“Wait a second,” Jack said, striding forward. “How long have you known about this? Because I tried to talk to you about it when we were kids, and you told me I was crazy then. You made me feel like a fool, so I never told anyone else. Not until now.”
“I did think you were crazy,” Aaron replied, “because I didn’t know any of this until much later. When I was a kid, I just thought I had an overactive imagination. I only figured it out after Eve left me and I came back to Cape Elizabeth. That’s when I started having recurring dreams I couldn’t explain.” He turned to me. “It was after I went to see the Fraser Mansion, when I wanted to buy it.” Aaron went into the kitchen, ran the water, and rinsed his knuckles.
Jack exhaled heavily and sank onto the sofa, raked his fingers through his hair.
“It doesn’t change anything,” Aaron said as he moved into the living room. “I came here for you, Katelyn, and I want you to come home with me.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re meant to be with me, not him.”
I shook my head. “I don’t know what I’m meant for, and I’m starting to wonder if you both want me to choose you, just so that you can triumph over the other. Is that what this is about?”
Aaron and Jack regarded me with concern.
“No,” Jack said. “I’ve always loved you, Katelyn. You know that. But he cheated on you, and once a cheater, always a cheater.”
Aaron turned to him. “That’s not true.”
I hurried to grab my purse. “I’m sorry, but I have to go.”
“Wait.” Aaron followed me out the door, down the hall, all the way to the stairwell.
“Please don’t follow me,” I said, my shoes clicking hastily down the steps. “I need time. Don’t call me. Just please, leave me alone.”
Thankfully he did not argue. I reached the bottom floor of the apartment building, ran outside and flagged down a cab.
Only then, when I shut the car door and the driver pulled away from the curb, did I realize how badly my hands were shaking. Tears filled my eyes. I turned on the seat to look back at the apartment building, and wondered what Jack and Aaron were doing in that moment.
I hoped they weren’t killing each other.
Chapter Fifty-three
Jack and Aaron both texted me and called a number of times that night, but I didn’t answer my phone. I did, however, text each back to ask that they give me time and space to process all of this.
I called Bailey of course and told her everything. The only advice she could offer was for me to sleep on it and review everything with fresh eyes in the morning.
Eventually, my phone stopped buzzing, and I fell asleep with the television on.
o0o
I slept in the following morning, and was hesitant to check my phone when I woke, because I wasn’t ready to make any decisions yet. Part of me just wanted to walk away from all this and never see either Jack or Aaron again. So I slid my phone under the pillow while I took a shower, and left it there when I went downstairs for breakfast.
After devouring a full plate of eggs, bacon and toast, and two cups of coffee, I felt more myself and was ready to return to my room and turn on my phone.
To my surprise, there were no messages from either Aaron or Jack, but there was an email from one of the CNN news directors who had interviewed me at the station. I clicked on it, and held my breath.
Dear Ms. Roberts,
Thank you for your interest in the news reporting position at CNN, but we regret to inform you…
I read the rest of the email which assured me that they had been very impressed with my reporting experience and my performance during the interview, but unfortunately, another candidate was more suited to the position. They did want to keep my resume on file, however, in case any other positions became available in the near future.
Flopping onto the bed, I blinked up at the ceiling and rested my hand over the sickening knot of disappointment that was forming in my belly. Rejection was never easy.
So much for fate and destiny.
Suddenly an image of Aaron and Jack tackling each other in Jack’s apartment flooded my mind, and I wondered again if their issues weren’t really about me. Perhaps I was just another toy, another girl, they needed to fight over.
Finally, I sat up on the edge of the bed and decided to text Jack: Hi. I just heard from the news director. I didn’t get the job. They chose someone else.
He texted me right back: Seriously? I thought you were going to get it. They loved you. It must have been really close. I’m at work now. I’ll try to find out what happened.
Thanks, I replied. But you don’t have to.
I waited for another text to come in from him. It seemed to take longer. At last, my phone buzzed.
Please don’t leave New York. I want to be with you. Aaron’s gone. Are you free tonight?
I set my phone down and wiped a hand over my face. It was barely 10:00 a.m., but the noise outside the window—the constant roar of the traffic and horns honking—was touching a nerve. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t make sense of my life. All I wanted to do was go home to Seattle and sleep in my own bed again, and talk to Bailey.
I sat up and texted him back: I’m sorry, but I need to take a break from all this. Please give me the space I need. I know you’ll understand, because you’ve always understood me. Thank you for everything. You are a good friend.
I pressed send, and his only reply was three little heart icons in a row.
I flew home to Seattle that night.
Three Months Later
Chapter Fifty-four
As soon as the cab dropped me off and I walked through the front door of the Fraser House Inn, I felt as if I had arrived home from a long journey. I set my suitcase down and looked around at the familiar wood paneling and wallpaper, the enormous chandelier overhead. Then I breathed in the invigorating scent of fresh flowers in a vase on the entrance table.
Sounds of laughter from the library reached my ears, and I smiled.
Angela came hurrying out. “Katelyn! You’re here at last. Welcome. It’s so good to see you again.” She embraced me like an old friend, and said, “Congratulations on the new job. I was thrilled when I heard it would be you. I’m so happy for you, and for the Portland Evening News. We couldn’t ask for anyone better.”
“Thanks, Angela,” I replied, as I picked up my suitcase again and followed her to the reception desk in the front parlor. “It happened pretty fast. I’m still pinching myself.”
Barely two weeks earlier, I’d heard about the long-time news anchor taking an early retirement because he’d won the lottery. It was all over the Internet, so on a whim I’d sent in my resume and audition tapes. Now, here I was.
“And thanks for putting me up until I find a place to live,” I said as I dug into my purse for my wallet and pulled out my credit card. I heard more laughter from the library. “It sounds like you’re enjoying one of your famous card games.”
Angela laughed. “Yes, and we’re into the Rusty Nails, too. Care to join us?”
“Not tonight,” I replied. “It was a long flight from Seattle. Maybe tomorrow, though.”
“Of course.” She checked me in and handed me my key, then showed me to the same room I’d stayed in the last time, with the portrait of Evangeline over the fireplace.
As soon as Angela left me alone and closed the door behind her, I looked up at the portrait and said, “Hey there, gorgeous. You must be surprised to see me back here so soon.”
She gave no reply—she simply stared at me with those penetrating eyes—so I turned and strode to the window, flicked the latch and opened it so I could listen to the sound of the waves crashing onto the rocky beach beyond the edge of the lawn.
It was late November, and there was a biting chill in the air. I smelled snow and spotted a few flakes floating down from the dark, cloudy night sky. Feeling a shiver in my bones, I shut the window again and began to unpack my suitcase.
o0o
<
br /> My first day as lead anchor of the Portland Evening News couldn’t have gone better, considering how nervous I was. No one seemed to notice, however, because when we finished the broadcast and were off the air, the production crew cheered, whistled and applauded.
I couldn’t help but blush and let my face fall forward onto the news desk. Everyone laughed, and patted me on the back. I knew in that moment that I was in the right place—that I had found my calling, and I was among friends.
Be that as it may, I still didn’t have it all figured out yet, and I knew there were matters in my life not yet resolved.
At least I knew exactly what those things were, for I’d taken plenty of time to work through it in my mind—and in my heart—over the past few months.
When I walked out of the news station and breathed in the distinctive scents of the East Coast and Portland in particular, I closed my eyes and reveled in its exquisiteness. It was a surprisingly warm and mild night for so late in November. It made me feel as if I had come home, and this was where I was truly meant to be.
I reached for my phone and scrolled through my contacts, then tapped the number I was searching for.
It was time to send a text.
Chapter Fifty-five
Hi. Long time no see. I’m back in Portland. Got a new job. Sorry for the radio silence over the past few months, but thank you for giving me the space I needed. Would you be free for a drink sometime?
Of course it was entirely possible that Aaron would never reply, that he had given up on me after all this time, and was annoyed with me for refusing to discuss any of it, even on the phone. Or perhaps he had met someone else.
I need time. That’s what I had told him in a brief email from the airport in New York the night I flew back to Seattle. I need to figure out who I’m supposed to be in this life. Not in any other life, because the past isn’t important. What matters is the here and now and the people we’ve become, today.
He had responded with a lengthy email that I didn’t read until I got off the flight on the other side of the country, took my phone off airplane mode, and stood at the baggage carousel reading my messages.
Dear Katelyn,
I understand what you need to do, but I can’t leave you alone to choose your future without at least explaining myself and telling you what I believe you need to know.
I’m sorry for not being honest with you right away about what I knew of our history together. I’m still kicking myself for not recognizing the fact that you knew who I was. I should have seen it in your eyes and accepted that fate had brought us together again. But sometimes the physical world and the things we experience can get in the way of what we should be able to see with our hearts. I believe my marriage knocked me around a bit, planted doubts in me about my ability to know what—and who—was right for me. And when you went to New York and told me that you were with Jack, I couldn’t help but fear that a part of you had never truly forgiven me for what happened in that other life, and that you always wished you had left me for Laurence Williams. Maybe you always wondered “what if?”
Or maybe, because I knew about what happened in your marriage to Mark, I was afraid you would equate me to him and never be able to trust me. I wanted a chance to earn your trust and your love again, with no past mistakes to color our future. I suppose I wanted a fresh start.
I also need you to know that I spoke to Jack for a long time after you left, and he told me that you remembered nothing from our life together beyond that day at the lighthouse, when you were angry with me for what I did. You had every right to be angry, but please know how deeply I regretted that foolish, terrible mistake. I had to live with that regret the rest of my life, and it haunted me until I drew my last breath, knowing how I had hurt you and how close I came to losing you.
But somehow, you were able to forgive me, and it was your love and trust that turned me into a better man. A wiser man. I said these words to you once, and I will say them again: Regret is a powerful teacher.
If we come into each life with the purpose of learning something, then my lesson is complete. I will never again betray your trust or anyone else’s, and if you come back to me, I will spend the rest of my days proving myself worthy. I will never leave you. I will never hurt you. I will continue to love you forever, until the end of time.
Aaron
I had read that email in the airport three months ago and burst into tears. My bag must have gone around the carousel a number of times because when I looked up, I found myself standing alone with no other passengers about. The carousel had shut down, and I was in a daze.
Now, here I stood again, back in Maine where I first met Captain Sebastian Fraser, and my friend, the lighthouse keeper, Laurence Williams.
Suddenly, my phone buzzed and a text came in. I sucked in a breath and felt a smile spread across my face. It was Aaron.
Welcome back. You were terrific on TV tonight. Yes to a drink. Are you free right now?
I continued to smile as I texted him back with lightning-fast thumbs: Free as a bird. Can you meet me at The Old Stone Keep? I could be there in ten minutes.
I started walking toward my rental car. My phone buzzed before I got there.
Sounds good. I can’t wait to see you.
My heart exploded with excitement and anticipation as I crossed the parking lot.
In that moment, it began to rain. I stopped to look up at the cloudy night sky and felt the sensation of cool raindrops touching my cheeks. Then suddenly my heart was transported back to that moment on the old road in Cape Elizabeth, when Captain Fraser stepped out of his coach to save me from the storm, and there was no escaping what I felt.
I knew in that moment, over a century ago, what I knew now with all of my heart. The veil had been lifted, and Aaron Peterson was the only man for me.
Ten minutes later, when I walked into the pub and saw him rise to his feet from the booth at the back—so handsome, it hurt just to look at him—I stopped in my tracks, laid a hand over my heart, and fell in love all over again.
It took me a moment to gather my composure and rein in my happiness. Then slowly, buoyantly, I walked toward him, and he did not hesitate before he swept me, weightless, into his arms and held me.
Epilogue
I was once the sort of person who didn’t believe in miracles—or if I did believe in the possibility of such magic in our world, I didn’t believe anything like that would ever happen to me. Like most people, I had watched movies about heaven that claimed to be true, or I read news items or books about real-life impossible events happening to regular everyday people, but always, on some level, in my mind, it felt like fiction.
But on the day I flew over the handlebars of my bicycle on a mountaintop in Seattle, fearing I was about to die, I experienced something miraculous, which I now understand was an awakening to my higher self and my higher purpose. What I envisioned on that mountaintop was not my future or my past. It was a recognition of a wise soul who wished to guide me to love in this lifetime—to an incredible love that came in the form of my husband Aaron, and in the form of our son, Logan, who is now three years old and eagerly awaiting the arrival of his younger sister, due to arrive any day now. I cannot wait for my labor to begin, so that I can hold her in my arms at last, as I held Logan on the day of his birth, when everything finally became clear, and the last piece of the puzzle fell into place.
Logan had been the wise soul who reached out to me from beyond and guided me to higher knowledge and truer love.
Today, as I look back over the challenges and obstacles I encountered on my journey toward this bliss, I understand that my rational mind—the part of me that required physical proof that Aaron and I were meant to be together, or the practical side of me that once thought Mark was the one—had gotten in my way. Looking for the logic had stopped me from following my intuition and my heart.
The same thing got in Aaron’s way in the early days of our reunion, but today, all doubts and fears are gone. I fee
l a tremendous inner peace in regard to the choices I have made, and the limitless future before us. I love Aaron and our two children with all my heart and soul. I also know that this love is eternal, and when we must step apart at the end of our lives, we will eventually come together again, somehow, in heaven or in another life.
As for Jack, I worry that he, Aaron, and I are doomed to continue repeating this cycle—that I will meet Jack again, and I will always choose Aaron, and Jack will never be able to forgive. He will distance himself from us to escape the frustration and anguish, and to wallow in the anger he feels toward his brother.
Neither I nor Aaron have heard from Jack since the day Logan was born, when Jack sent me flowers in the hospital to congratulate me. He signed the card “With love,” and later I heard from Aaron’s mother, Margie, that Jack had decided to leave the country and work abroad as a foreign correspondent for CNN.
I hope, in the end, that he finds the happiness and bliss he so deeply deserves. When that happens, I suspect he will have an amazing story to tell—a story about miracles and magic, because he was always, at heart, a loving, extraordinary soul.
As for Aaron and me, we wake up each morning feeling incredibly blessed by the bounty in our lives. We enjoy our work, we adore our beautiful son Logan, and we look forward to our daughter’s arrival
I keep in touch with Bailey—who I am convinced is a soul-sister I’ve known forever. I am certain we will always be friends. And there are others in my life who have come and gone, having made their mark on me in some way, or taught me something about myself, about love, God, or life. They are never forgotten.
We are all still learning about ourselves and what is possible in this awe-inspiring world. The journey continues, and I will treasure every moment, forever and always, and I hope you will, too.
The Color of Forever Page 24