Once inside the apartment, he gently removed all my clothing, including the corset and blindfold. Then he bent me over and removed the anal plug. I felt used and abused and very tired. Lifting me in his arms, he brought me to our bed and ever so gently laid my aching body down for a long night of recovery.
“You will need to take the day off tomorrow,” he told me.
I rolled onto my side, away from him. He smoothed my hair as the tears finally subsided. Regaining my composure, I went back to questioning my choices. Would I survive this crazy odyssey of pleasure and pain?
Luke gently applied healing cream into the welts on my back. His words of love and affection again obliterated all my fears and apprehensions. I basked in his energy. This was the Luke I longed for.
Cradled in his arms that night, I knew I traveled on a dangerous path. I also knew I wouldn’t be able to give him up.
* * * *
In the middle of the night I awoke. I tested my body slowly and realized movement came much easier than I would have thought. Cautiously I picked up my laptop and went out into the living room.
I felt so incredibly mixed up and isolated, having no one to tell of my confusion. I wondered why I had put myself in this predicament. I knew then that I was addicted and couldn’t possibly let go. What was it about Luke? I didn’t understand why my body responded to him as it did. I was watching myself morph into another person from moment to moment as though I had no say in the matter.
I questioned whether I could ever have what I really wanted with Luke. I sat there and typed, listening to his loud breathing coming from the next room. He made me so happy and scared at the same time. Terrified of where it all might lead, I still couldn’t stop myself, let alone him. And truthfully, although I needed it to stop, I didn’t want it to. I was fighting a battle from within as to which side of my personality was going to emerge the winner and rule my life.
What bothered me most was that he didn’t need me. Oh, he wanted me, which was evident in his body’s response and his insatiable desire, but need? I knew myself to be an interchangeable part in the grand scheme of things. You would think that hard truth would be enough reason for me to get out. Enough reason to say goodbye. Enough reason to pack my things and go back to my apartment. However, as he —and I—were all too aware, I would be going nowhere. How could I go back to normal life after all I’d experienced? I’d become so accustomed to his demands and control over me and my pleasure, I could no longer date a “normal” man.
My father always told me that life came down to a series of choices. Some choices we made would be good, and we’d be happy with the outcome. Some choices would be dreadful (he liked that word) and the outcome beyond our worst fears. But mostly, he said, if we were willing to take responsibility for our choices, we could live with the outcome either way.
Certainly some choices are made for us, especially when we are young. The choice to stay, however, I made for myself. No one held a gun to my head. Luke didn’t pressure me to decide one way or the other. So why did I choose him, choose that life? I know I said in the beginning of my story that I felt painfully bored. Looking back, I can see how lame boredom is as an excuse, but I never knew to what extent until I began experimenting with Luke.
Admittedly, it sounded better than my being addicted to pain/pleasure or whatever it ultimately might be. Maybe the endorphin rush ruled my body then. All I know is that when he was away I would get panicky and insecure, like I needed my fix of attention or approval from him. Sometimes I felt like I should have slapped myself upside the head and screamed, Wake the fuck up ... what are you doing to yourself? But then he would call or come home or send a sweet email and I’d be healed all over again and good until the next fix.
My dad never said much about stupid choices that I can recall. He thought of life as one big adventure. I could never understand what he saw in my mother. Why would my freedom-loving, adventurous dad pick someone so unlike himself? So scared and controlling? I wondered if I had chosen the same path. Was I also picking someone just because he was completely different from me?
I closed the computer top because I didn’t want to think about any of it anymore. I climbed back into bed and Luke immediately rolled over and spooned me into him. Despite the pain of my welts, I reveled in his warmth and strength. I listened to his breathing and within minutes fell back asleep.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
“Morning babe,” Luke said as he rolled over, wrapping his arm around my waist. “How are you feeling?” He propped himself up on his elbow and leaned in to kiss my breast.
I moved around a bit in bed and said, “My body’s sore and tight. I need to call into work. Don’t think I’ll be running today, either.”
“Today will be a busy day for me,” he said as he suddenly climbed out of bed. “Since you have the day off, plan a get together for your friends and family for Friday. Make the arrangements … order some food.”
“Oh, well … I certainly can’t have my father and mother in the same place and I usually don’t mix my mother with my friends—”
“Jane, love, just work it out. As I’ve said, I can handle your mother. Wait on your father if you must but otherwise let’s get it out of the way, shall we?”
“Okay,” I said, filled with trepidation. I lay there wondering how I would feel if they all disliked him. Would they sense the danger lurking under the surface?
“If I have time today I would love to get some shots of you. Your welts are healing quickly,” he said as he ran his hand down my buttocks and thighs. “But I think they will still photograph well.”
“Hmmmm,” I said distracted by his touch.
He rolled me onto my side and swatted my ass.
“Hey,” I said, yelping.
“Time’s a-wastin’,” he said as he left the room.
* * * *
I left messages for Parker and Sandy but put off calling my mother. I thought of inviting Allison but worried about mixing work with my personal life. I didn’t think Allison would talk about Luke at the office but couldn’t be sure.
I wrote for a while and then made Luke and me turkey sandwiches for lunch. Taking the chance of bothering him, I knocked on his studio door.
“Come in,” he said.
“Lunch,” I said, holding out the plate.
“Come here, love,” he said. He took the plate from my hand and pulled me toward him. “Thank you. That was very thoughtful of you.” He kissed me thoroughly, leaving me dizzy with lust. I enjoyed sitting on his lap and pushing his light brown straight hair out of his eyes.
“Did you make all your calls?” Luke said, looking at me from under his brow.
“I called Sandy and Parker but have put off calling my mother.”
“Give me her number,” he said as he picked up the phone beside him.
I dictated the number to him and could hear the phone ringing. Luke held me in his arms as he waited.
“Hello,” he said.
“Who is this?” I heard her say in her usual aggravated tone.
“Jacqueline?” he said. His voice sounded pleasant and inviting.
“Yes?” she said as a question.
“This is Luke, Jane’s lover and we would like to invite you over on Friday evening … say around seven. I look forward to meeting you.”
“Oh … well, I will have to check my schedule, of course,” she said. I stifled my laughter but still shook up and down. I rolled my eyes.
“I’m sure you will cancel whatever you may have scheduled. Go now and get a pen so I can give you the address.”
The ease with which he handled my mother gave me a great sense of relief.
“Jane, you still need to call Allison and I want you to invite Pierce and your boss as well.”
“Oh Luke, you have got to be kidding,” I said in a whiney voice. I stopped short of stomping my foot.
“Not at all. I don’t want Pierce or your boss, for that matter, bothering you. Having them over will make thing
s clear to all ... unless, of course, you’re ready to leave your job. In that case just call Allison.”
I knew what he was doing, but I also knew I wasn’t ready to give up my independence. Leaving my job meant that I had to give up my apartment and car and I wasn’t ready for that.
Another thought occurred to me. “Maybe we should have this get-together at a restaurant,” I said. “That way we don’t have to worry about the food or cleaning up.”
Luke laughed so hard I thought he would fall off the stool he was sitting on. “You are so transparent, Jane. I haven’t yet decided whether or not I will allow you to wear clothes. We may have to do a trade for that privilege. We have a couple of days to talk it over.”
“If I’m so transparent then you should know I’d never consider meeting with those people naked.”
“Those people,” he said, still laughing. “Of course it won’t be up to you. Rule Number Seven states clearly that you will always be naked in this apartment. We have already made an exception for your running on the tread. You, as always, are free to leave at anytime but make no mistake: this is up to me, not you. Get out of here,” he said, pushing me away from him toward the door. “I have work to do. Make those calls, Jane, and thanks again for the sandwich.” He dismissed me like some hired help.
I left the room in a furious mood. Who the fuck did he think he was? Why was nothing simple with this man? He was capable of making me so happy one minute and then completely pissing me off the next. I didn’t want to call Pierce or Brian. I grabbed the phone from the table next to the couch without thinking and dialed Allison’s work number.
“Hi, this is Allison, how may I help you?”
“Hi, Ally, it’s Jane,” I said.
“Oh, hi Jane, I didn’t think you were at work today.”
“Oh, I’m not.”
“Are you okay?”
“Yes, I’m fine, I just needed the time off. I’ll be back tomorrow and by the way, I told Brian I was fighting a cold.”
“Okay, so—”
“So I called to invite you over to our place—mine and Luke’s—for a get-together Friday evening at seven. Rick can come, too.”
“Rick works until at least seven, but I’d love to come. I’m looking forward to meeting your man. By the way, Pierce came by my office today to ask if I knew anything about your Luke.”
“Really?” I said. I was sure that was a bad sign.
“Yes, really. Of course I told him I know nothing and he took off quickly.”
“I hope he’s not going around asking other people.”
“I wouldn’t worry about him. He just has a small crush on you is all. See you tomorrow at work?” she asked.
I heard the other line pick up. “Jane?” Luke said. His tone of voice clearly told me he was livid.
“Oh, sorry,” I said. “I’ll be right off.” My heart pounded out of my chest. I knew I shouldn’t have used his phone but my anger propelled me to get the calls over with and clearly I wasn’t thinking straight. I knew it would make no difference to Luke.
“Come in here as soon as you’re done,” he said and hung up.
“I have to go,” I said to Allison.
“Is everything okay?” she asked.
“Yeah,” I said. “I have to go.” I hung up the phone. Petrified, I didn’t move right away. I couldn’t handle another disciplining on top of the one I’d received last night.
Somehow I managed to propel my feet in the direction of the office and knock on the door.
“We’re not having a good day, are we, Jane?” he said. He stood there next to the whips and paddles as a way of intimidating me and it worked.
“It was stupid of me. I wasn’t thinking. I just called Allison. I didn’t mean anything by it. I thought you meant to use the phone when you said make the calls.”
“I’m not sure I’ve impressed upon you the importance of respecting my belongings. I thought I was very clear that phone is for work only.”
“I promise it won’t happen again, Luke.”
“I think you know by now how things work between us, Jane. Please sit in the chair.”
“Luke, please,” I said.
“Say the words, Jane, or shut the fuck up and sit down. What’s it going to be?”
I moved slowly over to the chair that was on the canvas backdrop and sat down. The chair was bare metal and cold. Its hard surface pushed into my welts, making me wince.
Luke knelt before me and tied my legs to the chair. He then walked behind me and tied my arms together and fastened the rope to the chair’s back legs. I couldn’t imagine what he planned to do to me. He had never struck me anywhere but on the back of my body. I panted, finding it hard to breathe. I was more scared then aroused but my nipples disagreed.
After tying me securely, Luke knelt down in front of me again and gently sucked on each of my nipples. He seduced them until they were completely erect. By then the fear had subsided and the raw need to be filled and used had taken over.
He strutted over to the wall and took down a small paddle. It looked exactly like the paint stirring paddle he’d used before but was much smaller.
“Oh … uh … oh,” I said as I realized his intentions. I had almost blurted out NO! But I was fully aware of the consequences of such a reaction. Please no, I begged silently.
“This is going to hurt those big nipples of yours,” he said without any particular expression, which frightened me.
I wouldn’t let myself cry, although the tears were already brimming in anticipation of the first jolt of pain.
“Uh … uh … uh ….” Sounds of protest came out of me involuntarily as the pain of the first swat on my right nipple ripped through my body. I needed to scream, Oh fuck, oh fuck, NOOOoooooo, but managed not to utter a word. The pain was so acute that it knocked the breath out of me. I tried desperately to twist my upper body to keep my nipples away from his strikes but he grabbed my breast and pressed my nipple down.
He switched to the other side of me and I braced myself in expectation of the pain my left nipple would endure. “Ugggggh.” The sound tore out of me as a wave of nausea roiled my stomach. He grasped my breast as he had on the other side.
“One more on each side,” he said.
“Oh, oh, oh,” I said. What I wanted to say was, No, please, wait. You’ve made your point, but then I realized that the pain had already subsided somewhat. I would survive. The need to cry had vanished and a lustful craving had taken its place. I wanted him to untie me and fuck me hard. I wanted him to throw me down on the ground and ram his hard cock into me without mercy. I wanted to be devoured and reborn. My mind twisted inside with strange thoughts and visions.
Reality called me back with a harder thwack to my poor swollen right nipple and the tears I had struggled to hold back broke loose. I didn’t think I could stand the hit to the other side. I struggled to pull my arms loose but couldn’t free them. I wanted to protect my left nipple with my hand but I was exposed and bound and helpless.
“Last one,” he said. “You are amazing, my love … such tolerance.”
I wanted to hit him, spew my anger all over him. I wanted to make him eat his compliments. I wanted him to ….
“Oooopf,” I groaned. “Uh, uh, uh, uh.” The pain made me dizzy, and without the ropes holding me tight, I would have fallen off the chair.
“You can’t imagine how beautiful you look,” he said.
I shook my head no as he lifted my head by my chin and looked down on me.
“Oh, but you do, my love, so beautiful.”
Tears spilled over my cheeks as I continued to shake my head in protest at his assertion that somehow under these conditions I looked beautiful to him. He knelt down in front of me and pulled my buttocks forward. He tasted me for the first time since leaving for Japan.
“You may think you don’t care for pain, but your body says otherwise. You are so wet, Jane, and you taste so good. Should I continue or untie you?”
“Yes, please
,” I said.
“Yes, indeed,” he said and lowered his mouth to my wet cunt.
After giving me two powerful orgasms he picked up his camera and took pictures. I was so satiated I didn’t care what he did. He untied me from the chair and turned me around, leaning my upper body forward.
“Push your legs out more, Jane, so I can see the marks on your thighs.”
My salvation came when he finally laid me on the ground and fucked me hard from behind. My nipples pushed against the floor reminding me of my punishment. He came into me with the force of a powerful animal having its way.
We lay on the floor recovering together, my head on his chest. He gently stroked my hair and held me close.
“I need to get back to work, love,” he said. “And you still need to make some phone calls. Your phone.”
“I don’t want to move,” I said and snuggled deeper into his arms.
“It shouldn’t take me much longer and then we can grab a bite out if you’d like.”
“Okay,” I said. I dreaded the phone calls I still had to make. I walked out the door of the studio, stopped by the bathroom to clean up, and headed to our bedroom.
My cellphone sat in its charger. I rested on the edge of the bed and stared at it. I couldn’t decide what to say. These weren’t men with whom I socialized. I decided to blame it on Luke.
“Brian, please,” I said, after his secretary picked up.
“Hello, this is Brian,” he said.
“Hi Brian, its Jane.”
“Hello, are you feeling any better?”
“Yes, thanks. I’m calling to invite you to a small get-together we are having on Friday night at seven. Luke, my boyfriend, would like to meet you. Allison will be there and I am inviting Pierce as well. What do you think?”
“Oh well, sure, I’ll come,” he said.
“Great,” I said but wished he had declined. I gave him the address and hurriedly ended the call.
The next call I put off for another twenty minutes. I knew Pierce would ask too many questions. I wondered if he would talk about me at work. I ignored the possibility that Luke would require me to be naked. He must have already figured out that it would be a deal breaker for us. I guess I’d learn soon enough if Luke wanted to keep me around.
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