forever, listed above.
National Association of Professional Organizers, 1033 La Posada Drive, Austin, TX 78752 (512) 206-0151. With over 700 members around the country, this association may be able to help you locate a professional organizer in your area to help you get rid of the clutter in your life.
Real Goods Trading Corporation, 555 Leslie Street, Ukiah, CA 95482 (800) 762-7325. Source for laundry disks and other environmentally friendly household products.
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