Old Witch New Tricks

by Mara Webb

  “I think the word threat is being thrown around a little here,” I said, but then something completely unexpected happened. Deacon stepped forward and pulled out his cuffs. “Deacon?!”

  “I’m sorry Chelsea, but we’re going to have to pursue this. Your mom is on record with threatening the victim, and you have to admit the timeline doesn’t look good.”

  “Handcuffs!” mom said with an odd note of delight. “Now things are getting exciting!” I don’t think she was really processing what was happening until Deacon slipped the cuffs on her. “Wait, are we actually doing this?”

  “I’m afraid so Lorelai. Come with me.”

  I watched in disbelief as Deacon escorted my mom out of the studio. Deacon couldn’t really think my mom was a murderer, right? Was I looking at this with rose tinted glasses? If any other suspect had made a threat like that and been the first to discover a body, they’d be high up on my list, but… this was my mom!

  She wasn’t a killer.

  …Right?

  7

  For a few seconds I stood there feeling quite helpless. I didn’t know what to do, but then I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. I took it out and saw a message from Deacon.

  Get Mark to bring you to the station. -D.

  “What are you up to Deacon?” I asked myself. I wondered over to the identical Stark brothers, who were both locked in some important looking conversation with one another. As I got closer their voices became clear.

  “First of all, it definitely is possible, he’d just need a sleigh that could travel at the speed of light! We know for a fact that aliens exist, so—”

  “Aliens don’t exist! How many times do we—"

  “Working hard again gentlemen?” I said, interrupting their obviously-not-important conversation.

  “Chelsea we were just arguing about Santa. Do you think—”

  “Look I really want to get into the nitty gritty of Santa with two grown adults right now, but Deacon just messaged and asked if you could take me down to the station.” I looked at one of them, taking a complete guess that he was Mark. “Mark?”

  “Clark actually, that’s Mark!”

  “I’m going to have to get you guys nametags or something. Mark, Deacon asked if you could take me.”

  “Sure can, I’ll just leave this knuckle head non-believer here to deal with crowd control.”

  “Not a non-believer,” Clark said, raising an indignant finger in the air. “I just said its physically impossible for a sleigh to—”

  “Let’s go!” I said, clearing my throat loudly before the brothers could fall back into another of their endless ‘debates’.

  I wish I could say that it was peaceful cruising from the studio to station, but both of the Stark brothers had an inability to stop talking at any moment. Clark seamlessly slipped into a conversation that basically involved him regurgitating the entire plot of Star Trek on an episode by episode basis, starting all the way back from the original series. By the time we arrived at the station, fifteen minutes later, he was still talking.

  “And that’s when we first meet Riker, the series bad boy! Now you have to bear with him for a bit until he grows the beard, that’s when we hit peak Riker, but before then—”

  “Oh look we’re here! Thanks Clark!” I said quickly, practically jumping out of his moving vehicle as he pulled into the lot of the police station. I hurried inside and saw Barbara, the station’s main secretary. She was a short grumpy woman, with a perm that was only outsized by her vintage glasses. “Hi Barbara!” I sang cheerily.

  For the first time in her life I saw her smiling. “Uh oh, the star detective’s mom is a murderer!” Barbara sang happily as I waltzed past. “Whatever will she do now?!”

  “Did I offend you in another life or something?” I shouted back at her. Barbara, for some reason, had taken a strong disliking against me.

  “You Sponks women are all trouble, all of you!”

  “You have a good day too!” I said as I turned the corner. As I did, I bumped face first into a grim looking individual with greasy black hair and a torn leather jacket. I almost hit the ground, but they reached out and grabbed me.

  “Take it easy there sis,” Rudy said as he helped me up onto my feet. “Where are you rushing to?”

  “Rudy!” I exclaimed. “What are you doing here?!”

  He chuckled. “If there’s one thing you should know about me Chelsea it’s that this station is practically a second home to me.”

  “What are you under arrest for this time?”

  “Wow cool the prejudice. I’m not under arrest for anything. I just happen to be fulfilling some previously assigned community service.” Rudy pulled a crinkled piece of paper out of his back pocket and held it up, acting as though he was proud. “Ever notice how the sidewalks around here are so clean? You can thank your big brother. Just 800 more hours and I’m a free bird.”

  “I cannot believe we are related,” I said blankly. “I’ve been meaning to talk with you actually. Shouldn’t we, I don’t know, sit down and talk about this or something? Finding out I have a sibling is a pretty big deal for me.”

  “Yeah, I’m made up to find out I’m related to the biggest square on all of Pendle Island.” He saw me roll my eyes and shifted gears. “Chill out, I’m just kidding. Big brothers are supposed to be a torment, right? I’m just making up for years of missed practice. What are you doing here anyway? Poking your nose around again?”

  “I am as a matter of fact. There was a murder at the film studio the other day and mom found the body. Deacon just brought her in under arrest, she’s the lead suspect!” Rudy doubled over in laughter, something that seemed unnatural for him. “What’s so funny?!” I demanded.

  “Your boyfriend arrested your mom. Man, it doesn’t get much better than that. You can’t say the old broad doesn’t keep things interesting.” He straightened up, his expression growing more serious. “Still, I never had her down for a murderer, even if she is an irresponsible brat. Did she do it?”

  “I… don’t know. There was a small window of opportunity where she was alone with the guy, and she was mad at him. But… mom isn’t a murderer. Right?”

  “Well you’re the detective, I’m sure you’ll figure it out,” he said as he began to walk off.

  “Rudy, wait!” I said, he turned back and looked at me.

  “Yeah, yeah, we’ll get a drink and sit down sometime. We can trade stories about how terrible mom is. You know where to find me.”

  “It’s not that, it’s something else. I think mom came back here to track down our dad, but she won’t admit that much out loud. She thinks there’s three possible people it could be, one of them was the guy that just turned up dead.”

  “There was never anyone on the scene, if that’s what you were wondering.”

  “You don’t have any idea who it could be?” I asked.

  Rudy looked to the side for a moment. “Not a clue.”

  I turned my head. “Come on. You know something.”

  “All I know is that I’ve got to go and clean litter off the side of O’Brien Street for the next two hours. I wish I could help you Chelsea, I really do, but there are some mysteries that just don’t have an answer. You’re the detective, I’m sure you’ll get to the bottom of it, if you can.”

  “You’re good at this stuff too!” I shouted as he walked down the hall. “I’ve seen what you can do!”

  Rudy waved without looking back and then he was gone. I didn’t just shout that at him to try and win him over, it was true. Although his methods were radically different from mine and his ethics were non-existent, Rudy seemed to have the same mystery solving skills as me. He acted like a bad guy, but I’d seen him use his powers firsthand to help catch a thief.

  “Ah, there you are!” a voice shouted from down the other end of the hallway. I turned to see Deacon’s head sticking out of the door leading into his office. “Come on.”

  “My mother Deacon, really?” I said as I walked down t
he hall and into his room. I saw my mom at his desk, drinking tea without handcuffs. “I thought you were under arrest?”

  “He’s quite convincing, isn’t he?!” mom said as she picked a biscuit up from off the table. “Deacon I dare say you could have a good run as an actor yourself. You’d make a great Detective Nelson!”

  “Who?” Deacon said in confusion.

  “He’s one of the main characters in my books. I’ll send you a copy.”

  “Hello?” I said, holding my hand up. “Anyone care to explain what I missed?”

  “Your mom isn’t really under arrest,” Deacon said. “That was just a little bit of genius police work. By putting the spotlight on her I’ve taken the pressure off the real killer. This will make people at the studio open up around you more now.”

  I had to give it to him, it wasn’t the worst idea in the world.

  “And there was no way you couldn’t have clued me in on this?” I said.

  “Well it had to seem genuine,” Deacon explained. “But Lorelai you need to understand you’re not out of the doghouse yet. You were the first one to find the body, and there’s a small window of time where your whereabouts aren’t accounted for.”

  Mom sighed dramatically. “Oh I know, this is just the worst. What a dreadful vacation!”

  “So what now?” I said to Deacon. “Pretend my mom is guilty and I go back to the studio for what purpose?”

  “Wrapping up statements, tying up loose ends. As things stand right now there’s no concrete evidence putting your mom as the killer. Her prints weren’t on that bowling ball, or anywhere else on the crime scene for that matter. You’ve still got to follow up on the director.”

  “Aren’t you coming?” I asked.

  Deacon blew out air. “Believe it or not I’ve got more than one case on my plate at the moment. I’m knee deep in paperwork concerning an industrial districting feud, I don’t suppose you want to help me out with that?”

  “I almost fell asleep just listening to you explain that, so I think that’s a hard pass. What about mom, she can’t come back to the studio, and she’ll send you crazy hanging around here.”

  “Chelsea respect your mother!” she said before taking a sip of tea.

  “Chelsea is right Miss Moon. Technically I can’t hold you here for anything right now, but we’re going to treat you as a person of interest in the case.” Deacon looked at me in assurance. “Just for show of course.”

  “Of course.”

  “You’re free to go then,” he said to mom. “Just, behave yourself.”

  “When do I not?!” she said, following the words with a suggestive laugh. “This works out quite brilliantly actually Chelsea, I have a few things I want to sort out while I’m back on the island, and I could do with a bit of alone time to work through my list.”

  Deacon’s phone started ringing. He looked at the number and groaned. “Ugh, I have to get this. Chelsea if you wait out in the reception, I’ll arrange a ride for you. You too Lorelai.”

  “Not necessary Deacon my darling,” mom said, “I have my own personal taxi driver!”

  “See you later,” Deacon said and kissed me on the cheek. “Sorry for arresting your mom.”

  “It’s fine,” I said and kissed him back. “It’s been a long time coming.”

  Back in reception I passed a rather mortified looking Barbara, who opted to shrink behind her monitor instead of facing me and my mother. Mom and I waited outside on the station steps. We sat down on a bench and in a matter of seconds she sprinted off to go and flirt with a guy selling churros from a stall. Two minutes later she was back with two free snacks and a number.

  “See, I’m not completely useless!” she said as she handed me a tray of the hot sugary goodness.

  “Jury is still out on that, but thanks.” I took a bite and savored the taste of dough and chocolate. For a few moments we just sat in silence, enjoying the weather of a rather pleasant autumn afternoon. A paper cup rattled past us and carried on down the sidewalk, reminding me of my earlier encounter with my brother. “Guess who I saw in the station?” I asked mom.

  “D. B. Cooper?!” she said excitedly. Mom wasn’t just suspicious; she was obsessed with urban legends.

  “Yeah, it turned out he parachuted all the way here and retired, to live a happy life under his real name.”

  “No need to be a spoilsport. Who?”

  “Rudy. He was checking in for community service.”

  “Oh, young Rudolph. He always was getting into trouble,” she smirked. “Did he look okay? Is he eating enough? He looked a little skinny at your house.”

  “He’s doing the whole starving artist thing, I think. I don’t think he’s actually going without food.”

  “That’s a relief. I do worry about him you know, every single day. I worry about both of you. There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t wish we could all be together.”

  “Why is there so much bad air between you two? It must take a lot for a child to emancipate you.”

  Mom sighed. “Things weren’t always bad. Look, I know I’m not the best mother in the world, but Rudy and I had several good years, many of them in fact! We’re both too similar though, free spirits that like to bend the rules. We get on, but only in small doses. As he was getting older my magic was growing out of control. Those were my worst years. I know you think I’m bad now, but back then… I was at rock bottom.”

  That was saying something. “It’s hard mom. You fall in love so much, but the heartbreak phase, that isn’t easy to watch.”

  If I had to estimate I’d say twenty percent of my teenage years were spent consoling my mom as she blubbered into the night after a breakup. She would curse love, vow to never trust another man again, get engaged again the next week and within a month the cycle repeated itself all over.

  “And it’s not easy to live darling! But it took its toll on poor Rudolph especially. He only wanted the best for me, and it broke his heart to see me go through pain over and over again. In the end he kicked me out and went on his way. I… I don’t blame him.”

  “There is a solution to this you know. Settle down with your soulmate.”

  Mom rolled her eyes and looked away from me. “It’s not that easy. You don’t know what it’s like. It’s easy going around and falling in love with strangers, Chelsea, but settling down with one person forever? Gosh! It would never work!”

  I took a good hard look at her and got a sneaking suspicion of what was going on. “You’re scared.”

  “What?!” She laughed, looking at me like I was crazy.

  “Come on, you came back here to track your muse down. Just admit it. You’re getting tired of chasing fleeting romances. You want something more permanent, something real, but you’re scared.”

  “Scared of what?!”

  “Scared that they’ll reject you. That they’ll say no.”

  She looked back at me, her eyes fixed in a serious manner. A smile came over her and she laughed to herself. “How did you grow up to be so smart? It really is quite insufferable.”

  “I love you too,” I said. “Now come on, spill the beans. Who’s my dad?”

  “Darling there are two options left. I wasn’t kidding when I said I wasn’t sure.”

  “Give me a name. Let’s make some progress here.”

  “The Amazing Zandino,” she said with a note of defeat.

  “…What the heck is that supposed to mean?!”

  8

  “Zandino?” I said, “Aren’t those the things that clean ice at hockey games?”

  A taxi pulled up at the sidewalk and caught my mom’s eye. The driver leaned out the window and hollered, I recognized him as the driver that had taken us to the film studio the day earlier. Mom wasn’t kidding, she’d actually taken this guy’s number and turned him into her personal driver.

  “Ola, Miss Moon!”

  “One moment Frankie!” she sang back. Mom stood up from the bench and looked at me. “Zandino. You’re thinking of Zambo
ni. The Amazing Zandino is the next candidate on our list.”

  “But… what is it?”

  “Who, darling, who? Zandino was a great and powerful illusionist. He used to sell out theatres across the country!”

  “A performing wizard?”

  “Oh he wasn’t a wizard.” She chuckled. “Just one of those men with a rabbit and a top hat, but he was darned good at it darling. Sometimes even I wondered how he did it.”

  “Is that who you’re going to see?”

  More laughter followed. “Heavens no! I’ve had enough of old flames; they don’t do anything good for my magical complexion. I think Frankie and I are going for a seaside date. I need a fresh charge of romance. I know you’ve heard this a lot Chelsea but… I’m excited. I think he might be the one.”

  I rolled my eyes, knowing full well that my mom was just falling back into the motions of her magic. It was a bit upsetting to watch really, she was a slave to it in a lot of ways. “You have fun mom. How do I find Zandino?”

  “His family owns the theatre over on main street. I dare say the old charmer is still practicing a routine there. Best of luck darling!” She kissed the air and sauntered down the steps, throwing her head back and laughing as Frankie smooched the back of her hand.

  “Oh, mother,” I groaned to myself.

  I watched the cab pull away and Deacon came outside. “Ah, there you are. I’ve sorted you another rental car. I figured if you’re going to be zipping back and forth, you’ll need a ride. Clark is bringing it around front now.”

  Suddenly a small canary yellow car bumbled around the corner and came to the stop. Clark unfolded himself out, like a ladder climbing out of a shoebox, and grinned at me. “It’s surprisingly deceptive in there!” he said. “It’s even smaller than it looks.”

  “You got Buttercup back?!” I said in adoration. I threw my arms around Deacon and hugged him. I had been accidentally lumped with this tiny yellow car last time Deacon sorted a rental for me. At first, I’d hated it, but I’d grown to love the car in our short time together.