My Body-His

by Blakely Bennett

I never considered that anyone other than the people I had invited would attend the wedding. Fuck, shit, fuck, I thought.

  “What is it?” he said, waltzing up behind me.

  I knelt on the couch, gazing out the back window. “How many?” I said without looking at him.

  “We’re expecting fifty guests.”

  “Fifty? Fifty! Motherfucker!”

  “Janey,” he said, touching my shoulder.

  “Don’t,” I said, moving away from him. “Did it ever occur to you to tell me you had invited an additional forty-four people to our wedding? What happened to the small wedding we were going to have? Fuck, Luke.” My hands had clenched into fists.

  “Jane, honey, you never asked. Come on, babe, it’s going to be fine. Come here,” he said, pulling me toward him.

  “No Luke. NO! This is supposed to be the happiest day of my life and you decide it would be a good idea to hide the fact that—”

  “Wait a minute, Jane, I’ve hidden nothing. All you had to do was ask besides you still owe me for being clothed at the little get-together at our apartment.”

  “So you thought our wedding was a good time for that to come due? You should have told me. I didn’t know there was anything to ask you. You led me to believe ….”

  “I did nothing of the kind. You left the wedding for me to plan and plan it I did. You made no specific requests. These are all the people I want you to meet anyway and some you already know.”

  “Does it not register in your brain that I might not want to meet ALL your business associates and friends naked as the day is long?”

  “You need to check the way you’re talking to me, Jane, because I will not tolerate your disrespect. You would meet them that way eventually when they came by the house.”

  “You can’t be equating meeting them one by one over time with meeting them en masse on my wedding day. You must be the most insensitive man I’ve ever met.”

  I had hopped down off the couch and was moving away from Luke when he clutched my arm. “Wait, Jane,” he said. “I don’t want us to get married when we’re fighting.”

  “You might have thought about that sooner than right the fuck now, don’t you think?”

  “Jane, you’re pushing it with me.”

  “Well, Luke,” I said, “you’ve pushed it with me. It was one thing to be naked in front of my people and or even a small gathering of your friends but a whole other thing to be greeting all of your associates naked and exposed. I don’t know what I was thinking but I’ve made a huge mistake. You don’t know me at all. Who the hell was I kidding?”

  I wrenched my arm out of his hand and ran to my room, slamming the door. I threw myself onto the overstuffed chair in the corner of my writing space and wept. I hated my life in that moment. I hated every choice I had made up until that second. I condemned my stupidity and wanted to run away.

  Where does one run when they’ve just relinquished their possessions? My car was gone, my apartment, everything I owned, gone.

  Time passed amid endless babble and debate with myself about my lack of judgment. I started when a sudden knock at the door commanded my attention.

  “Fuck off,” I said.

  “Jane, it’s me,” Parker said.

  “Oh … come in,” I said. I wiped the tears off of my cheeks the best I could and changed my position on the chair so my arms covered most of my body.

  “Luke called.”

  “Apparently,” I said.

  “He explained it all to me. Tell me what you want to do and I’ll make it happen.”

  “You’re not here to talk me into going through with it?”

  “Is that what you want me to do, because I’ll do that, if that’s what you need? If you want me to call it off, I’ll do that, too.”

  “I’m just so damn mad at him right now, I can’t see straight.”

  “I can understand that. Is it true you left the planning of the wedding to him and didn’t ask any questions about it or make any requests?”

  “Yes but—”

  “Seems like you’re starting married life with a great need to learn better communication.”

  “Are you saying you think I should go through with it?”

  “Do you love him?”

  “Yes, I do.”

  “Is this something you can get past? Because Jane, today’s the day. Luke doesn’t strike me as the kind of man who will reschedule, if you know what I mean. So it’s all or nothing. Tell me what you want.”

  I could always count on Parker to tell it like is. She had my back, whichever way I wanted to go.

  “How do I get past this?” I said.

  “You forgive him. That’s all there is to it. Go talk to him so we can get you cleaned up and ready for your big day. Luke planned a spa day for us and we’re due in thirty minutes.”

  I walked to Luke’s office and as soon as he saw me he took me in his arms and said, “I’m sorry, Janey.” He pushed my hair behind my left ear and continued, “I really wasn’t trying to surprise you. I should have realized. I’ve just been so focused on making this day perfect for us that I was probably being a bit myopic. Can you forgive me so we can get back on track to having the most wonderful day of our lives?”

  “You owe me,” I said. I tried to stay mad but a smile tilted the corners of my mouth upward.

  “Oh, and I will pay you back in spades, love. I have a lifetime to make it up to you.” He lowered his mouth over mine and I accepted the path I had embarked upon.

  “I’m glad you called Parker,” I said.

  “So am I,” he said and I knew he meant it.

  * * * *

  The time at the spa with Parker relaxed me in the exact way that I needed. Luke had taken care of everything. We received full body massages, facials, manicures and pedicures. I felt buffed and shined for the wedding.

  By the time we got back to the house the caterers had arrived and the kitchen was a hotbed of activity. Staff worked to set up a bar by the pool and a long buffet table. I could see birds of paradise in vases leading to the gazebo on the beach and gold tablecloths dancing in the wind atop the tables surrounding the pool.

  I removed my clothes by the door without much thought. Luke must have warned the staff because no one took much notice of me.

  “Do you always do that?” Parker said to me.

  “Yes, always by the door. I get dressed in the bathroom just before going out. I honestly don’t think about it anymore. It’s normal for me. Of course, having all these people running about isn’t.”

  Luke walked over to us with a huge smile. “It’s almost that time,” he said.

  I walked straight into his arms and he held me close.

  “How was the spa?” he asked.

  “Just fabulous,” Parker said. “Anytime you want to send me along, just say so.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind,” Luke said, chuckling. “In all seriousness, Parker, I’m indebted to you. Thank you for being the kind of friend Jane needs and deserves.”

  Parker blushed, which I’d never seen before. “Two amigos, that’s us,” she said. “Jane and I have stuck together for a long time now. I’m very excited to see her happy. I expect you to keep her that way.”

  “Consider it done,” Luke said. He turned to me and said, “It’s time to get you ready.”

  “Oh, I thought I was ready, stark naked and at your service.”

  Both Luke and Parker cracked up and I chuckled along with them.

  I looked back outside and said, “If they’re setting up the chairs and tables by the pool, what’s the tent for?”

  “Backup, but I have a couple of ideas for later,” Luke said.

  “Uh oh, should I be worried?” I said, smiling.

  “Very,” he said. “Now off with you.” He pushed me toward our bedroom at the front of the house. “Parker, you go, too. I’m sure she can use your help.”

  Parker and I walked down the hall to the bedroom. A chair had been placed in the middle of the room. I sat
in front of the large mirror on top of the chest of drawers, suddenly all too aware of being utterly naked.

  “Hi, I’m Karla and I’m here to get you ready,” she said. “I’m going to do your hair first.”

  Dressed in sweat pants and a tank top, Karla had an all-business demeanor that made her seem older than her plain, unlined face indicated.

  Parker sat on the bed and watched Karla part my hair in the center and French braid either side on the top. The rest of it flowed down my back. She connected the two braids behind my head and I imagined I looked like a hippie chick from the ’60s. She wove tiny yellow flowers throughout the braids. I felt like a teenager, not a thirty-five-year-old woman.

  “Okay, please stand up,” Karla told me. “And can you help for a minute?” she asked Parker.

  “Sure,” Parker said.

  Karla handed her a tube of lotion that had a gold hue to it, and they both began spreading it over my entire body.

  “Bend over please,” Karla said to me.

  I bent over and she proceeded to put the lotion on my folds and in the space between my butt cheeks.

  “Who the hell will be seeing there?” I said out loud.

  Parker cracked up laughing and said, “At least she didn’t ask me to put it there.”

  I giggled along with her.

  Once completely covered from head to toe I looked at my reflection in the mirror. My body looked rather stunning. I had a golden glow. The lotion produced a much subtler effect than gold paint, imbuing my skin with a metallic sheen. The gold on my face made my green eyes sparkle with striking clarity.

  “You look sensational, awesome,” Parker said with a grin.

  “Once you’re completely dry we can continue. Keep your arms up,” Karla said as she left the room.

  I turned to Parker and said, “I can’t begin to thank you. You’ve been the most amazing friend. I’d be so honored for you to stand with me when I get married. I’m sorry I didn’t ask you first but—”

  “You and Sandy go further back and I know she always says you will be in her wedding. I’m not the least bit upset. I’m truly happy that I’ve been able to be here for you. I know you’d do the same for me.”

  “I absolutely will. Thank you. I’d hug you if I could.” I gave a little shrug. My arms ached from holding them out.

  Karla came back into the room carrying a box. “You can put your arms down now,” she said.

  I relaxed my shoulders and walked back over to the chair. Placing the box on the dresser, Karla opened the lid and took out a set of what looked like starched satin cuffs from the ends of a white tuxedo shirt. She affixed one to each wrist and ankle.

  Next she retrieved two gold chains. She wrapped one around my waist and clasped it right below my belly button. A charm dangled from it that simply said MINE. She put a similar strand around my neck. This one was a bit thicker and had a charm with diamonds that read LUKE. She placed matching dangling diamond earrings in my ears and turned me toward the mirror.

  She applied a subtle line of brown eyeliner under my eyes to bring out their green color and a darker shade of gold lipstick.

  A nymph stared back at me from the mirror. I had put on a few pounds since quitting my job and spending all my time at home with Luke, so I appeared more voluptuous and curvy. The overall effect of nakedness plus the cuffs and jewelry was arresting.

  “I can’t believe I’m going to say this to you, but Jane, you look amazing. The idea of you walking down the aisle naked still makes no sense to me but you have nothing to be ashamed of. You’ll be the most beautiful bride.”

  “Thank you for that, Parker,” I said.

  “Time for you to leave,” Karla said to Parker.

  “Oh, okay. Jane, I’ll wait for you in your office,” she said as she left us alone.

  Karla placed a towel on the chair and had me sit down. She spread my legs and made sure all areas, including my mound, was covered with the gold sheen.

  “There’s one more thing,” she said. I heard hesitation in her voice.

  “What?” I said. My stomach started to churn.

  “I need you to bend over again,” she said. Her demeanor had changed.

  “What is it?” I said, getting quite impatient with the process.

  She opened the box again and pulled out a butt plug.

  “Oh, is that all. It’s the small one at that. Give it to me. You can go. I’ll take care of it.”

  “I’m supposed to make sure—”

  “OUT!” I said, pointing to the door.

  “Okay,” she said. She packed up her brushes and other supplies.

  “Thanks, by the way. You did a great job.”

  “Right, okay,” she said and scooted out the door.

  “You ready for me?” Parker said from across the hall.

  “Give me a few,” I said.

  I closed the door and looked back in the box. The olive oil was there waiting for me. I went into the bathroom and put my leg up on the tub. After a few tries I managed to get the plug inside. I looked into the full length mirror on the back of the bathroom door and made sure no one could tell that I had the butt plug in me.

  I walked out and went into my writing room.

  “What was all of that about?” Parker asked.

  “Oh, nothing. Nothing to worry about. Do you want get Luke for me?”

  “Sure, but do you think he’ll want to see you before the wedding?”

  “I’m sure he’ll want to check out his handy work.”

  “Okay,” Parker said as she left the room.

  I admired myself in the mirror as Luke came into the bedroom. He had changed into a white linen suit. The bright blue shirt under the jacket made his gray eyes seem blue.

  “Wow, babe, even better than I imagined. You look breathtaking.”

  I blushed. “Thank you,” I said.

  “It’s missing something though. I’ll be right back.”

  I couldn’t imagine what he had in mind, but I didn’t have long to wait. He came back into the bedroom with Karla, who was carrying a tackle box.

  Placing it on the chest of drawers, she opened the latches. “Sit,” she said.

  I obliged, a sinking feeling in my stomach.

  “Luke?” I said.

  He said nothing and I looked back over at Karla. She was applying alcohol to a large q-tip. When she touched it to my nipple, I yelped.

  “Wait,” I said. “Could you leave us for a minute, Karla?”

  “That won’t be necessary,” Luke said. “Are you arguing with me, Jane?”

  “Well, no but—”

  “But?”

  “Nothing,” I said. I gripped the sides of the chair and held my breath.

  She finished cleaning the right nipple of the gold lotion and took out another swab.

  “Oh no, not both!” I blurted out.

  “Jane?” he said. He walked over to the door and opened it, catapulting me back to the first time we’d met. I had the choice then to walk away before all of this started and now he stood there offering me that choice once more. Standing in the hallway, Parker saw my tears.

  “Jane, do you want—”

  “I’m fine,” I said. I looked away and watched Karla clean my left nipple. She took out a spray bottle and aimed the nozzle. I felt extreme discomfort and then nothing but icy cold.

  “It’s better if you don’t watch,” Karla said to me.

  Luke took my clamped right hand off of the arm of the chair and held it in his.

  “On three. One, two ….” Karla never said three. The excruciating pain shot through my nipple and coursed throughout my body.

  “Fuck shit, fuck shit, fuck,” I said, screaming inside.

  She inserted the horseshoe shaped ring with diamonds facing out of the tips.

  “Excellent,” Luke said.

  Luke came around to the other side of me and held onto my left hand.

  Karla didn’t even bother with her counting trick for the second side. She sprayed th
e nipple quickly and pierced me again.

  “Motherfucker, UGH!” I said. I groaned and felt nauseous. “I think I need to lie down.”

  “One more minute, love. She’s just going to put the ring in.”

  Karla quickly inserted the gold and diamond piece.

  Luke helped me over to the bed. He opened the door and said, “Parker, could you please get Jane some OJ? Thanks.”

  Karla came over to me and touched up the gold lotion. A wave of nausea passed through me each time she touched my nipple. She dried my eyes and reapplied the gold sheen and eye makeup.

  “Are you okay?” Parker asked, walking over to my side of the bed. She offered me the juice but Luke took it.

  Luke lifted my upper body and helped me drink.

  “I forgot to eat,” I said as if that explained everything.

  At first, when she noticed my piercings, Parker didn’t say anything but it was written all over her face. She took Luke’s place and whispered, “What the fuck are you doing? This isn’t you. I could buy all the rest of it but this has gone too far and I’m honestly worried for your safety. There are no limits, are there? I’ll be here and support you but don’t think I support this.”

  I knew my piercings would bother my mother even more than my nudity.

  “Please leave,” Luke said to Parker and Karla.

  Once they were out of the room and the door closed behind them Luke said, “Do you think you can stand?”

  “I don’t know,” I said.

  He took my hand and helped me out of the bed. He fed me more juice and led me to the mirror.

  I didn’t recognize myself.

  “You are so beautiful, my Janey. I am so happy to be making you my wife.”

  His words warmed me, but I continued to stare at the stranger in the mirror. I no longer recognized her. I felt a tug of war going on inside me. I knew Jane lived in there somewhere. The person in the mirror was babe, love, Janey. If asked at that moment who I wanted to be, I would have had no answer. I looked like a sex goddess. I looked beautiful, but there could be no denying my purpose. The person in the mirror existed solely for pleasure. There could be no mistaking it. Luke wanted everyone to know who I’d become.

  Up till now, the process of crossing over to the new me had seemed ongoing, and yet I recognized that this threshold, this hurdle was the most significant, heralding the end of my ability to cross back.