by Calia Read
Macsen nodded his head. Maybe he had come into the room expecting her to say that. It didn’t matter whether he had been careless one time. Severine was the one to have everything stolen from her.
“I can’t walk away from you.”
Severine’s mind was made up. Her words still came out on a choked whisper. “You have to.”
“I can’t.” Macsen’s face crumbled. His shoulders were pressed against the kitchen wall. With his fingers linked behind his neck, he stared up at the ceiling. “I’m too fucking selfish to walk away.”
Finally, something the two of them could agree on.
“I think there’s no way back to us. I think that path’s been destroyed.”
“I’ll give you time.”
“I don’t need time. If I thought for a minute that I could believe you, I’d ask you to stay.” Severine couldn’t breathe. Her lungs burned, and her head felt like it was being shoved underwater. Too many emotions. Too many feelings for one month. “I think you need to go.”
“Sev-”
Lily turned the corner and loudly clapped her hands to break the moment. “You heard her, bucko. Out ya go!”
Ben followed behind her, although he had the decency to look apologetic.
Macsen didn’t look toward the interruption. He concentrated on Severine. Months ago, she was convinced she had him pegged. Someone that kind and thoughtful couldn’t hurt her. Severine had set herself up to be crushed by him.
“Severine,” Macsen implored.
Another request from him—Severine had given him enough of herself.
“Nope. She gave you more than a minute.” Lily crossed her arms, “Leave, Macsen.”
Ben settled his hand on Macsen’s shoulder. “Come on. I called Thayer to get you.”
The door opened just as Ben finished talking. Severine slanted her eyes in the direction and saw Thayer. He placed himself next to the door, crossed his arms, and silently stared at the scene in front of him.
When he rubbed his lip, Severine saw blood that clung to his fingers. She was close enough to see it all and far enough away to keep herself from reaching out to touch him. The tables were turned. Thayer defended her. Severine’s alliance went to him.
Macsen walked side by side with Ben out the door. Thayer looked back her way and mouthed the words, ‘I’m sorry.’
Severine gathered more from his apology than she ever would from Macsen’s.
Chapter Twenty-seven
“It says to leave those on for five to ten minutes,” Lily dutifully announced.
“I’ve hit ten minutes,” Severine answered awkwardly as Lily shifted the tea bags to cover more of her eyelids.
“Dude, it’s been two minutes,” Anne said dryly.
If Severine could see, she’d chuck something at her. The day after seeing Macsen with someone else was, so far, a bitch.
Lily stayed with her last night. And when Severine finally went to sleep it was well into the morning. The minute she opened her eyes back up, Anne and Lily talked quietly on Lily’s old bed.
On the nightstand, in between the beds, stood a hot coffee waiting for Severine. She would’ve cried, if her tear ducts hadn’t shut down from overuse.
Her swollen, puffy eyes were a disaster. That’s what led Severine to lie awkwardly on her bed like a patient talking to their shrink, with tea bags covering her eyes.
The remedy might be ridiculous, but Severine had hope that it’d work. She’d rather wrap a noose around her neck than walk into class looking like shit in front of Macsen.
“Okay. It’s been five minutes. Let me take these off. My lids are freezing.”
Lily sighed. “Take them off.”
Severine snatched the tea bags off her face and blinked her eyes repeatedly. “Any better?”
“You look like you have pink eye,” Anne remarked solemnly.
Lily’s hand made solid contact on Anne’s arm. “Shut up. It’s gonna look worse before it gets better.” She smiled at Severine like she was a child who had just received a shot. “It helped. It’s just a little reddish.”
The sides of Severine’s lips were starting to turn up—until she heard her phone ring.
A new ring tone rang throughout the room. Justin Timberlake's, "Cry Me A River" sounded from her phone.
“Do you like your new ringtone?” Lily wiggled her eyebrows as she snatched Severine’s phone and pressed ignore.
Severine sat speechless and watched Lily turn to speak to Anne. “That was ten!”
Anne frowned and grabbed a notebook from Severine’s desk. “Oh shit, you’re right. I thought it was call number eight.”
“You guys are keeping track of his calls?”
“What are friends for if they can’t screen your calls after a bad breakup?” Lily huffed out impatiently.
“You changed his ringtone to a Justin Timberlake song?” Severine reached for her phone, but Lily dangled it out of reach and went back to messing with it. Her concentration was unwavering.
“No, I changed it to a cheating song.”
Anne looked up from the notebook. “I wanted to pick “Unfaithful” by Rihanna. Lily thought it was too obvious.”
“Of course,” Severine remarked dryly.
Her phone rang again. Only this time, Carrie Underwood's voice belted out a chorus of, “Before He Cheats.”
Lily winked at Severine and tossed the phone to her bed.
“I told you,” Anne gritted out, “no Carrie Underwood songs! You know how I feel about country music.”
“Can we stop with the ringtone game?” Severine rubbed the side of her temples. A massive headache was starting to build behind her temples.
“But there are so many good ones!” Lily said desperately.
“How is this helping with my depression?”
“Just try to think of a song,” Lily suggested happily.
Severine took a short sip of her drink. “I can’t.”
“You didn’t even try. Believe me, purging out all that anger will help. Remember Nate from high school?”
Severine nodded her head.
“What did I do after our breakup? I started a bon fire and burned the shit out of his stuff! It’s completely therapeutic!”
“Lily, it made you look like a pyromaniac.”
“Just try it.”
“Puddle of Mudd, “She Hates Me”…”
“Boom! That’s a good one! But it would be a song he used for your ringtone.”
Lily snapped her finger, and jumped off of her bed. “I have the perfect one! “I Hate Everything About You” by Three Days Grace!”
“And Bingo was his name O!” Anne shouted out.
It helped for a minute. But when Anne and Lily stopped talking, the memories from last night came back.
Everything just hurt. And the worst part was the embarrassment.
How many people knew what was going on? Was she the only one that was left in the dark?
Severine could keep asking herself those impossible questions all day. She’d never get a sound answer.
Her bed shifted, and Lily sympathetically smiled at Severine. “How are you doing?”
“Do you think everyone knew but me?” Severine blurted out.
“No.” Lily smoothed her hand over Severine’s comforter as she talked. “I was just as shocked as you.”
“It’s killing me that this happened underneath my nose. He’s made me feel stupid and I hate that,” Severine explained.
“He’s a total ass face,” Anne said as she tossed a piece of candy in her mouth.
For Anne, it was about as close as she’d get to a heart-to-heart.
Lily glared at Anne before turning back to Severine. “What Anne is really trying to say is, that he’s an idiot and that no one knew about this. You saw what happened last night—Thayer beat the shit out of him.”
“Whoa.” Anne’s feet dropped to the ground. “How did you miss that detail, Lily?”
“Oh, it was great, Anne.” Lily stretch
ed her body on the opposite side of the bed. “Macsen had a black eye and swollen lip. The only thing I regret is that I didn’t get a punch in.”
Severine shook her head and sipped her coffee. “For a good church girl, you’re really aggressive.”
“Severine, I have a Christian heart, but I still sometimes wanna cut a bitch…well, in this case, it’s cut a dick.”
“Pastor Partlow would be so proud.”
“My dad was the one who taught me to protect myself and everyone close to me. I know my self-worth, and I know yours too. You didn’t deserve what happened to you.”
Severine clenched her teeth. She felt the tears building up. Lily had nothing but concern for Severine. Her words only amplified how pure her crazy, aggressive heart truly was. Kneeling on her bed, Severine gave Lily a grateful hug. “Thanks for being here.”
Anne threw a Tootsie Roll at the two of them. “I’m not deaf, you know.”
Severine pulled away from Lily. “Thanks to you too, Anne!”
“You wanna go get something to eat?”
“No.”
“Too much pain?”
Severine nodded. “Yes.”
“No, you’re not,” Anne said solemnly.
All Severine could do was raise her eyebrow. Girl Code was being broken. You sat back, you consoled, and you watched every chick flick out there. But you never, ever told your friend she wasn’t in pain.
Both Lily and Severine gawked at her. Anne rolled her eyes and moved toward the empty bed across from Severine’s.
“I’ve seen you in pain. And right now, you’re ticked off, but you’re still there. When you’re broken, when the life is wiped from your eyes, then you can say you’re in pain.”
* * * * *
After Anne’s comment, Severine agreed to go out with them. Right after she took the world’s longest nap.
The three of them piled into Lily’s car and did what girls do during a nasty breakup. They ate junk food.
Severine tucked her feet underneath her thighs and stared at Anne and Lily, both attacking their food. They had stuck by her the whole day.
“Why do we always go after the girl?”
Lily lowered her burrito and glanced over at Anne. “Who?”
Severine looked around the empty Taco Bell. She was on her fourth taco. “When a guy cheats, why do we always go after the girl?”
Anne snorted and took a long sip of her drink. “Because it’s easier. It’s first instinct to point the finger at the female than to blame the male.”
Severine had to agree. She nodded her head, stared down at the taco wrapper smoothed out in front of her. “I don’t blame her.”
“Who? Verity?” Lily blurted out.
Severine still cringed, but she nodded. “You saw how she looked. She was just as confused as me. That wasn’t a girl who was aware of what was going on. That was a girl who was hurt.”
“Can I still hate them both?” Anne asked with a full mouth.
“I’m not saying that I’m gonna become best friends with the girl. This whole thing has me wondering...”
“Well, don’t,” Lily interjected. She tore off a piece of her soft taco shell and tossed it onto the plastic tray beside Severine. “If you start thinking about it again you’re gonna start crying, and when you start crying, we have to get out the emergency stash of Oreo cake. I’m pretty sure all local grocery stores are out of the dessert.”
Severine couldn’t shut her brain off. She couldn’t stop replaying the scene over in her head. Her eyes focused on her plastic fork and repeatedly she stabbed the leftovers of her soft taco. She wished it was Macsen’s head in front of her. “Were there other girls?” Both Anne and Lily looked at each other and said nothing. Severine continued, “I mean, he conned two girls into thinking he was this great guy. How many other girls were under the impression that he was this shy, sweet guy that would never harm anyone?”
“Maybe you didn’t know him as well as you thought?” Lily offered gently.
“I know what I felt.”
Lily reached across the table and patted Severine’s hand. “But there’s a chance that you didn’t know as much as you thought you did. I know he didn’t appear to be the kind of guy that would do this. I’m just as shocked as you.”
Just then, the door opened. A fast food restaurant wasn’t exactly the hot spot to be at 11:32 p.m. It was part of the perks of having girl talk so late at night. But it always left the chance that Severine would run into someone she didn’t want to see. Someone that would just give her a headache.
Haley walked in with a friend.
Severine looked away and immediately made eye contact with Anne. “Oh God. Not here.”Severine groaned.
“Why is that girl looking at you?” Anne asked loudly. This was now the golden moment for Anne to keep her mouth shut and her thoughts to herself.
“That’s Macsen’s ‘girl pal’,” Severine muttered.
“Realllyyy now.” Anne plopped her elbow on the table and placed her chin in her palm. She lifted her hand into the air and moved her fingers back and forth. “Wow, she’s really into staring at your back, Sev. And why does it look like a group of first graders ganged up on her and used her face as a canvas for Art time?” She said out of the corner of her mouth.
“You need to get a muzzle on your mouth,” Lily whined. “Thanks to you, she’s coming over here. I used all my snark on Macsen. I’m too pretty to go to jail. I’ll end up being someone’s bitch.”
“Hey girl!” Anne squealed out and ignored Lily’s protest. Haley stood at the front of their table, and Severine kept her gaze on Anne. Just as she smiled brightly and said, “Oh my gosh, it’s so great to see you!”
“Enough bullshit.” Haley placed her palms on the table and looked down at Severine. Severine looked back at her boldly. She didn’t want to deal with this girl right now, but it didn’t mean that she was going to back away and crumble in a corner. She faced the fake brunette full on. Haley’s brown eyes gleamed back with hatred. “I heard of this one girl. She dated a guy for a short while. Behind her back he was seeing this freshman that he met from the library.”
Severine smirked. Before she spoke, she gave Anne a subtle shake of the head—enough to let her know that she had this. “Really? ‘Cause I once knew of this girl that trailed after him like a dog looking for scraps.” Severine widened her eyes in mock shock. “Shit. You’re right here in front of me.”
Haley’s back straightened, and she cut a Severine a glare that normally had every other person ducking for cover. “Cute.”
“Don’t waste my time and I won’t waste yours. Blah, blah, blah. You hate me. Blah, blah, blah...just say what you have to say, before I slam your face into my nacho cheese dip.”
Haley was tenacious. She wouldn’t stop until she got the last word and dig in. She leaned down and the gesture looked private, as if the two of them where having their own personal conversation. Severine knew better. “I’ve known Macsen a long time. He’s never done this.” Severine held her breath and waited for Haley to continue. “Shouldn’t that show you how he really felt about you? He didn’t care enough about you to tell you the truth.”
It seemed wrong to Severine that another girl would go so out of her way to cut her down. All over a guy. Severine leaned back in the booth. Her smirk was dark as she took in Haley. “Okay, now I’m pissed off. Bitch mode is officially on.” Haley looked weary. “You know what’s really shady? The possibility that you knew and didn’t say anything to me. If you sat back and let the dominos fall, knowing perfectly well that I was the target, then fuck you, Haley.”
“I’m just try-”
“You’re trying nothing,” Severine interjected quickly. “All you’ve tried and succeeded at is being a bitch. If you want to be with him, go ahead. Go be his rebound, and then when he does the same thing to you we can braid each other’s hair and talk about our fond memories with him.”
Haley blinked, and Severine saw the hurt displayed in her e
yes. In a brief second, she saw that Haley saw the truth and merit in her words. She’d probably walk away and do the opposite of what her gut told her to do. Severine had no doubt that Haley would go to Macsen and try to console him.She left with her friend minutes later without any food. It confirmed that all she was out for was to put Severine down.
“So that theory must be true,” Anne stated cryptically.
Lily slid her phone onto the table and stared at Anne. “What theory?”
“The theory that you’re always seven people away from a dumb whore.”
Lily looked at Severine and smiled widely. A laugh ripped from Severine’s throat and burst out of her mouth. Given the choice, Severine would always pick laughter. It was way better than sobbing her eyes out any day.
“Thank God I have you guys,” Severine finally said after the laughter had faded.
“And you always will,” Anne stated firmly. “No matter how many dumb idiots come and go.”
Chapter Twenty-eight
You need to remember, Severine, that a lonely heart is better than a heart left in pieces...
Severine cringed at the advice her mom had given her as a teenager. She couldn’t be more right.
It had been seven days, only seven crappy days. Her emotional wounds were fading, but the humiliation was still there. Severine wondered if that would ever go away. It wasn’t enough to make any classes with Macsen okay. In fact, Severine weaseled her way to another seat in the back. It was on purpose that she picked the seat furthest from Macsen's.
Sometimes, she was optimistic that she’d get over it all. And then she’d see Macsen walk into class or around campus, and anger like she had never felt before would kick in. For now, her hatred for Macsen was a constant. Or maybe that was the only way she knew to protect herself.
“So are you sitting here the rest of the semester?”
Severine cut a look at the girl she had been sitting next to for the past week. Her name was Tosha. She didn’t say much, but when she did, it instantly held Severine’s attention. “Yes. It’s permanent.”